Title: Remember me
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Disribution: Whereever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS. Lyrics taken
from the song "Chances are" by Bob Seger
Summary: Lorelai is getting married. Luke decides to leave town.
AUTHORS NOTE: In this universe Lorelai never breaks up with Max.

" Chances are I'll see you somewhere
In my dreams tonight
You'll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer
All I have"/

----------------------------
Remember me
by: Jessica

----------------

It's time to stop fighting.
She will never be mine.
She was never mine to win in the first place.
I know that I should be happy for her.
Believe me, I have tried.
But still I cling to hope.
Tomorrow I will lose her.
Married.
Max.
She is so happy.
She is glowing.
He is responsible.
Not me.
I walk around only seeing her.
I'm going crazy.
How can I face knowing that she never will be mine?
I'm not sure that my heart can take that.
Not again.
Not ever.
I know that I should back off and let her be happy.
But I can't.
I thought about telling her the truth.
I kept imagining her face when I told her.
Fool.
It wouldn't be right.
To make her choose.
I can't do that to her.
So I'll surrender this fight.
___________

I heard the news today.
He is leaving.
Luke Danes is leaving Stars Hollow.
I went to him looking for answers
to questions.
I found him upstairs.
He was packing.
I walked through his door so sure of myself.
So sure I could make him stay.
I lingered by the door searching for words.
"Luke.."
He turned around and our eyes met.
"Lorelai."
"What's all this?"
I moved towards him.
I had only been in his apartment a couple of times before.
It was almost empty now.
"Shouldn't you get ready?"
"I will. You didn't answer my question."
"I'm leaving."
He turned around and closed the suitcase.
The sound seemed to echo in the small apartment.
"Why?"
"I thought I might go to New York and see my sister. From there...
the world."
He turned towards me, smiling.
But the smile never reached his eyes.
"Just like that? What about the diner? It's your all. Are you just
going to leave all of this behind?"
"I'm not selling the diner. I could never sell the diner."
The thought of him leaving scared me more than I thought was possible.
"Then why are you doing this?! Your life is here. You belong here in
Stars Hollow"
"I need to do this. I have to do this."
"Why!? Why now?!"
I was losing him. I could feel it with every breath I took.
"I want to do this."
"This is not like you, Luke."
"Maybe you don't know me as good as you thought."
"Don't do this."
Panic ate at my heart.
"I have to do this."
I moved towards him.
Needing to touch him.
"Please, don't go. Stay here. I need you here. Who else can make such
good coffee? Who am I going to fight with? Who am I going to talk to?"
"Max."
I looked at him, trying to read what he was thinking.
But it was impossible, as usual.
"It's not the same. You're my friend."
I reached out my hand and took his hand in mine.
"I have to do this, Lorelai."
He was slipping away from me.
"Is there anything I can do to make you stay?"
"No."
Tears made my sight blurry as I looked into his eyes.
"What if I went down on my knees and begged?"
He smiled.
I would miss that smile.
I would miss these hands.
Luke.
"It's not your style."
I trembled as he lifted his hand and wiped away my tears with his
thumb.
"You shouldn't cry. It's your wedding-day."
I smiled through my tears.
"Damn. Ruining my make-up."
I let go of his hand and took a step back.
"When are you leaving?"
"Tonight."
"When are you coming back?"
His eyes were dark as he spoke:
"I don't know. I haven't decided."
"Don't do this to me, Luke. Not today."
"Someday."
"Luke."
He moved towards me.
God, how I will miss him.
"I will come back."
His scent took me in.
I looked into his eyes and felt my walls crumbling.
No more games.
I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him.
It felt so good to hold him.
I pulled him closer.
Not wanting to let go.
"I will miss you, Luke."
"And I will miss you."
I let go of him and said:
"Don't take too long coming back."
I moved towards the door.
"I won't."
I stopped in the doorway and looked at him.
"Don't leave without saying goodbye."
"I won't."
I smiled, closed the door behind me and
walked away from him.

_________________

I stood there along time, just starring
at the closed door.
I had lied.
Maybe not lying.
Just not telling the truth.
It was a matter of survival.
God, how beautiful she had been.
It felt so good to be held by her.
To be close to her.
I had wanted to tell her right then and there.
I couldn't tell her.
I couldn't do that to her.
Not today.
Not ever.
She was getting married today.
I will lose her.
It's time to let go.

____________

I stood in front of the mirror.
Dressed in white.
Sookie was standing beside me, smiling.
Rory was sitting on the couch on the other side of the room.
She was dressed in a blue dress.
She was beautiful.
"Oh, mum. You look wonderful."
"Yeah, you are. You're perfect."
I turned towards Sookie and Rory.
Smiling.
Happiness was in my grasp and I intend to keep it.

____________________

My hands trembled as I buttoned my shirt and
looked into the mirror.
I was standing in the middle of my apartment.
What was left of it.
I was dressed for her wedding.
I would lose her.
I didn't want to go.
But still I wanted to see her one
last time.
I wanted to see her in her dress.
I wanted to see the beauty that
is Lorelai Gilmore.
Even if it might break my heart.

__________________

Only minutes left now.
My heart was racing in my chest as I looked up
at my father.
He was going to walk me down the aisle.
I was scared.
Fear had a hold of my heart.
What if I made a mistake?
The doors to the church opened for us and
the music started to play.
HE IS LEAVING!!!
I tried to kill the voices that screamed in my ear.
All my friends were gathered.
I scanned the room for him.
But he was nowhere to be found.
YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE HIM!
I fixed my eyes on Max.
He seemed miles away.
HE IS LEAVING! HE IS NEVER COMING BACK!!
His face flashed before my eyes.
Luke.
Friend.
Savior.
YOU LOVE HIM!
I refused to listen to the voices.
Luke.
His face was before me.
Haunting me.
Chasing me.
What if this was all a mistake?

_________________________

She was beautiful.
She was perfect.
She was untouchable.
I couldn't take my eyes of her.
I stood in the back of the church watching
as she walked towards Max.
Pain ate at my heart.
I shouldn't have come.
But I wanted to see her one last time.
She was never mine to win in the first place.
I moved towards the door.
Never mine.
But still I loved her.
Foolish heart.
I looked at her one last time over the crowd and
whispered:
"I love you, Lorelai Gilmore."
But that she will never know.
Then I walked out of her life.

_______________________

It felt like a dream all of this.
I stood in front of the priest with my
heart racing in my chest.
What if I made a mistake?
"What if" kept chasing me around.
Max looked great.
I tried to listen to what the priest was saying.
I really tried.
I failed.
All I could hear was his voice telling me that he
was leaving.
LUKE IS LEAVING
All I could see was his face.
Mistake.
I had made several.
Maybe this was just another one of those.
Could survive him leaving?
But if I let him go I would never know if he was the one.
What if he was the one?
Luke.
My friend.
He was face was before me.
Chasing me.
Calling for me.
STOP HIM!!!!
He was leaving.
No more Luke.
I turned to Max and looked at him.
I had wanted him to be the one.
I wanted to love him.
I could have learned to love him.
I couldn't live like that.
For the first time in a long time
I dared to listen to my heart.
"I can't do this, Max. I'm so sorry."
Then I turned and ran out of the church.

____________

The sky was dark as I turned the key and locked the
door to the diner.
I stood under the streetlight starring back at my home.
The car was packed.
I was ready to go.
To leave this place behind.
She would be married by now.
I had lost.
I just wished I could find the strength to drive
her out of my heart.
Stop loving her.
I will leave Stars Hollow.
I'll stay away from her.
I'm saving my heart.
I can't see her knowing that she never will be mine.
I moved towards the car.
One last look.
One last goodbye.
I climbed into my car and looked back at the diner.
Maybe I will come back one day.
One day.
Then I started the car and left Stars Hollow.
I never looked back.

_________________

I ran as fast as I could.
Panic ran through my veins like poison.
I ran through the street of this town in
my wedding-dress.
I had to stop him from leaving.
I had to make him understand.
Make him stay.
I needed him.
With me.
By my side.
Luke.
The diner came in sight.
I stopped in front of the door.
Darkness met me.
A locked door met me.
Fear.
Panic.
Pain.
I banged on the door.
He couldn't have left yet.
He promised.
Tears filled my eyes as I banged on the door.
My hands hurt.
But I didn't care.
He couldn't have left.
Not Luke.
Rain came down from a darken sky.
I didn't care.
Let it come.
I lifted my head towards the sky and screamed his name
to the heaven.
I didn't care who saw me.
Let them come.
Let them talk.
My legs gave away and I crumbled to the ground.
I let myself cry.
For my heart.
For him.
For me.
For us.
It wasn't supposed to end like this.
God, how blind I had been.
I let him slip away from me.
Pain ripped at my heart inviting it to break.
His face flashed before my eyes.
I loved him.
I loved his smile.
The way he always was there when I needed someone.
I loved his hands.
I loved his eyes.
I loved everything about him.
I needed him.
Wanted him.
My whole body screamed out for him.
Needed him.
Wanting him.
Loving him.
But it was too late now.
I closed my eyes in a weak attempt to shut the pain out.
I failed.
I needed just a moment.
A second chance.
I wanted to tell him the truth.
To open my heart to him.
To love him.
To be loved by him.
Too late now.
I had let time slip away from me.
Let it come.
Let pain come.
I had lost.
I opened my eyes and lifted my head towards the sky.
The rain washed over my face.
I whispered to the dark sky the words I clung to:
"Come back to me."

______________________________

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