Chapter 1 - Heartbreak

The night is still young, and it is getting colder by the minute. The crisp air bites at my exposed cheeks, a sharp pain that makes me burry my face into my scarf. The wind picks up and whips my hair around my face violently. In this light, my brown hair appears black, my attempt to tuck into behind my ears unsuccessful as the wind buffets me. Something cold and wet kisses my nose, I brush it away with mitten covered hands and look up. This action is in vain as its too dark to make out anything, there's no moon, or any sign of stars visible in the cloud ridden sky. My eyes are blurred by the falling snow and I moan at my bad luck. Of course the first snowfall of the season would happen tonight. The way my luck has been going the last couple of days, to find myself out in the cold at ten o'clock at night, it just had to snow. I laugh at myself in a bout of black humour, the noise breaking the quiet of the evening. Snow always seems to bring on an unnatural silence. Snow is also never as magical as they show it to be in the movies. It is cold and wet, it manages to find its way deep into your clothes, seeming to seep into your very skin. I shrug my coat further around me, huddling as I wait under the streetlight.

Finally, I hear the familiar noise of his engine roar towards me. I suddenly get nervous at what I must do next but swallow the lump forming in my throat. I must get through this, I must be strong. I squint into the darkness and I'm blinded by his headlights as he turns onto the street, the black mass of a car roaring into the silence of the night. The red taillights flash as he breaks in front of me. I hesitate, not wanting to face the coming confrontation. Eventually I lean down and with a shaky hand open the car door, and seat myself next to him. The heat inside rushes over me and I concentrate on warming myself up, procrastinating if I am being honest. I remove my scarf and my gloves, and hold my hands out towards the heater, my chattering teeth slowly calming down. After a few minutes I finally attempt to face him, taking in his features. God, he is handsome, takes my breath away every time I consider those eyes, those heart-melting sea-green eyes. His square jaw-line makes any woman double-take. Again, I question my resolve, not here, not now. As I am having this inner-conflict he is studying my face with a searching look. I know what he must be thinking. I've been acting weird these past few days and now out of the blue I ask him to come pick me up in some random suburb late at night. He's clearly worried but, as always, remains quiet, waiting for me to explain myself. I let the moment drag on, longer than I should, he sighs and turns away taking the car off park and begins to head home. We sit in silence as I go over the conversation I'm about to have over and over in my head, waiting until my courage catches up to me. Dark shadows and indistinct lights and forms flash past the windows as I try to collect my thoughts. Finally, I break the thick tension.

"So…. hi Dean".

It is awkward and seems to just make the tension in the car worse, I am never awkward.

"Ehm…hi Amelia?"

It is more of a question than a statement, in fact it is heavy with many questions. The use of my full name is also a bad sign, he is worried, and I can't blame him. I close my eyes, I can feel the threat of tears as I hear his voice, deep and soothing, maybe this is the last time I ever get to hear it. I gain control of myself and decide to get the job over and done with.

"Dean, we need to talk".

Alright, I am back on track, my voice is strong and confident, I'll cry when this is over, and not in front of him. His expression never changes but I see a fraction of movement in his jaw as he clenches his teeth, a sign he is nervous. I push forward, hoping momentum will get me through this.

"I think we should break up."

I let this sentence hang in the air, weighty and awful. I watch him carefully, but still his expression remains the same, he stares at the road ahead. His silence makes me fill the need to explain myself. But, how can I? I haven't got a reasonable explanation. In a panic I resort to horrible clichés.

"It's not you, it's me. This thing we have is getting too serious and I need to back out before I can hurt you too much. I don't think we're on the same page and that scares me."

I find myself rambling out lie after lie. At these words he finally reacts. He careens the car to the side, off the road and brakes suddenly. He turns his whole body towards me and says

"What the hell are you talking about Mia? Where is all this bullshit coming from?"

He spits this out and I flinch in my seat, forcing myself to keep eye contact.

"It's not bullshit Dean, I like you, but I've fallen out of love."

"Bullshit Mia, bullshit."

I can see that this will be harder than I thought it would be. I swallow back my fear, I must be cruel.

"I'm bored with this Dean, with us. I don't want us to be together anymore."

This time I can see I've hit a nerve, he looks away, and I resist the urge to reach out my hand to his cheek and comfort him, instead I grip my hands into a fist, my nails digging painfully into my skin.

"I don't understand, I thought…what are you saying?"

He isn't confident Dean now, I knew if I was cruel he would immediately back off, despite his macho mask he is deeply insecure about himself, I am taking advantage.

"Look Dean, I don't want to make this worse than it has to be, it's over. Please, please just let me go."

He looks over at me, his mask falling revealing a breaking man. This time I am forced to look away and bite my cheek to avoid taking it all back and reaching for his comforting arms. Instead I look straight ahead.

"Can you just take me back home, I'll get my things and be out of your way quickly."

He starts the car and drives on, fixing his eyes on the road again, I notice a single tear run down the side of his face, but he refuses to wipe it away thinking I won't notice and not wanting to bring attention to it. The next few minutes are the hardest I'd ever had to live though. Time seems to stretch, and an eternity passes before we finally arrived. I get out of the car and let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. Already the ground is covered in a thin layer of snow, slushy and wet. I walk towards the entrance, opening the door and walking to my room. I've become a robot, everything I do is without emotion or thought as I pack my things. The essentials, a few clothes, a toothbrush, some food. All the while Dean is standing by the door, leaning on the wall with a whiskey in hand, watching me in silence. He seems to have gotten into the same state of emotionless shock, blocking out all the pain to get himself through the night. As I head to the front door again, he finally speaks

"Do…"

His voice breaks but he quickly recovers and pushes on, covering up his vulnerability.

"Do you need a lift somewhere?"

"Dean! I couldn't possibly ask…"

He cuts me off before I finish.

"Where are you headed?"

He's already grabbed the keys and headed out the front door before I can protest.

"If you're sure, the nearest motel."

I am silently relieved at the impossible offer, I wouldn't have to waste my limited funds on a cab. We sit in silence the whole way until finally we are sitting in a motel parking lot. This is it, this is the end and I don't know what to say. I chicken out on saying anything and get out of the car.

"Goodbye Dean."

I wait for a reply, but I don't get one. I close the car door and suddenly the car is pulling out of the carpark and disappearing into the night. After a moment, I finally let out some of my emotions I've been holding in the last hour and yell to the sky my eyes filling with tears that splash down my face. I enter the motel lobby a mess, my eyes are puffed up and my nose is red and runny from crying. I ask for a room for the night and the manager hands me a set of rusted keys. Opening the door to my room, I don't bother looking around or changing, I simply lay on the bed, curl into a tight ball of sadness and cry late into the night until I eventally fall asleep.

Author's Notes

Hi, very new to this whole thing. Please, don't hold back, give me feedback. And I apologise in advance for any errors, happy for them to be pointed out as I hate reading them myself. I really hope you enjoy the read, not sure exactly where this story is going, just started writing and liked the possibilities for the future. Also happy for you to suggest ideas.

Additionally, I also apologize if this is similar to anyone else's story or premise, I haven't read too many and am by no means stealing anyone's ideas.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story, I hope you stay with me and see it to the end.

Love ya

Alliexox