Naya stepped out of her trailer and slammed the flimsy door shut behind her. It rattled against the frame as a result of the force she had put behind it. She sighed at herself and reached up to lock it. Naya turned back around and marched towards her car. She unlocked it, slid in and sat down heavily with her head tilted back into the headrest with her eyes closed. It was Valentine's Day; her least favourite holiday. And yet again she was spending it alone. She ran her hand through her hair and it came to rest over her eyes, blocking out the painful, artificial light glaring down from the street lamp above. The darkness that followed was a lot more comforting. She let out another sigh; she seemed to be doing that a lot lately. She had broken up with her boyfriend, Matthew Hodgson, a couple of days previously, deciding that a single Valentine's Day had to be better than one spent with him. Although now, sitting in her cold car alone, she was reconsidering her choice. She let out an exasperated groan, and leant her head against the steering wheel. The cool leather was calming, and it helped with the headache she'd had since waking up that morning; no amount of pills seemed to make it go away. No, she definitely made the right choice ending it with Matt; it was going nowhere good.
She reached into her lap for her keys; her eyes still firmly shut, and blindly put them into the ignition. Instead of turning them and starting the car, she reached into her lap again and retrieved her phone. She took her head off of the wheel, opened her eyes, and pushed the lock button at the top of her iPhone. The screen lit up. No messages. She gazed at the phone for a second longer, before throwing it unceremoniously into the passenger seat. She rested her hands on the wheel, after fully sitting up, and began tapping. She knew she shouldn't have expected a text, but in typical fashion, she'd gotten her hopes up way too high. The beat she was tapping out against the wheel was getting faster and harder the more agitated she got; the noise now echoing around her car in the silent night. She clenched her teeth together, her jaw locking. Yet another irritated groan slipped past her lips and she stopped tapping the wheel. She couldn't believe how angry was getting over a stupid non-existent text.
She groaned and finally turned the key in the ignition, allowing the car to come to life. She welcomed the physical movement; it made her feel less helpless. She stared out of the window into the soundless night. The thought of driving through LA in silence didn't appeal to Naya, and she settled on playing some music. She routed around in the glove compartment and the wells of the car and pulled out several CD's. Kanye: no. Glee: definitely no. Adele: dear God, no. She placed the rejects back where they came from and turned over the last one. Dashboard Confessional. How fucking perfect. Maybe she could recreate all those Valentine's Day in high school sobbing over the wheel of her car. She let out a humourless chuckle. She opened up the plastic case and slid the disk into the CD player. She turned the volume up high, and waited for the music to start.
She had a history of killing herself;
I had a habit of dying.
I think she gave me something to live for,
I guess I helped her pass the time.
"Fuck!" Naya cursed, slamming her finger onto the eject button. The disc popped out and the music stopped instantly, plunging Naya back into silence. She slammed her head against the wheel, ignoring the pain that shot across her forehead.
"Fuck," she said again, but with less venom. The anger had rushed out of her, being replaced by a dull ache somewhere in her chest and stomach. She ran both of her hands through her raven hair, her fingers latching onto the roots, tugging upwards, sending sharp pains through her skull. Her body rose up and down, wracked with silent sobs, until finally one fought its' way through. She was so delicate, tears now running down her face; even a song was capable of bringing her down. Even though the lyrics were disgustingly accurate to how she was feeling, she didn't think they would have had this effect on her. She thought of how she would have felt if she put Adele on and she let out a quiet snicker.
Her laugh brought her back to reality and she let out a shaky breath. She took a few more calming breaths until she felt composed enough to drive. She wiped her palm across her cheek and under her eyes until she felt no dampness and checked in her rear-view mirror for any signs of mascara. She looked a mess; her eyes were red and puffy and she looked like a panda. She rubbed her eyes again to rid herself of the black marks and looked out the window into the night. She didn't know where she was going to go, but anywhere had to better than here. She put the car into first gear and slammed down on the accelerator.
The streets of LA seemed to whizz by, just the odd yellow flashes showing up in Naya's peripheral vision. She began humming; the motion of driving allowing her to not focus on the mess inside her head. She drove for at least ten minutes with no set destination. She was considering turning around and just wasting the rest of the night in her trailer when spotted her favourite convenience store. She began slowing. She hadn't realized she'd been heading for it, but it was her go-to place when she felt like she wanted to get away. She didn't know why it was this store; maybe she was comforted by the nonsensical mundaneness she felt inside such a place. Plus, she needed some cigarettes, especially after her break down earlier. She laughed at memory; embarrassed at how pathetic she had been.
She drove around the car park a few times before settling in a spot near the front. She pulled her keys out of the ignition and lent over to grab her phone and retrieve her sunglasses from the side compartment. She put her sunglasses on, checked she had money, and once again looked at her phone; still blank. There was just the picture of her and Heather gazing up at her, taunting her. She opened up the door, stepped out and went to the trunk to get her jacket. She pulled it on and locked the car before shoving both her phone and keys into separate inside pockets. She walked towards the store, hands in pockets, her heels clunking on the ground. She pushed open the door of the store and headed for the chocolate bars; she had a craving. She scanned the selection in front of her before turning around to look at the row on the opposite side of her, not finding what she wanted. As she stood up from looking at what was on the bottom shelf, she noticed a tall blonde turning down her aisle, her face pointed to the side. Naya's eyes widened and she shuffled along the aisle as quickly as she could, making do without the chocolate. She prayed she hadn't noticed her.
"Shit," she whispered as she headed for the checkout counter.
"Shit, shit, shit." She could not deal with this right now. She just couldn't. She couldn't work out why Heather was even here. It was Valentine's Day; she should be at home with Taylor. It was half ten at least by now. She reached the counter and took the chance to look around. She couldn't see her so she let out a shaky breath. She turned to face the cashier and asked for a pack of Marlboro's. As she waited for the cashier to find the correct packet, she looked around again. She was so agitated; it took all she had to not glance behind her every five seconds. She could see Heather's ponytail bouncing along one of the nearer aisles now, walking towards her.
"Oh God, shit." She said, and turned back around, practically bouncing where she stood with anxiety. She willed the cashier to hurry up, and when she returned, she practically threw the money on the counter, told the woman to keep the change, grabbed the packet and ran out of the door. It had begun to rain in the short time she'd be in store, so she sprinted even faster towards her car. She pulled out her keys and shoved the car key in the lock. She fumbled for a second before wrenching the door open and throwing herself inside. She slammed the door shut and slumped into the chair. Her hair was sticking to her face, turned black with the rain. She scraped the strands off of her face and began opening her pack of cigarettes. She couldn't believe Heather was in the store. Her nerves were set back on edge, and she felt jumpy. She didn't want to face her, especially on a day like today.
She took a cigarette out of the packet and patted herself down until she found a lighter. She put the cigarette in her mouth, lit it, and took a long drag. She sighed and put the pack in between her legs and pulled her phone out of her pocket. She took another drag and checked the time. It was half eleven. Now Naya really was confused. Why was Heather wandering around a store at half eleven at night on her own on Valentine's Day? She unlocked her phone, tapped the Twitter icon and began browsing through her timeline whilst trying to decipher the reason behind Heather's appearance in the store. She was just about to retweet something Kevin had written when there was gentle tap on the window. Naya jumped, dropped her phone and nearly dropped her cigarette on her bare leg.
She looked towards the passenger window, fear apparent in her eyes, and met two beautiful blue orbs. Heather was standing outside, palm placed firmly on the glass, soaking wet. Naya didn't hesitate; she leant over and opened the door and Heather jumped in. Naya took in her appearance; her hair was tied up in a ponytail, the relentless rain outside and made it stick out in odd places. She had a baggy t-shirt on that fell to her thighs and jeans with Ugg boots on. Naya thought she looked beautiful. Heather was watching her, and Naya became very conscious of her staring and took a drag from her cigarette and looked out the window. After a minute of silence, she sighed and then looked back at Heather.
"Aren't you cold?" Naya asked, watching as the rain in her hair soaked the back of the seat.
"Yep." She answered as she wiped her hand over her forehead, ridding herself of the tiny droplets making her way down her face.
Naya bent round in her seat and grabbed a blue hoodie she had in the back. She threw it at Heather and told her to put it on. As Heather stuck her hands into the sleeves and pulled it over her head, Naya took one last drag of her cigarette before flicking it out of the slightly open window. She wound the window up, and looked back over to Heather who now had her hoodie on. It was a little too small for her, and it was stretched tight across her chest. Naya gulped, but put a small smile on her face which Heather returned.
"What are you doing out here so late?" Heather asked.
"I could ask you the same thing." Naya retorted, sharper than she meant it to come across.
Silence filled the car, and Naya's smile slipped off of her face. She looked away from Heather, and out of her window.
"Fair point." Heather said, and Naya could hear the smile in her voice. She looked back over at Heather and sighed. She couldn't help it, but she could never take her eyes off of her. They always seemed to get stuck, and she could never find the strength the pull away.
"I just… needed to get away for a while, and I just sort of ended up here, you know?" Naya said, hesitating slightly. She didn't really know the reason for needing to leave; she just knew she had to get away.
"Yeah, I know." Heather said, taking her eyes off of Naya for the first time, and looking down at her hands in her lap.
"So, now you go. Why are you wandering around a convenience store on your own so late at night? On Valentine's Day?" Naya asked playfully, trying to lighten the mood. It was futile though; she knew there wasn't much fun to be had in a conversation like this.
Heather looked up at Naya, her features struggling to remain composed. She looked back down, and tried to hide her face, and let out a shaky breath.
"Looking for you." She whispered.
Naya just looked at her, confused. It took a while for her to understand fully what she said.
"But why are you looking for me?" she asked, "Especially on Valentine's Day. Why aren't you out with Taylor?"
Heather didn't answer, but Naya had to smile at the realization that Heather knew exactly where she'd be, even at this time of night.
"Or at home with Taylor?" Naya added as an afterthought. Her smile fell.
The car was silent for a few moments, before Naya looked back at Heather. Heather was still silent and staring at her legs. But she sensed Naya's gaze and she shrugged an answer.
"Heather…" Naya started, concerned by her best friends silence. Even though she was reluctant to have a conversation with Heather about today and them, she couldn't bare the sight of Heather hunched over in her chair looking miserable. She leant across her seat, and rested her hand on Heather knee. Heather looked up at Naya's touch, blinked twice and began to speak.
"Taylor told me he wouldn't take me out today," Heather began. "He said he was sick of me being miserable, and always texting you when we were out together…" Heather stopped, assessing Naya's reaction.
"You were always too good for him, Heather." Naya blurted out. She broke their eye contact, took her hand off of Heather's leg and began fiddling with her thumbs in her lap. Naya didn't see, but Heather lips stretched into a wide grin.
"And we had a huge argument about it all," Heather continued, her smile fading. "About me, about him, about you, about us, about Glee. Just everything we'd always been afraid of talking about, really." She sighed.
Naya looked up, and watched as a tiny crease dented Heather's forehead, creating a frown. Heather took a breath and looked at Naya.
"And then he told me to get out."
Naya's eyes widened in shock before her eyebrows creased and her eyes turned into slits.
"No fucking way." Naya said, staring at Heather, searching her face in case this was some kind of joke. Heather nodded. Naya continued to watch her, not knowing whether this was the end of the story. They sat in silence for a few minutes, absorbing the information. Suddenly Heather leant back into the chair, put both hands over her eyes, and began to cry. Naya was so shocked by the sudden turn of events that she sat motionless for a few seconds before reaching over and prying one of Heather's arms away from her face by her wrist. The look on Heather's face shattered Naya; she couldn't stand it when she saw Heather cry. It was like watching the sun seconds before a solar eclipse; it's beauty being muted by darkness.
"Hea-" Naya began slowly, delicately. She was watching Heather's face, waiting for her eyes to open. She wanted to see her sapphire orbs not filled with tears because that way, for Naya, there would be something right in the world. She didn't get a chance to finish saying Heather's name before Heather threw herself across the seat and into Naya. She collapsed against Naya's chest; her arms folding up underneath her and began to cry in earnest. Naya's arms automatically folded around Heather's back, and she rubbed soothingly against her head and upper back.
"Sssh," Naya whispered, propping her chin on top of Heather's head. She hated seeing Heather like this, especially because of someone like Taylor. She shook her head angrily at the thought, but as surreptitiously as she could muster so as to not to disturb Heather. "Sssh," she repeated. Naya had no idea how she managed to end up in this situation. She'd spent the entire night trying to avoid Heather, to avoid any kind of confrontation with her. But she wouldn't have traded this for anything in the world. Holding Heather, regardless of the fact she was crying, was the best feeling in the world to her. She held her close for a few more minutes, silently praying for this moment to last forever, before Heather sat up and fell back in to the chair. She pulled the sleeves of Naya's hoodie across her eyes and nose and gave an apologetic smile to Naya after.
"I'm so sorr-" Heather began.
"Don't be, and don't apologize." Naya scolded, cutting her off. She gave a slight smile to show that she wasn't really angry.
"I'm also sorry for not texting you back earlier." Heather said, saying it quickly to avoid Naya chastising her again. "I was about to reply before Taylor kicked me out, and I forgot to grab my phone before I left." She gave a one sided shrug.
Naya smiled. "It's okay. You found me anyway."
"True." Heather replied, smiling.
There was a few moments of silence.
"Besides," Heather started. "It's Valentine's Day. I couldn't let you be alone. I know you broke up with Matt the other day…" Heather watched Naya for a reaction, but Naya was staring at her dashboard. "And you're supposed to spend Valentine's with the people you love…"
"… and that's not Taylor?" Naya butted in, finishing the sentence for her. She looked back up at her.
"And that's not Taylor." Heather repeated. She sighed, and then let out a breathless chuckle.
"Fuck, that feels good to admit." She chuckled again and Naya joined in.
They smiled at each other before Naya dipped her head and broke the contact.
"So, how did you know where I was anyway?" Naya asked.
Heather really laughed then, and Naya's head darted up, looking at her questionably. Heather laughed again at the look on her face.
"Please, I know you. It's Valentine's Day, you probably have Dashboard Confessional in your CD player and you usually end up at this store. I bet you took the long way, too. Am I right?" Heather asked.
"I've told you far too much about my youth." Naya groaned.
Heather laughed and agreed. A few more seconds passed.
"I'm really sorry about Taylor, Hemo. I really am." Naya said quietly, still looking at Heather.
"Yeah, me too."
They sat in silence, the rain still hammering on the roof. Naya smiled at Heather, the corner of her mouth twitching up. She didn't know if it was appropriate to smile when such a serious topic was in discussion, but she felt some sort of relief after hearing about Taylor. She hated how Heather felt, but she couldn't help but think that something better would come from this. Almost as if Heather could hear her thoughts, she reiterated what Naya was thinking.
"You know what they say anyway," Heather said slowly, allowing the words to sink in. "Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together."
The tension in the car was palpable now. Naya had stopped smiling, and she was watching Heather closely. Before Naya could even register what was happening, Heather had leaned across in her seat and placed both of her hands onto the fabric of Naya's seat, supporting herself. Naya had a second to register Heather's cerulean orbs before Heather's lips were against hers. It was a careful kiss, but firm. It only lasted a few moments, but it left both girls breathless. Heather pulled back the smallest amount, and laid her cheek against Naya's so that she could speak into her ear.
"Be my Valentine?" she whispered, her breath tickling Naya's lobe.
"Always." Naya whispered back.