I do not own Star Trek 2009 or Supernatural.
There's a companion piece to this story over in Snapshots from a Bar called Glass Half-Full. If you were really picky, you'd go read that first. But you don't have to.
Oh, and the bartender has been hitherto designated Amanda.
For some reason, tonight Sammy was really out of sorts and Dean couldn't keep the kid around to snap him out of it. Dean figured that when his brother vanished from the pub, he'd gone off to visit Amanda, who had excellent beer and a sympathetic ear.
This left Dean, Jim, Jo, Sulu and Ash celebrating a rather interesting manoeuvre involving the Enterprise, the Impala, an asteroid and a terrorist-occupied Starfleet dilithium crystal freighter. It had been explosive, crazy and they'd almost blown up the solar system, to Sam's disgust.
It had been Jim's idea and Dean had just made it happen, so he didn't know why Sam was so pissed. He put the Sam-problem out of his head. Sometimes, it was best to just let Sam's big brain work out the issue for himself.
In the meantime, there was booze, girls and good wing-men (and wing-woman – Jo was really good at helping them avoid the freaky chicks). Jim was working a very pretty blonde from one of the couriers just in town, Sulu and Ash were busy scoping the scene, Jo was tossing shots and Dean had his eye on a sweet brunette over at the bar when he heard Captain Gerald Riviera shooting his mouth off two stools over.
Riviera was one of Cartwright's stooges and (if Dean was honest) a decent captain with an over-inflated sense of his own worth. Dean had fried Riviera in the simulation competition a few months back and ever since, the sore loser had had a bone to pick with the Winchesters' crew.
Which was fine with Dean – the day he couldn't win a fight against a captain who refused to go on first-contact away missions because he might get his pretty face messed up would be the day Dean died of shame and old age. Unfortunately for Dean, up until this point Riviera hadn't had the balls to just pick a fight with him. Dean would have loved to educate the man on how a real captain conducted himself.
However, Riviera was out in force with his boys tonight because otherwise he'd never, ever dared to slur Sam when he knew Dean Winchester was in town.
"Sam Winchester? He's just a pansy tied to his brother's apron strings. Last I heard, he'd gotten himself in so far over his head with the Romulans that the Enterprise had to bail him out. Waste of Starfleet space, if you ask me."
Dean bristled but swallowed the anger. Sam had asked him not to get in shit tonight and had looked tired in the process of asking, so Dean was going to at least try. "Heard he doesn't even do his own science work, just steals it from Spock, who isn't all he's cracked up to be either."
Calm like Sam, calm like Sam, the mantra wasn't helping, calm like Sam, calm like Sam – "And Admiral Pike must be going soft in the head. Riding a desk turned him a marshmallow, which is a real shame 'cause he showed promise" – calm like Sam, Sammy had asked Dean to stay out of trouble, complete with exhausted sad puppy dog eyes. Remember the puppy dog eyes!
"And of course, I imagine Commander Winchester bought his position and not with credits if you know what I mean. Seriously. His own brother's captain, can you imagine what sort of…things would happen?" Riviera sniggered nastily as his buddies chortled, elbowing each other suggestively.
Oh that was it.
Dean gently shoved his new date to the side out of the way, reached through the crowd of friends and collared the asshole. With one good yank, he pulled Riviera out and smashed his forehead into the bar. "Hey, how's it goin'?" Dean growled into the captain's ear before pulling him up and tossing him back against his friends.
By now, Jim was sauntering out of the crowd. "Problem?" he asked.
"Riviera here's got issues with Sam and Pike."
"Oh." Jim jammed a thumb and forefinger into his mouth, whistling shrilly. Sulu's head popped up as Riviera reeled and his own crew gathered around him. "Shit," Jim complained as Sulu and Ash bulled through the crowd, raring to fight, "we're gonna get barred from another fine drinking establishment."
"Yeah, well, what can you do about it?"
Jim grinned sharply. "Make it worthwhile."
"You're an officer and a gentleman, Jim Kirk, a man after my own heart."
All hell broke loose shortly after that. Jo jumped in after a goon tried to break a chair over her captain's head and she put said goon down with one punch. Sulu was glued to Jim's back like a sticky burr and Ash was reeling gleefully about like some sort of psychotic scarecrow as the captains laid down the law.
It got to the point where Riviera's friends were all out on the ground moaning and Dean had the aforementioned captain by the front of his blood-stained shirt. "Listen real close," Dean hissed. "Say whatever the hell you want about me but you leave my brother and Admiral Pike out of it unless you suddenly think you don't really need your balls anymore."
Riviera's face was a bloodied mess but he managed to focus on the man holding him up, nodding limply. "Say it," Dean demanded.
"Undershtood," he mumbled through a probably broken jaw.
"Put the man down!" an official voice barked. "San Francisco Police Department!"
"Aw fuck," Dean muttered, dropping Riviera none too gently.
"We are in deep shit," Jim concluded, his hands in the air. "I'd turn around slowly and face the nice police officers Dean, before they shoot you in the ass."
Dean turned around to see Ash shrugging sheepishly, Sulu grinning with a blood-stained smile and Jo glaring at an over-eager, slightly handy rookie constable. "We're taking you to Starfleet Command," the sergeant barked. "Cuff'em!"
"We are so screwed," Dean declared shortly after that, nursing his lip in the cold comfort of Starfleet Command's drunk tank. "Cartwright's men are on duty and they're all grinning like loons. I also notice Riviera's not sharing a cell next door."
Kirk shrugged airily. "Yep. Notice they didn't give either of us a chance to call anyone. Good thing Ash is sneaky. Ash! Did you call Sam?"
The navigational officer blinked at him. "Hell no. Do I look suicidal? I called Cas, who will try to get us out of here and if he can't, he'll call Sam. Hopefully I'll get skipped in the shit-shoveling chain and it'll go straight to you. Sirs."
"Nicely done," Sulu complimented as the two captains flinched at the idea of Sam Winchester being interrupted on his night off to come wrangle Cartwright's lackeys.
"We are so screwed."
Castiel had been having a rather nice night buried deep in the latest edition of Premiere Piloting with some wine and a good selection of music when his communicator chirped. He was then rudely yanked from his nice warm quarters into a damp summer night to liberate his friend and then abruptly informed that not only was it his friend that needed springing, it was two captains, two commanders and his friend.
Castiel didn't have anywhere near enough influence for that and he was pretty sure Ash knew it. But he was the one with unlimited access to a comm and so he was the one calling Sam Winchester on their night off to tell him that his idiot brother had picked a fight with another Starfleet captain.
Rather unpredictably, Sam told Castiel to leave them where they were. Castiel thought about it for a minute after Sam had hung up and admitted to himself that he agreed with Sam. This happened every other shore leave and the last fight had started up because and Castiel quoted "They wanted a good fight and the other guys were up for it." Castiel just assumed that this fight was similar and even if it wasn't, sitting in the cooler wouldn't hurt the hotheads any.
Until he overheard the conversation on his way out, pausing when he caught some familiar names being dropped.
"Commander Winchester's not coming?"
"Nope. Cartwright's moving them to court martial in forty minutes. If they don't have representation by then, Captains Winchester or Kirk will have to represent themselves and their crew." There was a vindictive snigger.
"Yeah, we know how that's going to end. Rivera will be captaining Enterprise before the week's out."
Castiel immediately scuttled further back into the shadows and flipped open the comm again.
"Sam?" he asked in his most pathetic voice and then proceeded to spill the details.
There were days when Lieutenant Luke Castiel thought his first officer was the most badass first officer in the fleet.
Today was one of them.
Commander Sam Winchester stormed down the stark white corridor, thunderclouds literally crackling and snapping around his head somewhere up near the ceiling, big shoulders squared and eyes hard.
Castiel had never been so relieved to see someone in such a bad mood.
Sam paused, spoke to Amanda (hey! What was she doing here?), who snapped off a faux salute and headed off down the hallway. Castiel literally bolted down to where Sam was glowering. "Cas. Fill me in." Castiel proceeded to do so at the speed of light.
And then things started happening very quickly.
With all the confidence of a Starfleet lawyer, Commander Sam Winchester snapped orders and argued and filled out forms and called people and got his brother, brother's best friend and their subordinates released from the brig all in fifty minutes.
Then they got a few seconds to breathe and Sam loomed menacingly over the whole group. "What the hell happened?" he demanded and everyone except the captains shuffled their feet, not meeting Sam's eyes.
"He was talking serious smack about you and Pike," Dean said quietly and Sam deflated a bit. "I didn't like it and I probably didn't react well but he said some bad shit and honestly Sam, I just didn't have the patience for it."
Sam rubbed his face. "Damn it Dean," he moaned. "We ship out tomorrow."
"Sorry dude, but I wasn't going to let it slide."
"You know this sort of thing is what Cartwright's been aiming for since forever."
"Yeah."
"Fuck," Sam swore and everyone blinked. Sam rarely said anything harsher than damn. "We're going to have to think fast and move faster if we're going to get out of this one unscathed." His comm chirped and Sam answered. Dean tensed as Sam's face grew very dark. "That's not the way the system works. What do you mean, that's what Cartwright wants? Who gives a damn what the man wants, we're talking about the justice system! No! Fine, fine. We'll be there."
He snapped the comm shut and glared. "Move out. We'll discuss this where there aren't ears." They burst into the reception area as Sam realized that his brother was definitely concussed and Kirk was probably borderline. "Great, they'll make perfect witnesses," he muttered sarcastically to himself. "Spock's following us out," Sam barked as he glanced around reception. "Ash, you and Jo are going to head back to Enterprise with Spock and Sulu. Dean, get your ass outside and into Amanda's car. Clean up the blood first. Amanda, do you mind one more stop?"
The dark-haired slim woman shook her head and grabbed his brother's elbow. "Amanda's here?" Kirk said in confusion as Dean stumbled towards and the glass doors.
"Yes and thank God for friendly bartenders," Sam muttered. "Stay here for a minute Jim, Spock needs to know what's going on." Bringing Spock up to date was the work of a minute and the Vulcan officer stated that he would make sure the subordinates made it back to their ships unmolested.
"Do you require my assistance?" Spock asked quietly.
Sam shook his head. "Not unless you've got some sort of legal power that I don't."
"I must confess that while my knowledge of Starfleet's legal system is extensive, it is purely academic. You are far better equipped for this situation." Spock shot a withering glance over at the nosy receptionist, who suddenly decided she had somewhere else to be.
"Then I'll take the idiots over for their hearing. I'll comm you when we get out."
"Very well. Good luck, Sam."
"Thanks, I'll need it."
Sam was almost out at the car when he heard a drowsy Dean muttering with real hurt on Sam's behalf rippling through his words. "I wasn't. I knew he was picking a fight on purpose, but he said stuff, you know? Stuff about Sammy, about Admiral Pike and it just – it wasn't right and someone needed to shut him up."
Sam sighed, pausing mid-step. Shit. Just when you think your brother's gone and gotten into a bar brawl for the pure hell of it, you realize that he was trying to defend you. Jerking the car door open, he landed into the front seat with a thud. "You were right to shut him up, Dean. He was being insubordinate. But did you have to do it in a bar fight?"
Dean shrugged, a bruised hand stroking the fine black leather seat. "Didn't have a tricorder or communicator on me with a recorder. It'd be my word against his. And he made me angry."
"Made both of us angry," Jim pitched in from outside the car. "Nice ride." He smiled cherubically at Sam, who scowled. Not buying the cute grin, he crawled out of the sexy but damned small sports car. "I gotta sit in the back?" Jim whined but a quick glance up at the taller man had him groaning his way into the rumble seat. "Shit. Amanda? This is your car?"
Sam plopped into the front seat just in time to see Amanda flash a smile in the rear-view mirror. "Yep. No blood on the seats, gents."
"Yes ma'am."
"Where are we off to?" Amanda asked and Sam rubbed his forehead.
"Admiralty, and then you can go home. We'll be there all night." He watched her face fall and tried a smile. She'd been a good friend all tonight, even through the craziness. "Someone will drop by and fill you in on the details before we're exiled again to the far corners of the galaxy. But I don't want to leave you sitting outside while we get skinned alive by the Admiralty."
She didn't seem offended and was happy to put pedal to metal, much to Dean and Jim's childish delight. "Listen to her purr," Dean crowed as Jim jostled forward to lean over the front seat.
"Faster, faster!"
Sam chuckled as Amanda rolled her eyes and stepped on the gas as Sam rolled down a window to let in the cool night air. The ride wasn't anywhere near long enough to sort out Sam's thoughts but it was enough for him to refocus and determine what was important. It helped that Amanda kept the two in the back seat occupied with car talk.
He thought he had enough evidence for this but it all hinged on how he managed to spin the case and shit, Sam hadn't handled a case in over two years. Hell, he hadn't ever really practiced law period. He'd just gotten the degree, done a lot of interning and passed the bar because law was interesting.
On the plus side – "Sam?"
He blinked, jolted out of his funk. "What?"
"Dude, we're here." Dean clumsily patted him on the head. "Let's roll, lawyer boy."
Oh this was so going to end well, Sam could see it already. They were going to lose the Impala and get stuck with some limping lame courier and the Enterprise would go to some overly protective stuffed shirt and – "Ow! Dean, what the hell!"
"Sam," Dean made sure he had his distracted brother's attention, "we trust you."
"Yeah, because that makes this so much better," Sam grumbled, but the sheer confidence rolling off both captains (and Amanda, strangely enough) was heartening. "All right, let's do this. Amanda, thanks so much. Do we owe you gas money?"
The bartender scowled. "Hell no. Just come by the bar, bring the rest of the crews and order a whole bar's worth of drinks when you get the captains out of this mess. And if you need more help, you know where to find me."
Sam took a deep breath and she grinned. "You'll do fine."
"Outta the car, Sammy!" Dean pushed noisily and Sam found himself stumbling out on the sidewalk in the damp early morning air. They waved as the car rolled away at a far more sedate pace. "Dude, I think she was banking on us getting her out of a speeding ticket," Dean realized immediately.
"Shit, she's crazy," Kirk gaped. "Does she have any idea how much trouble we're in?"
"I don't know," Sam grumbled, "but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one know knows how much trouble we're in."
Dean knew how much trouble he was in, even if he was pretty sure Sammy thought he didn't. But he wasn't worried, really he wasn't. The reasoning was quite simple.
You see, Sam was a vindictive bastard at best and when he had a reason to be pissed, Dean was pretty sure that even the stoic, conservative Vulcan council couldn't have stone-walled his brother into a corner.
Admiral Cartwright and his crony Admiral Komak, both presiding over the hearing, had absolutely no chance in hell of getting around Sam.
Which is why this whole hearing thing was so much fun.
"Actually, Admiral, Starfleet code states that a disciplinary hearing such as this one exists to examine the conduct of all involved Starfleet personnel. Therefore, as they were involved in the incident, Captain Riviera and his associates should also be present in this room. We are not allowed to proceed until all Starfleet personnel are present." Sam's face was serene in the face of Cartwright's rapidly flushing complexion. "I believe Commander Sulu, Commander Harvelle and Lieutenant-Commander Ash can arrive within half an hour."
Sure enough, Spock showed up with a cleaned-up trio of contrite brawlers twenty minutes later. Then they waited two hours, Jim and Dean playing Klingon Hangman on a spare PADD. During that time, two or three different little Sam-minions arrived, depositing odd things in Sam's hands.
When an extremely beaten up, thoroughly drunk Riviera and crew showed up, Dean noticed with a start that Sam's insistence on Dean and Jim cleaning up as well as possible had been an extremely good call. Suddenly the Impala and Enterprise crews looked far more responsible.
And then Sam started playing the recordings.
"Fuck yeah, Cartwright promised me the Enterprise if I could get Kirk and Winchester into a fight. All I had to do was say that Sam Winchester was a pussy and Pike an idiot. Then that idiot captain was all over my ass. Barbarian. Shit, look at my nose, it's broken. I'm going to need plastic surgery."
You could have heard a pin drop on luxury carpet in that room as Sam raised both eyebrows, staring at the admirals.
Dean smirked across the room as Jim lounged back against his chair.
"Now admirals, I am not stating that Captains Winchester and Kirk were necessarily correct in their handling of the situation. In fact, it was rash, imprudent and they have already expressed regret. However if, as this recording suggests, the intention of Captain Riviera was indeed to besmirch the reputation of Starfleet, her admirals and her captains, then he has succeeded and I have to wonder if Captain Winchester or Kirk ever stood a chance at holding their temper in the first place. How far would Captain Riviera go to provoke Captain Winchester? Would he have attacked one of the Impala crew members? An Enterprise crew member? Spread rumours that the admiralty was incompetent and corrupt?"
Suddenly Riviera was the one squirming.
Sam was implacable. "As per Starfleet regulation, the statements of the Impala and Enterprise crew members have been taken. Impala ships out in sixteen hours, the Enterprise in twenty four. We have fulfilled our requirements and sat in this hearing for the requisite three hours. Unless the admirals wish to open a full investigation and pull both the Impala and Enterprise from active duty, we must prepare to depart. Would the admirals care to deliver a ruling at this time?"
Cartwright was trembling with rage and the vast majority of said anger was not directed at its usual targets. Komak took the chance to dismiss the Impala and Enterprise crews without remark and Sam let loose a huge sigh of relief.
"Hell, did you see Riviera's face?" Jo almost shrieked as they walked towards Spock's rented hover-van. "He was practically pissing himself!" The younger crew members practically bounced about in the early morning sun as Sam slumped, suddenly exhausted. Yet again, shore leave hadn't really been shore leave.
"Dean," Jim mused, "I do believe we should swap."
"Yes, I do believe. Do you believe, Spock?"
"I do not believe, Jim. However, if you are referring to switching missions with the Impala so that Sam may further pursue his wormhole research in peace for two weeks, I trust that to be a wise course of action."
Sam clearly wasn't paying attention, asleep on his feet. "I'll clear it with Pike," Kirk volunteered. "And we both owe Sam. I won't even complain about being stuck on courier duty."
"Come on Sammy, into the van dude. I promise not to do anything stupidly heroic for a week if you stay awake long enough that I don't have to carry you." At the sound of that particular promise, Sam somehow managed to flop into the vehicle and promptly slumped back against the seat, knees all akimbo.
"An' he won't even be able to dock our pay," Sam muttered and Dean frowned.
"What?"
Sam smirked drowsily. "I could have stalled that hearing for freaking years but I let them have it so they'd get all mad and flustered and chase us out of the hall so they could rip Riviera a new one. But when they dismissed us, they closed the incident forever. We can't even get" and Sam yawned so widely his jaw cracked, "docked pay or a reprimand."
Dean laughed and wrapped an arm around his snoozing brother's shoulders, yanking him into something resembling a comfortable position. "Dude, you're awesome."