DANGER MOUSE:
COMPETITIVE EDGE
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
Disclaimer: Danger Mouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC
Danger Mouse and Penfold have just flown back in from a mission deep in the heart of enemy territory, and boy are their arms tired.
What? You don't appreciate the old "arms tired" routine? It's a vintage gag, all about the classics, that's this narrator.
Anyway, back on form and on subject, our heroes have just locked up a wolf in sheep's clothing, and he just happens to be a sheep.
Danger Sheep to be exact.
"Please DM, surely you can tell I was joking about wanting to rule the world? We agents stick up for another, put in a good word will you?" pleaded Danger Sheep as he was carted off to a secure cell.
"Sorry Danger Sheep, you won't pull your wool over any of our eyes again after this latest stunt" Danger Mouse replied.
Colonel K soon joined him; DM extended his hand to shake his.
"Good show Colonel, if you hadn't made good on your promise to deploy a rescue team, we would have been creamed by the Baron's crop of crooks" DM said in gratitude
"Don't thank me just yet Danger Mouse" the Colonel said, pulling his hand away, "There's still the matter of you going rouge also"
"Col. K, with all due respect, I was undercover" DM replied
"So was Danger Sheep, and we saw what happened to him when he enjoyed his little tour of duty at the resort too much...no DM, you're going to have to prove your commitment to this agency and the hardships we endure to clean up the messes you lot make"
"Yes, I see your point Colonel, how can I make it up to you?" DM asked of his superior.
"You know that rescue team I put on stand-by to come to the aid of my rescue team? You could do with serving them some grub over at the docks; they've been standing by for hours without any food"
"I'll see to that Colonel, mind if I bring Penfold?" DM asked, the Colonel approved, it was only after this that he shook DM's hand.
And so our heroes made their way over to the main port a few drives away from headquarters, where dinner would soon be served.
As Penfold raced back from the local Tescos with its 'quality value' products (yes, I do shop there and have my own opinions of it thank you very much), he found DM lost in thought staring across the edge of the harbour at the murky sea.
Penfold noticed, in his hand, was the memory stick that he had competed with Danger Sheep over in his guise of Vic Vicious.
"Did you take that off the Colonel without him noticing?" said Penfold.
"Yep, nabbed it right after he shook my hand" said DM.
"That rivalry over at the resort really has brought out the criminal in you Chief" said Penfold.
"This is everything I had ever wanted Penfold" said a saddened DM,
"This was a chance to nullify all the plans of every evil mind we've ever come across, spare us another one hundred and four episodes of misery and guarantee the Danger Agency a proper vacation...but today has taught me one very important lesson about having absolute power"
"That it's ok to lose absolutely when you play with it?" Said Penfold.
"Something like that" said DM, "Power plays bring out the worst in very good people, they force you to act against every moral fibre in their being in order to achieve their ends, they perceive it for the greater good, but in truth it only serves themselves, they want only what's good for them, not the country. If Danger Sheep can fall prey to the temptation on this memory stick, and I if could resort to what I did, robbing banks and stealing tents, just to maintain a competitive edge, who's to say others in the agency won't if they're tempted with the plans contained on this? It's a game of one-upmanship the country can ill afford"
"You're going to deny the agency the chance aren't you?"
DM stared outward at the sea, allowing the sound of its tranquil waves to sooth his soul, before he threw the memory stick into the waters.
"I'm putting a stop to the competition before it starts" DM said.
"Well played chief, well played" Penfold said, applauding him, "Come on now; let's make those troops on the ground some ravioli"
And so our morally justified heroes turn from the calm sea and resume their duties for the boys grounded on the land, caring not what kind of consequences await them when they return to headquarters, which I expect will blow over swiftly considering that there's no further new episodes for another long stretch.
Until then, this is your friendly narrator giving a toast to the next one hundred and four episodes, Netflix deals permitting.