SEE NO WEEVIL, HEAR NO WEEVIL…
By Jemmiah
************
"I'm bored." Jemmy complained. "I'm very, very bored."
Qui-Gon could tell that the moment she had finished her breakfast. How he dreaded school breaks! Jemmiah had sat on the chair by the table, restlessly kicking her legs about and scuffing her feet on the floor out of sheer idleness. The worst of it was he had another eight weeks of it to go before she went back to school! How was he going to occupy her mind for all that time? It was only day one and she was already set to pull the place to pieces through frustration…
A frustrated Jemmiah usually meant a destructive one.
"Can I do some more baking?" she begged him.
"No!"
"But whyyyyyy?" Jemmy plumped her face down on her wrist, tracing her name on the table surface with one finger.
"Because."
"Because what?"
"Because I say so." Qui-Gon picked up the plates, aware of the scowling face that was shooting invisible knives into the back of his head as he walked away.
"That's not a reason." The legs began to kick at the wall again, this time much more pronounced.
"Tangles, you have to learn something." The master replied as he placed the mugs in the basin of water. "When I say because - that is all the answer you are going to get. Understand?"
He felt rather pleased with himself for explaining the situation so well to her. Children were such hard work sometimes! It was vital that he continue to lay down the law incase Jemmiah forgot just exactly whose apartment she was living in. HE was the master. HIS rule was law.
"No." Jemmy blinked at him. "I don't understand. Are you sure I can't do some baking? Not even a tiny little, teensy-weensy sponge cake?"
"I don't wish to find all my teeth lying scattered all over the floor, with Ethan Inkerson trying to put them all back together with a tube of plasti-bond and a large and unpleasant looking syringe." Qui-Gon warned her that she was on shaky ground with a stern raise of his eyebrow. "I haven't forgotten what you did to that girl. Putting rocks in those cakes…"
"That 'girl' put me in the infirmary." Jemmy reminded him pointedly. "I just wish I'd used a whole brick instead of pebbles!"
"In that case the answer is a most definite and resounding no." Qui-Gon caught the ugly looking thunderous expression and raised his finger. "And I don't want you sulking either! Master Windu and Master Berlingside are coming round this afternoon to discuss something with me and I want you on your best behavior."
"I AM on my best behavior!" Jemmy replied indignantly.
Qui-Gon studied the belligerent face and sighed deeply.
"Force help us." He muttered.
*********
He'd gone out for just a little while to speak with Evla, to see if he couldn't palm her off on the crèche master no doubt. Jemmiah knew she ought to make more of an effort to not cause waves but it was difficult sometimes…Obi-Wan was always competing with her for Qui-Gon's attention. She relented because she knew that the padawan had been there before her, and besides she was very fond of the rat-tailed young man but it was still difficult…
She felt fairly certain that Qui-Gon was regretting taking her in.
Well, if he wouldn't let her bake then Evla would! But did Evla have any flour? Did she have any of the right kind of sugar? Surely Qui-Gon wouldn't mind if she had a look in the storage bins? Where was that chair…ah, yes!
She dragged the chair along, scrunching up her face as it made the most ear-rending screeching noise against the floor, until she got infront of the cupboard space up at the top of the wall - where she couldn't usually reach it. Qui-Gon had underestimated her determination this time! Jemmiah planted her feet carefully on the chair and opened the cupboard door, peering within the darkened space.
Sugar…yes! There it was…and flour! There were two kinds there. One was the kind that you used in cakes and things, the one that she was after. The other kind looked like it was for use in breads. No use to her on this occasion but she tucked it away in her mind for future reference. Her hands turned the container over and she held it up to the light, trying to see the flour better. How old WAS this stuff? Did Qui-Gon never throw anything out? Didn't he know about hygiene and things like that?
As she was about to place the glass container back something rather nasty caught her eye…
Two of the BIGGEST, HUGEST most HORRIBLEIST weevils she had ever seen in her entire life!
Dead?
They looked dead to her, she thought as she tapped at the side of the glass container. How had they gotten in? They must have been there for ages! Urgh! The thought that she had been in a home that had weevils in the cupboards made her feel really sick to the stomach! Of course she should just throw the whole lot out, but then Qui-Gon might think that was just her being bossy again and taking liberties with his things. It wasn't her flour to throw away, however manky it was…
With a certain amount of dread Jemmiah fetched a large spoon from the drainer and began to prod at the flour in the hope of fishing them out. The first one, the large one was quite dead and she walked over to the garbage disposal unit and with a distasteful curl of her lip threw the corpse into the unit, never to be seen again. The second one she gave a tiny poke with the tip of the spoon…
It moved!
Jemmiah gave a squeal of shock and very nearly dropped the glass container onto the floor, catching it before the flour and the miscreant insect flew up into the air in a cloud of telltale dust. She took a few moments to calm herself. It had been a surprise, but it was only a harmless insect after all, albeit a rather large one. Her heartbeat finally began to ease a little, glad that the huge one hadn't been alive. It was very nearly the size of a Dinko!
Okay…slight exaggeration. But it had been BIG.
Chasing the insect onto the spoon took Jemmiah a further few minutes as the vermin was determined to play hard to get. It only occurred to the Corellian girl at the last moment to actually think about what she was going to do with it after she finally coaxed it onto the spoon…
Hurriedly she looked round. She could just drop it down the waste unit but that would be murder. Maybe if she were to put it in the gardens? Release it into the wild? Would that be the best thing to do?
She could worry about that later. Right now she needed to find something to keep it in…ah, there was the answer! One of the spare mugs hanging up on the hooks! She thought about using her own one then thought against it. No way was she tainting her precious Nigel Nerf mug with that…beastie! She thought about using Qui-Gon's mug but then after considering their earlier disagreement she picked up Obi-Wan's instead and lowered the little creature to the bottom as carefully as she could. Shuddering, Jemmy left the mug on the table and returned to replaced the flour back on the shelf. Somehow the idea of baking had worn right off her…
"What do you think you are doing?" Qui-Gon's voice suddenly sounded out loud and clear, causing Jemmiah to jump with fright and nearly lose her footing.
"Er…d-d-dusting!" she stammered.
"Where's the cloth?" Jinn asked her, folding his arms over each other.
"Cloth?" Jemmy snapped her fingers as if she'd suddenly realized something. "Rats! I knew there was something I'd forgotten!"
He stepped closer to her, eyes narrowing.
"You were looking for the flour, weren't you?" his voice was thick with disapproval, eyes looking the Corellian girl up and down. "Don't bother denying it. I can see it on your clothing."
Jemmiah looked down and indeed could see the telling stains where she had wiped her floury hands on the side of her trousers.
"I wanted to see if we had any." She avoided his gaze. "I thought that Evla might let me do some baking."
"I'm sure she would." Qui-Gon agreed, still looking far from happy. "But there are two things I want to say to you. Firstly, you could have fallen from that chair and injured yourself. I don't want you doing that again without my permission. Is that understood?" he struck his most intimidating pose.
"Yes sir." Jemmy sulked.
"Secondly, Evla cannot look after you today because she is doing triple shifts at the crèche in order to cover for sick colleagues. So I'm afraid you are stuck with me."
"That's not fair!" Jemmy sniffed.
Qui-Gon felt utterly hurt. Why was she so keen to get away from him? She hadn't even been there a year and already she had tired of living with both Obi-Wan and himself? Or perhaps he had been slightly too harsh on her earlier. The thing was, he wasn't used to being challenged in his own home like this. G'emela, Xanatos and Obi-Wan had in their unique ways caused him enough strife to fill ten novels but never in his own domain, where he ruled the roost. Jemmiah was not a jedi and she was still trying to find the limits of her power within the household. He couldn't afford to back down - she would think she had won. But maybe he could compromise a little…
"As I have already explained this morning, I am expecting guests." Qui-Gon lowered his voice so that it seemed marginally less hostile than before. "Whether or not you get to do any baking this afternoon depends largely on how well you behave in the next few hours. Is that clear?"
He saw the face instantly brighten and felt his own spirits lift with relief. Thank goodness for small mercies that the war had been diffused…
"I'll do my best." Jemmy replied with a casual shrug. "I like Master Berlingside. Windy's such a bore though…"
"Jemmiah!" he warned her again with a dangerous glint of the eye.
"Sorry…Windu." Corrected Jemmiah, telling herself off for slipping up so early in their truce. "But it is true. All he talks about are boring council meetings and things."
Qui-Gon opened his mouth to say something in protest…but found he couldn't think of anything.
"Just get tidied up, please." He begged her. "Obi-Wan is at his lessons right now. It's up to us to create a good impression."
Jemmy scooted obediently into her room, opening the door as wide as possible so a wall of Corellian orchid perfume hit Qui-Gon in the face, causing him to cough.
"Alternatively we could just choke them to death and have done with it." He glared.
*************
"…And the council told Master Shoulf that he and Padawan Drayne had to cancel their plans for any leave. Some kind of flea infestation, so An-Paj thinks." Mace stated in the voice of an eager man who knew that he had a captive audience.
Which was true.
It wasn't as if Qui-Gon could run away in his own apartment, was it? He'd been wearing the same fixed expression of jedi calm and relaxation even though Mace had been wittering on for over three hours about temple gossip, council sessions, galactic politics, council sessions, the population situation on Coruscant, council sessions…
Qui-Gon didn't know what the council had to talk about when they did meet. Surely they would run out of topics, especially when there were so many meetings? Dex looked unbelievably bored to tears and made no show of hiding it. He yawned blatantly from time to time and looked at his chrono, but Mace did not take the hint at all. Jemmiah sat in the living area looking so fed up that Qui-Gon's heart actually went out to her. He'd as good as promised that they could spend some time together that afternoon and Mace's chatting had carried on and on and on and on…
"You must be thirsty, Mace." Qui-Gon remarked coolly, exchanging a resigned expression with Dex. "Can I get you a drink?"
"Hmmm? No, thanks Qui-Gon." Mace shook his head. "Now, then Master Yoda instructed An-Paj to make sure that the infirmary was scrubbed from top to bottom lest any…"
"Qui, give me something very fast-acting for my head, huh?" Dex begged. "A hammer would do! Anything!"
Jinn laughed and placed a hand over his face to cover his amusement.
"Jemmiah." He called over his shoulder; not wanting the girl to feel left out. "Would you mind doing the honors?"
"Sorry?" she looked up, pleased to be doing something to relieve the boredom. Sith, did Windu ever like to talk! Would he ever go away? She wanted to do some baking with Quiggy! She didn't mind Dex, he was fun…but Mace was as exciting as watching somebody watching paint dry!
"Would you mind fetching us all a drink of citrus?" he rolled his eyes pitifully as if to say 'it's not my fault! Honest!' and Jemmiah found herself feeling slightly sorry for him. Things were bad if Mace wouldn't even let him leave the table to fetch a drink!
She skipped over to the kitchen area and opened the refrigeration unit, finding the citrus almost immediately at the side of the door besides the Nerf's milk. Now all she needed was some glasses…
Damn! All in the wash basin from this morning! Damndamndamndamn…
Mugs. She'd have to use mugs. Dex surely wouldn't mind slumming it for once. She'd give him her Nigel Nerf mug by way of a testimony to her liking him. Qui-Gon could use his own mug of course and Mace could have Ben's…
Only Ben's mug was occupied with something she knew that Mace wouldn't like. Master Windu was a bit funny about bugs, so Master Jinn said. The sight of the weevil tapping its way round the bottom wasn't going to endear itself to the man.
"And of course Samir is going to be stepping down from the council very soon." Mace continued relentlessly. "He's getting slightly long in the tooth as far as Togorian's go and wants to take it a bit easier, so he says. There's a lot of speculation as to who is going to take his place…"
"I could do it." Dex grinned, winking at Mace. "I'd make sure the council meetings were extremely lively!"
"I hardly think the council chamber is the right place for someone who insists that his favorite pastime is 'getting molassed down the local drinking pit of an evening.' Mace poured scorn on the idea, ignoring Dex's even widening grin. "The council is a matter of great importance."
"Must be." Dex conceded. "You've done nothing but talk about it since you came in!"
//The council.// Jemmiah thought angrily as she bit her lip in annoyance at Mace's insult to Dex. //Kriff take the council, pardon my vile Corellian language! It's the council's fault that I'm not having fun right now and having to listen to this garbage all afternoon!//
"Well, hello again." Dex smiled as Jemmy passed him her mug. "I see I get the favored Nigel Nerf!"
"I think she likes you, Dex!" Qui-Gon grinned mercilessly. "I never get to use Nigel Nerf."
"That goes without saying." Berlingside laughed out loud as Qui-Gon's mug was placed smack down on the work surface, a pair of accusative copper eyes fixing on him unblinkingly. So much for being well behaved! Where had that got her?
Jemmy pushed Mace's mug over to him. "Say when." She smiled, thin-lipped.
Mace stared into the mug, and then his eyes did a funny little dance of disbelief that Jemmiah though might be heralding a possible cardiac arrest. She'd never seen eyes go that big before on anyone!
"I…er…I'm," he stammered suddenly, standing upright and making right for the door. "I'm not thirsty."
Grabbing his fallen council notes Mace left the room in a speed Jemmiah didn't think possible for a humanoid to obtain. She could feel Dex's puzzled eyes on her, and Qui-Gon's reproaching ones boring into her as she placed the citrus juice back on the table. Qui-Gon grabbed hold of the mug and looked inside.
"What's going on?" Dex asked in a confused voice. "What put the fear of the force up Windy's robe?"
"This." Qui-Gon picked up the mug by the handle and showed it to the blonde master, turning to the clearly unrepentant Jemmiah. "Well? Care to explain yourself?"
"Well, he was boring everyone to death! I did it for you!" Jemmy said defensively.
"For me?"
"Yes! There were these two bugs inside the flour when I went to investigate. The biggest one was already dead so I chucked it down the disposal unit. But this one was still alive and the only thing I had to put it in was Ben's mug, so…"
"Jemmiah," Qui-Gon covered his mirth as best he could, "did you deliberately give Master Windu a mug with an insect in it?"
Jemmy shrugged guiltily.
"Well, you see," she snickered, "it was the lesser of two weevils!"