'ello! Now, this story is a murder mystery with a little humor. The great part about this story, is that you get to have a part in the outcome of the story! After you're done reading with a single chapter, you have the power to write a review, expressing who you think dun it. Well, I take your opinions into view, and shape the future chapters from that. Oh yeah, please be honest with my stories. Tell me what you think, or I swear- I will develop Carrie powers and hunt you down like the fictional story reading people you are! Just kidding.

Neon Genesis is owned by Gainax. This is a fictional story with fictional characters in a fictional situation, so, it's basically fictional, right?

**********

"Oh, hello. Did you come for my book club meeting?" Shigeru asked. He smiled and pushed his long hair back behind his ears and batted his eyes seductively. "Or… are you here for me?" Shigeru gave a little girlish giggle, "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"What- What are you doing! No! Ah, stop!" Shigeru screamed.

***********

"Why dost thou torment me so, my Ritsuko?" Maya whispered to her golden locket, with a picture of the back of Ritsuko's head. "If it weren't considered sexual harassment, I would compose an epic love ballad to- OH MY GOOD GRACIOUS!"

***********

"Where did you find the body?" Misato asked.

"Next to the trash. I think someone tried to dump the body, but got tired of carrying this lug gut around and just dumped him here." Maya replied.

"Maya! That's no way to talk about Shigeru, he just died!"

"Oh please, it's not like anyone really cared about him."

"So, do we have any murder suspects?"

"Just everyone that was here within the last hour."

***********

"What are we being called down here for? I thought that whole business with you trying on Misato's bras was sorted out." Asuka muttered.

"Hey! That was not proved!" Shinji yelled. Shinji jumped when Asuka snapped his bra strap.

"I'm glad that everyone could make it! But, we do have some unfortunate news, we just found Lt. Shigeru dead a few minutes ago." Misato said unhappily.

"Wait- he was the transvestite, right?" Asuka whispered.

"He was a transvestite? I didn't see that coming." Shinji replied.

"…" Rei added.

"Oh, shut up, Wonderbitch." Asuka snapped.

"…"

"What was that?"

"…"

"Repeat that to my face!"

"…"

"The nerve- You insolent-"

"Asuka! Stop yelling! And Rei, such language!" Misato clucked in disapproval at Rei's rudeness.

"Why are we down here, love bunny?" Makoto asked.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?" Misato flicked him across the head, "I told you, if you're going to call me a pet name, then call me 'Shinji'!"

"But, Misato, that's just weird and gross…"

"Got a problem with a kinky gal?" Misato glared.

"Let's get back to the issue of why you've called us here." Gendo angrily said. He adjusted his nightie cap and clutched his ragged teddy bear tight to his chest. He started mimicking a baby crying and then started rocking the bear, "Oh, don't worry Sugarbuttons! I won't let the whoreish woman hurt you!"

Misato glared at him and then focused on the question, "You are all here because you are the only ones in the entire NERV complex."

"How does that work out?" Shinji asked, "I thought NERV was gigantic."

"Tonight was the annual NERV corporation subordinate banquet. All the random extras are there, dancing the night away, but secretly, once the banquet is over, we're going to release the dogs."

"So, are we the suspects?" Asuka asked, "That's pretty stupid, why would we want to kill… what was his name?"

"Shigeru."

"Shigeru, yeah, whatever."

"Well, I don't want to suspect you all, but it is important that we do find out who did kill him before tomorrow!"

"Why tomorrow?"

"Because tomorrow I get my hair highlighted, duh!" Misato laughed, and flipped her hair. Asuka noticed, it was fairly dull, and definitely needs some highlights. Maybe it would look better with curls.

"So, let's split everyone up into groups to find the murderer! I'll go with Makoto and Maya. Shinji, you go with Red and Blue-"

"…"

"Rei, I don't want sass, I just want cooperation. Now, shut up. Gendo and Fuyutsuki will be together as well."

"What do you mean by 'together'?" Gendo asked inquisitively as Fuyutsuki edged closer to Gendo, who edged away.

"Stay together! Don't let each other out of your sights!" Misato yelled to them. She walked away with Makoto and Maya.

***********

"Shinji, I've been waiting for this!" Asuka leapt onto Shinji, wrestling him to the ground. She pinned his hands above his head, Shinji whimpering.

"Asuka, stop!" Shinji screamed.

Asuka slapped Shinji and yelled, "Quiet, slave! I know you want it rough!"

"Rei! Save me!" Shinji pleaded.

"Step closer, and I'll take that stupid pink bow from your head and cram it down your throat!" Asuka screamed. Rei stepped back, gently touching the pink bow on her head, next to her Hello Kitty headband.

"Asuka, please don't! I'm not ready for that sort of thing yet!" Shinji yelled. Asuka sighed and got off him.

"It's not fun when you plead for your pathetic virginity." Asuka moaned and helped him up. "So, what are we looking for?"

"Some sort of killer."

"What do you think of my nail polish, Shinji?" Asuka showed him her hand and her purple vamp nail polish.

"It's- um, nice." Shinji lied. Asuka snarled and slashed him across the arm.

"…" Rei said. Shinji and Asuka turned and looked at Rei. Rei pointed to a puddle of water on the floor.

"It's water. Or is it a certain excretion, and you have a certain venereal disease we don't know about, Rei?"

***********

"Hmm, water. Interesting. Why would there be water in the middle of the control room?" Gendo muttered. "Vice Commander Fuyutsuki! I am not that kind of commander!"

Gendo turned around and slapped Fuyutsuki's hand from rubbing his back.

"Sorry, Ikari, it's just that you seem fairly tense!"

"I 'seem' fairly tense, because one of my Lieutenants was just killed!" Gendo stood up and yelled, "I'm a possible suspect! Misato took my Teddy away because I wasn't paying attention! And you keep on hitting on me, like I'm some piece of Japanese commander meat!"

"I'm not hitting on you!" Commander Fuyutsuki gasped. He quickly changed the subject, "What do you think about the water?"

"Some one was either wet, or had water with them when they killed Shigeru."

**********

"What are we going to find in the NERV swimming pool?" Maya asked.

Misato pulled out a magnifying glass and started examining the water filter. Misato pulled out a small Hello Kitty barrette and held it up to the light.

"A 'Hello Kitty' barrette? Hmm… intriguing." Misato muttered.

"What does it mean?" Makoto asked.

"Don't have a clue. But bag it for evidence."

"Hey, whatcha got there, sweet stuff?" came a voice and a slap on Misato's butt.

"Oh my!" Misato turned around in shock and saw a disgusting looking hobo munching on an apple. "Who the hell are you?"

"Hobo." He replied.

"Hobo? That's not a name."

"Sure it is." The hobo replied.

"Alright, I believe you, but how did you get into the NERV complex like this?!"

"I got in through that secret passage over there." The hobo swallowed a bit of the apple and pointed over to a small impression in the wall. "It leads to some hallway, and then to this really big room."

"Big room? Could it be the control room?" Maya whispered to Misato.

"Could be, only way to find out would be to use the passage." Misato replied. The hobo tried to slap her butt, but Misato intercepted and snapped the hobo's arm in half.

The three turned around and walked over to the secret passage. Makoto pressed the impression and the wall slid away, revealing the passage. Makoto moved aside and Maya skipped happily in. Misato turned to Makoto before entering, and went up to his ear. She glanced over at the hobo and whispered, "Um… Shoot it." And she turned to follow Maya.

Makoto pulled out his gun and started firing at the hobo. The hobo dropped like a sack of hobo shit.

Makoto held up the gun and blew off the wisp of smoke, "Oh yeah, every chick likes a nice set of buns that knows how to use some guns."

Makoto turned around. The wall was solid. Makoto scratched his head in wonder. "How'd that get closed?"

Makoto holstered the gun and walked over. He ran his hand over the wall. He felt no impression. "Where's the secret door?"

*********

Misato and Maya stopped walking when they heard a scream.

"Makoto?" Maya gasped.

Misato pulled out her gun and grabbed Maya by the hand. She pulled Maya with her and the two ran through the twists of tunnels and halls.

"The door's shut!"

"Well, duh, dumbnose." Misato grumbled. Misato kicked the door open. Misato ran in and yelled, "Hey, Makoto, what happened? You in here?"

Misato saw a few droplets of blood on the ground.

She bent down and got some blood on her finger. She brought it to her lips and tasted it. She smacked her lips and started to focus. "Hmm… tastes like Makoto."

Misato followed the blood and stopped at the table, where the blood stopped. Misato bent down and looked under the table. Makoto's body was sprawled along the ground.

*********

"Hey, Shinj!" Asuka smiled and walked with Rei into Shinji's room.

"Ah! Asuka, turn around! I'm not decent!" Shinji screamed, ripped Misato's bra off and tossed it under his bed. Shinji glared at her and hissed, "Where did you both go?!"

"Oh, I went to the bathroom. Wondergirl here just tagged along." Asuka said.

Asuka was fully changed into a black turtleneck with a black skirt. She flipped her red hair and smiled.

"Why are you wearing all black?"

"Why are you not? Black is the new pink you know." Asuka flipped her hair.

"Since when you were into fashion?" Shinji asked. He furrowed his brow, intrigued by Asuka's decision to change into normal clothing.

"Since I realized that I was attractive."

"Okay, can I have your fashion advice then?" Shinji asked and pulled out two shirts from his drawer. "Which one looks better on me."

Asuka blinked for a second in confusion, "Excuse me? Are you kidding? They're the same shirt."

Shinji looked at them for a second and replied, "No, they aren't."

"Yes, they are."

"No, they aren't!"

"Yes they are! They're both white with the same dorky pocket and they're both the same size!"

"No they aren't. There are significant differences." Shinji couldn't see that they were the same shirt.

"Are you stupid? Do you only have one shirt, and multiple copies of it?!" Asuka pushed him away and opened up his dresser. Revealing a full drawer with neat stacks of the same shirt. "You do! What, do Japanese animators have no initiative to give their characters actual wardrobes?!"

"I'm sorry we Japanese aren't like you Germans, we're just a simple people you know." Shinji said.

"Yeah, and a stupid one at that, with your Japanese cars and evil Japanese beer."

"Got a problem with Japanese things?"

"Yeah, German stuff is way better. We don't believe in that wussy 'Yebisu' and 'Toyota' stuff."

"And we don't believe in highways where speed limits don't exist."

"Hey, gotta a problem with the autobahn? Cause I killed a man on that once! And I'll do it again!" Asuka yelled and poked Shinji with a wild glare in her eyes. "There's nothing like going 75 miles per hour with a body under the wheels."

"…"

"What?" Asuka turned around and gasped.

"…"

"Makoto, really?" Asuka said.

"What about Makoto?" Shinji asked.

"Makoto's dead!" Asuka whispered.

"Makoto too?"

"ATTENTION EVERYONE! REPORT TO THE MAIN CONTROL ROOM IMMEDIATELY!" Misato's voice boomed over the speakers in the NERV installation.

*********

"Misato! We heard! How did it happen?!" Asuka ran in skirt billowing out behind her.

"How did you find out? Maya and I are the only ones who know!" Misato said.

"Well, Rei told us." Asuka said, a confused look on her face.

"Rei." Misato whispered to herself. She looked over and saw Shinji walk in with Rei. Misato's eyes narrowed. Her eyes glanced over Shinji's face, then to Rei's. Rei's shifty red eyes looked around nervously. Misato looked up at Rei's light blue hair, at the Hello Kitty headband and pink ribbon, and the one Hello Kitty Barrette pinning her hair to the side.

"No…" Misato whispered.

Duh, dah, DUH (dramatic music) To be Continued…