Author's Note: This may be slightly out-of-character for the characters mentioned, though I'm not too sure about Peter because I don't know him as well as Joker/Crane. The beginning or so of this story is basically set during the first Spider-man movie (with Toby Maguire), with a few changes of course, and is a MAJOR plot-spoiler (at least I think so) for anyone who has not seen the movie, and is my favorite part, so I demand that you go watch Spider-man if you haven't already seen it before reading this. Do it NOW. And if you don't, I'll tie you to a chair and threaten to kill you via Joker-smile-slashed-into-your-face-with-the-switchblade-that-I-don't-have while I force you to watch it. Hey, I could be making you watch worse things (see my other fanfics if your brain need be prompted for ideas) - so just watch it and then come back and read this. Please.

"Who am I? I'm Spider-man!"

Sorry, Petey - not yet.

But you will be.

Oh yes, you will be.

- - -

Peter Parker stood in a shadow-filled alleyway, the side of one tall building before him and another one behind, staring down in wonder at his hands. Microscopic barbed hairs protruded from his palms and the undersides of his fingers.

Peter looked up at the wall before him - and suddenly he knew the purpose of these new bodily parts.

Fingers splayed, he placed one hand on the side of the building, feeling the new hooks catch in the tiny crevices in the brick - and hold fast. He did the same with the other, securing it a little higher on the wall than its mate, and then moved the original hand farther up, above its counterpart, Parker's feet beginning to leave the pavement. . .

And so it went until Peter had scaled the building about halfway, whereupon he looked down in amazement at how far below him the alley floor was - then raised his pale blue gaze to the edge of the roof he had been approaching once more, his eyes shining with wonder.

"WOO-"

- - -

"-HOO!"

And then he was leaping through the broad expanse of clear air from rooftop to rooftop, exhilarating in the amazing sense of freedom that this new gift was already bringing him -

Until the roof of the next building proved too far below for him to safely land upon, and he had not yet seen the construction crane that would have soon aided him in learning how to project his spider webs - had two figures not stepped from behind a large stack of wooden crates and cardboard boxes that were behind and to the left of Parker on the rooftop, which itself was currently being used by its occupants as a kind of weather-permitting storage space.

One man in a coat of purple, the other a suit of black.

They come not from the front, but from the side. . .

Almost as if they were waiting for him - as if they already knew he would be there.

"Hello Peter," said a soft, almost doctorly voice behind him.

Parker turned - and began to shake at the sight of two terribly familiar criminals standing not five feet from him.

"I know you!" said Peter, voice so low that his new companions could barely hear him speak. "The crime in Gotham City's all that's been on the news lately - what are you doing here, in New York? And how do you know my name?"

The bespectacled Jonathan Crane smiled thinly. "I happened to be visiting the particular museum that your class went on its little field trip to the other day, and I watched as you were bitten by one member of the new genetically-engineered species of spider that the local scientists had been developing in their laboratories. My studies of the creatures, having been the result of an interest obtained through word from one of the mass-producers of my. . .medication, were the reason for my presence in the building - and so the fact that we happened to be in the same location on the same day is entirely coincidental. I heard that girl you were with call you by name -"

"-M.J.," Peter whispered.

" -and so far I have hypothesized correctly as to what the effects of the advanced creatures' bite on a human might be."

"And, and then he told me what he had, uh, discovered, and we, we thought that you might want to, uh, join us." The Joker's tongue ran over his lips reflexively, causing Peter to flinch away in revulsion and horror.

"Your emerging powers would be very beneficial to us." Seeing that Parker was doubtful, Jonathan added, "You will be very well-paid."

"With stolen money!" Peter retorted, circling away from the edge of the roof to a theoretically safer place near the middle - Joker and his companion turning with him, never letting him out of their sight.

Jonathan gave an impatient sigh - then smirked suddenly and removed his glasses.

"Peter, showing opposition to us, as you may have heard, is a very dangerous thing to do."

"I'll never join you!" Peter declared stubbornly.

"So be it," Crane murmured quietly - then lunged at Parker.

A cloud of white smoke burst in Peter's face. He reeled back, coughing - and then a hard swift kick knocked his feet out from under him (most likely the clown, judging by the force and the purple shoe) and he fell to the concrete.

Then came a soft giggle, not high-pitched and wild enough to have been made by the Joker but still frightening nonetheless.

"Do you like spiders, Peter?" a hoarse voice that was Crane's but not Crane's inquired pleasantly.

Parker looked up and yelped.

Countless large, black hairy specimens of the eight-legged creature were skittering out of the ragged eyeholes cut into the strange burlap sack Jonathan - now mentally the fearsome Scarecrow - had pulled down over his head, down over the "good" doctor's masked face and neck and suit jacket and hands, leaping off of his fingertips and landing on Parker's denim-encased legs. Peter screamed and writhed in earnest as the arachnids began swarming up toward his face -

But of course there was really nothing there.

Only a frightened teenage boy convulsing at the feet of two of the world's most psychotic criminals.

The nightmarish creatures were all in Peter's head, a figment of his imagination prompted by Crane's deadly toxin.

The doctor stepped aside as the clown whipped out his beloved switchblade and went in for the kill -

But then both men were hoisted off of their feet, one strong black-gloved fist clutching each of them by the backs of their shirt collars, both dangling in midair about six inches off the ground.

Joker and his partner looked at each other wordlessly in surprise.

"Leave the boy alone!" snarled the Batman.

Oh shit.

THE END

I'll admit, this wasn't as good as my other fanfics (which you should read if you want a more detailed description of Joker and Crane's physical appearances), and the dialogue provided by Peter and Batman was really cheesy, but I think I made up for it a tiny bit with the ending sentence. As to why Joker wasn't lying on the ground screaming his lungs out alongside Peter because of the toxin in the air, he is either not afraid of anything (the toxin doesn't work on him) or he's become immune to the "medication" through repeated exposure, I'm not sure yet. But Peter's fear fits, doesn't it? He's a "spider-man" and he's afraid of spiders, just like with Batman and bats. I know that's contrary to the movie, but it was a good plot add-in so I really don't much care.