How to Maintain: Your Death Note Character

Scenario I: First Day

Let's say you just got all of the Death Note characters via UPS. Remember the various safety tips before opening them!

You watch excitedly from the sides as the UPS men take turns dragging in big seven boxes. One of them rattled angrily and an angry voice called out, "Hurry! I'm claustrophobic!" Suspiciously, it smelled of chocolate.

Another voice piped up from the box next to it. It was a calmer one. "Mel, shut up. It only gets worse if you thrash around." Various beeping noises followed.

"Shut up!" The first voice shouted. The box was punched again.

You stared, a little puzzled, at the two boxes before turning your gaze to the one that was just dropped in. Several knives stuck out of it. "Excuse me," you say to one of the UPS men. "Is he okay in there?" You want to knock on the box, but you feared that you might cut your finger on the knives.

"Probably," the UPS men answered. He dropped off the last of the boxes, had you sign a paper, walked back to his truck, and rumbled away.

You closed your door and turned back to the seven boxes in the room. Inside, you're nearly bursting in excitement.

"Can you let me out, please?" A voice whined, sounding female. "Misa-Misa's hair has been damaged and she needs to fix it so she'll look perfect to Light!"

"Light is only keeping you because you have the Eyes," a monotonous voice said. "He does not have romantic feelings towards you."

"And, what?" Someone retorted, sounding like the previous voice except more scratchy. It came from the knife-box. "He has romantic feelings towards you?" It sounded angry.

"Beyond, let's not argue," the monotonous voice said at the same time someone else said, "What, jealous?"

"Damn it, Light! Stay out of this!" Beyond said angrily. Another knife was stuck through. "L doesn't deserve you."

"Yeah, Kira," a voice from the chocolate-smelling box supported. "You killed him in canon. You don't deserve him. Right, Matt?"

"Right, Mello," Matt replied. More beeping noises.

"Like you deserve Matt's feelings!" Light yelled. "You treat him like a dog! And I've seen those handcuffs and the whip!"

"Like you with Misa?" Mello retorted. "Anyway, how would you know?! You died in canon before we were introduced to the story!"

"I'm Kira!" Light shrieked. "THE GOD OF THE--"

"Please, everyone shut up, I'm trying to finish a puzzle here!" A new voice interrupted.

"Near?" L asked, sounding amused.

"You're working on a puzzle in a cramp space with barely enough light?" Beyond mused.

"Holy shit, Near said 'shut up,'" Mello said in amazement.

"Mello, shit cannot be holy," Near replied calmly, thus surprising everyone else more. "You do not see shit with halo and wings, do you? Well, unless the shit is dressing up for Halloween, which is pretty irrelevant anyway."

"Heh. Shit dressing up for Halloween," Matt said, chuckling.

It is normal for the characters to argue. Proceed to reading the manual first, then open them.

"Finally!" Misa said, stretching. "Well, I have to go fix my hair now." She disappeared around the corner and you wondered how she knew where the bathroom was.

Next came L. Having read the manual, you cautioned him to stay away as you moved to open Beyond's box. When you did, an L look-alike, crouched position and all, walked out. He paid no attention to anyone and carefully took out the protruding knives, setting them back in his knife-collection briefcase.

Light was next. He came out looking pretty spiffy. After adjusting his tie, and came to stand next to L. Beyond growled, resisting the urge to take out one of his knives.

Mello was after him. When you opened his box, he was sitting on the bottom in the midst of stabbing his Near voodoo doll. He glared up at you and your outstretched hand to help him up. Instead, he chose to indignantly climb out of his box and walked stiffly to Matt's box. As you worked on getting Near out, Mello opened Matt's box and let the gamer out. Hand in hand, they walked to stand next to Beyond. Mello nicely stuck out his middle finger up at Light.

Near, wearing his usual attire of white pajamas, came out with a finished puzzle.

"Wow!" You said to him, smiling at his finished project. "You're really talented!" You clapped him on the back, which unfortunately caused him to stumble forward and drop his puzzle. It fell to the floor, pieces flying everywhere.

Near looked sad.

Mello laughed.

"Do not worry, Near," L said. "We will work on it together."

"I'll come with you," Beyond and Light said at the same time. Both glared at each other for a while.

"Misa, too!" A voice piped up from the bathroom.

"Count me in," Mello said, seeing that his role model was going to be spending time with Near.

Matt frowned, putting away his game. Why didn't Mello want to hang out with him? Grudgingly, he said, "Might as well." Because, really, he'd come to Mello sooner or later, anyway.

You smiled as the group headed upstairs. They seemed to know where they where going. Oh, well. They were geniuses, after all.

Humming, you set about to cook dinner.

And, there you have it!
You have successfully received your Death Note characters and they have gotten fully situated. Up next, how will the puzzle-building go?

Reminder: the company is not responsible for any injuries, mentally and physically, deaths, or any other fatal event that may happen with your Death Note character. We will not accept returns or refunds.