He'd felt a burning in his chest from the moment he looked up to see who exactly Chuck had thought he'd drop everything for and realized it was her. Chuck had been right. She was the only person other than the Congressman, that he'd have stopped for. For a second, he'd been thrilled just to see her.
But then he'd remembered she was there to interview. He'd known it wouldn't end well because he knew he couldn't hire her. And for all her growth, the fact that she was there proved she hadn't learned everything yet.
Quite simply, it was too soon.
He'd started out with small talk. Asked about Will. Hoped she wouldn't do what he knew she had been about to do. He'd suggested that she go back to the White House. He knew there was a place for her there. Hell, they could use all the help they could get. She'd probably get a promotion out of it.
She'd started out with a compliment. It had seemed sincere. And for a moment he'd hoped she was just there to say hello. Maybe extend the olive branch towards putting their friendship back on track. But then she'd launched into her qualifications.
As if he didn't know.
He had tried to cut her off. He really had tried to stop it before he had to hurt her. He'd said her name gently, said he couldn't do this.
But she hadn't listened.
She had plunged on. Concluding by telling him that she was good at this and that she was as surprised as he was. But that's the thing. He wasn't surprised at all. He knew she'd be great at this. She always was a fast learner.
So he'd opened the file.
He'd read some of the most damning quotes. Not that they weren't good. They were brilliant. Just like she is. But they were arrows flung at his candidate, and if he hired her now they'd be twice as effective because they'd get brought up again. She had tried to volley back. Mentioning his own shots at her candidate. When he'd told her he won, it wasn't to boast.
But she still didn't get it.
"It was my job, Josh." The words still echo in his head. The way she'd said his name piercing his heart. But the rest of the things she'd said- about her being in authority and him being uncomfortable- that was so far off the mark that he couldn't help but get personal.
"If you think I don't miss you everyday."
His words echo in his head next to hers. The stricken look on her face as she had held up her hand to stop him from offering to help her find a different job. The way her voice had sounded like it was about to break when she had thanked him for his time.
He had let her leave the building .
By the time he'd followed her out of the office, she had been halfway across the bullpen. It had taken everything in him not to call across the room to her. To beg her not to leave. To beg her not to be mad at him.
He doesn't know if he can do this again.
So here he sits. Alone in his office. His head in his hands. Matt and Leo are done with their planning. They are packing up to leave. He's done all he can do for the day and he knows he should go home.
Once he watches them head out the door, he hefts his backpack onto his shoulder. And he walks home, questions still circulating in his head.
He can't give Donna what she wants and it kills him. She would be a fabulous deputy. They could be the team they should have been all along. But the Press would eat them alive. Leo is already a drag on the ticket. They can't afford another.
As he arrives at the townhouse, what finally occurs to him, is that he can't leave it like this. Not a second time. He's loved her for so long. He can't just let her walk away again without knowing it. He hits number 1 on his speed dial and hopes that she'll take his call. As he opens the door, he hears a phone ringing.
He's shocked to discover it's Donna's. She sitting on his couch. Staring at it.
"What are you doing here?" He asks in disbelief. Suddenly nervous about having this conversation in person.
She looks up at him. He can tell she's been crying. "I didn't have anywhere else to go." Her voice is small, uncertain. She hasn't sounded this way in a long time. "I subleased my apartment and as of today, I don't have a job. I'm sorry. I don't know what possessed me to come here. I screwed everything up. Again. I should go get a hotel." She stands up to leave.
He bounds over to her in three strides and wraps her in a hug. "I'm so glad you're here. I've missed you so much. We'll work something out. Please don't leave me again."
His voice is breaking. There's so much more he wants to say, but he can't get the words out.
He holds her tightly, determined not to let go and wondering how he can convince her to stay. Finally, after a few minutes, he realizes that she's holding on to him just as tightly.
And he suddenly has the courage to tell her the truth.
"I love you."
She pulls back and looks at him in disbelief. "What?"
He grins at her. "I love you. I've loved you for the last 3 years."
She shakes her head. And his face falls.
"I'm sorry if that was inappropriate. I'm so bad at this. I know I've made a total mess of everything. Again. And I'm sorry I can't hire you right now. But I couldn't let you leave me again without saying it. I love you. I need you to know that I love you. "
She stops shaking her head and a smile slowly blooms on her face.
"I love you too, you big jerk." She shakes her head again. "Three years?"
"Well, really more like 3 years, eight months, and two weeks."
She wrinkles her nose adorably and does the math.
"November 2002?"
"The day before Thanksgiving. I had an epiphany."
"You had an epiphany?" She repeats slowly. "Almost four years ago? Why didn't you ever say anything?" She looks incredulous. Like she really just doesn't believe it.
He's sort of surprised, and sort of not surprised at all. Even though sometimes he felt like he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, he didn't ever want to cross the line into unprofessional, and there just never seemed to be the right moment to take the chance of making a change.
"Well, this epiphany occured while I explained to Jack Reese why he should go out with you. And you were so happy when he asked you out that it didn't seem very gentlemanly to turn around and tell you that I'd discovered that I love you. Truthfully, I think I've loved you ever since I met you. I just didn't fully comprehend it until then."
"I've known that I love you since August 8, 2000."
They both know exactly what occurred on that date in Rosslyn, Virginia.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"I was young and trying to be professional. Having a huge crush on your boss is definitely NOT professional. And honestly, a lot of the time you were sending a "I like you like a little sister" kind of a vibe.
He chuckles a bit. "Yeah, some of that time I was trying to convince myself that's how I saw you. But TRUST ME, I didn't! I was constantly fighting against my attraction to you because even though I don't always do a good job of showing it, I was raised to be a gentleman. Dating my assistant just wasn't something I was supposed to want to do, no matter how I felt. And your parade of gomers pretty much convinced me that you didn't feel the same way."
She looks at him like he's an idiot, and it slowly dawns on him that he IS one. "The parade of gomers was just for show?" He says a bit dumbly, while she nods.
It suddenly hits him that maybe Cliff, and even Jack, were less serious than he thought. And he knows that Amy never meant as much to him as Donna always has. Apparently, they are both idiots.
But now he's no longer afraid of rejection. And there is something that he's wanted to do for a very long time.
He takes her face in his hands, and looks deep into her eyes, then places a very soft kiss on her lips. And then another, and then another.
And then she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him back like she's been waiting for this moment for all her life.