TBBT through a different lens….
This has been at the back of my mind for a while. "The Big Bang Theory" is internationally known, and a sub-theme is an Indian immigrant trying to make sense of the USA through American friends. "Goodness Gracious Me" is a British/Indian comedy sketch-show. Devotees will know it and I'm fairly sure it's been screened, in a limited sort of way, in the USA in its original form. Mainstream US television commissioned a remake but altered the local focus to America's most commonly known Asian immigrants: Korean, Vietnamese, Chinese and Japanese. I'm not sure how it went down or if it was widely seen in either form. Either way, the series focused on the trials and absurdities of being Asian in a foreign country with bizarre and outlandish customs. The issues of first-generation immigrants attempting to retain familiar customs in a strange land, whilst their British/American born children were trying to break free and be more British/American, and the cultural clashes this caused. The internal rifts between immigrant communities of differing religions/ethnicities/languages – largely the fact (Moslem) Pakistanis and (Hindu) Indians are divided by enmity, suspicion and a degree of hostility. American readers: think Koreans and Chinese, especially those old enough to recall Japanese bad behaviour in WW2, and who then tell their kids, on the basis of events seventy years ago, that the Japanese can never be trusted. Even when the kids have Japanese-American best friends. Or Laotians v Vietnamese. Add in casual and active racism and misunderstanding by the white hosts.
Role-reversal and inversion became a hallmark of GGM. For British readers – all I need say is four words. Going for An English.
For Americans and others – google the sketch. It is quite perfect. It takes a common situation – British people at the end of a drunken night out deciding to cap the night by going to an "Indian" restaurant, eating a curry, and being rude to the waiters. And reverses it.
This sketch is in the tradition of GGM inversion. It is set at the Calcutta Institute for Science and Technology. Caltech, for short. Three local Indian academics are meeting a fourth for the first time, a visiting research fellow from overseas…
"GOONESS GRACIOUS ME" OPENING CREDITS AND THEME MUSIC FADE OUT. CUT TO GRAPHICS OF A STYLISED BOHR-MODEL ATOM ROTATING ON THE SCREEN. THEN TO A TYPICAL INDIAN APARTMENT; WE SEE ORNAMENTAL CARVED SCREENS, CEILING FAN OPERATING, ET C.
HARESH WADIAWALA (a thin, short, sallow individual who is dressed like an imagined Bollywood screen idol. The effect is less than convincing and subtly wrong). Shaildar, the new guy's gonna be here soon. You know, the new astrophysicist. Whatever you do, don't scare him off!
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR (He is long and tall and supercilious. He is dressed in Western style. An over-tee is bright red and carries the eleven-petalled golden lotus of the comic superhero Shaktimaan1. (1)
( KULVINDER GHAL would be ideal in this role.)He snorts through his nose. Really, mister W. Even though astrophysics is yet another academic discipline ultimately subordinate to theoretical physics for its framework and justification, I see no reason to be uncivil. Intelligences that can even begin to comprehend my mind are regrettably sparse in this country as it is. So I have no objection to importing them.
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR (He is a small-built woebegone looking guy dressed in Indian street drab with khaki-green and bleached-out tones predominating. He wears Ghandi glasses and his hair is untidily swept back underneath a kufi-style hat. SANJEEV BHASKAR, perhaps, playing down his usual outgoing roles to look subtly defeated by life.) Yes. Nine hundred million people and you can't live with any of them.
HARESH WADIAWALA (snarkily) Or maybe nine hundred million other Indians can't live with you. We two of us barely manage it!
(There is a knock on the door.)
HARESH WADIAWALA (goes to answer it)He's here! (opens door)Hey, Ray-ER-mond-a! Old buddy! How are you, come on in!
(We see a smallish Western white man, lightly built, dressed in suit and tie against the sweltering Calcutta heat. Everyone looks at him and calls welcome.)
CUT TO MAIN SHOW CREDITS. THE MUSIC IS JUST BARELY RECOGNISABLE AS "THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING", BUT PLAYED ON TRADITIONAL SITAR AND TABLA-HEAVY INDIAN INSTRUMENTS, IN INDIAN ACCENTS, WITH SUBTLY DIFFERENT LYRICS. IMAGES FLASH BY: KHURMURAJAH THE WORLD TURTLE, THE TAJ MAHAL, THE GODDESS KALI, THE MOGHUL EMPIRE, THE BRITISH RAJ, GANDHI, INDIRA GHANDI, A NUCLEAR WEAPON GOING OFF (NOT NECESSARILY IN PAKISTAN) ET C.
The whole unformed void was in a cold dark state
And then Lord Brahma in his wisdom called upon all things to Be!
The Cosmic Egg did cool
And Kama made the first folk drool
Ikshvaku developed tools, He taught us all –
We built the Taj Mahal!
Maths, science, industry
We Indians were first to see -
And it all started with the Big Bang – BANG!
RETURN TO THE MAIN APARTMENT. RAYMOND COPPERDALE IS SHAKING HANDS WITH HIS THREE HOSTS. THEY ALL SEEM PLEASED TO MEET HIM.
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR: This "Ray-er-mond-er- Cupp-thra-dal-ey" is a bit of a mouthful. Mind if we just call you "Ray" to keep it simple?
HARESH WADIAWALA: Or "Raj". That's a good simple name, easy to pronounce.
RAY C: No, not at all. Be delighted.
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR: Come on, sit down. Make yourself comfortable. Tell us all about yourself. (He leads RAY to the main divan. He sits. There is an audible intake of air.)
RAY C: Anything wrong?
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR (disapproving). Doctor… (briefest hesitation) Copperdale. You're in my spot.
RAY C: (edging over) Oh. Sorry. Didn't realise. (Shaildar takes over the spot. Ray realises there is an atmosphere of quiet expectation from the guys. He clears his throat.) Anyway. I'm from Cambridge in England. My mother is a housewife, my father is a consultant gynaecologist at Addenbrookes…
HARESH WADIAWALA: (sleazily)Oh yes. Gynaecologist. Dream job.
RAY C: Indeed. That's how they met. She was one of his patients.
HARESH WADIAWALA: That's one hell of a first date.
RAY C (blinks uncertainly) I have a sister, Priscilla. She's a lawyer. Actually she's coming to India soon, to work. She wants me to tell her all about this place, where I go, who I meet.
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR: Be sure to introduce her to us, Ray…esh. Was Cambridge where you earned your PhD?
RAY C (uncertainly) It's where I earned all my degrees. Truth be told, I was living at home with Mum and Dad. This is my first chance to live away from home.
The three others nod sympathetically. Mutterings of "We've all been there" and "Almost Indian!" It is clear this is not unfamiliar.
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR: well, Ray….esh, I can see we have a lot in common there. (He extends a hand). On behalf of all of us, may I say "Welcome to the Calcutta Institute for Science and Technology? That's "Caltech", for short.
( Handshakes are extended. There is a knock on the door. Everybody picks up, expectantly.)
HARESH WADIAWALA: Hope that's our food!
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR (disapproving). I took the liberty, Doctor… (briefest hesitation) Copperdale, to order food that will make you feel at home. (HARESH is at the door dealing with a delivery person. Money changes hands and there is a folded-hands "Namaste!")
RAY C (picks up, expectantly) I say, that's very kind! Is it curry?
HARESH WADIAWALA: Oh, dear Krishna and all the Arianthas, no.
(He unpackages several boxes and cartons. The food consists of long packages wrapped in plain white paper. RAY sniffs the air. His face crinkles in polite disbelief.)
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR (triumphantly smug).As it's Anything Goes Friday, and we have a guest from Great Britain, I elected to honour your native cuisine by sending out for an English takeaway. Fried fish and chips!
RAY C looks stunned. The others tuck in.
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR: Shaildar, do you think we should have checked first, that the Christian religion has no food taboos and forbidden animal? Perhaps the type of fish….
RAY C: (quickly)No, nothing like that. I'm sure this is going to be delicious! (He makes a show of unwrapping his fish and chips. But with reluctance.)
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR: According to my research, Christianity is distressingly short of any forbidden animal whose flesh it is taboo to eat. Everything can go on a plate, seemingly.
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR and HARESH WADIAWALA look at each other in stunned disbelief.
HARESH WADIAWALA: There's no taboo animal? None at all? Every religion has to have its taboo animal!
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR : Yeah, like Moslems and pigs. Or us and sacred cows. What sort of cheap religion says its worshippers can eat anything they like?
RAY C: (diffidently) well, actually… (he is ignored)
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR: My researches informed me that many Christians have a rule that only fish is permissible on a Friday and today is Friday, so I took this into account. That's as near as it gets to a proper food taboo, most unfortunately.
RAY C: (diffidently) well, actually, in the Church of England… (he is ignored again)
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR: Even though the God Jesus, according to the holy writings of the Bible, seemingly manifests to believers in the form of a lamb, Christians still eat all forms of mutton produce. You would think their sacred animal, taboo to eat as food, would be the lamb, but no, it is freely eaten. (He shakes his head at the inconsistency.)
RAY C: (diffidently) well, errr, actually… (he is ignored yet again)
HARESH WADIAWALA: (scarfing down battered fried fish, slightly indistinctly) Makes sense. Moslems and the Jews can't eat pig. Hindus can't eat beef. That does not leave too many major food animals, and if pigs and cows are already taken, that only leaves sheep or goats for the Christians not to eat. They're missing a good taboo animal here!
THERE IS ANOTHER KNOCK AT THE DOOR. DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR GOES TO ANSWER.
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR: Oh, Hi, P….
A YOUNG(ISH) WOMAN BREEZES PAST HIM, SASHAYING HER HIPS, WITH A PASSING "Hi, priyatama!" SHE IS DRESSED IN A SARI COMBINATION OF BRIGHT CANARY YELLOW, ORANGE AND GREY. HER ATTITUDE BETRAYS SASS AND CONFIDENCE. THIS PART IS CUT OUT FOR NINA WADIA.
POONAMI: You guys would not believe the day I just had at the Ras Malai2 Sweet Emporium! Too many people hassling and demanding, as if I was some sort of waitress or something!
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR: Well, Poonami, I believe this might be because right now you actually are some sort of waitress or something…
POONAMI: Yeah, right, chandrakanti3. First chance I get I'm outta this sari…
HARESH WADIAWALA: And might I take this opportunity to say to the most ras malai thing in the Ras Malai Sweet Emporium, please don't let me stop you, Poontang.
POONAMI: (getting irate) how many times have I got to tell you, Haresh, my name isn't "Poontang", it's Poonami? (changes track) Hey, is that English? How bland does it go? I've had it up to here with curries! And are those mushty peas? Superbland!
DR. LOKPRADEEP L. HUQSIDTAR: (smugly) The blandest. Fried fish and potato fries. Not even pakora(4)4 batter. Just plain egg and flour. Hey, we got enough for you too.
POONAMI: Thanks, madhu! (She turns to the food and then her attraction is distracted). Well, hello! Where did you spring from?
SHE MOVES OVER AND STROKES RAY C'S FACE MEANINGFULLY. HE IS HORRIFIED TO REALISE SHE HAS SHOCKED HIM SPEECHLESS. HE MAKES A MUTE APPEAL TO THE GUYS.
HARESH WADIAWALA: I can fix that, Ray…esh. Just give me a moment. (He moves to the kitchen area and pours a drink. He returns with it and gives it to Ray.) Mango Lassi. Just what the doctor ordered for selective mutism! (RAY takes a sip. He relaxes).
RAY C: Ah, that's better. You're Poonami? Hi, I'm Ray. From England.
POONAMI: Like the food, huh? Hi. I'm an actress.
THE GUYS SUPRESS SNIGGERS. SHE ROUNDS ON THEM FURIOUSLY.
POONAMI: OK, so my last break was a lousy bit part in a Bollywood movie! Only forty-five minutes speaking parts, how the hell is a girl supposed to do anything with forty-five lousy minutes of a big movie? I'm only waitressing because a girl's gotta earn a living and pay her way, right?
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR: (bites back nasal snorting laugh) Pay your way. Yes. Coming over to our ghar5 every night and eating our food. They say Calcutta is the city of beggars… (She looks at him furiously) besides, you're on the wrong side of the sub-continent for Bollywood. That's in Mumbai. Here in Calcutta, it's Tollywood, after the film studios at Tollygunge..(6)
POONAMI: Hey, so I got the wrong directions when I moved here…
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR (disapproving). I must warn you, Doctor… (briefest hesitation) Copperdale. She may seem a little bit strange to you but this may be explained by her being from Assam.
HARESH WADIAWALA: Assam is all tea plantations and it's flat. Nothing to do except grow tea by day, then go out at night tipping sacred cows after a night on the lassi. (POONAMI nods ruefully)
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR (disapproving). And I advise you, Doctor. Poonami has congressed quite a few men in her time. Her life revolves around waitressing, congressing random men, and eating our food.
POONAMI: (snarky) Yeah, chandrakanti. And remind me how far you've got to congressing Amisha Farrouch-Falah, in all the years you've known her.
HARESH WADIAWALA: (to Ray)Shaildar's girlfriend, You'll get to meet her.
RAY C (working it out) Congressing? As in the Kama Sutra? (He looks hopefully at POONAMI. She pretends not to notice but looks pleased.)
HARESH WADIAWALA: Yup. All the positions.
DR. SHAILDAR L. KUPAR: (with pride) Ah, the Kama Sutra. The very first graphic novel. Indian!
We leave the gang eating their English. There may be other show-within-a-show segments of The Indian Big Bang Theorywithin the framework of Goodness Gracious Me. I have ideas concerning Indian superhero comics – they exist, I have researched them and they are truly extraordinarily dire. Amisha Farrouch-Falah will walk in. as will a small-built woman whose name may be Barghaslakshsmi or Bharmini. Shaildar's mother Maya Kupar will be an old-time fundamentalist Hindu who is deeply distressed at her son's professed atheism. Shaildar and Indian trains. "Congressing" for "coitussing" – a gift. Tune in for more….
(1) Really exists. India has its own comic-book industry. Shaktimaan is a typical superhero of Indian comics. There is also Nagraj, who can "kill tens of elephants with his teeth" and bite back against venomous serpents, although any incarnation of Sheldon Cooper might find this distasteful and insanitary. Batman, Robin, WonderWoman and Superman pop in from the DC comics verse – in a strictly non-authorised pirated way and their portrayals are amazingly different.
(2) Ras Malai is an Indian dessert made with cream, cheese and sweet pastry. It is also a familiar term for "sweetheart" or just "very pretty girl".
(3) Chandrakanti: "moonbeam", as near as I could get to "moonpie".
(4) Pakora batter is spiced with curry spices and adds a new dimension to fish and chicken. Call it Kalkutta Fried Chicken – delicious but spicy.
(5) "Ghar" – home, flat, apartment
(6) wikipedia" In 1932, the name "Tollywood" was coined for the Bengali film industry due to the studios at Tollygunge rhyming with "Hollywood" and because it was the centre of the Indian film industry at the time." – Calcutta has its local "Bollywood" too
Notes:
Names: Raymond Copperdale (Raj)
Padma/Pinakini/Pinga/Pinghla/Poonam/Poonami (Penny) – names riff on fullness and fertility, ie "full moon" Note scope for "poontang" jokes from "Howard"
Ami/Amishi/Amidi/Amisha (Amy) – name variant on "beautiful girl"
Barghaslakshsmi – (Bernadette) - "most beautiful and even-tempered, placid".
Bharmini – "a beautiful, short-tempered lady"
Bharnumati "Most beautiful flowing Ganges river" – also Goddess of speech (and high-pitched voices?)
Hari, Haresh "praise to Krishna" – Howard
Loknaath "Lord of all Worlds", king – Leonard
Lokpradeep – servant of the Buddha. Leonard
Shaildar, Shelendra "one who commands mountains" – Sheldon
Full Names:
Shaildar Kupar (Sheldon Cooper)
Raymond Copperdale (Raj Kooprathali)
Haresh Wadiawala (Howard Wolowitz)
Lokpradeep H (Leonard Hofstadter) HUQSICDAR
Barghaslakshsmi R (Bernadette Rostenkowski)
Amisha F-F (Amy Farrah-Fowler) FARROUCH-FALAH
Maya Kupar (Mary Cooper)
Poontami (Penny)
Notes: wikipedia" In 1932, the name "Tollywood" was coined for the Bengali film industry due to Tollygunge rhyming with "Hollywood" and because it was the center of the Indian film industry at the time." – Calcutta has its local "Bollywood" too
Orissa: an eastern Indian state, underdeveloped, undereducated and remote, where Hindu fundamentalists are in the majority and pursue a hardline form of religion. A "Texas" for Shaildar Kupar and his mother to come from!
Ras Malai – popular Indian dessert consisting of a sweet cheese pastry served in cream sauce. By extension, a slang term for a pretty girl.