The first flowers arrived on her first full night in rehab. They were Gerbera daisies, pink, blue, and orange. They were totally the opposite of what Steven would have gotten her, so he was out. But with no card, no note, no explanation, she had no idea who had sent them to her. So Erin concluded they had come from someone on staff as an effort to brighten up the gloom of the room.
Feeling more at peace with her situation, knowing someone cared, she slept well that night. It was the first time she had done so in six months. And that's what had made her second day in rehab a complete and utter disaster. At noon, a messenger had delivered divorce papers to her. Just like that, another of her dreams vanished in a puff of smoke. Refusing to give in to the tears, she made her way back to her room, only to see one of the volunteers drop off another bouquet of flowers.
Erin slammed the door in the girl's face and turned to look at the flowers. It was an entire bouquet of white carnations and she huffed angrily. She hated the death flowers with a passion and she looked for a card, wanting to know who had the temerity to send her the dreadful blooms. Finding none, she pushed them away and collapsed on her bed, sobs wracking her body.
When she'd regained her composure, she signed the papers that would dissolve her marriage to Steven. Setting the envelope next to the carnations, she went back to bed, falling asleep quickly. Her brain barely registered the knocking on her door hours later. "Go away," she moaned.
"It's time for group therapy, Erin."
"Fuck group therapy and leave me the fuck alone," she growled. "I am in no mood for that insipid bullshit today."
The door opened and her therapist stepped in. "One of the ways you'll move forward is by talking things out. What happened this afternoon?"
The woman took a seat on the edge of her bed and looked at her. "Steven sent divorce papers by. They're on the table next to the carnations. Please put the envelope in the mail." She turned on her side to face the wall, hugging herself tightly.
"And do you want a drink?"
"God, no! I want to punch him right in the jaw, the bastard." She rolled her eyes. Really, wanting to drink away the way her spineless bastard of a soon to be ex-husband had dumped her? No, that was not worth getting drunk.
"That's progress at least. So, do you want to come along now?"
"No. I want to be left alone." She heard the other woman sigh and felt her rub her shoulder tenderly. "Please?" She hated the way her voice shook, but that was the way it had to be.
"All right, but you can't get out of tomorrow's session."
"Fine."
The days blurred together as Erin picked up the shattered pieces of her life. The only bright spot to her days was the constant bouquets of flowers. There was always something unique, though no more carnations, for which she was glad. And then, she'd been there ninety days and was 'graduating'.
"Are you ready to go?"
Erin looked up to see Agent Morgan standing there, smiling cockily. "What are you doing here?" she spat out, glaring slightly.
"You need someone to run you home. I brought you here; I might as well be the one to bring you back." The smile never wavered and she sighed. "Are you all packed?"
"Yes. I just have to figure out what I'm doing with all my flowers." The smile faltered for a moment and she raised an eyebrow. "It seems I picked up a secret admirer while I was in here. I received fresh flowers every day. Well, come along." She led him down the hall to her room and he picked up her bag.
"I suppose those will fit in the back of my truck." She looked up to see an honest admiration in his eyes, quickly covered by his usual cool look he wore whenever he looked at her. For a moment it had almost seemed as if he were glad she had kept the flowers, but that didn't make sense. "So, what are you planning to do, now that you're free?"
He was trying to make small talk with her, she realized, and it felt odd. "I haven't decided yet." She picked up a box of flower vases and motioned towards the door with her head.
"Well, you are coming back, aren't you? I'm getting tired of doing Hothc's paperwork so he can do your paperwork. Even then, I know Rossi is doing half of it as well. No wonder you took to drinking."
It hurt to hear him speak so glibly of her demon and she stiffened slightly before finagling another box into her arms. "There was more to it than that, Agent Morgan. I'll meet you outside." Stalking off, she tried to keep from crying, biting her cheek hard as she set the boxes in the back of the truck. Bowing her head, she struggled to keep control and she felt his hand on her back.
"There are probably two more trips for me to make. If you want to get caught up on your email, my iPad is in my satchel underneath the passenger seat." She nodded, not looking up at him. Once she'd heard him leave, she went to the passenger side and climbed in. Tugging out the satchel, she grabbed out the iPad and quickly called Safari up and logged into her personal email account. Scrolling through the messages of her past three months' exile, she found nothing from her children.
One of those damnable tears escaped from her eye and she swiped at it angrily. No one would take her seriously if she kept weeping at the drop of a hat. The driver door opened and she couldn't stop herself from looking up into Agent Morgan's eyes. "I would like to go home now."
"All right. I had Penelope look up your address for me before I came. She knows enough to keep certain things quiet." Erin nodded, and he started the truck up. Before backing out of his spot, he reached over and covered her hand with his own.
"Agent Morgan?"
"You're not alone, Erin." She felt her lips quiver and he smiled at her gently. The look was so disarming, since she was accustomed to his frowns and glowers, and she found herself smiling back. "I like your true smile, by the way."
"That's a little inappropriate, Agent Morgan."
"Derek, we're not at work. And you need to hear the truth spoken more often. That's something I learned from Reid, when he was going through his troubles."
She nodded sharply and began to stare out the window as the scenery passed in green and brown and grey blurs. By the time they got to her house, she could feel a knot of dread form in her stomach. "The flowers are coming up already."
"The winter was really mild this year. Do you take care of them yourself?"
"Yes. I love being in the garden. It soothes me. But where..? Derek, do you know where the cherry tree is?" Erin felt the knot in her stomach ice over, her very veins screaming from the cold inside her.
"I don't know." They got out of the truck and she walked over to the mound of dirt that marked the spot where the tree had once stood. "Why does a tree mean so much to you, Erin?"
"We planted it when I lost Sarah," she managed to gasp out before pressing her hand tightly to her mouth, trying desperately not to sob at its absence. Derek's hand came to rest on her shoulder and she turned into him, unable to look at the spot any longer. "Take me inside, Derek."
He led her in, using the keys from her purse to open the door. Though she should have expected it, the silence cut her to the bone. As she looked around the foyer, she noticed the little things that were missing. The pictures of the family. His journalism awards. The kids' various sports trophies. And she broke down into sobs, heedless of Derek still being there. His arms closed around her and she nuzzled her face into his shirt as he rubbed her back. "Erin."
"This is humiliating, you know. Crying in front of you so much. You'll never take me seriously now."
He kissed her forehead and she froze, waiting for his next move. "I'll take you seriously because you showed your softer side to me. I sent you the flowers so that you would have something beautiful in that dismal place Hotch picked for you."
"Thank you," she whispered, pulling back to look into his eyes. Reaching up, she cupped his face, running her thumb over his cheekbone. "Thank you." Somehow, Erin knew he was going to kiss her, and she let her eyes flutter closed, drawing in a breath of anticipation. The kiss was tender and sweet, something she hadn't experienced in over a year. But she knew this couldn't happen. "We should bring the flowers in, Derek, before they wilt."
"Yes, Erin." They went back out and she brought the first box in, arranging the vases to fill the empty pots on the shelves and table. She moved on to the living room, filling it with Derek's generosity. "There's just this box left, Erin."
"My box of favorites. Follow me, I'll put them in my bedroom." She took her go bag from his hand and led the way upstairs. The closet door stood open, his clothes gone. Turning, she dropped the bag and picked up the vase of Gerbera daisies and set it on her bedside table. "Set the others on the windowsill," she said softly. He nodded and did as asked as she sat on the bed. She pulled her legs up to her chest, watching him.
Derek turned to look at her, smiling. "You're lovely." She shook her head. "You are." He sat next to her and she found it oh so easy to lean against him, to let him rub her back, to lift her head for another kiss. Easy to let him push her back onto the mattress. "Here, we're just Erin and Derek, okay?"
"Yes." She felt him fumble with the buttons on her blouse and she arched up into his hands. She shrugged out of the blouse as he tugged his t-shirt over his head. He was gorgeous and she reached up to caress his chest.
"So soft," he murmured as he cupped her breasts, massaging them through the cups of her bra. "So lovely." He kissed her deeply and she felt him fumble with the clasp on her bra and tug it off. Before she could think, he blazed a path of fire down her neck. Every nerve seemed to sing as he kissed his way to her chest.
"Derek," she whimpered as he nuzzled his face between her breasts. The hairs of his goatee were rough against her skin, but it made her feel alive. Her fingers skimmed over his head, missing having hair to tug on, thread her fingers through.
He placed feather light kisses on her nipples and then looked up at her. "What do you like? Is there something that pleases you the most?"
Derek would have to ask those questions, he would have to be so considerate. How could she tell him that this was more foreplay than she'd gotten in twenty five years of marriage? How could she tell him something she couldn't put into words? Sure, she'd watched a little porn with her husband to try and get in the mood, but it always seemed so clinical, so boring, and it had turned her off more than anything. "I like kissing," she finally said.
"That's always a good place to start." He dragged his lips back up the column of her neck before capturing her lips in a heated kiss.
When they'd broken the kiss, she smiled up at him. "And I've always wanted to take a bath with my lover." She was afraid he'd think her idea silly, and she looked away from him.
"Where's the master bath?"
Four words were all it took to make her heart sing. "Through the door next to the closet." She went to get up with him when Derek reached down and lifted her into his arms. "We're not in a romance novel, Derek."
"No, but I want you to feel some romance. Somehow, I have the feeling you haven't had very much of that in your life." He kissed her again as he toed open the door. Erin slid her body down his as he set her down, feeling her nipples stiffen with the motion.
"Would you prefer lavender or sandalwood?" she asked as she unzipped her skirt, letting it fall to the floor.
"Sandalwood," he said as he grabbed her hips. The thin silk of her boyshorts did little to keep out the heat radiating from his hands and she moaned as he pulled her back against him firmly. "I love it when you smell of sandalwood." He dropped a kiss to the crook of her neck and she reached behind her to close her arms around his neck as he licked and sucked at the tendon.
As they let go of each other, he tugged at her panties, skimming them down her legs. Erin stepped out of them and began to fill the tub, adding the sandalwood oil. Stepping into the tub, she turned in time to see him doff his boxers. He was huge, and she felt herself panic a little, suddenly wondering what had come over her. There was no turning back at this point, however, and she wanted a happy experience to wash away the dreck of the day. "How, how hot do you like the water?"
"As hot as you can stand it." Even the way he drawled the words was sexy and she felt desire pool in her stomach, easing the panic. Nodding, she turned the warm water up and held out her hand to him. Derek took hold of it as he climbed in and settled behind her against the wall. Tugging on her hips gently, he got her to sit down, pulling her back against him.
Erin could feel his erection against her flesh and she shuddered. "I did that to you?" she whispered as she turned the water off.
"You have no idea, do you? You're beautiful, Erin. And you want to spend time with me." He dipped his hands under the water and brought them up to tease her breasts. "So responsive to my touches," he said lowly as he squeezed and massaged her firm flesh. "I never really looked at you until that night, you know."
"It's easy to let character become caricature," she replied, covering his hands with her own. "One day, you wake up and it's who you are, no going back. A little harder, please?"
He obliged her, lightly pinching her nipples. The water made her feel like she was floating and she relaxed against him, letting him take the lead. Her head fell back against his shoulder and he dropped a kiss on her forehead. Her breathing picked up as he let one hand trip down her body and tease her most secret spot. Derek slipped a finger between her folds and quickly found her clitoris. "Does that feel good, Erin?"
"Yes." She bit her lip and spread her legs a little to give him better access. His touches made her feel so wanton and he seemed to know this as he slowly teased her. She could feel a tight, heady, wave building up, but she had no experience with the sweet pleasure he was driving her towards. "Derek…"
"You've never had an orgasm." She shook her head. "I'm sorry."
"Why?"
"A good lover always makes certain his goddess reaches her fullest pleasure. I guess, in a way, I'll be your first." His hand curled possessively around her breast. "Let me give you this."
"Yes, Derek." His hands slid down her legs, massaging her calves before moving up her body, caressing, soothing, loving, her. "More?"
"Not in the bath, Erin. That's not good for us." He reached around her to open the drain, letting the water flow out. He stood and helped her up. Climbing out of the tub, Derek grabbed a fluffy towel and wrapped it around her body before drying himself off with another. When he'd finished, he patted her dry and the led her out to the bed.
"Kiss me?" she asked as she stretched out on the bed, thoroughly conscious of her nudity.
"Certainly, Erin." Bending over her, he gently kissed her lips. She guided his hand down to her breast and he thumbed her nipples gently. The soft touches were enough to make her wild and she rolled her hips up, pressing her mound against his erection.
"That feels so good, Derek," she whispered and he smiled at her before kissing her once more. As he did so, he skimmed his other hand down her body to tease her more. It was so wonderful and she gasped a little, letting his tongue slip in her mouth. Eagerly, she dueled with his tongue and she opened her legs more, feeling him settle between them. "Now?"
"Now." Slowly, Derek entered her and she shifted her hips to try and accommodate him. "Does this feel okay? Am I hurting you?"
"If you go slowly, I think it will be fine," she panted out. Tentatively, she began to move her hips, knowing her husband had enjoyed it when she did that. The movement drew him in deeper, filling her more completely. "I've died and gone to Heaven," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck. Derek set a gentle, rocking, pace and her pleasure continued to build to a white hot haze until finally she felt every muscle in her body tighten. "Derek!" she cried, blindly seeking his lips.
He kissed her deeply as she came down from the high and then he rolled them over so that she was on her side. Pulling back a little, Erin struggled to catch her breath. He was still in her and she loved that feeling. "That was amazing," he said, kissing her forehead.
"It was, you were. Stay for supper."
"If you're making it, sure. And perhaps another round?"
"Perhaps," she replied, knowing that there would be a round two. For today only, he was just Derek and she was just Erin, two souls finding and giving pleasure to each other, and she was more than content with playing this game when it made her so fulfilled.