Peter Parker sometimes thought he should make a complaint about Hammer Tech security. It was too easy to sneak around. He had scoped out the full security set up his first week of working here, and nothing had changed since.
'Good thing I don't care about corporate espionage. The higher ups may have cleared the building, again, I am not letting another experiment go to waste. Why the hell did I take this job anyway? Oh yeah, it was the only one with a moderately good salary. Even if the company is owned by an ignoramus, and the boyfriend refuses to even think of using Hammer Tech.'
He paused when he heard a small groan from a nearby office. "Hello?" he called out softly.
Trying the door and finding it locked, he shrugged. Using more force, he broke the doorjamb and opened the door. Going around the desk, he looked down at the semi-conscious figure there with duct tape holding his wrists. "Huh, Tony Stark."
"I'm positive that you're not supposed to be here," Tony heard as he woke up. Blinking his eyes open, he stared up at the young man peering down at him.
Leaning down, the brunette effortlessly helped Tony stand up as he continued. "It's a good thing I ignored the security memo because I refused to let my experiment be ruined... Again. And, it's still going to be ruined." Blinking, the man muttered a small curse. "I didn't check for brain or spine damage. Oops."
"I'm fine," Tony replied, his words slightly slurred. "I was drugged."
"And, looks like you're still coming off it," the man said with a sigh. Pulling a pocket knife out of one of his lab coat pockets, he quickly cut the duct tape around Tony's wrists. "I'm Peter Parker."
"Tony Stark," Tony replied.
"Obviously," Peter said with a 'd'uh' look. "It's kind of hard not to know who you are. Now, we need to keep moving before security shows up."
Tony staggered a few steps. "I need to get out of here."
"Again, obviously," Peter replied. "We need to get to my locker."
"You have a weapon or something?" Tony asked, using a wall to hold himself up.
"Or something," Peter stated as he led Tony down a dimly lit hallway. After cocking his head for a moment, he quickly pushed Tony into a darkened office and pulled the door almost closed.
A few moments later, Peter muttered, "Coast is clear, but I think they're about to find you gone."
Then, the alarm went off.
"Yep," Peter continued. "Now, we run!"
A few halls blurred by before they skidded to a halt. "Here we are," Peter stated as he pulled the door open. "And, I must say, security here sucks even more than I thought since we got here without seeing a single guard, even with the alert." Shutting the door behind the two of them a few moments later, he strode across the employee locker room and opened his locker. Pulling out a small, zipped bag with a thin strap, he pressed his left thumb into the overly large zipper pull. After hearing the light 'click', he pulled open the zipper. Reaching in, he pulled out a cell phone.
"A phone? We went deeper into Hammer territory for a phone?!"
Ignoring the billionaire, Peter pressed the auto-dial and put the phone to his ear. A few moments later, he started talking. "Hey babe! Yeah, I'm going to be late tonight. You were right. My boss is the ultimate idiot. He had Tony Stark kidnapped. Yes, I do have to help him get out of here. It doesn't matter what that douchebag of a interviewer said when I applied at SI. Just wanted you to know that I was going to be late. No, Wade, I don't need help. I'm sure there's going to be a few hours of questions when we get out of here, and I just didn't want you to worry. Love you, bye!"
Turning the phone off, he turned back to Tony. "Now, we can get out of here. Have a plan? Or shall we wing it?"
"You had us go away from the exits to reassure your boyfriend?!"
"We really don't want Wade here. He'll make the situation a hundred times worse. It's better to let him know now so he doesn't show up."
Tony just blinked in disbelief.
"Did I break you?" Peter asked, cocking his head. "Wow, I broke the great Tony Stark! Score!"
"Give me your phone," Tony insisted, holding his hand out.
Peter shrugged and handed the phone over.
Tony typed a number in from memory and waiting for the three tones that signified that the call had connected. "JARVIS, it's me. Codeword Snicker Snack Ninety Nine. Tell whoever is around that I've been kidnapped by Justin Hammer and am currently at..." He paused to get the address from Peter. After repeating the address into the phone, he hung up and handed it back to its owner.
Peter put his phone into a pocket, zipped his bag shut, and stuck the strap over his shoulder.
"And, what do you do for a living?" Tony asked.
Peter blinked. "What, conversation to pass the time?"
"Why not," Tony shrugged.
"I'm a bio-chemist," Peter replied, smoothing down his lab coat.
"So, you obviously have a brain," Tony said, "Why work for Hammer Tech?"
Peter glared. "It was the best job I could get. I wanted SI, but Stark Industries declined my application because I didn't go to a good enough school. Supposedly, anything but an ivy league school need not apply."
"I'll have to look into that," Tony muttered to himself.
"You do that," Peter replied. "So, now what?"
Tony didn't get to answer as Peter's phone started to softly talking in Yoda's voice about answering the phone is his destiny. Peter quickly answered the phone before handing it to Tony. "It's for you."
"This is Tony."
'Tony, it's Coulson. Are you secure for the next ten minutes?'
Tony turned to Peter. "Is this a good place to wait for ten minutes?"
Turning to the door with a shrug, Peter turned the lock shut, then started to push the set of lockers beside the door in front of the closed door. "It is now. Probably..."
"We're secure," Tony replied into the phone.
'Barton will be there in ten,' Coulson replied before hanging up.
Tony handed the phone back to Peter just as the phone started to vibrate. "Hey babe," Peter replied. "No, there wasn't a vibration in my pocket, and yes I'm happy to hear from you. We've got SHIELD and/or Avengers coming to rescue us, so no need to come down here. Yes, I'm sure. I'm very sure. Sure enough that you need to go buy tacos for dinner. Bye."
Tony just stared for a few moments before stating, "You're insane. And, so is your boyfriend."
Peter just grinned in reply. A few minutes later, the phone started calling out in Yoda's voice again. After answering it, he handed the phone to Tony. "You, again."
"Yeah?" Tony asked.
'So, I'm on my way,' Clint Barton replied. He paused and Tony could hear the thump of a body hitting the floor. 'Is there a reason Deadpool is a few buildings down, pacing and ranting to himself?'
"Deadpool? Why the hell would he be here?" Tony asked, surprised.
"What?" Peter asked, his eyes wide. Shaking his head and sighing, he made 'grabby' motions. "Give me my phone."
Tony's retort was interrupted by Barton stating he was outside their location. "Our back-up's here, open the door."
"Then, give me my phone," Peter replied as he pushed the lockers out of the way of the door and unlocked it.
He tossed the phone back to Peter as the door slowly opened. Both he and Peter stood quietly while the doorway slowly showed an arrow, followed by a bow, then followed by Barton.
"We ready to go, ladies?" Barton asked with a smile.
"Yeah, sure," Tony replied. "Hawkeye, Parker. Parker, Hawkeye."
"Hey," Peter said with a distracted wave as he was re-dialing his phone and putting it to his ear. A few moments passed before the call connected. "So, why aren't you buying tacos? Uh huh... Last I heard, your favorite taco stand isn't on the roof of buildings, but at street level. I have my ways. Okay, fine. You were spotted by SHIELD. Told you it was fine."
Barton and Tony shared a look. "Who is he talking to?" Barton asked.
"His boyfriend apparently," Tony replied as he experimentally pushed at the lockers that Peter had twice moved easily. "Who is also... Deadpool?"
"Really," Barton said with raised eyebrows.
Smiling softly and shaking his head, Peter put his phone away. "Shall we get out of here? I'm going to leave my letter of resignation on the way out."
"You're dating Deadpool," Barton stated.
"Not that it matters, but yes," Peter replied, trying to get the other two to start moving why making 'shooing' motions. "Can we get out of here now?"
"You know he's dangerous, right?" Tony added.
Peter sighed. "Later, alright?"
Barton shrugged and lead the two the way he came. After a few twists and turns, they were at the front lobby. Where a robot the size of the Hulk waited.
"I did not need this today," Peter groaned as he again pulled his phone out.
"Okay, it may be Hammer Tech, but it's probably heavily armored, and I didn't bring any high explosive arrows," Barton pointed out from the corner the three were hidden behind. "Luckily, it hasn't seen us yet. Maybe we should go in another direction?"
"We can do that," Peter said before turning to his phone. "Yes, I'm sure it's a giant robot. It's at least Hulk sized. You only want bigger than the Hulk? Then, you'll have to wait for another day. And, stalk Hammer yourself. I'm quitting. I thought so." Hanging up his phone, he gave a wide grin to the other two. "The boyfriend will be right here."
"Why did you call Deadpool? We can get out another way and bypass the robot," Barton pointed out.
"I promised him that if I ever came across a giant robot, I'd let him play. He has a thing for robots," Peter replied with a shrug, wide grin still on his face.
"Darling, I'm here!" A voice called out from the front doors. "And, I must say, the security on those doors is pathetic. The building is supposed to be in lockdown. Where are the bulletproof shields, the magnetic locks, the automatic turrets? Oh, hello robot guy! Can we play?"
Notes:
Oh, Justin Hammer How inept can you be?
The random caller ringtone for Peter s phone is my ringtone. It s Yoda saying Your phone is ringing. Answer it you must, it is your destiny!
Deadpool's ringtone was going to be Tukan Tukan Tun by Daler Mehndi. But, I just couldn't get it to work in writing, which is why it became a dull vibration in the pocket...