Sigh, a death note fanfic

A/N: This is my very first songfic. I finished it at like 2 in the morning, so sorry if the ending isn't that great at all, or if it stops making much sense. Anyways, the song I used was "Almost Lovers" by A Fine Frenzy. Ooh and it's a Mello x Matt fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note nor the song used in this fic.

Well, I hope you enjoyed it, since I'm rather proud of the fic, and reviews are loved and wanted.

It's been a year now since Kira was captured and killed. A year since Matt and I almost lost our lives to help catch Kira. A year since... Matt left.

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

I'm not even sure why he left me. We didn't fight. We were getting along just fine. We had just moved into a new big apartment in the heart of Tokyo, since he said that he wanted to stay in Japan, because of advantage in technology they had over America. We had enough money to afford the apartment, all of Wammy's kid got an inheritance from L. Matt and I got more than the lower kids, and of course, over half of L's wealth went to Near.

I remember when we first moved into the apartment. I laid back on the couch and closed my eyes as the memories of that day came rushing back to me.

"Mel, can I open my eyes yet?" We were laughing and excited. I had decorated the apartment while Matt was away, it was a sort of early birthday present for him, since I bought him new game systems and games.

"Almost there." I walked him into a room dedicated only to his video games. "Ok, you can open your eyes now, Mattie."

His eyes went wide when he saw all the electronics surrounding the room. There were computers, game systems, and countless games.

"Ooh wow, Mel, this is amazing." He turned and hugged me tightly.

"Happy 19th birthday, Mattie." I was gleaming at him. I felt so proud that I was able to make him so happy. It was like a bit of a pay back, for him risking his life, to help me with the Kira case, and well... because I loved him.

He draped his arms around my neck and started kissing me. We were making out and before I knew it, we were on the floor, a bit sweaty and our breathing strained.

"You're so amazing Mello." He smiled at me.

"I do it because I love you."

"You're such a softy, you know that right?"

"I guess, I don't really have much to worry about anymore. Knowing that Near couldn't catch Kira without my help, makes me ok with him being the new L."

"I'm so glad to hear that. I like you as Mello, anyways, not as L."

He laid in my arms, his head resting on my chest as I absentmindedly ran my fingers through his hair.

"Mattie?"

"Hmm...?"

"What would you have done... if Kira killed me?"

"I don't know. I never really thought about it." He paused for a moment to ponder the question, "I think I would have joined up with Near, to make sure that Kira was captured."

"That's good."

We laid there silently as Matt began to hum gently to us.

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick.

The clock bell chimed, it was 2 am and I was snapped but to the present. Bell... Matt loved the sound of the bells from the clock, that's why I got it for him. He left it here. I sat up and grabbed my chocolate bar, taking a small bite out of it. For some reason, without Matt around, I just didn't have much of an appetite for chocolate anymore. I just seem to spend most of my time sighing. Why didn't I stop him? Why didn't I go after him? Why didn't I hold him and begged him to stay?

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me.

I waited for you. At first I didn't worry at all. It was normal for one of us to disappear for up to a week, so I didn't think anything of it. The week went by without even a single call. I started to worry, maybe someone from the mafia got to him, because he is close to me. No, that was ridiculous, everyone from my mafia was dead, I was dead to the mafia world. Matt... he was gone. Why?

6 months went by and it was obvious that Matt wasn't coming back. I was a reck. I spent all my time at home, sitting in his game room, staring blankly at the ceiling, waiting, just waiting for a call, a knock, something, but none of it ever came. What have I done wrong? Didn't I give him everything that he wanted? Didn't I give him all of my love? I couldn't stop thinking about him, I wasn't even eating chocolate at that time. I just wanted him back, but somehow, I had to... had to let him go.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do.

I got up and went into the bedroom. I laid on the king size bed. Matt used to sleep here with me every night, even though he had his own bedroom, he said he felt more comfortable in my arms, that's why he rather sleep with me, than alone. I never complained, I loved having him here. I closed my eyes causing another memory to come rushing back to me.

It was mid spring and I was tried of being in the apartment.

"Hey Mattie."

"Yeah?" He didn't look up from the game he was playing, I didn't mind, since I knew that he was still listening to me.

"The sakuras are in bloom, lets go out for a walk and bask in it's beauty. How about it?"

Matt turned off his game system and turned to face me.

"Sure Mel, lets go." He stood up and grabbed my hand, pulling me up to my feet, from the floor where I was laying. He had the sweetest smile on his face, making me smile and blush, right back at him. I grabbed my chocolate bar as he led me out the door.

"So, we are off to the park, right Mel?"

"Of course, Mattie." I couldn't stop smiling. I felt so free and childish when he held my hand. These were the happiest moments in my life.

We reached the park and as expected, there were so many couple already here, it had upset me a bit, since I wanted to be alone with my Mattie. I pouted.

"Aww, no pouting, Mel, I know of a perfect place where we will be all alone."

"Ooh. Then lead the way, my love."

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images.

We walked along an abandoned road, the grass was growing over it, it was hard to even tell that there once used to be a path here, but somehow, Matt knew where he was going.

I wrapped my arms around his left one and rested my head on his shoulder. I loved being led by him, but I wanted to get there already. After walking for a few more minutes, we reached this beautiful hidden spot. There was an enormous sakura tree in full bloom, and on the other side of it, there was a beautiful lake, gently reflecting the sun's light. Matt looked up at my awed expression.

"Does that look on your face mean that you like it?" He asked me with a dorky smile. I simply nodded. He took my hand and brought me down onto the grass. He laid down on the soft grass and I sat next to him, admiring the beauty of the scenery, before turning to admire the beauty that I kept selfishly to myself, Matt that is.

"Hey Mattie." I was stroking his hair, it was so soft and I just couldn't keep my fingers away from it.

"Yeah, Mel?"

"Will you be mines forever?"

He looked up at me and removed his goggles. He stared into my eyes and then he spoke, "I'll be with you forever, I promise. You just have to be with me forever."

I nodded "Forever and ever."

I opened my eyes and sighed again. What happened to forever, Mattie? When did forever end a year ago? I remember what you said when you left, it was a little odd, but I ignored it. You stood up...

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no.

Now I know what you meant by those words, they were your goodbye to me. I try and find a bit of comfort knowing that you wont forget the memories we shared, but that wasn't enough, I needed you. You were always there. Even when I left Wammy's, you were still there, not physically, but I knew, if the worst were to happen, with one simple phone call, you'd come find me. Through the good and the bad, through our childhood and our youth, we were together. We always knew how to make each other smile and even in those dark days, soon after I had left Wammy's, just thinking back to our shared memories, it made me strong and it made me smile. I felt like I could handle whatever the world threw at me, even Kira.

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me.

I sat up on the bed and just stared up at the moon. Matt, can I really let you go? Matt, is this how you felt like when I left Wammy's? Matt, when will you come back? Matt, where are you? Matt, are you ok? Matt, I hope you haven't been crying as much as I have. Matt, do you still remember how much I love you? Matt, I still love you, did you know that? Matt, do you know that I'm waiting for you?Matt, do you know that I'm constantly think about you? Matt, do you know that I can't live without you? Matt, do you know how much I need you, always have needed you? Matt, do you know that the only way I can live... is by letting you go?

I stood up and walked into Matt's gameroom, it's been untouched for a year. The games were so dusty, that I doubt they still worked. Doesn't hurt to try and see if they still work. Matt always wanted me to play with him, I always said no, I didn't like losing, so there was just no point for me to join him, since I knew I couldn't win. I picked up the controller to the PS3, that was his favorite system, I knew at least that much. So many memories were attached to them. I made sure to keep my eyes open, I just didn't want to see those wonderful memories again, they just brought back too much pain.

I turned on the system, it still had the last game that Matt played in it. I resumed from were he last saved. I wasn't sure what game it was nor what I had to do, I just never paid attention to his games at all. Within seconds, I was killed by a zombie or something. I turned off the system. How could you play these games for hours, Mattie? I put everything back to the way it was. The bells went off again, it was now 3 am and I was still wide awake and had nothing to do. Might as well clean up this place. I opened up one of the windows, there was a nice warm summer breeze coming in. One year ago, the night was so much like this one. Warm and silent.

I can't stop thinking about him, everywhere I go, he's there in the back of my mind. When I close my eyes, his smiling face is there. It's odd, no matter how hard I try, I just can't remember ever seeing Matt unhappy. I don't understand why he left. I wish I could come up with a logical answer, but there just aren't any.

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

It was 5 in the morning, I managed to clean the entire apartment, but I was still wide awake. I turned on the t.v. and was just watching news or something, I don't even know anymore, since my mind started drifting back to Matt again.

"Hey Mello."

I was laying against Matt's back, reading a book and eating my chocolate.

"What is it Mattie?" He moved around a bit, then pulled out a small red and white box. He held it up to me. I looked at it for a moment, I couldn't help out but let out a small chuckle.

"The box matches your shirt, Mattie."

He just blushed at bit, shoving it a bit closer to me.

"What is it?" I took it from his hand and opened up the box. Inside was a red beaded rosary. It was truly beautiful and just so shiney and new.

"Wow Mattie, I love it so much. Thank you." I put it around my neck, admiring the cross. He just looked up at me and smiled.

"I'm glad you like it, Mel. Merry Christmas."

"Ooh, I got you something too, Mattie." I quickly got up and ran into the bedroom. Within a minute I was back by Matt's side, holding up a green and white box.

"Open it and tell me what you think."

He took it into his hand, opening it up, to reveal a new pair a white framed, orange tinted goggles.

"I remember you said that you needed a new pair, since you had a crack in your old ones."

He took off his old ones and put on the new one. It was a perfect fit.

"I love it, Mel!"

He leaped at me and hugged me tightly, I hugged him back just as tightly. We were laughing for a moment, before we locked our lips together in a passionate kiss.

There were tears in my eyes when I came back to the present. Another sigh. Will I ever feel your lips against my owns again? I gently pressed my fingers tips to my lips, almost able to taste Matt's lips, but I knew I couldn't.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I looked at the clock, it was 5:13 am, who could it possibly at this hour? I got up and walked to the door. Long ago I lost all hope of it ever being Matt. I sighed again. It's probably just someone looking to hire me as a detective or something, someone who probably hasn't realized that I quit doing that a year ago, the year that Matt left.

I opened the door and just stood there, my mouth dropped and my eyes wide open. I could not believe my eyes. I blinked several times.

"M... Matt?"

"Nope, I'm the grim reaper, come to take you to Kira." He said with a smile as he held a dozen of those corny chocolate roses. He held them out to me. I grabbed them and tossed them to the side. I didn't care for an explanation, all I care about was that he was back. I lounged myself toward him and brought him into a tight embrace and to my surprise, he hugged me back just the same. He whispered softly into my ear.

"I'm sorry I was stupid, Mel, but I swear that I'll never leave you again." He pulled away a bit and lifted my chin just slightly. He locked my lips with his and we kissed for what seemed like forever, standing there in the doorway.

Explanations could wait for another time, right now I just wanted him with me. I took him to the bedroom and we just laid there in each others arms. Finally, for the first time in a year, I was able to have a peaceful sleep.