Love In Hate, Peace In War
Ok! This is my very, very, very first Dynasty Warriors Fan Fiction. From the time, way long ago (more rather about maybe 3 weeks ago) when I had never played Dynasty Warriors at all, EVER!! Dramatic gasps. The story behind that is that some one was obsessed with DW5 so I set out to learn about it so we could talk about it and such. So I did and she pushed me to write a Fan-Fiction about it so I began writing all sadish...because I felt like it...
This one is about my second DW character, Pang Shae, but also has Yang's two characters, Sing Shang and Jiang Ai. I'll give ya most of Shae's info and some of Ai's. Anyway, the quotes at the beginning in bold are from Pang Shae, well truly from a song by the Dixie Chicks, Not Ready To Make Nice. The ones at the end that are italicized are from a song I wrote (for another fan fiction and for Zea's past) on Sun Ce's death. And the others are from other songs...I don't feel like doing anything to them.
As a quick reference, this is mirroring one of Yang's fan fictions about Shang and Ai's deaths. "Little did she know, someone important from Wu had died and now karma was coming around and death was knocking on her door." This is talking about in Ai's part of Yang's story, how Ai had to kill Lu Xun.
PANG SHAE'S INFO:
Age (during story): Somewhere in the rang of 25-35…
Brother: Pang Tong
Rival/Enemy: Zhuge Liang
Best Friends: Jiang Ai and Jiang Wei
Crush: Guan Ping
Hair Color: Black/Dark Brown
Eye Color: Dark Brown/Dark Blue (Either one works)
Clothes: Generally not a lot. She wears semi-tight clothes that don't cover much. Her shirt shows her belly and has lots of beads on it and is a dark green, almost black, color with silver trim. She wears a very lose skirt that's tight only around her waist.
Personality (General info): Shae is rather close-minded about things and doesn't always look at the big picture, which is why she didn't realize that everyone in Shu supported her. She is very laid back and seems very relaxed at all times, though she really isn't. Shae isn't nearly as bouncy as Jiang Ai but she is very kind to all of those who respect her.
Other Info: Shae has had a hard past with Zhuge Liang and Pang Tong. The two of them were always on her back about how they believed she would never be anything. It is for this reason that Shae has always hated them, or that's what it seemed. She dedicated her life to proving she was worth something to Zhuge Liang and Pang Tong.
JIANG AI'S INFO:
Age (during story): Somewhere in the rang of 24 – 30
Brother: Jiang Wei (Twin)
Rival/Enemy: Zhuge Liang
Best Friend: Pang Shae
Personality: Ai is very protective of her brother and her friends. She is very, very bouncy and doesn't seem to calm down very much. She is a lot like Jiang Wei other then the fact she's always bouncing off the walls.
PS: This isn't the original version, I didn't change much but I fixed all the errors and made it a bit longer and changed it according to some things and such.
"Forgive…sounds good…"
This is what happens to someone who wants so much from life…and so little at the same time. This is how someone dies when you love them so much but never get to let them know. This is how someone dies when you want so much for them to reach their goals but never get to truly support them. This is how someone dies when you hate them so much even though you know they can do what you say they can't.
"Forget…I'm not sure I could…"
Life can be hard at times and we all know that people don't always say what they mean. We've all been taught not to judge a book by its cover, and we've all lost someone we cared about in one way or another, no matter who we are, some of us have had to loss more then others and some of us have only lost very little, but we've all lost something.
"They say…time heals everything…"
This is how you die when you want so much to prove yourself to people that you truly care about, no matter how you hate them. This is how you die when you are loved but don't know it. This is how you die when you have the support you know you need but just can't see it. This is how you die when you really want to be like someone but can't because you hate them so much for some strange reason.
"But I'm still waiting…"
It all happened so quickly that everything is still a blur to me. The anger I felt towards her, the love I had for her, the way that I couldn't help and believed that she'd never get anywhere. I can't believe that I let her die like that, but there was nothing that I could do, and they had told me that many times…I'm just now realizing it though.
"I'm through…with doubt…"
It all happened so suddenly and the last time I saw her without that gash in her side…the last time that I saw her smile back at me as if all the fights we had gotten into had never happened. I just can't remember after that…but…I'm here to tell you a story not talk on and on and put you all to sleep…
"There's nothing left for me to figure out..."
"Pang Shae, get over here! Hurry!" Yelled a voice as a girl came rolling out of the flames, jumping to her feet and quickly cutting her enemies down. She looked around and ducked quickly before starting out in a quick dash across the battlefield, killing her enemies as she ran.
Who said my name! This is horrible! I can't think. Come on Shae…relax! Really you have to relax or you're going to get killed. I mean, I'm lucky those flames didn't kill me…those idiots will pay! The little voice in her head screamed at her as she ran forward, but someone had said her name, she couldn't lie about that, and whoever had called her needed her. Suddenly she tripped over something, or someone.
"PANG TONG WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE!" Pang Shae screamed glaring down at the person she had tripped over, who happened to look like he was either sleeping or dead, and Shae was ready to bet it was the first one, but for her brother's sake, he better hope it was the second one.
"I'm sleeping! Well actually I'm…no I'm sleeping." Pang Tong said lazily looking up at his sister, who kicked him, pulled him to his feet, handed him his weapon, and shoved him into the fight, following behind quickly.
"Pang Shae! Pang Tong!" Yelled a voice. Shae jumped at one of the enemy soldiers, stabbing him and taking him down as another came and kicked her throwing her backwards into Tong who frowned pulling her to her feet.
"If you're just going to knock me…" Tong started as he hit an enemy over the head with his staff, "…over then you really are useless!" He said and looked at Shae, who snarled, a determined look coming over her face. One of those looks that so clearly said, "I'll prove that I'm not useless! Even if it kills me!" Tong could only watch as his younger sister went running off, deeper into battle, slaughtering her enemies as she ran.
"Even if it kills me…" Shae muttered under her breath. She was so sick of the way Pang Tong always treated her. The way he always put her down. The way the both of them always treated her like she was nothing. She'd prove to Pang Tong and Zhuge Liang that she wasn't worthless even if it killed her, that was a promise and Shae always kept her promises.
Shae, not paying attention to where she was going anymore, rammed into something hard and heard a familiar voice from somewhere above her. "Pang Shae…there you are…I didn't think you'd ram into me but at least I found you…" There was the sound of metal on metal and then silence once more. Pang Shae looked up and her eyes landed on Zhao Yun's familiar face. She gave a sharp sigh of relief as she scrambled back to her feet raising her sword.
"Have you been calling me?" She asked only to be dragged off once again into the battle, this time by Zhao Yun. She tired her best to follow him until they reached the flames once again. Shae frowned, several moments ago the area was swarming with attacking soldiers and now many of them lay dead on the ground.
"Zhao Yun, Sir…what's going on? Why were you calling me? Is something wrong?" Shae asked quickly looking back up at Yun.
"Listen…find Lord Liu Bei and protect him with the others. You're great with that sword of yours and he needs more protection. I have no real idea where he is but I know that he is somewhere…" Yun paused looking up carefully, "Northwest of here."
"Pang Shae," he continued, "This is your chance to prove to everyone that you're the great warrior that I think you are, and that so many of us know you are. Go and do this because I have to stay here, now go!" Yun pushed Shae off and charged back into battle without another word.
"I've paid…a price…"
That was the beginning of it all. It was my fault she charged off and found Zhao Yun. Pang Shae really couldn't believe that anyone had so much faith in her. She really couldn't believe that Zhao Yun had told her to do something that important. She didn't know that it would mean she'd die, but then again, she was never ready to back down and I know for a fact she put up an amazing fight.
"And I'll keep paying…"
"Pang Shae? What are you doing here?" Demanded a voice. Shae looked up and her eyes glossed over when they landed on Guan Ping, who happened to be the source of the voice. She smiled slightly before looking at the ground, her face flushing over bright red.
"Zhao Yun sent me here in his place." She muttered in a small and seemingly timid voice as she walked forward, raising her weapon. "He said that he believed in me and that this was my chance to prove myself as a great warrior." She looked up and smiled again, "Now where is Lord Liu Bei?"
"Well we all know you're a great warrior already…isn't that enough for you? He's over that way with the others in the party, we were just about to leave." Ping said looking over top of Shae, who frowned.
"What are you doing!? Trying to make me feel shorter then I already am!?" She demanded glaring up at Ping who shook his head and pointed over her's. Shae spun around to see enemy soldiers coming in their direction quickly.
"Come on…let's move." Ping said turning around and running off, looking over his shoulder to make sure that Shae was following. Shae closed her eyes. The yells of the enemy were only about three yards behind her when she finally took off running after Ping and the others.
By the time she caught up to him the enemy soldiers were swarming around them and he was protecting Liu Bei, the others all fighting valiantly but to no avail as they were all being completely slaughtered by the enemy. It was like a huge blood bath and within five seconds there were 4 dead bodies of people that Shae had known, people that had been her friends, around her.
Pang Shae let out a horrible scream and raised her sword charging down her enemies, taking them out one by one. She felt that the people, her friends, were still alive and strong within herself. She let out another long scream, jumping through the air and swinging her sword around wildly, killing many of the enemies that were in front of her.
"I'm not ready to make nice…"
That's when she realized that…she was no longer fighting to prove herself but she was fighting to preserve the honor that she already had. The faith her friends and the people around her had in her. Ping was right in asking the question he had…they all already knew that Shae was a great warrior…wasn't being respected by so many people enough for her.
"I'm not ready to back down..."
The only problem was…she only ever wanted to make me proud of her…because I was her older brother and I never gave her the respect that she deserved. I was always siding with Zhuge Liang rather then my own sister because I believed that for some reason, Zhuge Liang was right, I thought she didn't have what it takes to be a great warrior.
"I'm still mad as hell..."
But she did…because she never let what we told her hold her down, she let it make her more determined to prove that she was just as great as I was and just as great as Zhuge Liang and she had something that we didn't…she had the ability to throw her life down for people that she hated, because if she had to, she would die for Zhuge Liang even though she hated him…
"And I don't have time..."
"Pang Shae!" The name echoed through Shae's head as she looked up to see on of the enemy soldiers dashing towards Liu Bei and Guan Ping. Bei was facing the side so he didn't notice and Ping was facing the back so he didn't notice either. Shae's heart pounded in her head as she dashed towards them, her eyes watering up.
"I won't let you kill them! I won't let you kill them!" She screamed the tears in her eyes blocking her vision as she made a running dash towards Bei and Ping.
She finally realized, Zhao Yun was right, they all were right. She had more power then she though, and she was an amazing warrior and she would die like one if she had to. She was prepared to die protecting the people that meant everything to her, the people that accepted her even when her own brother wouldn't.
There was total silence and then suddenly, Shae felt the sharp metal blade of the enemy soldier's sword pierce her side. She gritted her teeth in pain before giving up and letting out a scream of pain and fury as she cut down the man in front of her, panting hard to keep her breath as she watched him fall to the ground.
She looked at her feet, her own blood mixed in with the blood of the man she had killed forming a large pool at her feet. She grabbed the sword lodged in her side and pulled it out before raising her sword once more. "I…won't…let…them…die…" She panted closing her eyes.
Ping and Bei both spun around when they heard the loud sound of Shae's scream. Their eyes landed on the girl who stood there and they watched as the enemy pushed his sword deeper into her side and then gasped as Shae killed him and pulled the sword from her side.
Bei smiled. "She's changed…since she joined…hasn't she…" He said looking at Ping, who looked over his shoulder at Bei not understanding what he meant at all. He looked at Shae and suddenly he understood what Bei had meant.
Standing in front of him was a totally different woman from the Shae that he had known for so long. Standing in front of him, in a pool of blood, was a girl who had fought with herself for so long and had finally come out on top in time to save her friends. A woman that was strong and had to withstand the taunts and the put downs placed upon her by her own brother. In front of him was a great warrior and something told him that even Pang Tong and Zhuge Liang would have thought so.
Shae opened her eyes looking at the swarm of enemies in front of her and without thinking, not that she could think very well at all, she charged at them ignoring the fact that she was very dizzy from blood loss. She turned and stumbled to short distance back to Ping and Bei before falling forward.
"Good job…you really are a great warrior, Pang Shae." Came the sound of Ping's voice. Shae had no idea what was happening, her eyes seemed to be broken but her ears were working fine. "I'm sure that if Pang Tong was here…he'd be proud."
Shae heard soft footsteps. "Pang Shae. You are in fact a great warrior. You fought both valiantly and strongly, putting your friends first before yourself. I'm proud that I didn't listen to Zhuge Liang when he told me not to let you join…because if I didn't…then I would no longer be standing right now. Pang Shae…you have my complete thanks and all of my gratitude. Thank you." Shae closed her eyes as she heard Bei thank her and then the next thing she knew, everything was back and she couldn't hear anything at all.
NOTES
The Quotes:
At the begining, the Bolded quotes are from the song, Not Ready To Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks. The Underlined quotes are from the song, Hurt by Christina Aguilera.
BTW:
The parts that are in first person, between the quotes, are Pang Tong talking...its like he's telling the story...
"To go round and round and round..."
Pang Shae finally saw that she had what she wanted all her life, someone to respect her fully. Someone that really thought she could amount to anything she put her mind to. She knew that her goal might not have been reached but deep down this was what she wanted the entire time.
"It's too late too make it right..."
I never would have thought that she really wanted me to look at her for once. She was always fighting with Zhuge Liang and I, so how would I know that she wanted me to respect her. I know now she deserves all the respect that I have and I believe that she should be known for what she did. She threw away her life right there on the spot not wanting anything in return but she got so much from the people she saved.
"I probably wouldn't if I could…"
And I need her to know, now that she's gone…there's a huge void in my heart and I don't know how to fill it up. She did more with her life then I have…I know that's for sure and she's always going to be the person that comes into my mind when I think of people who were great warriors and great friends.
"Cause I'm mad as hell…"
I didn't get news of what had happened until after the battle. It was horrible and I felt so upset, and I thought that the last thing I got to say to her was that she really was useless…but she was so much more then useless, so much more then worthless…she was worth more then gold.
"Can't bring myself…"
"I wonder if she'll be alright…" Muttered a voice. Pang Shae rolled over, her head pounded and her side hurt like she had a sword stabbed through it. She couldn't remember what was going on…the only thing she remembered was seeing the enemy killing all of Liu Bei's guards.
"Proves Zhuge Liang wrong…she's amazing…" Responded another voice. Shae racked her mind for the details of why he head could hurt so horribly and why her side was killing her. She opened her eyes and looked around. She was lying in a field of flowers, or that's what she saw, far away was the glimmering outline of her sword she reached for it.
"Yeah…I can't believe she just let herself do that…" Shae frowned at the sound of voices and soon saw the foggy outlines of people standing around her. The field of flowers was fading from her view and being replaced by something else.
"I'm even to much of a wuss to do that!" Shae blinked once again and looked around, scanning her surroundings carefully, her eyes were starting to blur again.
"Pang Shae? She's waking up…Pang Shae?" Asked a soft and familiar voice. Shae blinked once again and the figure of Zhao Yun came swimming into view. She blinked and the form became more solid and suddenly all the details came running into her head.
The pure anger she felt, the urge to take out all the soldiers that were in front of her, the sound of her name in her head, that pure wish to save the people she cared for and sending the enemy off from her and her friends. "Zhao Yun…what happened? Where am I?" She asked looking around at the two people that were in the room, Zhao Yun and Sing Shang.
"I don't know but I heard it was amazing, that it was astounding." Shang said from the other side of the room. "I heard that you fought those soldiers like you had done it all you're life, I mean, Pang Shae…I knew that you would do something amazing, but I didn't think you'd do anything this drastic…this is just…wow…" She added a smile on her face.
"Zhao Yun…I can't remember what happened? What did I do…Why does my side hurt so much?" Shae said looking up at Yun who grabbed a chair and sat down, frowning slightly.
"Well…from what I know you were fighting the enemy wonderfully and then suddenly you were running towards Liu Bei and Guan Ping at the same time as an enemy soldier and then…the enemy stabbed his sword through your side and even after that you still fought until finally you collapsed…" Yun said looking at Shae who shot up in bed.
"Guan Ping…Lord Liu Bei…where are they!? Are they alright!?" She asked in a worried tone, with a worried expression to match it. Shang looked up at her and laughed before walking over and grabbing a pillow, propping it up and putting Shae against it.
"Lord Liu Bei got out with out any major wounds, I'm not sure about Guan Ping thought." Yun said looking down at Shae then at Shang smiling and standing up so she could sit down before grabbing another chair.
"I'm fine…nothing to bad, thanks for being so worried about me." Came Guan Ping's voice from the doorway. Shae looked up and let out a sigh of relief as he walked from the doorway to the bedside. She watched him carefully catching a slight limp to his step.
"Well that's good to know…" She muttered and the broke into a harsh coughing fit. Yun looked at Shang who shook her head and stood up walking out of the room into the hallway, Yun following her closely.
"What do you think is wrong with her…she's been coughing like that in her sleep too…" Yun said looking at Shang who sighed.
"I'm not sure she's going to make it through this…" She muttered looking around as if making sure no one was listening. She looked back up at Yun. "All I know is that I don't think Pang Tong cares…he hasn't visited her yet and she's been here for three days." Shang said.
"So how long have I been out?" Shae asked looking up at Ping who had taken Zhao Yun's seat.
"Well…you've been out for three days now…I think…" Ping said looking down at Shae who sighed, looking around carefully before letting her eyes come to a rest on him once again.
"Who's been to visit?" She asked softly, coughing again, her hand reached for her side. It hurt so much to cough, it hurt to move and she felt horrible, but she'd been stabbed in the side, you generally feel horrible after that happens.
"Well…Pang Tong hasn't been by, neither has the prime minister, but I do know that Lord Liu Bei has been by, Zhao Yun, Sing Shang, Sing Chao, Ma Chao, and umm…I think that Jiang Wei is coming by soon…I'm not sure if he's been by yet…him or Jiang Ai…" He muttered looking at the ground. "Almost everyone has been in to see you…we're all worried about you…"
Shae looked at the ground. Her own brother hadn't been in to visit her yet. She closed her eyes fighting the urge to cry. She'd done so much and he still didn't care. She opened her eyes to see Yun and Shang were in the room once again, but with them was Sing Chao and Ma Chao.
"Don't cry…you know that we all care about you…the other's only visited you once because they couldn't see you any more…they're pretty busy right now…" Shang said nodding.
"Justice must be served to those who are making such a strong young girl to…" Ma Chao started.
"Now's not the time." Sing Chao muttered looking at Ma Chao who nodded in understanding and closed his mouth sitting down in a chair looking at the others before turning his attention to his spear.
Ping stood up and walked to the doorway. "Shae, I promise that I'm get Pang Tong and Zhuge Liang to come and visit you if I have to bound and gag them and drag them into the room, just don't cry." He said walking out the door and disappearing down the hallway.
Another figure suddenly appeared in the doorway. "I heard there was a brave young girl in here that saved lord Liu Bei. I thought I'd come by to visit this young girl and tell her…that even if Prime Minister isn't proud of her…" Shae noticed the voice and form as that of Jiang Wei's. He walked through the doorway, smiling. "…I am…" He said laughing slightly.
Shae smiled. "Thank you, Jiang Wei…I think that you should all know…well mostly you, Wei, I've always looked up to you." She said, "So it means a lot to me for you to say that you're proud of me."
Wei smiled broadly. "Well it means a lot to me that you've always looked up to me." He said laughing slightly as he walked into the room. "I saw Guan Ping down the hall…he asked where Zhuge Liang was…what's with him…he seemed kind of mad…" He said sitting down in Ping's now empty seat.
"Well he has a good reason! I would be mad too." Shang said nodding slightly looking at Shae and smiling. There was a strange silence followed by a faded scream that Shae noticed at once as Tong's. She giggled and looked at the others counting off on her fingers as minutes passed by.
"To do what it is you think I should..."
Being ambushed by Guan Ping and seeing him so made wasn't the best thing for me that day. I could only remember hearing something about being a horrible brother. It was rather interesting to find out later why Guan Ping was so determined to drag me to Pang Shae's room, but I'm glade he did though.
"What it is you think I should..."
"Well well well…it's about time you came to see me! Some big brother you are! Oh and thank you, Guan Ping." Shae said when Ping finally returned with Zhuge Liang and Pang Tong.
"I can't believe you could be like that! It's horrible! How dare you treat your sister like that!" Jiang Wei began raging as soon as he spotted Pang Tong who seemed to shrink in fear of Wei and Ping.
Wei's attention was turned to Zhuge Liang, "And you, Master Zhuge Liang, you should know better! Haven't you put Shae through enough all ready!" Wei snarled but soon calmed himself down and sat down once again.
"It was a brave but foolish thing to do and you know that full well, Jiang Wei." Liang said looking at Wei who frowned.
"I do know that but I believe she's earned a right to have a lot more of you're respect!" Wei growled glaring at Liang, it was strange to see Jiang Wei yelling at Zhuge Liang like that, but it made Shae feel much better.
"Please Jiang Wei, stop yelling at Zhuge Liang…" Pang Shae said looking out the window watching the trees sway in the night wind. She looked at the ground. She'd almost been lying there for 3 or 4 days. Though she had great company, she felt horribly weak, like she could just pass out and die on the spot but she fought it as best as she could.
"Pang Tong come back latter and if you don't I'll get Guan Ping to hunt you down." Shae said. "Ping…There is something I have to tell you…something important." She muttered. It was in her eyes, she had almost given up on all hope, the life that had once been energetic, was leaving her eyes.
"Zhuge Liang, I want you to ask everyone in the castle that I know to come see me, please, you better do it!" She growled and watched Liang walk out of the room grumbling, dragging Tong as the others left and Ping took a seat in one of the chairs next to the bed.
"What's wrong? Why did you send everyone out of the room?" He asked looking at Shae, who closed her eyes, forcing back tears that were welling up in her eyes. She placed her hand on her side and lifted it looking at the blood that had already soaked through the bandages and onto her hands.
"I never knew you cared about Jiang Wei so much…I mean…do you…" Ping started looking down at the ground and then at Shae's side carefully letting out a long sigh. She was in pain, and it was so hard to see her like that.
"No…I don't…not like that…" Shae said between sharp breaths, the tears in her eyes finally running down her already tearstained face. "Ping, why do you think I jumped in front of you and Lord Liu Bei?" She muttered.
"Hey, Shae! Don't cry! There's nothing to cry about! Are you still upset with Pang Tong or does it hurt?" Ping said in a slightly worried voice. He knew for a fact that crying always made things worse and he couldn't stand seeing her so upset, it just wasn't right. "Don't cry…I don't like seeing you cry…" He finally said.
"So you don't like seeing me…most of the time…" Shae said looking at Ping, her eyes glossing over and her once determined voice was fading to nothing but a small whisper.
"No…I don't like seeing the people that make you cry…" Ping said smiling slightly, looking at Shae. "You have to understand that…you're one of my closest friends…no…you're more then that…" He muttered.
"I'm happy…that you feel…that way, because I feel…the same way, Ping…I really do…and that's what I had to tell you that was so important. I don't like Jiang Wei, not like that…it's…you…" She muttered in a soft voice, smiling.
"I have to go…Shae…hang in there…please hang on." Guan Ping said standing up and walking out of the room. "Just hang in there." He muttered.
"I'm sorry for..."
It was then that Pang Shae could feel it taking over, the urge to close her eyes. The sun was about to rise and she had a feeling that she was dying because of something else that had happened. You give and you get. Little did she know, someone important from Wu had died and now karma was coming around and death was knocking on her door. I can't believe how my heart skipped when I saw my dearest little sister laying under blood stained blankets, and then she simply smiled at me like nothing wrong had ever happened. Yet I knew I had done this girl so much wrong in her life and it was time for me to repay her for what I had done.
"Blaming you..."
Pang Tong slowly walked into the dimly lit room looking down at his sister. "What do you think of me now, Pang Tong, now that I'm on my death bed and you never seemed to care about be, what do you think of me now?" Shae said softly. Tong sat down next to his sister's bed looking down at her still, at a loss of words.
"Pang Shae…I'm not sure anymore…I guess that I'm amazed that you're fighting through this…it's amazing." Tong said looking at Shae who smiled looking at her brother with tears in her eyes. She sat up and leaned closer to him.
"Are you proud of me, my brother?" She asked looking Tong in the eyes. "Are you proud of me?" She asked.
"Do you forgive me? Do you forgive Zhuge Liang and I for all that we've done?" Tong asked looking at Shae who pulled her brother into a hug, tears streaming down her face once again as she felt death taking over.
"Big brother, tell Ping I love him and tell Zhuge Liang I forgive him…Tell Lord Liu Bei that I'm grateful…tell Zhao Yun that he was the inspiration that I've always needed…Tell Sing Shang, Ma Chao, and Sing Chao that they are the greatest friends I've ever had…tell Jiang Ai that she's the best friend anyone could ask for…tell Jiang Wei that I thank him for all he's done…and…let me tell you this…" Shae closed her eyes, which were glossed over.
"Pang Tong…I'm sorry for everything I've done to you and Pang Tong…I…always only wanted…you to be proud of me…and I only want you to know that…I love you…and…I…forgive…you…" Shae's grip on Pang Tong loosened as the sun raised and she fell backwards into her bed. Her breath slowly came to a stop. Tong looked at her, closing his eyes.
"I am proud of you…little sister." He said standing up and leaning down kissing his sister's forehead before standing up and walking out of the room, putting out all the lights but leaving the window open and then closed the door. "Good bye…Pang Shae…" He muttered.
NOTES
The Quotes:
The underlined ones are from the song, Hurt by Christina Aguilera and the italicized ones are from a song I wrote called, Broken Wings and Fallen Stars. And the two bolded lines are from Hear Me You by Jimmy Eat World.
"For everything..."
Pang Shae…what would you think of me now? So lucky so strong so proud. I never said thank you for that…now I'll never have a chance. I'm so sorry for being so…cruel, and I just don't know what I should do now that you're gone. I don't understand what I should do with my life. I'll live up to you, this time; I want you to be proud of me…
"I just couldn't do..."
"PANG SHAE! No you can't leave! Not yet! I never got to tell you goodbye…" Jiang Ai said running into Pang Shae's room looking at the dead body of her best friend, lying in the blood stained bed. She screamed and ran to the bedside shaking Shae's limp body.
"Jiang Ai…she's gone…" Came Jiang Wei's shaken yet gentle voice to his sister's ears. He walked over and put his hand on his sister's shoulder. "She's still watching over you…and someday you'll be together again…" He said smiling slightly trying to calm Ai down. "The people of Wu are going through the same sorrow you are…" He muttered.
"I know, Wei, but I never got to tell her goodbye…" Ai said letting Shae go and putting her to rest in the bed once again. "And I that I'm so happy that she was my friend…" She muttered.
"A great warrior's soul never leaves the ones they love…Pang Shae was a great warrior and her though her body is gone and we can no longer see her…she's still right here…" Came Yun's voice from the doorway. Shang was standing behind him, smiling weakly.
"Zhao Yun is right…" She said, "Pang Shae will always be with you, Jiang Ai, she'll always be with all of us…" She muttered looking at Ai. Wei looked at Shae and closed his eyes looking out the window that hung over her bed. The only light in the room came from the sun hanging over the trees.
"Jiang Wei…what's wrong? Are you crying too?" Shang asked looking at Wei who stared out the window at the rising sun. The birds outside were singing a soft and almost gloomy song.
"A song for a heart so big…" Wei muttered looking at Shae. "You've taught us all so much, dearest Pang Shae…You taught us that love and hate are two of the same thing…that even if you hate someone that they really mean something to you deep down…"
Ai closed her eyes and went running from the room in tears she ran out of the large castle and stopped. "Jiang Ai…" Muttered a voice. Ai looked around quickly, not seeing anyone near her.
"Who's there? Hello?" Ai yelled looking around carefully still not getting an answer. She closed her eyes and continued walking forward, tears still rolling down her eyes. "A bond so strange and so strong…" She muttered.
"Poor Jiang Ai…it must be hard for her…" Shang said looking at Shae. "Lord Liu Bei said he will be visiting her soon…He said that he's dragging Zhuge Liang with him…" She muttered looking at the ground.
"Jiang Ai…I'm still right here…can't you tell…" Muttered a voice. "And I know that you care…Jiang Ai…thank you for everything…" Ai looked around she was standing in the place she had met Shae. "Jiang Ai…I'm happy that I called you my friend." The same voice said.
"P-Pang Shae?" Ai asked looking around carefully. "Pang Shae is that you?" She asked spinning around. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining brightly.
"I'll always be right here…Jiang Ai…It is me and I'm still right here…Jiang Ai you're never alone…I promise." Said the same voice. Ai finally realized it was Pang Shae's voice in her head.
"And I've hurt myself..."
Jiang Ai finally realized that she and the people of Wu had something in common they had both lost a loved one to the enemy but that loved one would never leave her side because Pang Shae was a strong and wonderful person that none of us would forget. At the funeral held for her we were all deeply upset, but it was mostly me that was upset. I hung back in the distance and watched as all the people of Shu came up to say something about Pang Shae, Jiang Ai started.
"By hurting you..."
"Pang Shae was the best friend I could ever ask for and she taught me that even if people up you down, you always have to stand back up and keep trying because if you don't then you'll waist away and you'll never be remembered. May she watch over us for as long as we all live! Pang Shae…thank you for everything." Ai said fighting tears and Jiang Wei walked up next to her looking at everyone.
"Pang Shae was one of the strongest girls I've ever meet and she had a heart of gold and a will that would never be crushed because she was fighting for what she thought was right, she fought not only for her kingdom but for her friends and she fought not only for her self but for the people she loved with all of her heart. I know that if we all had a heart as big as her's then we would all have the faith to be able to unite together and stop all the war that is happening to cause this sorrow…" Wei said looking around. "Pang Shae taught me more then I ever taught her and I never said thank you for that…" he muttered.
Zhao Yun stood up walking up next to Ai and Wei. "I knew that Pang Shae was an amazing person and I knew that having her do that was a good idea and a bad one all at once but I let myself send her in my place because I thought that maybe if she was given a chance then she would shine like we all knew she could, and Pang Shae, if you want to know what we all think of you know…I know that I think you are a great girl with a heart as big as all of china and with the power to die for anything and anyone." He said loudly.
"Zhao Yun has said it all! Pang Shae…may you soar with wings of gold!" Sing Shang said looking up at the blue sky. Pang Tong looked at the ground and nodded looking around. Sing Chao agreed with her sister with a nod.
"And she will be remember with honor and she will be looked at with joy and her name with be a sign of hope for us all! She's a great woman that will always live on in our hearts!" Liu Bei said and started going off on a long speech about Pang Shae.
"I never said, thank you for that..."
It was then that I realized that I was all alone in the world, and it hit me…I never got to tell her how proud I was, and as I watched the others giving their speeches about my sister, I realized that I was the luckiest person there because she was my sister and I was blessed with the grace of being able to be related to her, and I wondered if Zhuge Liang was going to ever change his mind about her.
"Thought I might get one more chance..."
Liu Bei and several others finished their speech and Bei looked at Zhuge Liang. "Do you have anything to say about Pang Shae, Zhuge Liang?" Bei asked looking at Liang who stood up looking around at everyone.
"You better have something to say! Because we all know she has more worth then all of us, including you!" Ai said looking at Liang who frowned slightly walking up to the others.
"I think that Pang Shae was not useless and she was not worthless…I think she's a total fool who threw her life away for no reason and that you all do not know the meaning of a great warrior!" Zhuge Liang said clearly determined not to let them know how he felt about Pang Shae, but for some reason he both hated her and thought she was a great person all at once. He despised her yet was so attached to her and knew that she had so much potential.
Wei had just about had enough of Liang's hate towards Shae. "How dare you sat that! I can't believe you, Prime Minister. Even after all Pang Shae has done you still hate her like this I can't take it anymore!" He growled.
"The Prime Minister doesn't hate Pang Shae…you can see it in his eyes…" Ai said looking from Wei to Liang. "In fact…deep down I have this feeling that Master Zhuge Liang is just as upset that Pang Shae is gone as we are…" She said smiling slightly.
Wei looked at Liang and nodded. "You're right, Jiang Ai, he does…" He muttered looking at his sister who smiled.
"Goodbye is so hard to say…" Ping muttered. Everyone nodded in agreement. "But you know…I have this strange feeling…that this is how she wanted to die." He added looking around at everyone. He looked at Ai who smiled looking up at the tree above Pang Tong; sitting in the tree was the faded figure of Pang Shae.
"You know…I have this feeling that Pang Shae will never really leave us…" Ai said smiling as the form of Shae jumped down from the tree and looked at Tong, and as if she really was there, she pulled him to his feet.
"Big brother…May your life be filled with joy…and may you be blessed until the end of your days." Shae's voice echoed through Tong's head. Tong looked around and smiled nodding slightly, fighting the tears that his body wanted so much to cry.
Ai watched Shae's figure walk up to Liang. "I'm sorry for everything I've to you…I know that you really care about me. May you be blessed with long life and happiness…I'll see you on the other side…" She said smiling.
Shae continued on to Liu Bei and just smiled and moved on next to Yun. "Zhao Yun…you were like a big brother when I thought my own hated me. You pushed me onward and I need you to know that no matter what I'll always be by your side helping you just like you helped me…please live on and on in peace because you know that I really care about you." Shae smiled brightly. "Thank you Zhao Yun…for everything…and thank you for sending me in your place…" She muttered.
Ai watched Yun smile as if he too could feel Shae was there. She watched the shadowy figure of Shae fade out slightly looking at Sing Shang, Sing Chao and Ma Chao. "You guys made me smile when I thought all hope was lost. Thank you dearest friends…thank you so much for everything you've done." She said and looked on saying her goodbyes and thank yous to all the people that she knew finally stopping in front of Wei and as if without hesitating Ai watched Shae's ghost or whatever it was, throw it's arms around Jiang Wei.
"Thank you…Jiang Wei…for believing in me when I thought no one else did…thank you for doing all that you did and thank you for being so proud of me…Thank you for standing up to me and thank you for being there for me when I was lost in the dark." She said, Ai could see that all of the others could feel Shae's presence among them, as they were all smiling, and a few of them were crying.
Shae moved over to Ping and smiled. "Thank you, Guan Ping, for everything and I know that you're upset that I couldn't hang on any longer but…I really do care about you and I'll always be watching over you, and protecting you just like I always have been…but for now, goodbye is hard to say and I know I have to say it, Goodbye, Guan Ping, and thank you…" She muttered hugging Ping.
Shae smiled letting go of Ping and moving to his side. "Jiang Ai…I know you can see me…" She muttered, "And I know you can hear me…" She added looking Ai in the eyes. "And I know that you know full well that I'll always be with you, and that I'm glade that you've always been there for me and that you gave me a place to go when I was scared and when I was sad and when I was angry and you always found a way to make me laugh. I wouldn't be half the person I was if it wasn't for you, thank you, Jiang Ai." Shae whispered.
Ai smiled closing her eyes and hugging the shadowy air that was Shae. "Thank you Pang Shae…goodbye me dearest friend…I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you that before but…goodbye…" Ai said a tear running down her cheek and hit the ground at the same time as a tear from nowhere hit the ground. Ai looked at the ground. "It's so hard to say goodbye to you, Pang Shae, but…you've made me so lucky and so strong and…thank you…" She said.
Shae smiled and steeped out of Ai's grasp, closing her eyes and looking at the sky as a gold and sliver dragonfly flew past and the sunlight hit her. There was a soft breeze and she disappeared into the air, the dragonfly soared into the air around the others and the soft breeze grew harder.
Bei smiled slightly. "The Sliver Dragonfly still lives on in our hearts." He said nodding looking at the others who nodded as well as the dragonfly circled around them and flew off into the clouds.
"A falling Star…"
We all learned so much from Pang Shae, but I know that Zhuge Liang and I have the learned the most from her. We learned that even if someone doesn't seem they can do much, they could do what everything they put their mind to because though people may look weak they can be the strongest person in the world.
"Means Just one thing…"
And I know that we all learned even more from her…and that's that people with hearts like that, are the best people in the world and the people that know them, have everything they need in the world.
"A Forgotten wish…"
And even though we might not see the people we love…they will stay with us until the day we die, because if they have the power to die for us, like Pang Shae did, then their soul is to strong to stomp out. They can't leave us no matter what because they will live on in us because we love them.
"With broken wings…"
This is how a broken heart moves on…this is how someone who lost so much and gained even more dies. This is how an amazing girl who was put down all her life passes away. This is how Pang Shae died.
"But I know joy will soar again…"
This is how we all know we want to die. This is how faith takes wings and flies to the sky. This is how a sliver dragonfly moves on after finding it's wings it soars to the sky and it watches the people it loves from high above because it couldn't in life when it had no wings, this is how Pang Shae…a sister, a lover, a friend, a teacher and most of all, a great warrior, died.
"Our love is alive until the end…"
May my dearest sister rest in peace know that I'm so proud of her and that I love her more then anything and that everything in this life means so much more when I look at it from the same angel she did.
"I'm still right here...don't cry my friend..."