After reading a lot of Inuyasha fanfiction ranging from the brillaint to the downright brain-tumor-causing, I have picked up on kind of a trend, and I am bound by the ineffable laws of the Fanwrieteir-bakeane (A text discovered in a dilapidated church of Fanfic-writers by the oldest and most ancient of our kind) to parody you all within an inch of your lives. I mean no disrespect, well, a little disrespect, it's a parody, but if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?
I own the incarnate of nothing. He lives in my closet, so I can't keep my shoes in there anymore.
The three of them had been friends since… forever. Kiki, Molly, and Samantha had all their classes together, and when they weren't at each other's houses, they were talking online, or maybe watching TV. (With periodic phone calls to make sure they were all watching the same thing.)
Molly was the Bookworm. She knew everything about everything. Whether it be generals in the Korean war or the exact line in the fourth panel of the sixth page of the third Hellsing book, she was a veritable compendium of knowledge. She even knows what he word compendium means.
Kiki was the Hyper One. She's not allowed to have sugar anymore, after she drank those five sodas as the LA Anime convention. That little debacle led to six restraining orders and is part of the reason she's not allowed out of the country anymore. (they live in Canada, by the way)
Samantha (Or Sam, to those she liked) was the Scary One. She didn't dress super-goth or anything, but she still got most of the hall to herself when she walked down it. She could pretty much make people do what she wanted, because her voice made people fear for their very lives. An asset to be valued, that.
The three of them were their own personal clique. They had all of the exact same interests, and if you didn't know better, you could swear they were three exact copies of some fangirl author in different bodies.
At the point where our story begins, they were all riding the bus home from the very last day of school that year. Through some impossible means they had contrived to get all three of them into one bus seat.
"Glad that's over," Sam said, leaning back and zoning out.
"I liked it," said Kiki. She was rummaging through her backpack, alternating between looking out the window and searching desperately for something.
"What are you doing, Kiki?" Molly asked.
"Wait until you see what I have, it came in the mail yesterday. It's in here somewhere…"
"Ooh, what is it?"
"I'll give you a clue. It's anime."
All three of them loved anime, Manga, doujinshi, whatever they could get their hands on. Of course the one anime/manga they loved the most was…
"Taa-daa! The third Inuyasha movie, newly dubbed and ready for viewing!"
"We can watch it at my sleepover tonight!"
"Yaaaaaay!" the two of them said together. Sam didn't join in the yaaaaying. Instead she looked at the exaggerated action pose on the cover of the DVD. She had an Idea, one she thought just might work.
"I might be a little late, okay? I have some research I need to do."
"Research?" Kiki asked.
"On what?" Molly added. "School's over. Ask me, I probably know anyway."
"Do you know anything about spells?"
"Um… no."
"Then I shall have to resort to the internet."
"Okay… but don't be too late, we don't want to start without you!"
Samantha pored over gigabytes of data, watching as they flashed over her screen. A normal person wouldn't be able to pick out more than random words, but she could read much faster than a normal person. The words to ancient spells flashed in long-forgotten languages, but she wasn't interested in those. She needed something more… modern.
In a scary scene right out of a horror story, the moniter of her computer glowed crimson, setting an eerie glow about her darkened walls.
"Finally," she breathed. She read the words on the screen, and, almost instantly forgetting them, printed the whole page of instructions. She looked at the clock. It was almost 8:00. Perfect. She grabbed the pages of the manuscript out of the printer and hurried across the street to Molly's house. (They all live close to each other, as per storybook-best- friend guidelines)
She let herself in and ran upstairs to Molly's bedroom, where Kiki and Molly were waiting for her.
"All right, we can finally watch the movie!" Kiki squealed.
"Start it, I have something to show you. Look at this spell I found online."
As the opening credits of the movies played the three of them looked at the printed sheets of paper.
"Wait," Molly said slowly, "If this is what I think it is, and I think it is what I think it is, then this is a spell for getting a character out of a movie and INTO MY HOUSE."
"Right," Sam said, nodding.
"All we have to do is pick which one!"
"I pick Fluffy!" Kiki said.
"I pick life," Molly and Sam said together.
"How about Miroku? I like him," Sam said.
"But I doubt my mom would like me having him in my bedroom," Molly pointed out.
"So how about Inuyasha?" Kiki put in. "He's as cute as Miroku AND he's part demon."
"Demons are cool," they said together.
"Inuyasha it is. How do we do the spell?"
"Okay, so we just have to darken the room, light a candle, and say these words. When we blow out the candle, he'll be in the room with us!"
"I'll get the candle."
Molly left and returned a minute later with a small votive. They lit it, being careful not to put it near anything flammable.
"These are the words we have to say," Molly pointed out.
Haltingly, as they tried to make out how the words were pronounced, they started to chant.
"egami no tavisonu Inuyasha approaru des sortoson, manepernte!"
Something clicked. Molly held up a tape recorder.
"We might need those again."
"We're gonna blow out the candle when it starts, okay?"
The screen filled with a bright white. As they watched, a few drops of blood-red liquid fell onto the sand.
"On three… one…"
The screen changed to more blood, this time dripping down the gauntlet-ed hand of someone off-screen.
"two… THREE!"
The words of a male voice speaking were temporarily drowned out by the three of them extinguishing the tiny votive's flame.
The room was plunged into darkness, the only light coming from the TV. The picture had changed.
"Sesshie!" Kiki squealed, her mind completely absorbed by the image on the screen.
"Tomeru ka, Sesshoumaru?"
"That sounds incredibly ominous," Molly said, turning on the light. The room was the same as it had been, the lack of Inuyasha slightly disappointing but not altogether surprising.
"What's wrong with the sound?" Kiki asked. "I can't hear Sesshie!"
"I think we've got it on the wrong setting, it's playing in Japanese."
"Why?" Kiki asked, with a childlike amount of innocence. "I don't understand Japanese."
"Neither do I, it's just an accident, look, we'll change-"
CRASH!
The noise echoed up the stairs, and the three girls gave each other scared looks.
"Molly, please tell me your parents are home?" Sam almost begged.
"No, they went out to a movie."
"Then what was that?"
A similar thought ran through the three heads at one: He's downstairs.
But they ignored it.
"Come on, we have to find out what it was," Sam said, leading the way. They walked single- file down the stairs.
"I think it came from the living room," Kiki whispered. The door to the living room was three- quarters closed, and there was definitely something behind it, moving. Sam tentatively went to push it open, but Kiki beat her to it, barreling right through the door, and into the person standing behind it.
"Sesshie!" Kiki yelled, wrapping her arms around a definitely non-Sesshie guy.
"N-nani!"
"Oh my god, it's Inuyasha.
"Oh my god, he's in my house.
"Oh my god, I need the video camera."
Kiki disentangled herself from a very pissed-looking hanyou. (not that being pissed was anything new to him)
"Wait a minute," Molly said. "Isn't nani the Japanese word for what?"
"Aww… it's not Sesshoumaru," Kiki said sadly. Inuyasha visibly stiffened at the sound of his brother's name. His right hand strayed to the blade of the tessaiga, a very bad thing to be released inside Molly's domestic home.
"This is so very bad," Molly whispered.
"What's bad?" Kiki and Sam asked. Molly pointed at Inuyasha.
"Say something," she commanded.
He did.
What did he say?
I have no Idea.
I don't speak Japanese any better than they do.
Yay, end of chappie 1. Tell me what you think, or if there's anything else that needs parodying, or even if you want more written.
I almost forgot. This chappie dedicated to my friend/enemy Briaunna, who got her tongue pierced. See hath a thpeech immpediment, now.
By the way, it's so cold in my house my fingers are actually numb, so pardon any spelling mistakes I made, K?