A/N: Hey readers! This is my first attempt at a FanFiction…. I wonder how it'll go…
This story came to me the other day, and I know that the concept is a little cliché. But I just felt like I really wanted to try it. Please be kind and review, and review and be kind…. If that makes sense.
Just so that you know: Jacob lovers, this story isn't what it seems. Same goes for Edward lovers. The point I'm making is that a drastic twist is coming pretty soon, if I keep going with this story…. If you want to know, review!
Premise: Starts in New Moon but continues far later, the story starts at exactly the moment Bella decides she might be able to handle choosing Paris. As soon as she makes that choice (in NM, at least), Bella chooses the Cullens over Jake by going to see Alice. That didn't happen in this AU. Bella makes her choice, and has to live with the consequences… Until situation gets out of her control, at least….
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Obviously, the characters all belong to the incredible Stephenie Meyer…
So, Bella has just heard Edward say 'Be happy' in her mind…. What will she do??
Jake broke away from the hug, feeling me freeze up. Hearing his voice in my head was obviously something I craved, but at that moment…. I knew it was for the last time. He – do it, Bella, you have to - Edward was always right, I wasn't good for him, it was best that he left, and I should be happy. Dammit, I deserved to be happy. The problem was, I knew that all those things couldn't be the 'right' thing at once. So far as I could tell, what these past months had only proved to me, was that I couldn't be happy without Edward. But I did know, that when I had Jake I could survive.
And for now, that was enough. I could settle for this wolfish saviour, and maybe, in time, I could come to love him like I had loved, and still did love, Edward. Maybe.
I reached over, and he, sensing my sudden willingness, grabbed at the opportunity and clasped my head between his hands.
"Bella…" he breathed. His warm breath wasn't what my heart called for, but I had made my choice, and I was sticking to it. That's how I had always lived my life, and I wasn't about to change it now. Paris had won.
I pulled closer to him, and felt his lips brush against mine softly and this time I didn't pull back. This time, I tilted my head, and we kissed. It was not a chaste kiss; it was a kiss that I could never have had with Edward. Jake was warm, and he kept leaning forwards so that he was almost lying on top of me, and I let him, because I had made the choice. I responded almost mechanically, and though I felt a small stirring in my stomach at his touch, I knew it was nothing like the feelings I was capable of. But it would do.
Jake was now twisted around the steering wheel, and in a sudden lunge, he honked the horn with his hip. The loud noise broke us apart, and he pulled back in shock just in time to see me bang my head on the door handle that was now above my head. He laughed, shook his head, and spoke softly, his voice reverberating within the small car.
"You should get inside, Charlie'll be home soon," he said, running his hands through his hair. I smiled up at him, and tried to pull myself up somehow. Seeing me struggle, he grabbed me firmly round the waist and hoisted me up. It was slightly awkward, which was strange considering how far we had just gone. But really, it still felt weird to be doing this. To me, he was almost like a brother, but I knew that if I wanted to keep him, this was the only way. Bella, I commanded myself, stop thinking like that! You've made your choice!
With my new resolve, I kissed Jake again, quickly, and got out of the car, my leg catching on the side of the door, falling on my face. Oh boy. This was going to be a long afternoon.
By the time Charlie had arrived home from the funeral, I had sliced open two fingers and hadn't yet stopped agonizing over my decision.
"Hey, Bells," Charlie called as he came into the kitchen, breaking my reverie.
"Hey, Dad," I replied, walking to him. His face was uncharacteristically drawn, his eyes weary and mouth turned down at the sides like an old man. Just the thought of what had happened to Harry made me worry more about Charlie. I ushered him to a chair and handed him a plate of dinner. I had avoided fish adamantly, and settled on spaghetti and meatballs. With onion. Hence the cuts.
Charlie ate quietly, like normal, but slowly, which was unusual. He didn't even seem to have the energy to raise his fork to his mouth, he was so weary. After about ten minutes of watching him eat, I had to stop him.
"Dad, go to bed," I commanded. He looked at me, seemingly startled to see me there. He put down his fork, took his napkin out of where he had tucked it into the collar of his white dress shirt, and left the kitchen. I soon heard his bedroom door close, and once again I was left alone to my thoughts.
Of course I was worried about Charlie, but the foremost thought in my mind was Jacob. Were we boyfriend and girlfriend now? What did he expect? I could barely be nice to myself, let alone be trusted to care about other people's emotions. How on earth was this going to work? I wasn't ready for this!
All of a sudden, I started hyperventilating. What had I gotten myself into? I wasn't capable of a relationship. It only took a moment for the thought to float into my head: it was never this hard with him. It just felt right and I was on the floor, squeezing myself round the middle. The hole was tearing, a new layer of betrayal tightening the edges. I started crying, salty tears stinging the hole. Thank god Charlie wasn't here for this… he would be even less capable of dealing with this reaction than me. That thought made me laugh. How pathetic was I? Today, I possibly gained the second best boy there ever was, and here I was crying on the kitchen floor!
I crawled under the table, and leant my back against the table leg. Breathing deeply, I considered my situation. I was under a table. I was crying. There was washing up to do. I had a new boyfriend. Charlie's best friend had just died. It didn't quite add up. Deciding that the math was just too difficult, I got up with difficulty. I took my plate to the sink, filled it with water and added the bubbles. Washing up was almost cathartic, taking out my anger on the evil greasy splotches on the frypan. Oh Bella, I thought, that is just ridiculous.
Oh well. This whole thing was ridiculous.
When I was finished, I went upstairs quietly, careful not to wake Charlie. I showered quickly, changed into my frayed pyjamas and went to my bedroom. There, standing next to my window was a dark shadow, a silhouette standing by my window, waiting for me. Could it be? Possibly? The hole started to twinge, and I reached out suddenly and turned on the overhead light.
"Jake?" I was shocked to see him, to say the least. He smiled a wolfy grin, and came forwards and embraced me. I initially set my arms to puch him back, but then realized my decision. I tried my hardest to hug him back, this Paris that was not at fault for simply coming second.
"How's Charlie?" He asked me gently. All I could think of was the fact that he had always just known. Bella, stop it!
"He's OK, I guess. I sent him to bed. He looked about as tired as I feel right now. If you don't mind, Jake, I've had a really tough day, and I just…" I shrugged my shoulders gently, not knowing how to say that having him here was just not going to work.
"Alright," he replied easily, "I'll be really quiet. Hop into bed. Do you mind if I stay guard in here tonight?" he asked, a hopeful expression on his face.
I remembered what it was like to want to be near someone just for the sake of hearing them breath, no matter how unnecessary it might have been. Remembering that was not good for the hole, but it was necessary to force my mind into action.
"Sure, Jake. Sorry I'm not better company," I started. "But really, watching me isn't really necessary is it? I mean, none of the pack have noticed Victoria anywhere around here, have they?" I asked, suddenly worried. What if they had been attacked? How stupid of me not to think of that immediately!
"No, no, it's just for protection. Bella, you are the most important thing in my life… do you think I would let myself think for even a moment that you were unprotected? After today, I don't ever want to let you out of my sight again," he smiled at me, leaving me wondering if he was referring to my cliff-diving or the kiss in the car. I reminded myself it didn't matter, smiled at my protector, and climbed into bed. I turned to face the wall, and felt him sit down next to the bed. He leaned his back against it as he had on the couch earlier that day, and even from where I was, scooted over to the very farthest edge of the bed away from him, I could feel his heat radiating. I took off one of the blankets. The differences were just too evident.
My choice was made. I had chosen heat over ice, and I was going to live with it. I did love Jacob. I just hoped I loved him enough. A tear slid down my face, and I fell asleep dreaming about wondering through a dark forest, cold and tired, only to be rescued by the sunlight above.
But was it strong enough to truly pull me out?
A/N: Well, there it is… the first chapter. Hope it was alright. I know it's short. I hope to get the next chapter out soon, but I'll wait til some reviews come in… let's just say, if I get 150 telling me that I suck, I won't be posting another chapter. Most likely I will spend the rest of my days in a padded room rocking back and forth, muttering something along the lines of "I never even got to introduce Edward…. Why didn't they love me?"
So you don't want that now, do you??
Please review, I don't mind if they're bad really, I'd enjoy the input.
Hope you're long Easter Weekend is nice!
Sam