Title: Valentine for Slappy
Summary: Slappy gets a valentine's day card from a Secret admirer, which is really her old adversaries in a new plot to get her.
Rated: K+
Disclaimer: Animaniacs was created by Tom Ruegger and Steven Spielberg. The Slappy Squirrel and Skippy Squirrel Characters were created by Sherri Stoner. This fanfic is written without any intent for profit.
()()()()
The Warners fell from the sky and began singing.
The crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world,
our next cartoon features Slappy the squirrel!
Then Slappy appeared in her doorway.
"Eh, enough wit' the singin' already!" Before slamming the door.
"That's Slappy!" Sang the Warners, as the Slappy Squirrel title card fell into frame.
()()()
Skippy Squirrel was skipping across the meadow to his aunt's house.
"I got some candy! I got some candy! Candycandycandycandy!" Skippy sang as he merrily went along.
At Slappy's place, Slappy was busy watching Jerry Springer. On screen, a bunch of rednecks were fighting over a girl.
"Ah, life is good." Slappy sighed to herself
Then the door began knocking.
"Somebody shoot me." Slappy got up and walked to her door to be greeted with a big hug by her nephew.
"Aunt slappyi'mhomei'mhome! Happy Valentines day!" a hyperactive Skippy handed Slappy an envelope.
"Skippy, what did they feed ya at school today?" Asked Slappy, closing the door, and taking the envelope and opening it.
"Chocolate! Lots of chocolate!" Skippy replied
"Really? I thought maybe ya had a coffee shower at Dunkin Donuts." Slappy replied, sitting in her recliner.
Slappy opened the envelope and read Skippy's poor handwriting.
"To my ant slappy. Hapy valentin's day." Slappy turned to the readers.
"Well, it's the thought that counts."
"Do you like the drawing, aunt Slappy?" asked Skippy, pointing to a crude drawing of him and Slappy.
"Skippy, ya shouldn't have!" Then Slappy turned to the readers. "He really shouldn't have."
Then Slappy pulled a small bag of hershey kisses from a pouch on the card.
"Ahh, at least there's always a silver lining." Slappy sighed, eating the chocolates. Skippy then pulled a handful from his backpack and began snacking.
"Slow down there, Skippy. You eat too much, and they'll have to pump you full of insulin." A concerned Slappy told her nephew.
"Nah, i'm fine. You shoulda seen Randy Beaman! He ate what he thought was a chocolate bar, but it was really the teacher's laxatives."
Slappy began laughing.
"Ha! When's that kid ever gonna catch a break?" Slappy smirked "So what did ya do today anyways?" asked Slappy
"We watched a doctor." Replied Skippy
"Phil, Oz, Laura, which one?" asked Slappy
"Who." Replied Skippy
"Which one?" asked Slappy
"Who!" Skippy replied again
"The name of the doctor!" Shouted a frustrated slappy
"Who!" Skippy replied
"You're doin' that owl thing again, Skippy! it's not funny!"
"I'm not trying to be funny!" Skippy replied
"Ok then, was it Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz or Dr. Laura?" asked Slappy
"Who." Replied Skippy
"The name of the doctor!" Slappy was getting angry
"Who!"
"Skippy! No more owl stuff! Who is the doctor?" Slappy was ready to pull her tail fur out.
"Yes." Skippy replied
"Oh, so the doctor's name was yes?" asked Slappy
"No." replied skippy
"You guys were watchin' Dr. No?" asked Slappy
"No! We wern't watchin' Dr. No! That movie's for grown-ups!" replied Skippy
"Ok, then what doctor was it?" asked Slappy
"Who." Replied Skippy
"No! I wanna know the doctor's name!" Slappy was ready to turn red.
"And that's what i'm sayin! Who's the doctor!" Skippy replied
"That's what I wanna know, Skippy!"
Then there was a knock on the door. Slappy turned to the readers.
"Ah, not those witnesses again."
Slappy walked to the doorway. When she opened it, there was no one there.
"Ah! Put a sock in it kids! Yer supposed to leave the burnin' bag of dog poop!" Slappy yelled out.
"Hey look, Aunt Slappy! There's a letter on the floor!" Skippy pointed to a letter that had been slipped under the doorway.
"Well, whaddaya know?" Slappy picked up the envelope and opened it up, revealing that it was a valentines day card.
"Hey, Skippy! It's a secret admirer!" Slappy smiled
"Wow, aunt Slappy! Someone's really diggin' you!" said Skippy
"I'll take that as a compliment." Slappy read the letter. The paper looked like it had been slobbered on.
"Dear Slappey Skwerrel - I am yor sekret admirer. Com and meat me in da park. Signed B.B." Slappy read the letter. She turned to the readers.
"B.B...That's either Billy Blanks or George bush doesn't know his initials." Slappy said
"Are ya gonna meet up with whoever it is?" asked Skippy
"Would you?" Slappy handed the letter to Skippy.
"B.B...That's Beany the brain-dead Bison! Aunt Slappy, He's your arch-nemesis, He's been trying to get you for years!"
Slappy turned to the readers.
"Smart kid. All he needs now is a cape with the words captain obvious on it." Slappy turned back to her nephew.
"What are we gonna do, Aunt Slappy?" asked Skippy
"Gee, don't be freaking out, Skippy. You've seen all my cartoons, right?" asked Slappy
"A bajillion times and more." Skippy replied
"Right! so you know i've always got a plan..."
()()()
A few metres away, Walter Wolf was about to meet up with Beany Bison who was running from Slappy's home.
"Yes...After all dese years, i'm finally goin' to settle the score with that Slappy Squoiel!" Walter spoke in his evil tone.
Beany showed up nearby.
"So, how did it go, Beany?" asked Walter
"Uh, duh how did what go?" asked Beany
"The letter you slipped under Slappy's door, ya cerebrally challenged dummy!" asked Walter
"Oh dat, ya! It went fine!" Beany replied
"Ha! Now we wait!" Said Walter
A few feet away, Slappy and Skippy were exaggerating their dialogue.
"Oh geez, Skippy! I wonder where my secret admirer is!" Slappy said dramatically
"Maybe he's not here!" Skippy replied
"Oh, the humanity! I'll never find my secret admirer!" Slappy replied
Walter then pushed Beany in Slappy's direction.
"Oh, she's here! Take these." Walter handed Beany a flower bouquet with lit dynamite in it.
"Ok, Wolfie!" Beany began walking towards Slappy.
"Are you my secret admirer?" Asked Slappy to Beany
"Uh, dah! Yes! I'm dyin' to meet you!" Beany said
Slappy got a close look at the bouquet and saw the dynamite.
"Ah, the dynamite in the bouquet bit. The tears are comin' outta my eyes, it's so sad." Slappy smiled, then turned back to Beany.
"Ah, that's sweet of ya. Hey! They're changin' the letters on that gas station sign over there!" Slappy pointed at thin air behind Beany.
"Hey! What?" Beany turned around and Slappy defused the dynamite, and then took out a chocolate bar.
"Hey! Never mind that, secret admirer. I brought you somethin' too!" Slappy handed Beany the chocolate bar.
"Awww, thanks!" replied Beany.
"No problem. Hang on, I gotta go get somethin' else I brought for ya." Slappy ran out of the frame.
"Oh,yum, yum! It's a Mr. Big bar! A chocolate explosion in your mouth!" Beany unwrapped the bar to reveal a lit stick of dynamite.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The Dynamite blew up in Beany's face.
"Dat...really...was a chocolate explosion." Beany fell over. A few trees away, Skippy and Slappy were laughing.
"Hahahaha!" Slappy and Skippy laughed
"I kinda feel sorry for the bison...nah!" Slappy shrugged off her concern. Over a few feet away, Walter Wolf was furious.
"Oh, I hate dat squoiel!" He gnashed "I guess it's up to me now!"
Slappy and Skippy began snacking on some acorns from the tree branches.
"Ah, eatin' nuts with my nephew...that didn't sound right." Slappy gritted her teeth.
All of the sudden, the tree began to shake violently. Walter wolf was trying to chop it down.
"Ahh, the choppin' down the tree bit. Who'd sink that low?" asked Slappy, pulling out an anvil from her purse. She dropped the anvil and then it landed on top of Walter Wolf.
"BAAAAAM!" went the anvil, landing on Walter's head.
"Dat hurt...my head..." Walter mumbled
"Hey! Be careful choppin' trees around here, the anvils fall out of em!" Slappy laughed
Skippy and Slappy began jumping from tree to tree while Walter nursed the goose egg Slappy gave him.
"Dat Squoiel! I'll get you Slappy, if it's the last thing I do!" Said Walter
Slappy was out of earshot, so she didn't hear her adversary's false promise.
()()()
Back at Slappy's home, Skippy was busy watching some good wholesome cartoons from the 50's while Slappy was cooking some dinner.
"Hey Skippy! How many grilled cheese sandwiches you want?" Slappy asked before hearing a knock on the door.
"Somebody shoot me." Slappy put the butter knife down and walked to the door. In her doorway, was Walter Wolf, disguised as Moki from Greatest adventures; stories from the bible. Slappy's face lost all color when she saw him.
"Rob Paulsen is gonna kill me." Slappy sighed
"Hi!" said Walter in a high voice "I'm looking for my friends Derek and Margo! Have you seen where they went?" asked Walter
"I have em right here, just wait!" Slappy then walked back into her house. Walter thought he had Slappy in the bag.
"Oh, dat squoiel's gonna get it now! I'm gonna disappear, and den this anvil's gonna fall on dat stupid sqouiel's head!"
Meanwhile, Skippy had turned away from the TV to notice that there was a rope outside the window.
"Aunt Slappy, come look at this!" Skippy informed his aunt.
"What? Did someone finally punch out Anne Robinson?" asked Slappy
"No, Aunt Slappy! The rope outside the window, see?" Skippy pointed to a rope.
"Ah, Walter. You and your circa 1933 tricks." Slappy then pulled out a pair of hedge clippers, and cut the rope, causing the anvil on the other end of the rope to land right on top of Walter.
"BAAAANNNGGG!" went the Anvil, flattening Walter like a pancake. Slappy went back outside to greet Walter.
"You remind me of a very young Spongebob Squarepants." Slappy joked. Walter unflattened himself and stumbled around.
"Here! I found ya friends for ya." Slappy then threw two dummies at walter that looked like Derek & Margo from greatest adventures.
"Hey...why are their eyes glowing?" Walter looked at the 4 sticks of lit dynamite.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The Explosion sent Walter wolf flying far, far away, While Slappy and Skippy were laughing.
"Hehehe! Happy Valentines day, Walter!" Slappy joked
The iris began to close in, but not before Slappy spoke her catchphrase.
"Now that's...Comedy!"
Then the iris closed entirely.
()()()()