Honestly don't take this seriously. I was really bored and thought it was hilarious. Um… there will be spoilers and shit from the comic and the My Little Pony show, so be aware. So, enjoy the cuss words and other shit that goes on in Negan's life…. Bye.

Ponies, Boners, and a Fuck of a Ride

Negan was sitting down in his nice ass leather chair that Dwight picked up. He was currently enjoying being sucked off by one of his bitches and holding onto his bae Lucile. It had been a long fucking day for this man. He was the leader of a bunch of fuckwads, so being sucked off wasn't just a privilege, but a necessity.

"Mmm baby yeah! Fucking mother fuckity fuck yeah! Yes! Jesus motherfucking Christ on a spacefuck!" he exclaimed, feeling fucking more turned on by his beautiful motherfucking words than his bitch ass free-loading wife.

His pleasure was seized when he heard the door open. Amber- I think that was her name or some shit like that- went to stand up when she felt Negan's big ass fucking hand was pushing her head back onto his nice ass dick. "Nah, waifu, you don't need to stop. Everyone needs to know how fucking awesome I am because I am insecure about my dick size! Mother fucking shit! I'm just kidding babe, you know I'm like twenty seven point six inches!" In truth, he was like three inches. That is why he relied on his bae Lucile so much –she over compensated for him and she was a motherfucking fine ass lady!

Fucking Mark or some shit came in and cockblocked the fuck out of Negan's time. "Hey, sir, uh I think we found something on our run that you might like to look at."

Negan stood up abruptly, which caused his erect dick to smack against Amber's nose. "Well, fuck me like fuck! Show me it!" Realising what he did to his waifu, he looked down, "Sorry, baby. You didn't get to finish, you must feel like shit right now. Go get cleaned up and bake or whatever shit you girls do when I'm busy." He kissed her on the head as she stood up. "Get outta here!" Negan slapped her ass as she walked faster, but was still fucking slow as fuck because she was in high heels. They weren't even necessary. Negan was just fucking with the girls when he said they needed to go around in panties and heels. They looked like idiots. So funny, Negan you silly willy nilly.

Mark went through his satchel and picked out a glowing orb. Random pictures of rainbows and flowers and gems and other shit flashed over that majestic ass orb!

"Fuck me sideways! Who found that and didn't tell me?"

"Um, I don't know. Nobody knows where this orb came from…"

"Nah! You're fucking with me!"

"Uh, actually I'm not…"

"You so fucking are you goof ball!" Negan exclaimed, picking up Lucile and rubbing her against his still exposed dick.

"Sir, do you want to pull up your pants?"

"What? No! Am I ass fucking your confidence or something?"

"No, sir. You're not."

"Well, you better fucking be!" Negan screamed grabbing the orb from Mark's hands. Mark was clearly done with Negan's shit, but there was more shit to go down. "What is this? A children's toy?" The big ass man shook the orb. All of a sudden there was a flash of light that covered the entire room. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck meintheass."

…

Negan woke up on the ground in the middle of the forest. "Fuck me," he muttered, "did Mark fucking drug me again?! Those guys know they can't get rid of me – they need me"

Flustered, he examined more of the forest. There were apple trees everywhere and the trees didn't have even a drop of walker blood. Negan moved his legs slowly to stand up, grasping tightly on Lucile. This shit was fucked up and he could smell it… it smelled slightly of apple pie. Fuck, Negan could go for some fucking apple pie. Snapping him out of his nose fucking trance was a rustle in the trees. He looked around suspiciously.

"Who is there? Better not be you fucking Mark! If it's you, you're deader than a fuck's fuck!" Nobody responded, which only made Negan even angrier. "Hey, if you're not gonna suck this dick, I don't know why you're running! If this is fucking Dwight, I will burn the other half of your goddamned face!" There was more rusting. "That's it! Lucile is getting thirsty and needs to eat! She likes to eat after she gets fucked because you are fucking both of us right now! Come out now before I return the favour!"

Out popped some orange ass pony with blonde hair. She was wearing a cowboy hat and had what appeared to be a fucking sticker glued to her ass! One of the Saviours were definitely fucking with him! "You abused a fucking pony?! Why would you make her blonde, too? You know I hate blondes, I'm all about that black-haired pussaaaayyy!"

"Howdy! What's a pusssaaaayyyy?" the pony asked. Wait- did a motherfucking pony just talk?

Negan almost fell over, startled by a fucking donkey with nice ass features. An ass with a sticker on its ass… how hilarious. Negan, you joker, you. "What the fucking fuck? Did you just fucking talk? Fuck!"

"Yeah, I did! I'm AppleJack! You don't look like you're from around here. What's your name?"

"ApplefuckingJack? These jackasses must be AppleJacking my dick right now. How the fuck does a pony talk?" Negan said, more to himself, but this pony doesn't understand social cues, which must explain why she doesn't know what a pussy is because, from what Negan could tell, she never had a pussy in her life!

"What's a dick?" AppleJack blinked.

"Fucking kill me and burn my fucking grave…" Negan muttered to himself, squeezing his nose so hard it was turning him on, so he wouldn't be as stressed. Negan realized that this couldn't be his Saviours fucking with him, so he decided to just go with it. "I'm Negan and this hottie right here is Lucile," he motioned to Lucile, "she may look like she gets around, but she's no whore! She's my bae!"

"…okay?" AppleJack looked dumbfounded. "Maybe I should get you inside the barn house and get you cleaned up… Granny Apple should be excited to have a new mouth to feed!"

Fuck there are more of them? Negan thought. Before he could think anymore, he was interrupted by being bucked in the ass by the pony. He began walking, in response. Negan just hoped there would be some fucking ass dick sucking apple pie left.