It was 2am and Dan was crumpled against the bathroom wall. Blood dripping from his wrists. His thighs. His stomach. Wherever he could reach.
Pressing the blade against his skin and then dragging it across. A little deeper and a little quicker each time.
It was like this every night, he would say goodnight to Phil, wait for his best friend to go sleep and then the thoughts would come rushing in.
no one loves you
One
youre worthless
after
look at yourself.
the
fat.
other
ugly.
Until it's too late to stop them
No one wants you. Phil would never love you.
And they would keep him awake till he had to deal with it himself
Phil would never want you. He's only nice beause he thinks he has to be. He's just too nice to turn you down. Phil hates you. Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil
His thought always ended on Phil. The last thing he would think of before dragging himself back to his bedroom and collapsing on his bed.
Except this time was different. He went a little too far, he didnt know when to stop. And he couldnt get up, he tried but he couldnt. Dan held onto the sink as a prompt but that had just resulted in him crashing back down to the floor, pulling a few glasses that had been left at the side of the sink with him.
It was in slow motion to Dan, the glass cups. Falling. Falling. Falling. And then smashing. Shattering. Shards evrywhere. Fragments covering the entirety of the bathroom floor.
But most of all the sound. The shattering sound it made when the glass made contact with the floor. And then the scattering of remanants of the glass.
It was all too loud. Dan knew it would wake Phil up and there was no way of covering it all up.
"Dan, are you okay? I heard some noise?" Phil called down the hallway, his voice filled with concern. And thats when the thoughts came back. The anxiety kicked in.
He's going to hate me
He's going to be so dissapointed.
He'll think im disgusting.
He's going to kick me out.
I know it.
He'll tell everyone.
Everyones going to find out.
Nobody will like me.
And then the panic attack. All of a sudden Dan was hyperventilating, his breath was getting quicker and heavier until he started going lightheaded.
"Dan? Dan! I'm coming in!" Phils voice was on the other side of the door.
Breath In. Breath out. In. And out. In. And ou- It wasnt working. Everything was going slow and he couldnt move. Blood was everywhere. So were the shards of glass. His heavy breathing filled up his ears, along with his pulse. Everyhthing was overwhelming and then Phil opened the door and he stood there. Eyes wide.
Dan probably looked pathetic. He was there on the floor, blood and shattered glass all around him. And the breathing. The heavy heavy breathing. His face was hot and as he felt it he realized he was crying. So so pathetic.
And then he blacked out.
Phil's POV
Phil opened the door into the room he had heard the noise coming from, to see Dan, laying on the floor. Phil's eyes widened as he took in the scene. Dan was soaked in blood, and there was a large pool of the crimson substance surrounding his limp body. Shards of glass littered the bathroom tiles under Phil's feet, which crunched like new snow as he walked. Tears were streaming down Dan's face, the salty water mixing in with the dark red liquid. Creating a transparent and maroon droplet as the two substances met. But before long the red took over again and it was just the colour of blood.
Somewhere amongst the mess he could see something small, silver and shiny. On closer inspection a blade that had been enveloped in blood and glass. That explained the dozens of cuts scattered around Dan's body.
Phil finally pulled himself together as he realized he was crying, no not crying, sobbing. He wasnt sure what to do but adrenaline pumped him into action and with that he picked Dan up bridal style. Even in this state he was still beautiful- no wrong time to think that, Phil!
Phil carried the younger boy into his bedroom and lay him down gently before rushing back out again. He grabbed what he thought he'd need; disinfectant, cotton wool and bandages, cramming his phone into his already loaded arms for worst case scenario.
Phil cleaned the last of the cuts, kissed each one once before finally bandaging them up.
Dan had been out for a few hours. Or maybe it had been a few days. Maybe a few weeks, Phil wasn't entirely sure. But when he felt a stir beside him he was sure that all the waiting was worth it, no matter how long it had been.
Phil's eyes darted towards the small boy next to him. Dan's eyes opened. Looked around. And then widened.
"Phil, w-what's going on?" Dan stuttered. Phil could tell he was confused and probably scared, but thats normal for someone who had been through what dan went through.
"It's okay, i saved you, you're okay now, everythings okay. And i know i didnt tell you before but i love you." Phil reassured, eyes watering.
"Philly, I love you too" Dan replied. Then Phil's phone rang.
"Im just gonna answer this, it's Louise, Im sure she'll be glad to know youre alright now" And with that Phil wandered off and answered the phone.
Louise's POV
"Hello, Louise!" Phil answered sounding happily.
"Hi, Phil. You sound... happy? are you okay?" Louise replied unsurely. She hadn't heard Phil sound this happy for... over a month.
"Oh yeah! Dan finally woke up, and we're probably 3going to make pancakes soon. He's really happy and he loves me! And I love him!"
Oh, Phil...
"Phil..." She started unsteadily
"Yes?" He sounded so innocent. Like a child who thinks that everything will be fine when its not.
"Phil, Dan died over a month ago. Remember, we went to his funeral, lovely." Louise's voice trembled, but tried to sound positive and reasurring for Phil.
"No, your wrong. He's right here, Louise! HE'S RIGHT HERE! WHY DOES NO ONE BELIEVE ME! WHY ISN'T HE HERE? I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH!" Phil burst into tears on the other side of the phone. And the line went dead.