Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

First Date, Third Wheel

When Byakuya heard an echoing crash followed by an unmanly yelp and then a fit of amused laughter from his clan's immaculate kitchen, his first instinct was to close his eyes, return to his paperwork and pretend he was just imagining things.

But after a second somewhat more feminine yelp and raucous laughter that thundered through the thin walls of the manor, Byakuya came to the conclusion that he didn't have an imagination, and it was best to see to whatever destruction was currently befalling his household.

His silent and graceful feet swept him briskly across the many rooms and curious servants of the house until he appeared in front of the kitchen doors and opened them abruptly, catching none other than his sister and that boy of hers covered in white powder and brown batter.

It took decades of Kuchiki discipline not to slap a hand to his face.

"What…" Byakuya started slowly, still fighting the twitching in his left hand, "Are you doing?"

"Nii-sama!" Rukia straightened up respectfully with a wooden spoon erect in her hand. "I'm sorry about the mess Nii-sama! I promise we'll clean it up after we've finished."

Ichigo stood next to her with his arms crossed, a glare on his face, and a bowl on his head. "She started it." He muttered scathingly as whatever concoction they were making slid across the crease of his scowl and down his nose.

Again Byakuya fought his impulses and instead blinked. "Those statements do not answer my question."

"Ah," Rukia turned toward the counter and picked up a plate with small brown mounds. "We're making chocolate Nii-sama. For Valentine's Day."

He stood still as Rukia excitedly approached him and offered the plate. "Have you had chocolate before? It's really good. Have one!"

Byakuya hesitated, wondering if chocolate was the cause of his kitchen being in turmoil, and the ridiculous state of the two in front of him, but his sister's unwavering smile won him over and Byakuya took up a piece of chocolate and placed it in his mouth.

It took decades of Kuchiki discipline not to smile down at her.

"Hm," was his only reply.

Rukia smiled again, acknowledging his grunt was that of acceptance.

"What is Valentine's Day?" He asked, helping himself to another chocolate. It wasn't often that candy appeared in the manor without a pink haired little demon claiming it.

Ichigo shrugged and took the bowl off his head before running a finger inside to lick the edges. "Just another way to waste money." He said shrewdly, licking his fingers. Rukia glared at him reproachfully and snatched the bowl away.

"It's a human holiday." She explained. "Women buy or make homemade chocolate and gifts for the men they care about."

At this piece of information, the sweet chocolate coating Byakuya's tongue suddenly turned bitter. He braced his facial muscles to appear passive and delicately asked. "Who are you making chocolate for?"

"For you Nii-sama."

Ah.

"And Ichigo and Renji."

Ah…

Rukia began to tally the men in her life and Byakuya's face drooped slightly. "Of course Chad and Ishida will need some too. Oh, and Ukitake-taicho."

Ichigo's face almost mirrored the Kuchiki's. "Yeah." He sighed before running his hand through his hair. "That's why we came here to make chocolate. After the 4th batch we ran out of room at my house, especially since my sister is in the Valentines craze too."

Rukia's hands landed on her hips. "We wouldn't have needed so many batches if you'd been more helpful." She scolded.

Ichigo turned toward her and Byakuya suddenly felt as if he'd become invisible…as was the case with these two…

"I told you to just buy some." Ichigo argued. "No one cares if you bought it or made it."

Rukia balked as if slapped. "You're the one who practically ordered me to make it by hand!"

"I just wanted to see if you could." Ichigo skillfully ducked a flying flour bag without missing a beat. "And besides that, I only helped you make the first batch because I thought I would be the only one eating it! I'm not gonna work my ass off for other guys!"

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Excuse me." Byakuya spoke in such a tone his appearance was anything but translucent. He decided to intrude before his sister littered the kitchen with chocolate and blood spatter. Which one stained worse, he did not know for sure. "Why do human females find it pertinent to indulge their men?" he asked in a rare fit of curiosity.

Rukia's anger vanished immediately as she explained with gusto. "Oh well on White day, an exact month from now, the favor's returned and girls receive chocolates and gifts. Ichigo's already promised he'd take me out to dinner while we're here."

Byakuya did not miss the rosy color that spread beyond the chocolate stains on the boy's face. He did not appreciate what the blush indicated either. "Dinner?" he asked icily.

Ichigo was the only one who shivered, and a nervous hand wandered to the back of his still flushed neck. "Ah…yeah…" he mumbled as though suddenly shy. "I uh…just thought it'd be a good chance to use that pass you gave me on New Years."

Byakuya always knew that gift would backfire.

"What's wrong?" Rukia asked, observantly noticing his extreme distaste.

He glanced at the boy still looking awkward at was only apparent between the two of them. Byakuya turned with a flip of his hair, hiding his face completely. "Nothing. Enjoy yourselves." He said flatly.

"Oh Nii-sama, would you rather we ate here?"

His foot paused mid-step.

"Wait a minute." Ichigo scrambled. "Rukia—"

"I know a really good dish from the human world that Ichigo taught me." She said ignoring Ichigo's objections. "We can make it for you as thanks for using the kitchen and we could all spend Valentines together."

Slowly Byakuya turned. And slowly a smile crept onto his face. "That's a wonderful idea Rukia."

Ichigo was not a fan of Valentine's day. He'd spent many years abhorring his father for dressing up as cupid and aiming to hit him with real arrows, and he'd spent many hours in school abhorring those shrieky things he called classmates. He'd blame the girls, but Keigo did a fair share of shrieking himself.

But compared to spending a dinner next to an annoyingly oblivious Rukia and across from the death rays sent by an annoyingly perceptive Byakuya, Ichigo was just about ready to swallow his pride and admit to his true motives.

The word date was prohibited from even entering Ichigo's vocabulary, but…it wouldn't have been too off the mark of why he wanted to take Rukia out to dinner. He really should have been more clear when he'd told her.

"Pass that red sauce please." Rukia asked suddenly. That fact that of all things, Rukia had wanted to make quesadillas for her brother the noble, on Valentine's no less, only made the evening that much more significant and horrifying.

Ichigo held it out, but pulled back before she could grasp it. "Just make sure not to dump it on my head this time." He teased in an attempt to lighten the mood at the table.

Rukia smirked back at him and responded the way he had hoped. "That was entirely your fault. You wouldn't keep your nose out of the bowl. I merely helped you achieve your goals."

Ichigo snorted. "Yeah, that wasn't a bit overboard or anything." He glanced over at Byakuya poking his food. "Are nobles supposed to play with their meals?" he joked. Rukia's elbow discreetly hit his ribs, but it was worth throwing a shot at Byakuya.

The noble ignored his chide and continued to poke. "I'm not aware of this cuisine, and I'm not accustomed to consume food to which I have no knowledge of."

"It's called a quesadilla Nii-sama." Rukia supplied. "Ichigo taught me how to make it." She continued when Byakuya was brave enough to lift a bite to his mouth.

"It's Mexican food." Ichigo added. "Chad taught me and it's really easy, so I showed Rukia."

Rukia arched an eyebrow, but Ichigo shrugged bravely. "I couldn't have you using the microwave, not after what happened to Yuzu's class pet."

Rukia's jaw dropped. "You promised not to mention that to anyone!"

Byakuya finally took a bite and considered. "Messy…but the flavor's aren't detestable." He said finally.

Ichigo let out a snort even while Rukia seemed to be pleased. "This guy really knows how to complement the chef." He muttered.

Rukia pulled his sleeve and leaned towards his ear. "That means he really likes it." She whispered. "You should learn to read his face by now."

"Hm." Ichigo grunted as if he had heard a thing she said. But the way her shoulder grazed his, and the remaining smell of chocolate in her hair only reminded Ichigo of how much he wanted to pretend her brother wasn't there.

His eyes darted towards Byakuya, who actually did seem very attentive to his food, and then went back to Rukia.

"Hey how about we get some dessert after dinner's over?" he asked innocently.

Rukia lifted one shoulder and gave a small shake of her head. "That's alright, I'm actually tired of sweets today. All of that chocolate tasting can't be good for me."

Not the least bet crestfallen, Ichigo snorted for the second time during dinner. "You wouldn't be fat even if you ate that lieutenant in the 2nd division."

A flattered and way too sparkly smile crossed Rukia's features. "Ah, so you're saying my figure is perfect?" she twittered.

"What I said was you could eat a whole person and you'd still be as skinny and flat chested as a—OW! Rukia!"

There was a fork in his thigh.

Rukia's hand still fisted the utensil as her voice rose. "What do my breasts have anything to do with being skinny?!"

Ichigo panicked when the silverware started to twist. "Calm down! I was just kidding! And I'm right next to you, you don't have to yell!"

"Why?" Rukia grated. "Is my voice too loud for someone who's only a b-cup?"

"No way are you a b-cup."

It was then that Ichigo remembered that Kuchiki Byakuya was still sitting across from them.

Rukia stared at the shredded clothes and scarred bones that were once Kurosaki Ichigo. She almost pitied his sad state.

Almost.

"Are you sure you don't want to stop by the 4th squad before we go?" she asked, trying valiantly to hide the amusement from her voice.

"I'm positive." Ichigo grumbled hoarsely.

Rukia bent down to the ground and poked what was left of his pride. "Really? Because you've been crawling for the last 5 minutes and I think you dropped a bit of your spleen back there."

A stubborn lip lifted into a smirk. "I must not need my spleen then."

Rukia rolled her eyes and hefted one of his arms onto her shoulder and hoisted him up. She wrapped her free arm around Ichigo's back, attempting to pull him and use a healing kidou at the same time. "Ichigo, for being so skinny, you're pretty heavy." she grunted from the effort.

"I can't believe he used Byakurai on me." Ichigo mumbled as his head fell into the crook of her neck.

"Hmm…I'm not. It is his favorite." Rukia shifted with another grunt and managed to half drag, half carry Ichigo towards the senkai gate to the living world.

"Well I just didn't think he'd use that inside the house. I mean, Senbonzakura wouldn't have broken all those walls."

"Yes." Rukia admitted. "However if he hadn't blasted them with white lightening, your body surely would have broken them instead."

"Surely." Ichigo groaned mockingly.

Rukia smiled and continued to slowly trudge their way through Soul Society. It was late now, and most of the shinigami that were usually milling about during the day had gone home or gone to the bars. So inside the Seireitei, only crickets and Ichigo's shuffling feet could be heard. He let out a pained wheeze and unconsciously nuzzled further into her support. Rukia could still smell the chocolate in his hair, and her smile only widened.

"It wasn't that bad right?" she asked quietly, not quite sure if Ichigo was still conscious and up for banter. "I really think you're growing on Nii-sama."

"Yeah right. This time next year I'll be one of the clan."

Rukia paused for a beat and then picked up the pace. "Are you positive about the healing barracks?" She asked again, doubling her efforts in her kidou while she spoke. "I'm sure Hanatarou wouldn't say anything."

Ichigo groaned and leaned up slightly to look her in the eyes. "Nah. I'll admit I kind of deserved it." He kept staring at her and Rukia frowned before he looked away nervously. "Uh…sorry if I…about your…"

"Don't mention it." Rukia said firmly, turning away to hide her own red cheeks. "And I mean it. If you mention what you said about my…and about that class pet again, you'll much more to worry about than one dose of kidou."

"Ah." Ichigo agreed. "I'll make it up to you on White day. But dammit, don't invite your brother when I'm trying to ask you out okay?"

Rukia blinked. "Is that what you were trying to do?"

"Aw, shut up." Ichigo griped despite reaching for the hand that wasn't administering kidou, and held it securely within his own.

Rukia turned her head away and bit her lip bashfully before squeezing his hand back. Their walk continued silently and though Ichigo began being less of a burden, his steps stronger as her healing completed, they didn't change positions or move away.

"In hindsight," Rukia said slowly. "That wasn't quite the way human's spend Valentine's day is it?"

Ichigo moaned bitterly and gave her a small headbutt. "Not your best idea."

"Coming from you, that's difficult to hear." she laughed, letting their foreheads rest together. "Happy Valentine's Day Ichigo."

"Yeah yeah…you too midget."

AN: Happy Valentine's Day! Or Friday the 13th! Writer's block really hurts when there's a deadline. I hope at least one person gets a kick out of this! Thanks!