A Subjectively Terrible Naruto Fanfiction
Naruto Uzumaki woke up late for ninja school, yawning loudly as he always did. He rolled out of bed stealthily and ninja-like, as he always imagined a real ninja would do, although this was difficult, since oddly his trademark orange jumpsuit seemed baggier than usual. Still groggy from a full night's sleep, he stumbled for the kitchen to get his routine glass of probably-expired milk. He walked by his cat, who seemed exponentially larger than he did just the night before. Poor Naruto, who struggled to find an explanation for this inconsistency, thought to himself, "He probably just ate all of the grapes I left on the table last night (although he usually never likes grapes)."
After successfully entering the kitchen, to his surprise, he saw a completely untouched bowl of grapes on his dinner table. As he fumbled around in the dim morning light for the handle of the refrigerator, he discovered that he was having extreme difficulty actually reaching the said handle.
Wait, what?
Naruto jumped and grabbed hold of it, but he was almost sure that the fridge itself must have grown a foot or so over the course of the night. As a matter a fact, the more he looked around, the larger everything in his house seemed, and the smaller he felt. In order to make sure he wasn't trapped in some horrifyingly lifelike nightmare, he scurried to the bathroom to wash his face. When he got there, however, he found he wasn't tall enough to see himself in the mirror, so he jumped up onto the sink, and the image he saw was so unbeleivable that he slid right off the wet sink and bonked his head on the dirty hardwood floor. Rubbing the fresh bump on his head gingerly, he hesitantly hopped back up on the sink and, punnily enough, allowed the image in the mirror sink in.
He, Naruto Uzumaki, had become a Pikachu.
The initial shock of this fact had quite an electrifying effect on Naruto. Desperate, he gushed out a stream of water from the faucet and vigorously washed his face, inadvertently rubbing water into the electrical pouches that now painted a permanent blush on his visage. The cheek pouches, reacting to the flow of cold tap water on his face, erupted with tremendous electrical charge. Naruto inadvertently destroyed his own sink, flooding the washroom with water.
"Dammit," groaned Naruto, who could barely afford his water bill to begin with. "I guess I underestimated my own strength, now that I'm a Pikachu… Wait a minute!" Naruto, as if a high voltage light bulb had been switched on between his perky black-and-yellow ears, had made a genius realization about his current state of being. "I can impress Sakura with my sick new Thunderbolt move!"
Naruto hurried excitedly out of the cramped apartment to show off his new techniques, leaving the door wide open and using Quick Attack to dart as rapidly as he could to ninja school.
Arriving late, he expected the typical laughing and jeering from his classmates, who all considered him to be an absolute failure in all subjects (including his social life). However, it seemed that all the kids were too occupied talking to Sasuke, who was as popular as ever.
"Hmm. As usual, everyone is in love with Sasuke. Well, now that I'm a Pikachu, Sasuke is really in for a shock!" snickered Naruto. Today, though, everyone was even more interested in Sasuke than normal, and there was a thick crowd around him. Naruto, now being short enough to fit between the other student's legs, crawled into the center of the crowd without much trouble.
"Hey Sasuke, check out my new- WHAAAAA?!" Naruto nearly imploded from pure surprise. The reason why Sasuke was soaking up even more attention than his usual handsome self was that apparently, Sasuke had changed too. His sleek, black, emo hair, replaced with some sort of odd blue spikes, and his edgy, moody demeanor had been replaced with an upbeat, sarcastic aura.
Sasuke had, by all appearances, turned into Sonic the Hedgehog.
"Hey, loser," Sasuke scoffed cockily, " Took you a while to get here, didn't it? You know, you ought to step it up." Naruto would have easily came up with a snappy comeback were it not for the crowds' confused eyes fixed on his cute Pikachu face. Nervous, he simply gawked and his cheek pouches went from a bright red to a deep crimson. Naruto simply could not fathom this to be true. Sasuke, his very worst of enemies, the devil himself, whom Sakura liked, had become Sonic, his idol since youth, his favorite character and inspiration?
Naruto, after somewhat collecting his thoughts, managed to sputter out a few barely coherent thoughts. "H… how….. Why… Sonic?"
"Honestly, I don't get it either," replied Sasuke, scratching his spiky cobalt head. "This morning, I woke up as I usually did. and then I randomly just got the urge to go fast!" Despite his initial showing of confidence and bravado, Sasuke was equally confused about his change in body as Naruto was. "So you became a Pikachu, huh? Thats pretty lame. I much prefer Sonic."
"T-That's not true," Naruto retorted, although, internally, he could not agree more. "Pikachu is way cooler… Anyways, at least I have electrical powers!" Never passing up a chance to show off to his rival, Naruto charged up a thunderbolt deep within his body. Electricity crackled from his pores and transferred to the surrounding air in an impressive flash of lightning. The frail schoolhouse exploded in a beautiful burst of thunderbolt. Lets see what Sasuke thinks of that! he thought to himself.
"I KNEW YOU WERE STUPID, BUT ARE YOU CRAZY, NARUTO?" screamed Sasuke, over the crackling of flames burning in the remains of the schoolhouse. Sasuke's spikes were fried and blackened, each emitting a tiny haze of smoke from their tips. Luckily, nobody had been hurt in the blast, but everyone was extremely pissed off at Naruto. Feeling sorry to have created such a ruckus, he averted his eyes from the unblinking glares of his classmates, who surrounded him like a pack of massive lions. One by one they dispersed (Sasuke first, and with great haste, of course). Where everyone was going the middle of the day, Naruto didn't know, but he knew they'd end up telling whoever they could about today's happenings.
That night, Naruto walked alone among the pink blossoms lining the dirt paths in the outskirts of town. His head drooped in the midnight breeze as he trudged along, a pit of regret planted deep in his yellow, furry stomach.
"Why?" Naruto whined, "Why did I have to become a Pikachu? I didn't choose this!" Cursing his luck, he dragged himself along the road with heavy footsteps. He wasn't headed anywhere in particular, but he walked on in shame. Wiping tears from his eyes, he caught a glint in the moonlight. It was in the very middle of the road. Feeling drawn towards the glint, he scampered over to it and held it previously in both of his tiny paws. It was a clear rock, seemingly average except a lightning bolt motif etched into its rigid sides. At the sight of this lightning bolt, Naruto instantly knew what he was holding.
"A Thunderstone!"
Without warning, the stone began to glimmer and shine brilliantly, pulsating softly in Naruto's grip. Naruto was mesmerized by the light, and before he knew it, his body began reacting to the stone. He and the stone shined in constant unison for a solid seven seconds, but to Naruto, it felt as if he had been standing there, gleaming gloriously for hours on end. When things had finally dimmed down, he discovered that the stone had disappeared, and his body had once again changed.
Power sizzling through his orange skin, it was as clear as day that Naruto had, just as suddenly as he had become a Pikachu, evolved into a Raichu. His spirits were instantly uplifted, and every negative thought was cleared from his mind. As a matter of fact, all thoughts were erased from his mind. Naruto felt godlike, electricity leaking from his quivering fur.
With a huge amount of post-evolution energy, he felt an overwhelming urge to break things. He took off at lightspeed to village, completely unaware of where he was or what he was doing. He gathered a tremendous amount of power, and made a giant ball of crackling sparks.
Then, he blacked out.
Naruto awoke to see his entire village decimated. All that remained of the villagers, the people he had grown up with, that he had known since birth, all of his classmates, were nothing but piles of ash. Even Sasuke, who he'd despised with all of his heart, was nowhere to be seen. The sadness he felt was unbearable. Drained of all his energy, he slumped away towards the edge of the town and cried for several minutes.
From the shadows of a towering pine came a boastful clearing-of-the-throat.
"Gotta go fast." His eyes showing red in the luminescence, Sasuke's indignant tone rang out to Naruto across several yards of wreckage. He approached Naruto at an uncharacteristically slow pace, taking methodical steps that crunched softly against the debris.
"I'M SORRY!" sobbed Naruto, "I NEVER MEANT TO KILL ANYONE… I didn't know what I was doing!" Tears flowed so freely from his fuzzy cheeks that it seemed to be raining from his face down. He knelt in a puddle of tears, and begged for forgiveness.
"You," Sasuke muttered, "Are simply too slow." When Naruto looked up at him in confusion, Sasuke waved his gloved hedgehog hand, beckoning someone from the shadows of the forest to come forth. One by one, all of the villagers stepped apprehensively into the clearing where the village once stood. When this only seemed to make Naruto even more confused (not to mention happy), Sasuke decided to explain.
"You see, having a Sonic body ends up being superior to your body even after you evolved," Sasuke stated matter-of-factly. "Being extremely fast, I reacted to you appearing at the village very quickly. I knew I couldn't just beat you up, so I quickly evacuated all of the villagers, and you just ended up destroying buildings."
Naruto's deflated heart swelled with joy, and, without saying a word, he hugged Sasuke harder than anyone ever had in the history of hugs.
Naruto actually hugged Sasuke so hard that he accidentally released a Thunder Wave, paralysing Sasuke from the torso down. Although it wasn't easy, Sasuke vowed to go fast, even in a wheel chair. The two remained best friends for the rest of their lives.