Summary: Part crackfic, part fairy tale. (Eventually) featuring all your favorite 'Sonny with a Chance' characters.

Potions, Princes & Monsters, Oh my!

Long ago and far away, in a kingdom just beyond the reach of Tinseltowne, lived an old king and queen. Like most of the kings and queens of fairy tales, what they wanted most was an heir to the throne--a young prince who would carry on the family name and bring riches and glory to their land.

On the morning of the summer solstice—when the sun blazes in all its glory and holds its position in the center of the sky—the couple's first and only child was born to them.

King Grady sat looking out a window, waiting for news of his wife and child. He was fidgety, rapping his plump fingers along the gold-leafed throne. What could he name his sure-to-be-valiant heir? Reginald? No, too common. Rufus? No, he was naming a prince not a dog! He was not good at this sort of thing.

He got up from the throne and paced around the room, his shoes making nervous puttering noises on the palace floor. Perhaps he should ask the queen? No that would be silly. He would do this and he would do it well. And even if he didn't, he was the king—so what could anybody say?

Finally he leaned against the window pane, noticing the sun in the same position he'd seen it in earlier. It truly was a majestic sight—always the same brilliant gold that never fades. Some philosopher had tried to say it was dangerous to stare at it for long, spouting nonsense about eventual blindness. King Grady just laughed. What superstitious fools these commoners could be.

Epiphany! Suddenly, King Grady turned away from the window, clasping his hands in front of his chest. "I have it!" he shouted, calling for his attendant.

The attendant rushed in, nervous. "Yes, your majesty?"

"I know what to name the prince, Attendant."

"But Sire--"

"Tshht. Don't interrupt me. Write this down."

"Erm. Okay, Your Majesty." Had the king listened to his servant he would have learned a critical piece of information regarding his child. But King Grady was never known for his listening skills.

King Grady stretched his hands out, emulating the pose of famous orators. "On this day when the sun has basked us in its glory, a child has been born to our small kingdom. This prince will surely bring us a thousand happy days of sunshine…etcetera, etcetera. (You'll have to have the palace speech-writer fill in the middle bits with witty colloquialisms). Which is why I have named our prince—Sonny, son of the sun. Or does 'son of the silent stars' sound better?"

The attendant didn't know if he was supposed to answer or not, so he just kept on copying things down. Even after he finished, he moved the quill around to look like he was still writing.

"Well, what do you think, man?" King Grady trapped his foot impatiently. "I can't wait all day you know—I have to read this to the people soon. And you know how long hair and makeup takes."

The attendant smiled awkwardly. "It's very nice, Sire. Poetic even. It's just that—well…"

"What? Out with it already!"

"It's just that you've had a girl, Sire."

The king's face paled considerably. "You mean?"

"Yes, the midwife sent me to tell you. The prince is a princess."

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Fourteen years and five months later, Princess Sonny sat with her father in the throne room. She had been blessed with all the usual traits of a princess--and more. She looked nothing like King Grady (which sparked a few rumors among the courtiers). No, Sonny was beyond beautiful, with bright sangria lips framed by a face of porcelain skin. Her dark brown hair glinted with goldenrod in the sunlight and darkened to a lovely opaque in the moonlight. She could sing too. Better than her chorus teacher, some said.

But Princess Sonny was more than a little discontent with her lot in life. She didn't want to learn needlepoint (archery maybe, but not needlepoint). And that was the only schooling she was allowed, other than singing of course. She complained to her father about it.

"Don't gripe, daughter. Education prepares you for your future. Needlepoint is what a queen does." He gestured around the throne room. "Look at all the wonderful tapestries your mother has made. Don't you want to make such fineries to please your husband?"

Sonny tried not to grimace. "Father, there must be more to being a princess than singing and needlework."

King Grady pressed his finger to his chin. "Hmn… Let me think. Beauty (can't learn that). Song (you've got that down). And needlepoint (still needs work, I've seen your attempt at a cross-stitch). Yep—that's it."

Sonny huffed. "Well then I don't want to be princess." Her face lit up with an idea. "Ooh, ooh! Maybe I can fill in for the court jester while he's away. I'd be good at it. I have jokes in my head as we speak. Watch this." She jumped in front of her father, clearing her throat. "A coconut and a lemon-square walk into a room--"

King Grady smacked his hand to his forehead. "Sonny, you cannot be a court jester. You can only be a princess!"

Sonny made a sour face. She was disappointed. She thought for sure he'd go for that.

King Grady exhaled loudly. "Try and be like your cousin Tawni. She is the epitome of what a princess is supposed to be like."

"Really?" Sonny was surprised. "She's not very nice."

"Princesses don't have to be nice! They need to be pretty and know needlework. So they can marry princes who will protect the kingdom from evil foes and tax evasion."

"I can protect the kingdom," Sonny protested.

King Grady tapped his fingers along the armrest on his throne, a nervous habit he'd developed since his daughter's birth. There were scratches in the gold from years of tap-tap-tapping. "Sonny, you cannot protect the kingdom. Only a prince can do that. That's why we must find you a husband."

"Eek." Did she say that out loud? Her eyes got big. "Father, don't you think I'm a little young to marry?"

"Eh, not really. Your mother was only a little older when I married her. Besides the selection process takes forever. We need to line you up some good prospects." He clasped his together, like he always did when he was excited. "Don't worry I've already sent out messengers to the neighboring kingdoms that you're seeking suitors."

"Oh dear." Sonny felt blood rushing to her face. She touched her hands to her cheeks in a futile attempt to cool them off. What was she going to do now?

To be continued (if there's interest)

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Note: I was going to wait 'til I had someone beta before I posted this, but hey--you only live once, right? If people care, I'll write some more. ^_^

Next up—suitors. The princely kind. Who will be after the young girls' heart? A familiar heartthrob perhaps? We'll see. ^_~ Like it? Hate it? Want someone famous to cameo? Send me your thoughts. King Grady demands it!