Summary: Arthur and Alfred's dogs have a brilliant plan to bring the two together.
Rating: K+ for reference to kissing.
Monty lounged next to the bay window, enjoying the fine summer weather as he watched humans and dogs strolling along the pavement below. He whined softly, wishing that he was outside, instead of waiting for Arthur to finish his latest project. He turned back to glance at his human. Arthur sat hunched over his desk, typing furiously. The position didn't look good for his back or his eyes, and he had been sitting like that all day. Monty suspected that Arthur would never leave the flat if it weren't for their daily walks. He worried about his human's health and wished he could do something to make Arthur spend more time outside and less time hunched over his desk.
Other than not having enough daily walks, they had a good life together. Arthur's flat was small, but cozy and well organized. The tiny kitchen often smelled like burning, so Monty preferred the fresh air of his comfortable bay window. When the weather was warm, Arthur would open the window, letting Monty enjoy the sights and sounds of London. The best part was the nearby park, an absolute paradise for dogs. They visited at least once a week—rain or shine, usually more rain than shine—and it was Monty's favorite part of the day.
As Monty watched the people walking past on the pavement below, an idea began to form in his head. Ever since Arthur had adopted him as a pup, he had learned a great deal about humans and their mating patterns. For example, they did a lot of things in pairs. He often watched people flirting at the park or walking side by side with their canine companions. If he could find a nice mate for Arthur, his human would leave the apartment more often and Monty would have a new friend. It was a perfect plan.
Wagging his tail in excitement for his brilliant idea, Monty watched the humans walking below with renewed attention. He knew that his human preferred mates of his own sex, which would make it a little trickier to find his human a mate. But Monty was a patient and clever corgi.
If anyone could find the perfect boyfriend for Arthur, he could.
When they left for their early evening stroll at five, Monty pulled Arthur towards the park. He knew that Arthur preferred shorter walks when he was busy with his projects, but the gardens would be filled with more people, giving Monty a wider selection of potential mates.
The park provided a calming oasis of green amid the hustle and bustle of London and the sight of Kensington Palace beyond the trees gave the gardens a stately air. It was an altogether agreeable place for walks—drawing a fair number of Londoners and tourists alike onto the grass and paths to enjoy the mild summer weather. Monty meandered, turning his head from side to side as he scanned the park for a suitable mate. Perhaps his wish list was unrealistic, but he wanted to find someone who was about the right age, friendly, and kind. Good looks were a bonus. And, of course, he had to love dogs.
For the next fortnight, Monty patiently scanned the crowds during their daily walks, waiting for Arthur's prince charming to appear. The corgi spotted possible contenders and rejected them just as quickly. Some already had boyfriends, others acted like complete and utter jerks (catcalling women was both rude and a strong sign of incompatibility), and one had a facial expression so frightening that Monty didn't understand why the man's sweet-faced boyfriend or cute dog didn't run away in terror. A dark-haired man with an adorable Shiba Inu caught Monty's eye, but moments later his boyfriend (a cat-lover!) approached and Monty had to scratch him off the list.
And then Monty spotted him near the bridge that connected Hyde Park to Kensington Gardens. He was perfect. Even from a distance, Monty could tell that he was just a bit taller, with handsome legs and a cheerful expression. He looked like he was filled with boundless energy.
His human wasn't bad looking either.
Monty raced forward on the path as fast as his stubby legs would carry him, tugging a surprised Arthur behind him. Even at his top speed, he lost sight of the handsome beagle in the crowd and by the time they reached the spot, both dog and human were long gone. Monty committed their image to memory. Now that he had spotted him, it was only a matter of finding him again. Someone with a dog in London was unlikely to be a tourist and if he used Kensington Gardens as a dog park, he probably lived nearby. It was only a matter of time 'til they met again.
The corgi huffed to himself in disappointment and allowed Arthur to lead him back to their shared apartment. He jumped up onto the bay window and curled up against his favorite teddy bear, gazing out the window as the familiar sounds of Arthur's clacking keyboard filled the room.
So help him Dog, Monty would find that handsome beagle again. And his tall human too.
It took a significant amount of barking, making Monty feel like a bad dog, but he eventually convinced Arthur to go on a walk to the park at the same time in the early evening for the rest of the week. He wasn't proud of himself for resorting to the puppy eyes, yet he knew it had to be done. Monty kept hoping to see the beautiful beagle again and he thought his odds would be best if they went to the park at the same time. Each day as they finished their walk without catching a glimpse of the dog and his human, Monty lost more hope.
Reminding himself that Arthur was worth it, Monty shook off his languor. Despite his occasional grumpiness, his human was kind and gentle, but he had never been lucky in love. And after the messy break-up with the Spaniard a year earlier, it seemed that Arthur had stopped trying. Monty didn't miss the yelling when the two humans fought or the constant yipping of the Spaniard's annoying chihuahua. He just wanted Arthur to be happy. Though he'd like it best if Arthur found happiness with someone who had a compatible dog.
They walked to Arthur's favorite spot in the park, a secluded spot with a lovely view of the park's narrow lake. Arthur brought a book and sat on a bench to read, as Monty continued to scan the park from his resting spot underneath the bench. Eventually the warm air lulled the corgi to sleep, his head resting on his paws. He jolted awake when he heard Arthur close his book and stand up. Disappointed in himself for falling asleep when he was supposed to be completing his mission, Monty trudged in Arthur's wake.
He didn't even notice that they were on a collision course with another human and his dog. His first warning was a cheerful bark ahead of them on the path. Monty looked up and suddenly the handsome beagle was directly in his face, sniffing and licking and wagging his tail and jumping in excitement.
"Hi! Hello there! Are you one of the Queen's pets? Do you want to play? Do you want to be friends?" the beagle asked breathlessly, jumping from one question to the next without waiting for Monty's reply.
"Sorry, he's a little excitable," the beagle's human apologized to Arthur with a laugh as he disentangled the two dogs and their leashes. His voice sounded warm and friendly, though Monty's main impression of the man's features was a set of nostrils. For what it was worth, they looked like nice nostrils. More than anything else, Monty believed that you could judge a human by his canine companion. He was a fantastic corgi and therefore Arthur was a great human. The beagle was cheerful and wonderful, so the beagle's human had to be nice too.
"Hello," Monty said as the beagle regretfully followed his human. As the two started to walk away, Monty turned his head to glance back. "Wait! When do you come to the park?" he called.
"Every Friday at five!" the beagle shouted. "Come and play with me!"
Monty wagged his tail and felt his spirits lift. He would drag Arthur back to the park on Friday. Together he and the beagle could plan out a perfect meeting for their two humans. Organizing play dates for his human was a lot of fun.
Unfortunately, Arthur seemed less than enthralled with Monty's choice of mate. "Americans," he muttered under his breath derisively. "They never remember to walk on the left."
The next Friday, Monty found the handsome beagle near the park's round pond. The beagle and his human were playing with a Frisbee on an open stretch of grass. One of the human's tosses went long, landing close to the bench where Arthur had decided to read his book.
Monty took the opportunity to catch the beagle's attention. "Ah, hello," he called in a low bark as he stepped out from underneath the bench.
"Oh, hey! Hello again!" the beagle shouted excitedly, wagging his tail as he touched his nose against Monty's. "I'm Darwin and this is Alfred, did you come to play with us?"
"I'm not much for catch," Monty admitted, before he steered the conversation to his primary concern. "I was wondering if your human likes other men?"
"Of course! Alfred loves everybody!"
"No, I meant... well... does he kiss other men?"
Darwin tiled his head to the side. "Kissing? Is that what it's called?" He scrunched up his nose in thought as he contemplated the corgi's question. "My human doesn't have a mate, but sometimes he watches men kissing on his computer."
Monty nodded to himself, pleased that he had guessed correctly. It was time to set the next phase of his find-Arthur-a-boyfriend plan in motion. He nodded in the direction of Alfred, who was still waiting for his beagle to return with the forgotten frisbee. "Could you bring him over? I'd like him to meet Arthur."
Darwin nodded excitedly. "Yeah, that's a great idea! If they're friends we can play together all the time." The beagle grasped the frisbee in his mouth, ran part way across the grass, and waved the frisbee at his human. "Here boy, here boy," Darwin called. Once Alfred started running over, the beagle raced back to the front of the bench and laid the frisbee on top of Arthur's open book. Monty followed closely behind—he wanted a front seat view of the second meeting between the two humans. He hoped they would hit it off well. Or at least better than the first time.
The Englishman blinked. "Imperial College?" he said, reading the logo emblazoned on the frisbee. He lifted his gaze and looked at the unfamiliar dog in confusion. "Where's your owner?"
Alfred arrived moments later and reclaimed the frisbee with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I guess Darwin thought you'd rather play frisbee than read a musty old book." He bent down and gave Monty a pat on the head. "Your corgi's really cute. What's his name?"
Arthur hesitated for a second, and Monty could tell that his human felt torn between accepting the compliment or chewing out the American for letting his dog run around off-leash. Because he was a gentleman, etiquette eventually won out. "I happen to like reading and his name is Monty," he replied. Arthur pointedly returned to his book, blocking further conversation.
"Oh, like Monty Python?" Alfred asked. "Or maybe the Full Monty..." he suggested with a wink. His smile slowly fell as Arthur just turned to the next page in his book without replying; Monty recognized it as his human's cold-shoulder strategy. Alfred rubbed the back of his head with the hand that wasn't holding the frisbee. "Sorry again about the frisbee," he said, trying to reclaim Arthur's attention and failing miserably. "Uh, hopefully I'll see you around again some time." And with that, the American left, Darwin at his heels.
Monty buried his face in his paws. His human could be charming when he wanted, but Arthur had little patience for people who didn't like books. Monty could try to find someone else, but he liked Darwin, and his human seemed like someone who would encourage Arthur to spend more time outside. He just needed to come up with a better plan to get them together.
The next week passed painfully slowly, though the soft rain and soothing scent of Arthur's chamomile tea somewhat calmed Monty's nerves. The corgi had watched a lot of romantic movies with Arthur over the years and he had been under the impression that all he needed to do was arrange for a cute way for the two humans to meet and that they would take it from there. He realized now that he needed to guide the process along a little further. It was a miracle that humans ever managed to find mates on their own.
At least he had the beagle's word that the American would be at the park again the next Friday, giving him another chance to bring the two together.
"I've been staring at this screen too long," Arthur told Monty at quarter to five. "Let's go to the park." After attaching the lead to Monty's collar, Arthur walked on his own accord back to the spot where they had seen the American and his beagle one week prior. They found the American sitting on a nearby bench, sipping a cup of coffee. He looked up at them and waved.
Arthur nodded and kept walking. As they walked past Alfred's bench, Monty decided to take matters into his own paws by sitting down on the path. Arthur noticed the resistance immediately and stopped pulling. "Come on, boy," he urged, giving Monty a gentle tug.
Darwin raced over and wagged his tail. "Hello again! Are you feeling okay? Do you want some water? The pond water tastes strange."
Monty shook his head. "I want my human to like your human, but he keeps walking away," he explained. The corgi flopped onto his side, signaling to Arthur that he would not be moved. He felt a little bad about misbehaving, but consoled himself with the reminder that it was in Arthur's best interest.
"I'll add my weight so he can't pull you away!" Darwin said before playfully jumping on top of the other dog. They both looked up at Arthur, who sighed and sat down on the other side of the bench, giving up on the idea of leaving.
"They really seem to like each other," Alfred said with a grin.
"Arthur," the Englishman said, stretching out his hand.
"Huh?" Alfred asked, before catching on and shaking Arthur's hand.
"If I have to wait for my stroppy dog to take a nap, I'd rather not have to keep calling you 'the annoying American who lets his dog off lead' in my head."
Alfred laughed. "Good point. I'm Alfred, by the way. And I suppose 'Arthur' is better than 'grouchy bookworm with the huge—'"
"No! Not the eyebrows!" Monty barked loudly, distracting Alfred before he could finish his sentence. The corgi breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the American shut his mouth. He didn't realize it would be so hard to get the two silly humans together. They certainly weren't making it easy for him with their casual insults. Monty knew that Arthur was very sensitive to comments about his rather prominent eyebrows.
"What's wrong with the eyebrows?" Darwin asked. "My human couldn't stop talking about the cute guy with the caterpillar-eyebrows and the corgi after we left."
Monty felt a flush of pleasure that his plan was working so well, and he was suddenly glad that he couldn't blush underneath his fur. He relaxed with the beagle on the path and listened as Alfred and Arthur fumbled their way through a bit of flirting, ready to intervene if they were about to make another misstep.
"So, you're a student at Imperial College?" Arthur asked, clearly remembering the words on the frisbee the beagle had laid on his lap.
"Yep, just finished my fresher year. I study synthetic biology."
"Ah, that would explain the beagle named Darwin."
"You get it!" Alfred said with a grin as he punched his fist in the air. "It's sad how many people don't make the connection."
"That's me! They're talking about me!" Darwin jumped up and circled the bench, barking happily. He wagged his tail in uncontrollable joy. Monty rolled his eyes. He loved his human too, but it was important to maintain at least a little dignity.
"Perhaps they need to spend more time reading 'musty old books'," Arthur suggested wryly.
Alfred smiled sheepishly. "It's not that I dislike books, but sunny days are so rare here that you really need to just play frisbee and save the books for a rainy day." He gave Darwin a fond pat on the head when the beagle came to rest at his feet. "Are you ready to play some more?" he asked his dog, pulling out his well-worn frisbee.
"Yay, frisbee time!" Darwin barked excitedly. "I can catch it! Let me catch it!" He raced across the grass to catch the flying frisbee in midair. But instead of returning the frisbee to Alfred he brought it to Arthur, who played along and tossed it for him. Even Monty gave the frisbee a try, although he couldn't manage to jump high enough to catch it. He settled for picking the frisbee off the ground and returning it to the proper owner.
Panting slightly, Monty rested at Arthur's feet. They stayed to play for another hour, and Monty smiled to himself—his plan to get Arthur out of the house more often was working beautifully.
For the next few weeks, Arthur and Alfred would chat briefly when they spotted each other at the park and occasionally play frisbee with their dogs. Monty felt encouraged at first, then he realized that neither of them were going to take the next step. He knew that Arthur was risk-adverse and wouldn't want to potentially ruin a burgeoning friendship by hitting on someone who was straight for all he knew. He had hoped that the American would take the initiative, but despite his outgoing personality, he turned out to be shy in matters of the heart.
Once again, it was up to Monty.
The roses didn't work (Arthur just yelled at him for uprooting the bush) and neither did trying to switch leases with Darwin. So Monty's next plan involved getting Alfred to trip and fall into Arthur's arms. Literally falling in love always seemed to work in Arthur's favorite movies. He checked first with Darwin, who happily agreed.
When he spotted Alfred approaching them on the path, Monty jogged forward. This was his chance. He whispered a small prayer to Dog, and then slipped between Alfred's legs and pulled the leash taut, causing the American to trip. Alfred crashed into Arthur, making them both topple over, limbs flailing, into the shallow pond. Arthur landed on his butt and fell back into the water with a loud splash, while Alfred landed between his legs—leaving them in a rather suggestive position. Their faces nearly touched as they lifted their heads out of the water and sputtered. Monty winced; he had forgotten about the water's proximity.
"I can't swim!" Arthur cried, gripping Alfred's shoulders to pull himself to a sitting position. Monty and Darwin moved to the edge of the pond, watching nervously to make sure their humans were okay.
"Dude, it's only like a foot deep," Alfred said as he leaned back and helped the other man up.
Arthur blinked, braced his hands against the bottom of the pond, and then started to chuckle at his initial panicked response. The two young men laughed as they climbed to their feet and stepped out of the shallow pond. Once on dry land, they refused to look each other in the eye. Monty suspected that their sudden shyness stemmed from the way their wet shirts clung to their bodies, showing off Alfred's abs and Arthur's trim frame.
Arthur started to twist the bottom of his shirt to wring out as much water as possible. "I'm so sorry about Monty. I don't know what's gotten into him. Would you like to come to my flat to dry off?" he finally offered.
"That'd be great!" Alfred immediately agreed.
Squelching in their shoes and dripping wet, the two drew a number of appreciating stares as they walked the short distance to Arthur's apartment, but neither man seemed to mind. Monty shared a happy glance with Darwin. His plan had finally paid off. When humans liked a dog, they took it home with them. Monty assumed the same logic applied when humans liked each other.
Once back at his tiny apartment, Arthur offered Alfred a dry towel and a mug of hot cocoa. Alfred sipped the hot chocolate while Arthur changed in his bedroom. The American glanced around the kitchen, taking in the wide collection of pots and pans and the strange burn marks near the stove. He turned his gaze back to Arthur as he returned in dry clothes, his hair still wet and messy.
"You play football?" Alfred said, nodding at Arthur's shirt. "That's awesome."
Arthur glanced down at his shirt, which had the logo for the Leftfooters Football Club across the front. "Not in a while," he admitted as he quickly prepared a cup of tea. "And it's the sort of football you play with your feet."
"Oh, soccer. Well that's still cool. So is it called Leftfooters 'cause you're bad?"
"No, it's a club for people who... uh... kick with the other foot."
"You're left-footed?"
"No, like batting for the other team."
Alfred blinked in confusion and then laughed as understanding finally dawned. "I see. Now I get why my friend recommended it to me. I thought she was just insulting my soccer skills." He gave Arthur a knowing glance and added, "Maybe I should actually go some time. It sounds like fun."
"Mmm," Arthur agreed. "It's Sunday afternoons at Regent's Park. Perhaps we could get lunch beforehand?"
Monty nodded to himself, pleased that the humans had finally progressed to the point where they didn't need his help thanks to Arthur's gay and lesbian football club. And it looked like Arthur would definitely be leaving the flat more often. Monty decided to give them a little privacy by taking Darwin on a tour of the apartment. He led the beagle to the living room and showed off the bay window seat. "This is my favorite spot in the entire flat," he explained. "You should climb up and start enjoying the view. I think you're going to be spending a lot of time here in the future."
And Monty's prediction proved entirely correct.
Author's Notes
I wanted to do a oneshot inspired by the opening scene of 101 Dalmatians, but I decided to go with a corgi for Arthur because of course he would have a corgi. Alfred's dog was a little harder; I settled on a beagle given their popularity in the U.S. (#4 according to the American Kennel Club) and similarity in appearance to a corgi. Arthur's corgi is named after the Queen's corgi, who in turn is named after Monty Roberts, better known as the Horse Whisperer.
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