Title: I Believe In…
Rating: G
Theme: Loyalty
Pairings/Characters: Kallen/Zero
Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers for little events that happen between Zero and Kallen, but not major plotline spoilers.
Time Period: During the middle of Season 1.
Summary: Can Kallen put her trust in Zero, really? Or is there something that will always stop her from making that possibly fatal mistake?
Word Count: 1197
Dedication: To sk89q, even though they'll never read this. Because I swear I see you from her point of view sometimes. But that's taking Role Play to another level, isn't it?
Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass, or the characters therein.
A/N: There are so few Code Geass fics out there. It's time to change that.
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The shower was running, echoing the noise of the downpour just outside the window. It was chilly, especially inside this expansive mansion. The maids insisted that everything was as comfortably heated as possible, according to the specifics put down by the grandiose, sneering Lady of the house. It was not even supposed to be cold outside. For heaven's sake, it was 'the warmest day of the season' they had spouted gaily upon the news.
Yet nothing could stifle the chill that gripped her, naked though perhaps she was, hesitant and head hung, leaning against the frigid tiles beside the bathtub. The steam that began to seep throughout the room did little but make her feel clammy, and after a long stretch of stillness, she shivered.
Her mind was reeling with emotions and suspicions, doubts that she would never have dared to allow to ensnare her so wholly. And yet, here they were, verily incapacitating her to the point where she could not even allow the slightest distraction to wrench her away from these thoughts. These worries.
In her head, she could still picture his shadowy form, face hidden from view, as he sat there, within the warehouse, and she spilled her fears to him. Will this really work, she had wanted to know. Could we really begin to change things, by doing this, she had questioned him. 'Can what we're doing really change the world?' she had asked of him. And without pause or flaw in his speech, seeming more assured of his objective than ever before, with his steadfastness, he had assuaged all her fears.
'It can. No, it must.'
'But—!' she had pursued, only to be silenced by his logic. His unfaltering words.
She shook her head, biting her lip and tore aside the curtain, stepping under the searing hot water. She hissed in shock at vicious sting, forcing herself to stand beneath the spray until she could bear it, her skin tingling and, for the moment, her thoughts quelled. She turned to face the water head-on and squeezed her eyes shut against the liquid flame that tore at her face, quickly ducking her head to seek relief from the merciless barrage.
And his words floated back into her mind, soothing away the grimace of pain from her countenance.
'Will there be sacrifice? Yes, and not just soldiers, but innocent bystanders, as well. Even so—no—because of that, I cannot stop. Even if I need to cheat or to hurt others, I must persevere. To that end, I must become carnage incarnate. I must spill yet more blood, so the blood already spilt will not be in vain.'
A pause in his words. A sudden change in tone, and she wistfully longed to see his demeanor as the next words drifted to her from the shadows.
'But nobody's forcing you to stay. Kallen, if you wish to turn back, now is the time.'
Her lips twitched, a smile appearing at the corner of her lips at the memory. "I will walk with you, by your side," she murmured, echoing the words she had spoken then. And something in her heart soared at the recollection of his response. She could almost dare to call that note in those three words gratitude, and appreciation, they were so tender.
She reached for her scrub and the soap, and began to clean herself, tearing at her skin with such vigor she knew it would leave her red once she stepped out of the shower. But she did not care. She wanted to scour away all that hesitance, all those doubts and fears of their failure.
From the very beginning this had not been merely a singular effort. She had always had someone to fight with by her side. Nothing would have stopped her from going at it alone, but for the longest time, she knew that there was only so much she could do by herself. And if she was the only one left, how was she supposed to know that her effort would have been the right one, without anyone there to tell her different? To balance her out? She knew what she wanted to obtain, but how could she have been sure that what she was doing was the way to achieve that goal?
And then Zero had appeared. Enigmatic and certain of everything. He had no qualms about throwing her and her compatriots into battle, and all his instructions and outcomes went according to plan. He had everything figured out. With him guiding their little resistance group, they had accomplished more than ever they had dreamed of doing.
And, yet…
She paused, crouching under the spew of water, scrub pressed against one knee, the other arm resting on her thigh.
She did trust him. She had to be convinced. His performance, his assurance, and his deliverance of every promise was enough to convince her of his trustworthiness. He was completely honest with them. He did not hide his thoughts about the situations they were getting themselves into. He was forward with his concerns during battle. He had personally gifted her with the Guren Type 2, and she had done everything in her power not to disappoint him. She knew it as clearly as she knew what it was she fought for. She would die to save him.
So then, why? Why was it that she could not quell that desire to know the man behind the mask she had come to know so well? Why did the thoughts of lifting it free of his face, to reveal who it was that inspired such devotion in her heart to him and what he provided for their cause, constantly enter her mind?
She closed her eyes, letting the water run over her again, and stood, turned and dropped the scrub in hand and lifted her face to the rhythmic spray battering her from the showerhead.
If it was not that she did not believe in his capabilities, or his ability to deliver what he promised them… If she could say that it was not that she did not believe in Zero himself, for he definitely seemed certain and dedicated enough…
She turned off the water and pulled aside the shower curtain, stepping out onto the floor mat, soft beneath her bare feet, and reached for a towel. She began vigorously drying herself off, not daring to even guess at what hour it was now, or fathom how tired she would be in class the next morning.
Then…
Could it be?
She softly draped the towel over the edge of the tub and stepped out into her room, forgoing the night clothes, and slipping swiftly under her covers, pulling them up over her head and drawing a pillow close to her chest, burying her face in the top of it and squeezing it tight.
…could she be…?
The deep reassurance… The tender pronunciation of her name… The absolute informality with which it was said…
She seemed to have fallen asleep already, breathing steady and deep. Her eyes closed, her body lax, wrapped around the pillow intimately.
'Thank you, Kallen.'
Her lips quivered… and broke into a smile.