"Sirius?"
"Yeeeees Moony?"
"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Remus blinks, looking rather like a four year old who has just caught his parents in bed naked together. A rather difficult thing to imagine really, not the situation, but Remus looking like a four year old.
Sirius –was- naked however, not completely, for he had a towel wrapped around his waist as he stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, Remus walking in on him and now standing there looking like a fish. A four year old fish. "Got a hot date Moons" Sirius supplies. Remus cocks his head to one side, lifting a brow. "Sure"
Sirius flashes a look at Remus in the mirror and winks. Remus crosses his arms and leans against the door. "Sirius?"
"Present!" Sirius says exuberantly with a stupid smirk on his face.
Remus smiles smugly which Sirius catches in the reflection and his smirk widens into a smile.
"No-well, its just- you've been fixing your hair for the last fifteen minutes." At that Remus walks over beside him and leans on the sink, his arms crossing once more. "A hopeless feat, not to say its as hopeless as James' but really Sirius, you're just going to mess it up-- well with your knack for frolicking and incessant need for tackling things" Remus crinkles his nose suddenly. Sirius was wearing cologne. Remus is disturbed at how strong it is and that he can actually taste it. "Take that off" he says instantly. Sirius looks at him then, eyes swooping over him entirely before landing on his face, his eyebrows lifting in mock surprise. The whole scene looks rather perverted as does Sirius. "Moony I thought you'd-" "Shut up" Remus says cutting him off as he rolls his eyes. "You're trying to knock her out aren't you" Remus continues "really Sirius, you stink"
Sirius pouts and tries to smell himself "a bit much eh?" he says.
"Mm" Remus agrees "best to go smelling like the dog you are, best to not lead innocent girls into thinking other wise, could lead into unnecessary nose bleeds or better yet black eyes"
"You're English boggles my mind-" Sirius says though he is honestly not one to talk as he rambles incoherently to inanimate objects when bored and speaks in garble speak to James when trying to be secretive. "and I've never ever received a black eye from a girl that wasn't the result of rough foreplay" "Ohh so that's what you call it? In the real world they call that rape"
Sirius is the one who snorts now, shoving Moony lightly. "Why's this particular bird special? I mean you never get ready for 'dates'" Remus says, his fingers gesticulating around the word 'dates'. Sirius shrugs. "Bored" he says simply, not offering much else. Remus rolls his eyes again.
"Moony's jealous!" Sirius exclaims suddenly.
"WHAT?"
"Well you know, you haven't had a date since last Valentine's Day, am I right? You know with that weird 6th year Hufflepuff, Monique or somesquat, James and I laughed are arses off when she actually tried to kiss you and then you" He started laughing now, keeling over the sink. Remus was giving Sirius a death glare which of course, he didn't notice. "you…you spit butterbeer all over her face"
"I WAS SHOCKED"
"AHAHAHA"
"Sirius shut up I really was"
"AHAHAHAHA"
"I'm serious Sirius seriously, shut the bloody hell up!" it was his turn to shove Sirius and he did so quite aggressively, angry for him bringing up the horrid memory and more angry that he had said the word serious too many times which caused Sirius to laugh even harder. He stumbles back, his laughing stopping abruptly as he trips and falls onto the tile floor. Remus watches in surprised horror as Sirius is all flying limbs and now towel-less.
"Shit Moons, that hurt" he says, his voice still thick with amusement. "Sorry!" Remus says ignoring the amusement and trying even harder to ignore that a very naked Sirius Black was sprawled out on the bathroom floor. It wasn't that he wanted to stare; it was just that it was the very first time he'd ever recall seeing Sirius naked. No. That wasn't right. He knew he saw him naked before, many times, Sirius was really the uninhibited type but it was the very first time he looked. Remus knew this didn't make any sense.
"Moony" Sirius says, breaking the spell.
"What?"
"Did you hear that?"
"What?" he asks again, this time actually looking at Sirius' eyes.
Sirius jumped up suddenly, apparently not as hurt as he was trying to lead on and rushed to the door. He jiggled the door handle. "JAMES you ponce, open the fucking door!"
James is laughing and so is Peter from the other side of the door. "Nope. Sorry Sirius, you've been denied. A little revenge you see, for telling Lily that I had stolen her knickers you soulless bastard."
"Awww James that was a joke! Come on, I left my clothes out there!" Sirius always did that, which would always leave the Marauders feeling awkward when he strutted in their dorm room stark naked. Though by 6th year they were all use to it. This was yet another reason why Remus found it strange that Sirius nakedness was affecting him now. "Jamesy James, my bestest friend in the whole world, pleaaaseeee open the door."
Silence.
"Merlin's bloody balls if you don't open this fucking door James I swear to god I will ruin your chance with Lily bloody Evans by burning off your bits"
More silence.
Sirius was banging on the door now, which was obviously charmed shut. Both Remus and Sirius were, of course, both wandless at the moment. Remus was pretty sure James didn't know he was in there, as he wouldn't have subjected him to the horror that was being trapped in a bloody bathroom with Sirius Black. Remus watched Sirius bang on the door for awhile, quite calm and collected as Sirius cursed James in every imaginable way possible.
XxX
James and Peter sat on their beds laughing their arses off. "That's what he bloody gets, so much for his hot date eh?" James says, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Yea, that was pretty clever James" Peter replies, shoving a chocolate frog in his mouth, still chuckling and trying desperately not to choke. "Say we go and find Remus?" Peter nods and gets up. "He's going to yell at us you know." "I know, but he'll think it's secretly funny." They both laugh again and headed downstairs.
XxX
Remus was losing his mind. It had only been a mere twenty minutes of being locked up with Sirius, in the fucking bathroom no less, and his mind was ready to explode. Remus' eye twitched dangerously as he stared at the other boy. Sirius Black was fucking annoying. Simple as that. He loved the bloke, got along just fine, would even throw himself in front of a bus for the guy if he had too. But he was unbearable when stuck in a room too long.
Sirius was in deep conversation with himself mostly about the concept of soul mates. "Do you think that maybe they like join again after death? What if one died before the other? Would the other person's soul die? Would they wander around being aware that their other half was wiped off the earth? Because you know, knowing that they were only half a soul to begin with, wouldn't it be unbearable to have the realization and then be ripped from the other?" Remus gave Sirius a glazed look. Sirius only spoke like this when he was high on gillyweed, drunk on firewhiskey, or…he was manic. He was definitely the latter.
"Are you bloody high? How can a person be half a soul?" Remus asked, annoyed out of his wits.
"They can be! I mean really, think about it, that's why no one's satisfied man." Remus hated when he called him 'man'. He sighed and shrugged.
The thought of throwing himself in front of a bus was now suddenly very appealing and he got up rushed over to the door and started banging insanely on it. "James I'm in here! I'm going to die! HELP!" He screamed as Sirius stared at him as if he lost his mind.
"Moony what the fuck!" Sirius says
"What the fuck!" Remus yells "what do you mean what the fuck? Sirius I'm going to strangle you if you do not shut the bloody hell up this instant! I don't care about souls! Souls are dead. DEAD. The whole concept is dead. Shut. Up."
Sirius smirks. "WOW"
Remus glares.
"Really that was…almost adorable Moony. You're face got all red and puffyish. Hahaha" The laugh sounds insane so Remus decides its better to not say anything.
"Remus. I can't shut up. If I shut up I'm going to start bawling like a child. The bloody room is shrinking Moony! We –are- going to die in here!"
"No I think James will soon come to his senses and open the door. Besides, we've only been in here for a half an hour." Remus says sharply as if he wasn't just saying the exact same thing moment ago. Bloody hypocrite. "Mooooooony!" Sirius says desperately. "I can't-well come over here and sit down again. I'm freezing."
Remus sports a fish look again. "and what do you suppose I do about it? It's not my fault you prefer exposing yourself where all can see instead of bringing in your clothes like a normal human being" Sirius taps the floor next to him with a smirk. "aw Moony, don't be that way, its not like I'm going to go sticking it in your face." Remus eyes widen. "You're absolutely pornographic do you know that?" "of course, its apart of the charm my darling Moony"
Remus stares at him for a moment. He did look really cold, miserable even, his skin was all goosey and pale. Remus considers if he cared that much about Sirius. Well, he did have the towel back on.
"Bloody hell" Remus mutters before taking a seat on the floor beside him. "There" he says defiantly.
Sirius snorts and puts an arm around Remus' shoulders, burying his face into his neck. Remus found it incredibly awkward that he chose to do this when he was fucking NAKED and voiced so.
"Sirius. You're naked."
"I know" Sirius says with a laugh.
"Were on the floor. Your holding me. NAKED." Remus helps.
"So?"
"Right. Well if you don't think it's a bit creepy then I guess I'm overreacting"
Sirius nuzzles him closer. "I'm cold" he mumbles against his neck which causes an incredibly strange sensation against Remus' skin, leaving it all tingly while his stomach twists about in odd leaps. He thinks he's going to be sick.
"Sirius" He says in a voice he can't recognize, its all breathy and low and hitched in his throat. "Sirius" he says again, this time clearing his throat. Sirius pulls away finally, meeting Remus' eyes. There's something strangely odd about the way they dance across his face. Remus finds himself gulping.
"Are you mad at me Moony?"
"No. Why?"
Sirius just stares at him. Remus staring back at what seemed to be a very long time. Sirius was behaving very oddly. He's seen Sirius do complete 360s before but the serene quiet he was suddenly providing was just strange.
"Who is this quiet bloke that has taken away Sirius Black?" Remus says then and Sirius laughs. "What? Oh I dunno, just thought I'd shut up. Maybe James would think I've died and open the door" "Perhaps" Remus says skeptically.
XxX
Several hours later and both boys are deeply considering that James Potter has either died or completely forgotten about them, which isn't likely, so he must've died. There both too tired now to care any longer and after what feels like days of Sirius spazzing and Remus snapping they finally give up.
Sirius yawns and stretches quite dramatically laying his head down on Remus' lap. Remus sighs as well, leaning against the wall as he places a hand on Sirius head, mindlessly stroking his hair as he looked up at the bathroom ceiling. He closes his eyes then, still stroking his hair. He hears Sirius give a throaty satisfied noise as he digs his head against his thigh in appreciation. "Padfoot" he mumbles as he prepared to pass out.
"Harder" Sirius says thickly and slightly muffled against his thigh. Remus digs his fingers into Sirius' scalp and he lets out a groan which makes Remus' eyes snap open. He doesn't stop however. Sirius makes another groan of appreciation, his hands lacing around the boy's waist. Remus inadvertently found himself lifting his waist in response, a breath escaping his lips. He then feels Sirius bite his inner thigh and he jumps, letting out a shocked moan.
"Sirius!" Remus yelps, shoving at his shoulders.
"Er sorry" Sirius mumbles, sitting up now and refusing to meet the other boy's gaze. "Just got carried away, tiny room, scratchy head"
Remus is gawking at him now.
"What just happened?"
Sirius' eyes slowly look into his now, his dark hair falling into his face. Remus feels his breath hitch and hears that Sirius' breathing is also uneven. They gaze at each other for what seems like a very long time. Suddenly the dark haired boy leans in and presses his lips against the other's and Remus feels like he's stopped breathing altogether now. Sirius' lips are soft and full as they sweep over his. The kiss is over then, before Remus can even close his eyes or shove him off and Sirius is blushing.
Suddenly the door swings open.
"Alright Pads, punishment's over mate." James says before stopping midway into the bathroom and staring at the two of them. "REMUS! You were in here the whole time?"
Sirius is on his feet then and is punching James in the arm. Remus wonders if what just happened, well, really happened or if his brain has died and is laying about somewhere on the cold tile.
"Come on Moons" Sirius yells after him, laughing and talking to James, leaving poor Moons in the bathroom with one hell of a puzzle.