Better Living Through Muffins
"Oh Spike, could you please come here for a moment?" Twilight Sparkle's voice called.
The baby dragon in question was encaptured by a certain book he was reading. Hesitantly, he dragged his eyes away, turning his head to call back, "I'll be right there!"
He carefully placed the book down before jogging over to his pony friend. She regarded him with a smile. "I've got a very important job for you, Spike."
Immediately his paw shot up in a salute. "Ma'am?"
Twilight giggled. Her horn lit up as she moved a large box toward the dragon. "I need you to take this parcel to the post office right away," she said with significance. "It has to be delivered to the Canterlot Library."
Spike managed to keep his balance as he took the oversized parcel into his arms. His head poked around it. "Gee Twilight, this is pretty heavy!" He grunted. "Not that it's too difficult to carry or anything ..."
"Oh, it's just a bunch of books I took with me when we moved here to Ponyville. I've replaced them already, so I'm sending them back to the library of course." She knelt down to his level. "You sure you're alright carrying all that? I can get Applejack or Rainbow Dash to help if you want."
"Psh," he waved his tail, lacking an arm to do so, "I've got it handled." And with that, he pushed his way out the door to Ponyville. As he made his way to the post office, however, he was met by Rainbow Dash.
The excitable mare flew down to poke a hoof at him. "What'cha got there, buddy?"
He rolled his eyes. "Gee, I dunno, have a guess." He nodded meaningfully at the postage stickers that practically covered the parcel.
Dash rolled her eyes in return. "Are you taking it to the post office? Twilight knows I could send it, like, ten times faster, right?"
"Yes, I'm taking it to the post office. But I don't think Twilight would want to bother you with this. You probably have stuff to do."
Dash responded by puffing up and spreading her wings. "Hey, you're talking about Equestria's Best Young Flier. Wherever that parcel needs to go, I'll bet I can get it there and fly back in at least ten minutes, flat!"
Spike, being one to rain on Dash's parade, said, "Oh please. You'd probably get lost trying to find Canterlot. Speed's nothing unless you've got the brains for the job." He smirked evilly, knowing just what would come next.
"You callin' me stupid? Hah! I'll show you otherwise! Gimme that package and I'll be back in no time!"
But Spike had already found his destination. By the time Dash had gone to snatch the parcel, the post office door shut in her face.
"Uh, hello? I've got a package that needs delivering?" Spike called out, seeing nopony at the front counter. He heaved the box of books, groaning, up onto it. He tapped on the service bell.
Shortly, a grey, blond-maned pegasus tumbled into the counter from a back door. She had a goofy grin on her face and her eyes were … well … interesting. "Help you?" she gushed.
Spike had nothing but a wide-eyed stare. He'd never seen this pony before when he visited the post office. "Er … Do you work here?"
The pegasus nodded. Her eyes seemed to roll around her head when she did so.
"Well, eh, I've got a package here that needs to be delivered to the Canterlot Library," Spike said, uncertain. He pushed the box forward.
The pegasus suddenly pouted when she looked at it. "That's big. Heavy," she moaned. "Hard to deliver."
"That's why I'm taking it here. To the post office," he said plainly. "Where things that aren't easy to deliver get delivered."
"Nuh-uh," she retorted. "You deliver it!"
Spike exhaled in annoyance. "Ugh. I can't believe Rainbow Dash was right." He slid the parcel off the counter and turned to leave.
"Wait!"
He stopped.
"You want to share a muffin?" the pegasus offered. Spike turned to see a look of honesty. She held the muffin in an outstretched hoof.
The baby dragon's stomach rumbled. He'd been helping Twilight most of the day and he hadn't really had a chance to eat. It was one of the few times he truly felt hungry. After a moment he sighed and nodded.
The pegasus was visibly delighted and she quickly tore the muffin into two impossibly equal pieces. Stuffing one into her mouth whole, she held the other out.
Spike placed the parcel on the floor and took it. Usually he'd snack on some gems, but he supposed it couldn't be too bad. In fact, as he took a bite, he found the taste to be quite beyond his expectations. It was almost as if the muffin was having a pillow fight with his oesophagus. Everything was fantastic, and he was happier than ever.
"Twilight!" Spike shouted, bursting through the door into the library. "Where are you? Where are you?" he cried worriedly.
The pony looked up from her studies to answer him. "Right here, Spike. Did you get that package delivered?"
He rushed up and embraced her. "I love you! You're the best pony ever!"
Twilight blushed a little but she quickly began analysing the situation. Spike had been sent to do a job and now he was back he spouting praise and affection for her. One could only find it suspicious. "Spike, the package?" she questioned again with a little more force, shrugging him off.
"Oh Celestia, the package! I delivered it! I did!" he babbled.
Twilight grew even more worried. "Are you okay? What happened?"
"Twilight, you have to try the muffins. They are fantabulous! Wonderful!" he shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her.
She gently pushed him away with a hoof. "Calm down, Spike! What do you mean about the muffins? What muffins?"
His eyes grew. "That post office mare! She has the muffins! Pleeeeeease, we have to get some more! You'll love them, I swear!" he continued. Tears poured from him. He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around her front hoofs.
Forcing back a terrified yelp, Twilight tried to step backwards. Spike held on too strongly.
After almost an hour, Twilight managed to pry the dragon off of her and had quickly searched for a solution. When she gave Spike a framed picture of Rarity, he calmed down immediately and simply stared lovingly at it. Keeping her laughter at the situation to herself, she snuck out of the library and made her way to the post office.
"Purple!" the same grey pegasus from before greeted Twilight, earning a bemused look from the unicorn.
"Hi, my friend came in here before to have a large box full of books delivered to the Canterlot Library," Twilight said, gaining herself.
The pegasus put a hoof to her chin and stared thoughtfully at the wall. Or the ceiling. Twilight honestly couldn't tell. "Dragon?" the pegasus asked.
Twilight nodded enthusiastically. She was thankful that she had gotten through. The pegasus didn't seem too bright. "Did he have a muffin here?"
"Shared muffin with him. Shared happy!" the pegasus beamed.
"Happy? The muffin made him happy?"
She grinned widely. "Happy muffins made with secret recipe."
Twilight stopped to think. "Ah! The muffins must have some sort of drug in them," she said, more to herself than the other mare.
"No drugs. Derpy doesn't need drugs," the pegasus retorted fiercely. "She just makes happy muffins."
"Of course. Thank you for your help … Derpy, is it?" Twilight questioned.
The pegasus didn't answer. She just stomped out the back door.
"C'mon, there's gotta be something in here that will help Spike," Twilight muttered, frantically reading through a pile of medical books.
Due to his behaviour, Twilight had convinced the dragon to go outside where he could run around and use up all the excess energy he seemed to have. But now she heard a bang on the window. It prompted her to look.
Spike's face was slowly sliding down on the other side, still full of ecstasy. "I can see eternity!" he yelled to her.
She turned back to the book. Almost instantly she found the solution waiting on the page. "Ahah!" she exclaimed in victory. "I'll have you cured yet, my little assistant!"
Twilight finally opened the door to let Spike in and told him to stay still. He did so, but was visibly itching to do something. His eyes were upon her with all the curiosity of a newborn foal.
Taking one last glance at her book, she enveloped him in a bright purple glow. He seemed to calm down a bit. "Spike, are you feeling better now? The chemicals should be out of your body now," she spoke.
The dragon didn't seem to acknowledge her, but then he said, "I'm feeling … great ..." And his eyes drifted back until he passed out on the floor.
Twilight rushed to his side. She softly nudged him with her head, careful not to poke him with her horn. "Spike? Spike? Oh, what has gone wrong this time?"
"True love's kiss," said a strangely familiar and serious voice from somewhere nearby.
Twilight looked around to see 'Derpy' staring fixedly at Spike. The pegasus spoke again.
"Only true love's kiss shall wake him from his slumber."
Twilight could only gawk. "What?"
'Derpy' faced her. She frowned. "True love's kiss. Weren't you listening?"
"Yeah, yeah, I heard that, but what … What do you mean?" Twilight sputtered.
The pegasus paced around the room and sighed. "The muffin he ate promised him joy … and his greatest fantasy.
Spike will only wake once he has a kiss from the pony he dreams of."
Twilight recoiled a bit in shock. Surely she didn't mean that … "Rarity?"
'Derpy' nodded in confirmation.
"But … but how do I … Rarity couldn't … surely she wouldn't … but it is for Spike's wellbeing ..."
"You must go find Rarity and bring her here then."
Twilight suddenly crossed her brow. "Wait, why should I believe what you're saying? You're the one who gave him the muffin!"
The pegasus slapped her across the face. "Pull yourself together! Your friend doesn't have much time left! If Rarity doesn't kiss him within the hour, he could die!"
"Whuh?" Twilight couldn't register much of what was happening. "Uh, alright! Okay! I'll do it!" So she ran off to Rarity's boutique.
"There, Dash," Rarity said, patting the other mare on the head. "All better."
Rainbow Dash crossed her eyes and inspected the bandage Rarity had just applied to her nose. Seeming to approve of the handiwork, she grinned. "Thanks!"
The door burst open, revealing a dishevelled and panting Twilight Sparkle. "Rarity-Spike-isn't-waking-up-and-he-needs-to-have-his-greatest-fantasy-fulfilled-and-so-you-have-to-come-kiss-him-and-then-he'll-wake-up-'cause-that-post-office-pony-said-so!" she blurted out impressively in one breath.
Rarity gaped. "Darling, you look just awful!" she cried passionately, pulling Twilight inside and searching right away for a brush. "You really shouldn't run about. Your mane is so untidy!"
Twilight grabbed onto the other pony before she could do any more. "You don't understand; Spike is in trouble, Rarity!"
"Spike? In trouble? What's wrong?"
After explaining about Spike's condition (and carefully leaving out the details involving a certain kiss) Twilight led Rarity back to the library where 'Derpy' and Spike waited. The latter had created a small puddle of drool beneath him.
"Oh dear, he is really out!" Rarity exclaimed. She gazed at him with worry.
Twilight bit her lip. "And you're willing to help me wake him up, right?"
"Yes, of course!"
"And you'll do whatever I ask?"
"Without a doubt!"
"Even if it may put your beliefs at risk?"
"Well, I certainly hope it doesn't come to that, but I will."
"Then kiss him," Twilight finished.
Rarity nodded before doing a double-take and making a bewildered face. "Kiss him? What?"
Twilight groaned inwardly. She had hoped it wouldn't be this way. "Look, I could have … 'Derpy' … explain it again but it'd just be best to get it over with now."
Rarity couldn't have been less hesitant. "Are … are you sure, darling?"
"Yes!" Twilight growled. "Now just do it. You said you would do anything I asked – without a doubt!"
With one last uncertain glance, Rarity dipped her head to Spike's and gave him a short kiss. His eyes fluttered open.
"Rarity?" he yawned. She flushed and looked away, too embarrassed to speak. "What's going on?" he asked.
Twilight spoke, "Nothing, Spike. Everything is fine. You just fell asleep on the floor. It's okay. You're awake now."
"Oh," he mumbled, seeming to accept it as the truth. "Alright. Sorry, Twilight."
"It's alright Spike, you've been working very hard lately. I think you deserve a rest, so why don't you just go upstairs and have a nice long nap, okay?" Twilight said. She smiled reassuringly and patted him on the head.
"Okay. Thanks!" he said and made his way upstairs.
Rarity turned to Twilight. "Would you mind accompanying me back to the boutique? I … I think I need somepony to lean on."
"Of course," Twilight replied. They left, not noticing the pegasus still sitting patiently in the room.
Spike snuck back downstairs when he determined that both Twilight and Rarity had left. He grinned widely at Derpy. "Your plan was awesome! Thanks! I finally got a kiss from Rarity!"
Derpy returned the grin. "Muffins!"