A/N: This story takes place after the Cell saga but before the Buu saga, during the 7 year gap. Gohan is 13 years old (This is going off of the fact Gohan was 9 during the Cell Games) and Goten is 3. The Buu saga is non-existent, however, Super Saiyan 3 is a known transformation (Goku is still the one that discovered it). This is a total Crackfic, so take nothing seriously. You'll notice I make fun of some tropes in the DBZ Fanfiction, and shit like GohanxCell, CellxTrunks and FriezaxGoku, which are utterly ridiculous pairings in my opinion.
I don't own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT or anything like that, they all belong to Akira Toriyama, Toei, etc. I don't own any other characters that may be in this story, except some shitty OC's I might throw in for the laughs.
"Speech"
'Thoughts'
(Author Comments)
*Insert other shit like Saiyan Bonds here* = Any other bullshit I might come up with
Chapter 1: MMMM Precious Food! Thanks Buddy!
It's another typical day at the Garcias' Family Fiesta, all they ate were Bean Burritos and they clogged that shit up, it ain't going anywhere. Vegeta goes to use the downstairs washroom at Capsule Corporation after downing 22 milkshakes in one sitting with Goku. As he goes to turn the doorknob, a disgustingly green coloured gas cloud seeps from under the crack of the door. Vegeta's face quickly turns for the worse. Losing all colour, he collapses onto the floor and passes out after choking for air. Vegeta's hands and legs twitch for a moment before falling still.
"He dropped a bomb..." Vegeta managed to choke out before losing all of his remaining Oxygen.
The bathroom door creaked open and the culprit to the smell stepped out. Goku stood there, tall and strong, hands on his hips, he beamed as he looked around the room. Goku took a step forward only to crush Vegeta under his foot. He hears a crunching noise and then some gagging and looks down.
"Kakarot...ma bones" Vegeta cried.
"Oh, sorry Vegeta, what are you doing on the floor?" He didn't get a response.
"Well good luck with that." Goku said as he jumped over Vegeta and walked away, leaving his poor friend on the floor.
Moments later
Goku is sitting at the dinner table, eating an entire chicken by himself.
"Excuse me for a minute guys, I have to go to the washroom" Bulma said before excusing herself from the table.
Goku suddenly looked petrified, "What's wrong dear?" Chi-Chi asked.
"Uhhh...nothing". Goku quickly reassured her, although he himself was extremely worried.
Bulma walked down the hallway, arriving at the washroom, she looked down and then screamed at the top of her lungs. Vegeta was lying at her feet, his face corroded by some sort of acidic substance, fortunately, his hair was perfectly intact. After she calmed down, she looked into the washroom, and saw the cause of this great tragedy. There, seeping along the bathroom floor, was green clouds of poisonous bowel gases. Upon further inspection, Bulma could almost see demonic hands reaching out from the miasma towards her, like lost souls of the underworld.
"Back, you dirty apes! Back!" Bulma yelled before hitting the ditch button and running back upstairs.
"GOKUUU!" Bulma yelled, furious at what he had done to her washroom and Vegeta, mostly about the washroom though.
"Yes?" Goku timidly asked, hiding behind his wife.
"Did you clog the fucking toilet? You fucking shit like a horse!"
"Ahhhh...that was a goooooooood shit!" Goku exclaimed.
"You got a horse's ass on you. You go and unclog that right this instant!"
Sighing, Goku began walking towards where his devastation lay, an embarrassed Chi-Chi and furious Bulma following quickly behind him.
"FUCK HORSES!" Goku yelled.
Goku approached the toilet, it was quite the sight. The entire toilet was caked in shit, completely brown in colour. The sides of the toilet had fresh cracks and it was leaking at the bottom.
"Goku that is absolutely revolting!" Chi-Chi cowered away from the horrible sight.
"Just the sight of it causes me more pain than even Gohan's childbirth, and that was a lot of pain!" Suddenly, Goku stopped staring at the toilet and dramatically turned towards Chi-Chi with an evil glint in his eye.
"Bullshit, Chi-Chi, bullshit. I once ate a tray of 24 assorted muffins: blueberry, lemon poppy-seed, cranberry apple, banana nut, even bran. Large muffins too, like you'd buy at the bakery, not grocery store mini-muffins. I ate the first five or six out of hunger, and the next dozen I can only attribute to gluttony, but the last half dozen were devoured by determination alone. A part of me wanted to stop – I was full, the muffins had become repulsive, and there was a disconcerting pressure in my chest. The other, stronger part of me knew that if I gave up on that muffin platter I would admit limitation. A limited man can rationalize his every weakness, turn away from every challenge, live his life within the narrow confines of comfort; that's not how I live my life. But I digress. It took six days for my bowels to move, and when they did I shat a monolithic muffin block so wide it could not be flushed, so dense it would not dissolve with repeated flushing, and so heavy it took two hands to lift. The measure of anxiety, pain, pride and love is indescribable, so don't tell me I don't understand the pains of childbirth."
Complete silence surrounded the air, as Goku furiously glared into Chi-Chi's eyes. Bulma was absolutely speechless, she couldn't find an argument to be made against it. Finally, Bulma spoke, softly, quietly, barely audible compared to the intense emotions in the air.
"I'll get one of the worker droids I just finished building to clean the toilet."
"Ugh, whatever Goku! C'mon Bulma, let's get out of here." Bulma and Chi-Chi turned around and left the washroom, stepping over Vegeta's rotting corpse. As a last second thought, Chi-Chi turned around and slammed the door shut.
Goku scrunched his eyebrows together, "I'll never understand women."
Just as Goku was finishing that thought, Vegeta jumped up seemingly fully recovered.
"Kakarot! You 3'rd class scum! How dare you pollute my washroom like that! Prepare to die!" Vegeta lunged towards Goku.
Goku merely grinned, then placed his two fingers on his forehead. He IT'd (Instant Transmissioned) behind Vegeta, pushed him forward, and then dunked his head in the toilet.
"Kakarot what the-" Vegeta was cut off as his face was submerged.
"I'll teach you to call me 3'rd class scum!" Goku fiercely yelled as he grabbed the back of Vegeta's hair to lift him out of the toilet, then dunked him back in.
"When I get out of this you're fucking de-" Vegeta's head went back in.
"Blow it out your ass!" Goku yelled, then pulled Vegeta's head back out again.
"You piece of shit!" Vegeta responded, before getting dunked again.
"You're going to say sorry Vegeta, even if I have to hold you here all day!"
"Go fuck yourself! You-Mmhmfmmfppphh" Vegeta never got to finish his sentence.
Meanwhile
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Cell screamed, throwing his cards to the floor before kicking them into the wind.
"What the hell was that for Cell?! That was our last deck of cards!" Frieza whined.
Cell abruptly turned around before huffing, "I can't stand it Frieza. I'm getting out of Hell, even if I have to beg Yemma."
Frieza stood up when he heard Cell, his eyes widened two-fold.
"C-C-C-Cell? Beg?"
Cell started walking away, "Yes, that's right, anything to get out of this miserable dump. Now leave me be, I'm going to speak to one of the ogres to see if I can talk to Yemma."
Once he had gotten a few steps away from Frieza, Cell jumped up and began flying to where the ogres congregated.
"Hah! As if I'd let you leave me here to rot, Cell! I'm coming!" Frieza talked himself before jumping up and following after him.
"Wait for me Lord Frieza!" Zarbon yelled as he followed behind Frieza.
A few minutes later
Broly was currently situated on a rock. In his time he'd spent in Hell he'd sort of mellowed out. He gave up being angry all the time because quite frankly, it was tiresome.
Broly heard the commotion and looked up, only to see Cell, Frieza, and Zarbon fly off. He decided to follow them.
"Anything's better than being stuck in here for all eternity" Broly mumbled.
A few more minutes later
After Cell "persuaded" one of the ogres to let him; Frieza, and Zarbon see Yemma, they were finally brought to the humongous leader of the ogres.
"Oh great, the four biggest rejects of the universe all here at once to see me, this outta be good." Yemma sarcastically stated, before resting his chin on one of his hands in frustration.
"What do you mean four?" Frieza asked.
Yemma simply pointed at the fourth figure amongst their group with his giant pen.
Everybody in the room turned to see Broly standing against one of the door frames with a pacified look on his face.
"What are you doing here monkey?!" Frieza bellowed, "I don't like it when random people trail behind me without permission!"
"Like you're one to talk Frieza, I didn't exactly invite you," Cell stated smugly.
"Shut up Cell! I wasn't talking to you."
Broly just shrugged and said, "I just came to see what you were all doing, that's all."
"Whatever, we're here to talk to Yemma, not him" Zarbon said.
The four villains then turned their attention back to Yemma. Cell then stepped forward and put a serious look on his face, as if he was choosing his next words carefully. After a few seconds his face just contorted, he looked like he was about to cry.
"Yemma!"
"That's King Yemma to you," an ogre corrected.
"King Yemma! I ask that you let us out of Hell and back to the living world! We've behaved quite well since we've been in Hell, and quite frankly the years spent down there have made us lose our drive to do evil. We want to reconcile with the Z-Fighters, all of my cohorts feel the same." Cell looked expectantly at the other 3 Hell-goers, who all nodded.
"Hmmmmmm...I instantly believe you! You're free to go." Yemma stated simply, before reaching into his desk and pulling out the 4's afterlife files, stamping a 'RELEASED' mark on all of them. All four of their halos disappeared from above their heads.
"Thanks Yemma! You were always my favorite ogre." Frieza politely said, before bowing.
"Let's get out of here and live happy lives on Earth!" Frieza, Zarbon, and Broly put their hands on Cell's shoulders before he IT'd out of the checkout station.
A few seconds passed before Yemma returned to his work as if nothing had happened.
Meanwhile
"Kakarot, I'm going to kill you in your sleep!" Vegeta practically spat before getting his head dunked into the toilet water again. His face and hair were now totally soaked, his skin had began to wrinkle from the prolonged exposure to the shit water, and his hearing was off because of the shit water constantly going in and out of his ears.
"Keep telling yourself that Vegeta"
Suddenly, Cell, Frieza, Zarbon and Broly all IT'd right next to Goku.
"Hello Goku, how are you on this fine day?" Cell asked, as if they were old chums.
Goku pulled Vegeta's head out of the toilet for a brief second, before dunking him again. Without turning around he responded: "Not too bad. How about you?"
"Well we just got out of Hell and were wondering if we could hang with you for a bit?"
"We?" Goku asked, as he turned his head to look at the motley group.
"Frieza, Zarbon, Broly? It's nice to see all of you again! Sure you can hang out with us!" Goku said, before continuing, "I was just dunking Vegeta because he was making fun of my ranking in our all-but-extinct race again." Goku stated matter-of-factly.
Cell watched as Goku flushed the toilet while Vegeta's face was submerged, "Fascinating."
Although Frieza was quite entertained by what was transpiring, he wanted to see what Earth had to offer for entertainment (other than destroying things, as he knew that would get him sent back to Hell). So once the sounds of the toilet refilling itself had ceased, he asked: "So Goku, do you think you could give us a tour of Earth? Show us the sights?"
"The sights? Why, of course Frieza! Why didn't I think of that?" Goku stood up, leaving Vegeta in the toilet bowl. He turned to leave, but then remembered something. He looked back towards Vegeta.
"Now Vegeta, don't go anywhere, I'll be back soon!" Goku finished, then turned back to the ex-villains. "Now let's make a quick pit-stop at my house so I can get something to eat!"
All four IT'd out of Capsule Corp. Chi-Chi had long since left to go back home, figuring Goku was sparring with Vegeta or something (how wrong she was).
When they landed in front of the Son's family home, Goku turned back to the four misfits.
"Hey, I know Cell knows Instant Transmission, but when did you three learn how to use it?" Goku asked.
"Well we all immediately learned it for the sake of the plot because the author is too lazy to constantly have to write about how we all put our hands on Cell's shoulders." Broly's monotone voice stated.
Frieza quickly added in, "But to make sure nobody complains, we'll just say we learned it from being constantly exposed to it, good enough?"
"I don't care either way I was just wondering" Goku said before turning around and opening the door to his home. He let Cell and his motley gang go through before closing the door.
"Hey Chi-Chi! I'm home! Oh and we have some guests!" Goku yelled.
"Good thing I made extras, can you call Gohan and Goten down for lunch?" Chi-Chi yelled back.
"Cell, go and get Gohan and Goten," Goku asked as he walked into the living room to sit down.
Cell turned to Frieza, "Frieza, go and get Gohan and Goten," he then followed Goku.
Frieza then turned to Zarbon, "Zarbon, go and get Gohan and Goten," he then followed Cell.
Zarbon finally turned to Broly, "Broly, go and get Gohan and Goten," he then followed Frieza.
Broly shrugged and started walking up the stairs. He turned to what he assumed was Gohan's bedroom. Broly leaned his hands against the door and broke it down.
"What the fuck!?" Gohan yelled as he turned to look at Broly.
"Lunch is ready" Broly said as he robotically turned around to go find Goten's room.
Gohan just continued to stare at the now vacant door frame, "I'm not even going to think about that." He walked out of his room and as a second thought, turned around and fixed the door.
Broly repeated the same procedure with Goten's room, then walked back downstairs and joined
Cell, Frieza, Zarbon, and Goku on the couch.
"Uncle Broly sure is weird" Goten said before running down the stairs for lunch.
Goku was flipping through the channels on the TV, having asked Cell to place his head on top of it so that his helmet's long pointed ends could act as pseudo-antennae.
"Why am I stuck as the antennae?" Cell angrily asked.
"Sshhhh...shut the fuck up for a second! I just want to see what's on the Fighting Channel, I missed it earlier because I was dunking Vegeta!" Goku quickly blurted out before turning his attention back to the TV screen.
On the TV screen, Chuck Norris about to 1vs1 Fat Albert, it was supposed to be the greatest match in the history of all fighting!
"ERRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH" Fat Albert grunted, staring at Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris simply stood there, smirking confidently. The wind blew by, chillingly adding ambiance to the fight. Suddenly, both fighters lunged at each other! They both began exchanging blows. Fat Albert managed to get Chuck Norris in a sleeper hold, Chuck struggled to get free.
"Haha Chuck! I Wiki'd all the facts about you! There's no way you can win!"
"Did you ever think...that the Wiki lies?" Chuck responded, before getting out of the hold. He threw Fat Albert into the air and roundhouse kicked him in the stomach. The kick further propelled Albert into the air before he suddenly imploded. Nothing was left of Fat Albert but a faint puff of smoke where the explosion was.
"Chuck Norris, win!" the Announcer announced.
"Yesssssssssssss! I knew it! Piccolo owes me $20!" Goku practically screamed. He started jumping around and did a victory dance.
Cell stood back up, watched Goku for a few seconds then said: "Calm down, calm down! Don't get a big DICK!"
Goku took Cell's advice, he sat back on the couch. Cell was about to say something else when Chi-Chi yelled from outside, "Lunch is ready! It's all setup out here on the picnic table!"
"Whoo-hoo!" Goku ran outside. The others followed behind him. Gohan and Goten were already sitting at the picnic table with Chi-Chi.
"Hmmm...so this is what Earth food looks like" Frieza said as he picked up an egg roll, examining it like it was some sort of lab specimen.
Rather than let the subject continue on about food, Gohan decided to drop the big question, "So how did you four get out of Hell anyway? I see you all don't have your halos either."
Zarbon looked up from his food, "Well Gohan, Cell had the brilliant idea of asking Yemma if we could leave, he instantly agreed it would be the best course of action because we've been good little boys."
"An interesting story," Gohan said as he returned to wolfing down his food.
"Well Gohan, if you prefer me to be a bad boy, I'd happily oblige" Gohan looked up again as Zarbon finished. Zarbon looked Gohan straight in the eye and wiggled his eyebrows up and down as he seductively dipped a french fry in some ketchup and put it in his mouth, slowly chewing it.
"Is it just me or is it getting hot out here?" Broly asked, catching on to Zarbon's movements.
'Cursed Zarbon! Gohan was supposed to be mine and mine alone! Hmm...I wonder how open Gohan would be to a threesome...' Cell thought, as he began eating an egg roll.
"I think those two might need some alone time to...'get to know each other'" Frieza said as he put a whole corn dog into his mouth. As he slid the corn dog out of his mouth to dip it back in his ketchup/mustard mix, Goku snickered.
"What's so funny, monkey?"
"Oh nothing, I just love the way you work that corn dog Frieza."
"How dare you! I'll shove my corn dog right down your-" Frieza stopped himself mid sentence as he realized what he was saying. Cell began choking on his egg roll in laughter. As Cell's face began to turn purple, Gohan leaped to his rescue. He performed the Heimlich maneuver. When Cell was able to get his breathing under control, he thanked Gohan and sat back down.
Chi-Chi just stared incredulously at the scene as Frieza said, "I suppose the author made Cell choke on his food in order to further him and Gohan's romantic feelings for one another."
Cell was quick to deny such a statement, "I do not have feelings for Gohan! That was just a short stint after he gave me a real good pounding during the Cell Games!"
"A real good pounding eh?" Zarbon said.
"Yeah the way he fisted my gut felt unreal" Cell reminisced.
Everybody just sat silently at the table, staring at Cell as he seemed to get lost in his own fantasies about him and Gohan. Zarbon's mouth hung agape. Personally, Goku saw this relationship as pretty fucked up. I mean come on, Cell was a bio-mechanical android, how could him and Gohan even do anything...?
Just as the scene was about to hit its peak in awkwardness, Vegeta IT'd on top of the picnic table with a record player and began singing to Goku.
"GOKU I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING ANYMORE..."
As Vegeta finished his corny/beautiful rendition of that song, he tossed a bundle of roses to Goku, who promptly caught it. Vegeta bent down to look Goku straight in the eyes. Time seemed to stop as they looked into each others' eyes, Goku finished what Vegeta sang "What started out as friendship, has grown stronger...I only wish I'd had the strength to let it show...Vegeta..." Vegeta slammed his fist down onto the record player, smashing it into dozens of pieces as he picked Goku up. "Kakarot, you're coming with me." He began to fly away, when suddenly a hand grabbed the back of his shirt, stopping him.
"Virginia! You shall never take Kaka-krabby-patty away from me! He's mine!" Frieza bellowed, standing on top of the table where Vegeta had been. As Vegeta turned around, Frieza pointed at him dramatically.
"Well then Freezie-pop, we shall fight for the right to Goku's heart!" Vegeta proclaimed as he slowly put Goku on the ground.
Frieza jumped down from the table and faced Vegeta. They silently watched each other for a few seconds as some tumbleweed bounced by. Zarbon was biting his nails at the tension. Cell stoically looked on at the two fighters. Broly watched the confrontation, he didn't seem to care who won, he was only disappointed that he ran out of food to eat.
Vegeta made the first move. Jumping to Super Saiyan 2 immediately, he afterimaged towards Frieza. Vegeta made a swift kick towards Frieza's neck, intending to end the fight quickly, only Vegeta's foot met with air as Frieza moved out of the way. As Vegeta whipped around, Frieza kicked him in the stomach, sending him plummeting into the forest. Vegeta quickly recovered, and flew back up to level himself with Frieza in the air.
"Well Virginia I see you're as pathetic as ever," Frieza stated, contorting his face into a wick grin.
Vegeta was in slight disbelief, "How did you get this strong Freezie-pop?"
Frieza closed his eyes and shrugged as he said; "Cell and I were quite bored in Hell, so we trained oft-ah fuck it. We all know that's total bullshit. I was powered up so that I would provide a meaningful fight scene to this shit before the next chapter."
"Hmmm fair enough, however, it's time I show you my TRUE power!" As Vegeta spoke those very (very) foreign words, everybody collectively gasped.
"Has he really found a way to surpass a Super Saiyan 2?!" Piccolo said to nobody in particular, as he was meditating by himself on top of the Lookout.
'Well we already used that dialogue when I first transformed into a Super Saiyan 3 in front of everybody, so he's probably going to do the same' Goku smirked at his own foolproof logic.
"NOW IT'S TIME FOR AN UNNECESSARILY LONG GRUNTING SEQUENCE FREEZIE-POP!" Vegeta yelled as he began to power up.
Cell gasped as Vegeta had forgotten a very important detail, "Don't forget random quips from King Kai and Korin!"
"Right, how could I forget that?" Vegeta thanked Cell.
"URURRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Vegeta began yelling. The Earth started to shake dramatically as all of the dishes from their lunch picnic began to fall off of the table.
"Oh no! The Earth is going to blow!" Yelled King Kai.
"Hmm...Vegeta is quite strong, I wonder what Frieza will do...?" Wondered Korin, as he looked down upon the fight.
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Vegeta continued to yell and grunt.
In a sudden blast of light and energy, Vegeta emerged, a fully fledged Super Saiyan 3.
"No way!" yelled Goku.
"Incredible!" yelled Zarbon.
"Unreal!" yelled Gohan.
"Holy moly!" yelled Goten.
"Hmm..." Cell wondered to himself.
"Wow, Vegeta's hair is unbelievable!" yelled Chi-Chi.
"Damn, why am I stuck saying something last? There's nothing left to say." Broly grumbled, as he kicked some dirt in frustration.
Feeling pity for Broly, Goku tried to suggest to him a line, "Why don't you just say something like, 'Vegeta's power level just skyrocketed!' or 'Frieza doesn't stand a chance now!' or something like that?"
Broly smiled at Goku's suggestion "Thanks Kaka-carrot-cake, not a bad idea!" he then cleared his throat and said, "Wow! Vegeta's power level just skyrocketed!" Everybody clapped at Broly's originality at remarking about Vegeta's power level.
"Well monkey, not a bad power up, but I'm afraid it won't be enough to beat me!" Frieza said confidently.
Vegeta laughed at Frieza's foolishly placed confidence "Why's that Freezeria, what do you have to say about it?"
Frieza paused for a minute and stared at Vegeta dramatically, Vegeta, catching on to what Frieza was doing, stared back. About five minutes passed before Frieza said "It's time to show you that just because you're a Super Pooper Scooper 3, doesn't make you invincible!" Frieza then clenched his hands into fists, and put his arms at his side as he bent over and began grunting. "Now...pay attention! I'm going to transform, Virginia!"
Everyone dramatically gasped at such a statement.
"Has he really found a way to surpass his Fourth Form?" Piccolo once again asked nobody in particular, as he was still sitting on the Lookout alone.
"URURURUURURUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Frieza began yelling, his grunting sequence much less time consuming than Vegeta's. As he finished transforming, he stood up fully to his new height. He now stood about half a foot higher than his previous form, having gained some sort of bone mask to encase his mouth in (I'm not going to sit here and describe this shit, he looks just like Cooler's final form). Once again, everybody dramatically gasped at what Frieza had transformed into, his power level had shot through the roof!
"No way!" yelled Goku.
"Incredible!" yelled Zarbon.
"Unreal!" yelled Gohan.
"Holy moly!" yelled Goten.
"Hmm..." Cell once again wondered to himself.
"Wow, Frieza's face is unbelievable!" yelled Chi-Chi
Broly, having been stuck saying something last again, prepared himself for this moment "UrrrrgghhhhhRRRRAAAAA" Broly simple grunted at Frieza's new found strength.
Again everybody clapped for Broly, who had very impressive grunting skills.
"No! This can't be!" Vegeta yelled. "Prepare to die Freezerinia, I'm not holding back anymore!" Vegeta shot towards Frieza, they began an all out brawl. It seemed evenly matched, until Vegeta landed a glancing blow on Frieza's cheek. That's all the opportunity Vegeta needed as he began to mercilessly beat on Frieza's midsection. After finishing his flurry of attacks, Vegeta kicked Frieza back towards the ground, then followed up with a full-power energy wave, causing a massive explosion. It took him a minute, but Frieza was able to stand back up, mostly unharmed by Vegeta's attack. Frieza IT'd behind Vegeta and pummeled him in the back before Vegeta could react. Frieza then grabbed Vegeta's arm to anchor him, as he punched Vegeta across the face and chest before finally letting him go and firing a small Supernova at him. The resulting explosion was massive, and when the smoke cleared, Vegeta was panting. Super Saiyan 3 began to take its toll on his energy reserves, and when his rage hit its peak, something happened to Vegeta.
"I WON'T LOSE FRIEZA! I WON'T!" Vegeta began powering up even further, his body began to glow. In a blinding flash of light, Vegeta was transformed. Everyone had to cover their eyes from the sheer brightness. Slowly, Vegeta's body parts began to emerge from the light; first his legs, then his arms, then finally, his chest and head. Vegeta now only wore a pair of tight fitting jeans (and his shoes), no shirt. His chest was covered in red fur, and his hair had grown to right below his shoulders. He also had red eyelids now. He had become...a Super Saiyan 4!
"What the fuck kind of transformation is THAT!" Yelled Cell, furious at the fact an element of Dragon Ball GT had leaked into a Dragon Ball Z Fic.
Goku nodded at Cell's sentiment and decided to voice his opinion, "Yea! What he said! We don't want this shit! Transform again Vegeta!"
"Fine! I didn't like GT anyway." Vegeta began grunting as he surrounded himself in an aura. His muscles bulged for a second and the subsided a bit, his clothes magically returned as he was once again surrounded in blinding light. When the light subsided, he was transformed again! His appearance was similar to SS4, except without the bullshit. His hair was blue, no random monkey fur, his body was less muscular, and he gave off a blue aura.
"I am now...a Super Saiyan 6!" Vegeta yelled triumphantly.
"What happened to Super Saiyan 5?" Frieza asked innocently.
"Nobody talks about that, Vegeta made the right choice skipping that" Broly said.
Vegeta looked on as everyone began discussing this revelation. "Enough! I plan to finish this fight with Frieza before the end of this chapter! Let's go Freezie-pop!"
Vegeta, with his new totally bullshit Super Saiyan form, and Form Five Frieza clashed once again. All that could be heard was thundering claps as they moved faster than the eye could see, only reappearing when their fists or legs clashed against one another. The fight peaked when both Frieza's and Vegeta's fists clashed against each others' faces.
Frieza wiped some blood from his cheek with the back of his hand, then looked at Vegeta "Not bad monkey, but I think it's time we wrapped up this fight so we can end this chapter." Vegeta's only acknowledgment was a nod as they clashed once again. The fight seemed like it would never end, as each fighter's powers were evenly matched. In a final decisive move Frieza pimp slapped Vegeta so hard he was spun around, he then created a small triangular blade of Ki and thrust it into Vegeta's back. Vegeta was immediately de-powered and he fell to the ground with a resounding 'thud'.
Cell decided to voice his opinion first, "Well that was pretty anti climatic." Everyone was quick to agree with his sentiment.
"Well then, I suppose I alone can hold Goku's heart! Hahahaha!" Frieza smirked as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Or I would, if I was even remotely interested in becoming romantically involved with Goku! Hahaha!"
Broly looked at Frieza "Why would you voluntarily fight Vegeta if you weren't even interested in Goku?"
"Simple, I was just looking for a reason to get back at Virginia for his insubordination on Namek!" Frieza finished before sitting at the table. Chi-Chi had just finished setting up a second helping for everybody.
Vegeta got up and went to fly away before Goku smiled at him and yelled "Hey Vegeta! There's room for one more if you'd like!"
Will Vegeta take up Goku's offer and eat lunch with him, his family, and the ex-villains? Will Cell come out of the closet and admit his undying love for Gohan? Will Frieza ask Goku out now that he has won his heart? Will Zarbon eat more french fries seductively? Will Broly become a meaningful character in this story? Does anybody even give a shit about any of these questions? Find out next time, on the next exciting chapter of Broken, Beaten, and Clogged!