Tag to Swan Song... so... yeah spoilers.
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They say that time heals all wounds...
He missed the time when the water turned cold while showering...
He missed waiting for his turn to take the shower.
He missed taking all the hot water.
He missed leaving most of the hot water for his brother after a rough hunt, just to take a cold shower afterwards, because there was still soap left on his body.
He missed the puddles on the bathroom floor when he was the second one...
He missed the goofy looking smiley Sam had sometimes drawn onto the bathroom mirror after showering.
God... he missed Sam....
He hated this apple-pie life...
He hated this hot water.
It was burning his skin.
Dean ran a hand through his wet hair. The other one pressed against the wall, supporting his weight. Hot water ran over the back of his head and his back. His skin was already red and sore, but he didn't want it to stop, though it began to feel like needles were falling down on him.
A sob escaped his lips.
He wiped his eyes, there was dampness on his cheeks, where tears mixed with water.
His eyes, his throat, his chest and his stomach ached. He wanted to go back in time.
He wanted to go back to the day he came back from hell to make everything alright...
He wanted to talk to his brother one last time.
He wanted to make Sam realize how proud he was... how much he loved him.
Tears and water dripped from his nose and he gripped the shower curtain, fisting it so tight that his knuckles burned white.
He wished he had never given Sam the promise... he didn't want to stay here with Ben and Lisa.
They liked him...
God... Lisa really adored him, even after everything what happened.
She was caring for him, though he didn't talk.
Dean just answered with 'yes' or 'no'..., not able to say anything else.
He slept on the couch...., not willing to share a bed with Lisa.
He couldn't stand any human contact...
God... he wanted his brother back.
Now...
Badly...
Sam....
A further sob escaped, causing him to cup his hand over his mouth, closing his eyes.
He knew that there would be a dinner for him, as soon as he left the shower...
But all he wanted was to drown himself in the whiskey that would also wait out there.
He missed the fast food.
He missed this crappy diners, where the food looked like it had been already eaten... several times.
He missed his brother's salads....
He missed the coffees...
He missed Sam's fancy coffee-mixes...
He missed....
...his brother....
Dean let out a shuddered breath. His skin slowly got numb...
He hung his head, a tremor shaking his body...
Famine had been wrong.
He wasn't dead inside... he wished he would be...
He didn't want to feel a damn thing...
He wanted to die... right here...
Right now...
"Oh god..." He wept.
Desperate....
He wanted to make things right...
He wanted to hug things out if he had to...
He just wanted to be together with Sam again...
Of course it was nice to know that he had somebody who washed his clothes.
But...
He missed making laundry with Sam.
He missed fighting with Sam, when he had forgotten money... or tissues in the jeans-pockets....
He missed waiting in the laundry with his brother, talking about the other people were washing their clothes.
He missed Sam....
Yeah... it was kinda nice to know that he had a immobile home...
But...
Sam had always been home....
His family...
Sam...
Sam was home...
Not Lisa
Not Ben...
Not Bobby...
Not the Impala...
Not even his father...
No.
Sam.
If time really healed all wounds... this wound needed decades... no... rather centuries... and Dean didn't have this time... He didn't even want to have this time...
It had been one week since Sam jumped into the pit...
All he had done in that time was driving to Lisa...
Alone...
He missed Sam riding shotgun...
He missed Sam's bitching about the music...
He missed sleeping in that car...
He missed sitting on the hood of the Impala with his brother, drinking beer, looking at the stars.
He missed Sam...
Knowing that his brother would never come back made it worse...
Finally stepping out of the shower, he put on his clothes without even drying himself off, before he drew one of Sam's goofy looking smiley onto the mirror, tears still running over his face.
Seeing his face, Dean couldn't look himself into his eyes, gazing into the smiley's eyes and than at his neck...
He wanted his necklace back...
Why had he thrown it away?
God....
He needed Sam...
He missed...
He just missed....
Sammy....
Wiping his eyes one last time he walked down into the kitchen, knowing that waited a family... and food...
He didn't want any of it...
The family wasn't his family
And the food wasn't the food he was used to...
The house was to big....
Everything was clean...
Everything nice....
God... he hated this life...
He wanted Sam with him...
He missed him so much.
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To be continued....?
Reviews please?