A/N:

This has now been edited to censor some of the lunacy and/or vulgarity.

Sorry for any (unintended) offense. Note that this story is ridiculous and can be ridiculed. Laugh along and leave a review at the end, please!

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns it all.

Lily woke up today. Her head was sore. So she dyed her hair black. She reasons intelligently: It may make my head less sore. Isn't my character well developed readers? Hehehehe.

But, every well developed character has ulterior motives. Therefore, Lily also dyes her hair because:

(1) The colour black represents every theme, moral and person in her life.

(2) Lucius said it suited her complexion and made her look like a bat, which reminded him of Severus and made him aroused.

Lily puts on her eye make-up. It brings out the emerald and rainbow specks in her eyes.

Her eyelids get weighed down with the mascara, so she can't see.

But. You know. Whatever.

"The pigeons! The pigeons!" shrieks Petty, wearing nothing but Vernon, a shower cap and an apron.

"Oh!" Lily exclaims surprisingly surprised in surprise. "Potter has sent me mail via pigeon."

Of course.

Now, Lily cannot see.

Never fear: her muggle household accommodates many houselves.

Wanky, bless him, clears his tiny voice and reads:

Mine flower to be deflowered,

I have bugged your room! But I'm a wizard! And Muggle things give me a headache!

I'm going to call you a Mudblood now so you get really angry and get me aroused. Yabba-dabba-doo!

Anyway, through my high-tech cameras I can see your bat-esque face. Why did you dye your hair black today? That was my plan! It was going to be the most original prank ever.

If Remus eats me, always remember this love:

1. You are the key to my genitals.

2. You are the mother of my fruit

3. You are the polish to my wand.

Ride my broom, snitch sack of mine!

Lots and lots of love,

Potter. James Potter.

Xoxoxox oxo ooo. X. ox. Xx x. Oxoxo o. Oooo oo ooo. Xxxx xxxxx xxxxx. Xox.

Lily exclaims surprisingly surprised in surprise, "Wow. I must admit that 'Potter. James Potter.' has a way with words. He has taken my breath away. Like a dementor!"

Wasn't that a great simile, readers? Hehehehe.

Our heroine attempts to apparate onto the Platform.

She misses and lands on Sirius's head.

"Oh no!" Sirius exclaims surprisingly surprised in surprise. "My head hurts now!"

"You have no right to have a sore head! Mine hurts so much that I had to dye it black!"

At the mention of his last name in a different context, Sirius turns serious.

Wasn't that a great pun, readers? Hehehehe.

Then: a glint of light bounces off Xenophilius Lovegood's slippers.

"Shiny thing!" Sirius exclaims surprisingly surprised in surprise.

He dives towards the ground.

Remus tries to restrain him.

They get aroused.

James arrives just in time for the show. He gets aroused too!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Reviews, anyone? Thanks!