Saving Face
Chapter One: With You
Two days after Horizon:
Shepard,
I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?
Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me… maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside.
But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die—on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember, I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.
When things have settled down a little… maybe… I don't know. Just take care.
Kaidan.
XXXXX
Two weeks after Horizon:
Shepard,
I realize you're angry with me. That's probably why you haven't replied to any of my messages. I wish you'd reply, though, if only to yell at me. At least that way I'll know if you're alive or not. The rumors flying around that you're at this planet or that planet are just that: rumors. I don't know what's true and what's not.
Please, say something. I haven't heard a word from you.
XXXXX
One month after Horizon:
Shepard,
I must have messed up badly. You aren't replying to my messages. I don't know if you're not getting them or if you're just deleting them. Do you read these before you throw them away?
But that doesn't sound like you, Shepard. You aren't the type to give the silent treatment. At least, I hope not.
Please say something. It doesn't have to be nice. It doesn't even have to be long. Just let me know you're still breathing. There are so many things out to get you; not all of them are other people.
They say Nassana Dantius has been killed. We took out her sister, remember? Of course you remember. You were so livid you punched her in the face. Her towers were completely destroyed. Some of the salarian survivors talked about a group of three coming out of nowhere and saving them from death. Said all they had to do was follow the trail of mercenary bodies out.
That sure sounds like you. What happened to the assassin, though? Is he part of your squad now?
Please, say something. I'm getting leave in a few months. If you haven't replied before then, I'm coming to find you.
XXXXX
Three months after Horizon:
Kaidan,
Dear Lord, Kaidan. When I finally hacked into Kelly's terminal, I was looking for random Collector information that the Illusive Man might have given her, being my yeoman. The last thing I expected was to find forty-plus messages from you. It's a good thing she feeds my fish; otherwise I would toss her out the airlock as soon as we get her back from the Collectors.
I must seem like a jerk. I'm sorry for not replying to any of your messages. Kelly forwarded your first message to me, and I could have sworn I replied to it, but apparently you never got it. As a matter of fact, I've sent you messages a few times after that. Damn it, it looks like you didn't get those either.
That just makes this harder.
I'm going to resend my other messages from Kelly's account so the Illusive Man can't block them, but some things have happened since the last one. I need to recap on some things.
Kaidan, I… don't think this is going to work. God, this is incredibly low, saying this by the extranet, but I need to get this out, and if I die in the next twenty-four hours you still need to know. Look, you are completely loyal to the Alliance. I get that. I lived with Anderson for about a year after the attack on Mindoir, so I know what total devotion looks like. But… I'm not. I'm not even completely loyal to the Council; though that's not so surprising considering how they like to throw me to the wolves so much. I'm loyal to the galaxy, and the preservation of everything that's been built in the last 50,000 years. Sometimes that means allying with the Alliance, sometimes that means allying with Cerberus.
This doesn't mean I agree with Cerberus in any way. If the Illusive Man thinks I'm his pet varren, he's got another thing coming.
I'm running out of time, and I'm getting off topic. Forgive me, but I need to say this as bluntly as possible. There's no going back for us, Kaidan. We're too different. It's been two years. You moved on, and I finally have, too.
I don't have much time. Literally. The Collectors think we're such a threat that they've attacked us from behind. My entire crew is gone. Doctor Chakwas, Kelly, even the engineers and Mr. Gardner, the cook. The only one left is Joker.
They've pissed me off. I'm tired of waiting for something to happen. We're going after them. Right now. We'll hit the Omega 4 relay in a little more than two hours.
So goodbye. This might be the last time I ever get to say anything to you. I want you to know that what we had was real while it lasted, and what's happened since I was resurrected is definitely not what I'd planned to do with my life.
Maybe we'll meet again, someday.
Kalisee.
XXXXX
Liara tapped at her terminal aimlessly, staring blankly at the words scrolling across the screen. She knew she should be reading the information, but she just couldn't concentrate that well. She knew she should have taken the day off, but she just couldn't bring herself to. Every minute she spent relaxing was another minute the Shadow Broker gained against her.
But still, concentrating on the new bits of intel she'd gathered was hard work. Especially now. She was just so relieved.
She'd nearly panicked a few days ago, when Commander Shepard's message came to her in the middle of the night. She'd been incredibly blunt, and that's probably what had scared Liara the most: Shepard had been completely at ease with dying.
"If I don't send another letter in at least two days, I'm not going to."
Those words had frightened her beyond belief. Thoroughly distracted, Liara had spent the whole night (and most of the next day) glued to her computer, waiting for some sort of reply.
Finally she'd gotten one, but not from Kalisee Shepard. It had been from Doctor Chakwas. It had taken Liara an hour to actually read the message; she'd been so sure that the doctor was telling her that Shepard was dead.
Then she'd finally read the message—only about four lines, really—and nearly smacked herself in the head for overreacting.
"Commander Shepard is alive and well. We were concerned for her survival for quite some time, but she is just as always. Thane Krios will not let her go anywhere until we reach the Citadel, so she asked me to write to you and tell you she was alive."
Liara felt herself smile. Thane Krios. The assassin Shepard had asked Liara about. She knew she'd felt something between them the last time they'd appeared. How wonderful. She was incredibly happy for the Commander. She deserved someone to care for her properly, after—
"Dr. T'Soni," Liara's new assistant, a busybody salarian named Illoa, poked his head inside her office. "There's someone to see you."
Liara frowned. "I don't recall having any appointments today."
The young alien shook his head. "No, ma'am. This human just barged in and asked to see you. He claims to know you personally."
Liara shook her head. "I need a name, Illoa."
Illoa was pulled from the doorway and Liara glared at the man taking her assistant's place.
"Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko, Liara."
Liara felt her biotic power rising without her permission. She pushed it back down. "Take a seat. How may I help you, Commander?"
"I need to find Commander Shepard." Kaidan stated, seating himself across from Liara and leaning forward. "I need to know if she's still alive."
"And what makes you think I know?"
Kaidan snorted. "You're an information broker, Liara. Not to mention one of Shepard's best friends. Please. I need to know if she came back alive."
Liara found herself smirking at the words "came back". He might not be completely clueless, then. "What do you know?"
Kaidan ran a hand through his hair. "She'd been sending me messages all this time, and I never got them. Then, a few days ago, I get all of them at once, starting with her newest letter, saying she was going to go through the Omega 4 relay, and she probably wasn't going to survive."
Liara cringed. "I got much the same message."
The hope that sprung into Kaidan's eyes was painful. "Liara, you've got to tell me if she's okay. The last time we talked, I said some stupid things, and—"
"Yes, I know what you said to her." Liara snapped. "There's no need to go into detail."
"Liara, you've got to tell me where she is." Kaidan pleaded. "We need to clear the air between us. I don't know what's going to happen, but it needs to happen, because I can't live with this indecision, and I don't think she can either."
Liara tapped her thumb on the table a few times in thought. "Yes," she decided. "It probably would be good to get everything straightened out."
Especially considering Kaidan hasn't thought to throw Krios into the picture yet.
"What do you know?" Kaidan asked, leaning forward and giving all his attention to the asari.
Liara sighed. "I don't know the whole story. I know she's alive—" She ignored Kaidan's incredibly relieved sigh at this, "—and heading for the Citadel. Their ship was damaged pretty badly and they need to make repairs."
Kaidan stood and nodded, that determined look on his face irking Liara. "Thank you, Liara."
"Wait a moment, Commander." Liara held up a hand. "All information comes at a price."
The Alliance soldier frowned. "What do you want?"
"Did Shepard mention anything about your relationship with each other?"
Kaidan glared. "That isn't your business."
"But you're going to tell me."
"I don't see why I should." Kaidan crossed his arms and tried to glare down Liara. It wouldn't work, of course; Liara had faced many people more intimidating than Kaidan. Finally, he relented and rolled his eyes. "She said we'd grown apart. That there was no going back for us."
Liara nodded sagely. "Maybe you should listen to her."
Kaidan didn't reply. He shook his head and walked off.
Liara shrugged and went back to her computer. Suddenly she felt like working.
XXXXX
Commander Kalisee Shepard crossed her arms over her brand-new black T-shirt, courtesy of Miranda's latest shopping escapade, glaring at the doctor. She would have crossed her legs to look more defiant, but she was sitting on the medbay table, and crossing her legs would hurt her more than she was willing to risk to make her point. "I don't want to use those."
Doctor Chakwas sighed and held the crutches out. "Commander, it's either use these and get around on your own, or sit in the wheelchair and have someone push you."
Kallie puffed. No way she'd let someone drive her around the Citadel all day. "I'd rather do neither."
The doctor pinned Shepard in place with a hard stare. "Then you'll stay on the ship where we can watch you."
Kallie pursed her lips. Before she could think of a suitable comeback, Thane sidled up to her.
"Perhaps it would be best to listen to the doctor, siha." Thane advised. A hint of a smirk lined his lips. "If only this once."
Kallie groaned. "God, fine." She snatched the crutches from the doctor and rested them underneath her arms, supporting her weight. "I'm not going to be able to wear my armor while using these, you know."
"I wouldn't worry about being attacked on the Citadel." Chakwas grinned. "You look just as intimidating as ever, Commander."
Thane nodded his thanks to the doctor and tugged at Shepard, easily keeping up with her as she used the crutches to propel herself out of the medbay.
"Shall I remind you that your armor is little more than shrapnel now?" The drell asked conversationally as he patiently waited for Shepard to gain control of her crutches.
The Commander rolled her eyes. "Hush, you." She finally managed to swing herself into the elevator. She grumbled under her breath as Thane pressed the correct button. She watched the elevator doors close and released her hold on the crutches, leaning against the wall and ignoring the stabbing pain in the stomach, warning her to get off of her legs. "This is going to be a long day."
Thane reached out and hit the STOP button on the elevator. At Shepard's bewildered look, he sidled up next to her and pressed her against the elevator wall. "There is nothing wrong with staying on the Normandy, siha." He stated.
Kallie bit her lower lip at the sudden heat bubbling in her gut. She shook her head to rid her mind of its fuzzy haze and replied as if she'd been expecting this kind of rebuttal. "I've been cooped up in this ship for three days. Three days. We've been on the Citadel that long and I've yet to go see Anderson. He probably thinks I hate him and that I'm ignoring him by now."
Kallie pointedly ignored the fact that Anderson probably thought that anyway, based on their last conversation where Shepard had accused Anderson of sending Kaidan to spy on her after she'd been to see him. He hadn't denied it, and their voices had escalated very quickly afterward. Their argument finally ended with Shepard biting her tongue to keep from lashing out. She'd ended up storming out with a bewildered Thane and an equally angry Garrus trailing behind her. She'd completely ignored the Councilor's calls for her to come back.
Come to think of it, she'd also totally ignored the rest of his messages from then on. She didn't even think she'd had the time—or the forethought—to warn him of their impending escapade through the Omega 4 relay. How cruel was it that she'd told Kaidan—who had probably stopped expecting any sort of communication for a while—and had glanced right over the man who'd kept her alive for a full year after the attack on Mindoir—the man who had faithfully sent a message to her every day in the hopes that she would reply?
Maybe he'd stopped looking for her to answer, too. Kallie knew herself too well to think she hadn't burned a bridge or two. It as something she was good at doing, even before the batarians had come and destroyed her life. Maybe Anderson had finally moved on from thinking she'd want to talk to him again.
Maybe it was too late.
Thane leaned forward and pressed his lips to the corner of the Commander's mouth. She blinked in surprise and sucked in a deep breath, focusing on him and his concerned stare.
"You went away again." Thane stated. "I apologize. I meant to shift your focus back to the present, not to startle you."
Kallie let out a shaky breath. She leaned her forehead against Thane's chest and inhaled slowly. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
Thane tilted the Commander's head back up with a crooked finger, and she found herself looking into his eyes. Their noses touched, and the Commander had to work to keep her eyes from crossing as she kept eye contact. "Allow me to give you a reason to stay in the present."
Thane's lips were inches from Shepard's own. She swallowed nervously. "What kind of reason?"
All she had in answer was Thane's knowing smirk before he snatched her lips in a kiss.
Shepard's gasp was quickly smothered by a moan as she leaned into Thane. Her hands reached for his jacket and gripped it tightly, trying to pull him closer. Thane complied, resting his hands lightly on her hips—always keeping her injury in mind—and moving closer. Kallie felt weightless, and even the pain in her stomach seemed to ebb.
Then Thane stepped back again, a smirk gracing his features as he pushed the elevator button again and it resumed its path to the second floor.
Kallie clutched her crutches tightly, shifting them back under her arms and leaning on them heavily. She cleared her throat and tried not to look embarrassed as the elevator doors opened.
From the outside of the elevator, Garrus crossed his arms and smirked. "I was wondering if the elevator was ever going to make it up here."
Thane's reply matched his own smirk. "We apologize. The elevator was giving us some trouble."
Garrus' eyes glinted. "Right." He glanced over at the flushed Kallie and his expression changed. "Crutches? Will that really work?"
"My legs aren't actually hurt, Garrus." Shepard explained a bit tersely. "But putting too much weight on them for too long hurts like hell. So if I want to go out today, it's crutches for me."
"Really?" Garrus replied. "Are you sure you want to come with us, then? I'm sure Thane and I can take along Miranda to find you some armor."
Shepard shuddered. "That's not going to happen. It'll come back skin-tight and see-through. Watch."
Garrus laughed. Shepard shook her head and continued. "Besides, I've been on this ship far too long. I need to talk to actual people."
Thane chuckled. "I'm sure that did not mean to come out as an insult."
Kallie coughed into her hand. "So, let's get going." The Commander propelled herself forward, past Garrus and Thane, into the airlock—firmly ignoring the amused chuckles and hidden faces as she mishandled her crutches and ended up sliding forward or tripping over something. "It's time for me to get off this ship!"
As they were waiting for the airlock to open, Thane sidled up to Kallie's side and leaned close to her ear. In a breathy whisper he stated, "Now that I think of it, I might not mind your wearing that kind of armor, siha."
Kallie swallowed and felt her face heat up.
XXXXX
Kallie tapped her crutches nervously against the ground as the elevator began its long ascent to the Presidium. This was the first time she would be talking to the Captain in months, since they hadn't ended their last conversation too well.
Garrus sighed beside her as Kallie kept tapping the ground. "As rhythmic as you are, Shepard, you're going to drive me crazy."
Kallie shrugged sheepishly, stilling her crutches. "Sorry. Nerves."
"You should relax, Commander." Thane insisted. "Things will go fine."
"I feel so bare without my armor on." Kallie complained, scratching nervously at her hair. She rubbed her knees together experimentally and made a face.
"Garrus and I shall stand by and take down any potential threats that have made it past C-Sec Ward Security, Presidium bio-scanning, and Alliance personnel instinct to make it to a Councilor's office."
Garrus laughed behind them.
"Come on, Thane." Kallie smiled sweetly at him. "You could have gotten through all that."
"Of course I could have." Thane agreed. "But they are not me."
Kallie chuckled softly and returned to her tapping. Thane reached out and linked his fingers with hers, giving a light squeeze.
The gesture did more for Kallie than the repartee. Her wildly beating pulse finally slowed to regular levels. She took a deep breath, suddenly feeling not as nervous as before.
Kallie gave a genuine smile at the encouragement and tightened her hold on his hand, not releasing her grip until the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened.
After walking (or in Shepard's case, swinging) for a bit Kallie finally found herself at Anderson's door. Her hand hesitated on the knob. Apprehension filled Kallie's stomach, staying her hand at the last minute.
What the hell was she doing? What if Anderson wanted nothing to do with her anymore? Not only had she been working for Cerberus—the same organization that not only ripped apart Shepard's own team on Akuze, but killed Admiral Kahoku, one of Anderson's good friends—but she'd literally screamed at him the last time she'd come here, accusing him (rightfully, she might add) of sending Kaidan off to spy on her.
She'd been an ungrateful little brat the year she'd spent with him on the Adrastos, and she'd never really made it easy for him to look after her, given her magnetism to trouble.
Who was she fooling? Councilor Anderson wouldn't want anything to do with her anymore. She shouldn't have come here. She should have just—
A hand settled gently on her shoulder, jostling her out of her own head. Thane looked at her worriedly. "You went away again. Is something wrong?"
Kallie shook her head. "Sorry. I need to stop doing that. Nerves, I guess."
"We can go do something else, you know." Garrus suggested. "And come back later."
"No," Kallie shook her head, still staring at the door separating her from her surrogate father. "I just feel like a kid who did something terrible in school, so the school called my parents and now I have to go 'fess up."
She could practically feel Garrus' puzzled frown. "You're going to have to explain that one to me."
Thane's hand on her shoulder tightened, but he didn't speak until Kallie turned her bright green eyes toward him. "Siha, we are with you."
Kallie closed her eyes and nodded. She took one last breath and opened the door into Anderson's office.
Councilor David Anderson sat at his desk facing toward the door, arguing quietly with someone over a private comm. link. At the sound of the door opening the man glanced up to wave off the people coming to disturb him before returning to his conversation.
Then he did a double-take. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped, effectively multiplying Shepard's nerves by one thousand. She shuffled her crutches awkwardly under her arms and scratched at the back of her head.
Anderson's gaze didn't move from Shepard. He pressed a button on his screen as if he'd memorized where it was and spoke. "Representative Omarr, I'm going to have to get back to you." Without waiting for a reply he turned off the comm. link and stood.
Kallie found herself slumping her shoulders and backing herself up; something she found very complicated to accomplish on crutches. "I'm sorry. You're busy. I should have called ahead, or at least emailed you to see if you were free. I'm sorry. I'll—"
A large pair of arms encircled Shepard and tugged her forward. Anderson pulled her into a tight embrace. She stood stock-still, completely unsure of what to do next.
"Kalisee." Anderson pulled her closer, the relief evident in his voice.
That did it. Kallie threw her arms around Anderson. "I'm sorry, Anderson. Really I am."
"Sorry?" Anderson repeated, pulling back and looking his charge over. "Shepard, I'm just glad you're all right; I had no way of knowing what you were doing or where you were going. What happened to you? Why are you in crutches?"
Kallie realized that she couldn't hold back a grin. Shrugging guiltily, she cleared her throat and tried not to think about all the other times she'd had to explain her mischief to him. "We might have gone through the Omega 4 relay recently."
She could hear the two amused chuckles behind her and chose to ignore them.
Besides, Kallie wanted to watch Anderson assimilate that information. Even when she was an angry, irritable teenager trying to survive the aftermath of Mindoir, Kallie always enjoyed watching Anderson's face change from curious to disapproving.
She wasn't disappointed. Anderson frowned, then glared at the redhead. "You what? Shepard, that's—" He stopped himself and took a deep breath to steady his thoughts. Then he motioned toward his desk and the chairs situated about it. "Why don't you start from the beginning? Come, sit, all of you. We've got all day."
Yes, Kalisee Shepard was definitely glad she'd gone out today.
XXXXX
Finally I get the first chapter out, huh? Well, I can already tell you that this is going to be five chapters long. Maybe four if I can't squeeze out that last chapter. And yes, there's going to be more ThaneXShepard in it than there was in this chapter. I had to start somewhere, though. xP
Stay close, Shrios fans! There shall be more to come!
Also, please please please go to my profile and vote on the Shepard you want to see survive Running as Fast as I Can. I've updated that one recently, too, so I'm hoping my bout of Writer's Block has finally gone away.
Ciao!
Amme Moto