(AN: I was just so mad at Rachel that I couldn't help myself.)
(2nd AN: Okay, so some of you may be confused. I took this story and my other one, Who Can Say What Dreams Are, and made it into one story, since I have so many Glee scenarios in my brain. There will be others. I actually already have a list of chapter titles if someone wants to write one. Just let me know and I can PM you a few to chose from.)
A Modern Mr. Darcy
Summary: Rachel broke Jesse St. James' heart with the Run Joey Run fiasco. She also broke her own. Can the two find it in them to forgive her?
Jesse St. James walked down the hall confidently even though he was feeling anything but.
"Mr. Schue?"
"Come in, Jesse."
"I'm quitting New Directions."
"Why?"
"Rachel. I can't see her all the time, it's too hard."
"I understand. Believe me, if anybody understands, I do. Are you going back to Vocal Adrenaline?"
"No. I'm staying at McKinley, but I can't stay in Glee."
"Alright, feel free to come to the auditorium any time you feel like singing though. See you in Spanish?"
"Goodbye, Mr. Schue. Thanks."
~X~
Rachel Berry walked into Glee alone. Nobody talked to her any more. Not Tina, Artie, or Mercedes. Jesse, Finn, and Puck still hated her.
"I have an announcement to make. Jesse quit."
"I knew he was a traitor!" Quinn said indignantly.
"He isn't a traitor. He's actually staying at McKinley. He just quit Glee. Honestly, can you blame the guy?" Rachel looked down in shame at Mr. Schuester's look. Is there anybody who didn't hate her?
"Rachel, would you like to go first?" she nodded and whispered her selection to the band.
I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...
'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.
This is no place to try and live my life.
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.
I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.
I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.
And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.
This is no place to try and live my life.
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...
So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.
During the song, Rachel watched as the Glee club members stood up and left, following Finn and Puck. So, she ran to her car, wrenched open the door and drove home, crying all the way. She turned on her video camera that was used for her daily song updates and started talking.
"Video Diary Day One:
I'm sorry. I just want my not friends to know that. I don't even know why everybody is mad at me. I understand Jesse, Finn, and Puck, but I think that everybody else was just using me for my voice. I'm good and I know it and that's why I act the way I do. I don't understand this need to be popular. It ruined everything!
Why do I always mess up relationships? I don't even have friends. I thought I did for while, but obviously not. I messed up my relationship with Puck. I liked Finn and also refused to give myself to him. Honestly, it was entirely my fault.
Finn, I loved him for so long, but I screwed that up too. I'm too high maintenance for him. He broke up with me.
Then I met Jesse. I fell for him, fast. I almost screwed it up when I refused to give myself to him, but he eventually understood. Then, I was an idiot. I told them all that I wanted to be in a video with them and didn't tell them that I was using all three. It was to make me look popular, but it just made them hate me.
I broke Jesse's heart and I don't expect forgiveness for that. I always screw everything up! Why am I such an idiot?"
Rachel Berry finished her diary entry that she sobbed her way through and posted it on MySpace. She doesn't have any friends except for Jesse, who still hasn't deleted her. She typed a quick email to her ex, Mr. Darcy style.
~X~
Jesse St. James, who has been in a bad mood since the split, went on MySpace and checked Rachel's page. Yeah, he's mad at her, but he still wants to know that she's okay.
Rachel Berry added a video of herself at 3:00 p.m.
He clicked the play button and watched his ex-girlfriend cry her eyes out during the 'diary entry.'
One new message! his page said. He clicked on the link.
To: Jesse St. James
From: Rachel Berry
RE: I don't expect you to forgive me. Just, please, read it to the end. Against his better judgment, the former Vocal Adrenaline star clicked 'open.'
Jesse,
I know what I did was wrong and I don't want your forgiveness, well, I do. I just don't expect to get it. I just want to tell you everything. Wow, now I feel like Mr. Darcy
When we met, I really did like you. My team told me to break up with you and I told them I did. I lied, obviously. Then, they found out and you moved here. They were mad, but eventually accepted you. And everything was okay again.
The movie was a mistake. I just sometimes need to be popular so much. I don't understand it, but I hated being last on that 'Glist.' I felt like…I don't really know, but it didn't feel good. The star in you understands that, but I know that the Jesse doesn't.
You gave up everything for me and I messed up. You gave up your home, your friends, your school, your team, everything. And now, you lost me too.
You quit our Glee club, but I think you should join again. It's your senior year and you should have your shot at Nationals. It was unfair for me to make the video, so it's unfair for you to quit. I'm quitting tomorrow. I'll talk to Mr. Schue. They all hate me anyway, and you are even more talented than I am. None of them are my true friends, they just pretend to be.
I'm sorry I broke your heart and mine in the process. I think I loved you, but now we'll never know.
~Rachel Elizabeth Berry.
Jesse was in an even worse mood when he decided to reply.
To: Rachel E. Berry
From: Jesse St. James
I'm sorry, Rach, but I'm not ready to forgive you yet. You hurt me and I can't get over that, not yet at least. Maybe someday. I am a star and I do understand, but in my heart, I'm just Jesse. And Jesse gave up everything to be with you.
I'll rejoin Glee if that's what you really want. I only quit because I couldn't bear to see you all the time.
I watched your video. It hurts to see that your upset. Yes, you hurt me, but you hurt yourself too. Remember that.
~Jesse.
Rachel, who had stopped crying at this point, felt the tears run down her cheeks again.
~X~
All too soon, it was time for school. The heartbroken teenager threw on jeans and a t-shirt. It was obvious that something was wrong if you just looked at her. Rachel Berry walked down to Mr. Schuester's office as her ex-boyfriend did just twenty-four hours earlier.
"I quit, Mr. Schuester. Nobody wants me there and then Jesse can join again." She said before running back to her car. She just felt like skipping class today. On the way, she ran into the hard-muscled chest of one Jesse St. James.
"Sorry." She said, before attempting to run away. He grabbed her arm.
"Rachel?"
"Hi, Jesse."
"What are you wearing?"
"Clothes!"
"What happened to the animal sweaters and high-waist skirts?"
"I didn't feel like dressing up today."
"You look awful."
"Thanks? You look pretty terrible too." He did, she noted. His eyes had big purple bags under them and he just looked sad. His clothes were wrinkled and he did not look good!
"I quit Glee. You can go talk to Mr. Schuester. He'll let you back in."
Jesse St. James walked down to the Choir Room after his confusing confrontation with Rachel. She looked terrible and it was his fault.
"Jesse?" Kurt asked, obviously confused.
"Rachel quit so I could join again. It was her idea."
"Maybe Rachel wasn't as bad of a person as we all thought." Mercedes commented.
"I need to show them something." Jesse said to Mr. Schuester. He logged onto his MySpace to show them Rachel's video. They all looked terrible by the time it was over.
"We ar-are so m-mean." Tina stuttered, tears glistened in her eyes.
"Does anyone know Rachel's number? We should have her come back." Mr. Schue said.
"I do," Jesse said. Tina called her and asked her to come back. Jesse was first to sing when she came back, although it is unsure why to the others.
I think you know what I'm getting at
I find it so upsetting that
the memories that you select you keep the bad but the good you just forget
and even though I'm angry I can still say
I know my heart will break the day
when you peel out and drive away
I can't believe this happened
And all this time I never thought
that all we had would be all for naught
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
cause you took this too far
Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault
I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
you said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that
and wisdom always chooses
these black eyes and these bruises
over the heartache that they say
never completely goes away
(I just can't believe this happened
and one day we'll see this come around)
what happened to us
i heard that it's me we should blame
what happened to us
why didn't you stop me from turning out this way
and know that I don't hate you
and know that I don't want to fight you
and know that I'll always love you
but right now I just don't...
"Sing with us, Rachel?" Kurt asked. She nodded and grabbed the paper Mr. Schue held out.
Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I
Rachel Berry grinned as they sang the song and when it was over, the Glee club disbanded to leave her and Jesse alone.
"Hi."
"Hey."
"I missed you."
"I missed you too, Rach."
"Are you going to talk to me or did you just let them call me so I could see you again and feel bad and hurt?"
"You know, you are more of a Drama Queen than I am, Rach." Rachel Berry grinned and hugged Jesse St. James.
"Let's not do that ever again." She said.
"Do what?"
"Break up. I hated it. It sucked." He smirked and kissed her.