She often came to the bridge to think. Being high up above the world made her feel safe; away from everything that could hurt her. From every one.
She felt different her whole life. She always felt as though she was doing or saying the wrong thing, dressing the wrong way, playing with the wrong toy, liking the wrong music. Funny that as these thoughts crossed her mind she noticed she was facing traffic all driving toward her, not one car was headed the same direction as she was.
She let the thought slide from her mind; she didn't care about being different anymore.
She didn't care about anything anymore.
Her mind was blank as she began to climb; she barely even heard let alone noticed cars beeping at her as she climbed higher up the rickety fence. Her knee scraped against a rogue wire, she knew it would bleed in a matter of seconds. She gasped slightly at the pain, but ignored it.
With ease, she slid into position on top of the fence and immediately felt better. She had her back to the traffic flowing beneath her; she closed her eyes and tilted her head back, closing her eyes to the blinding sunlight. She smiled as the breeze gently danced across her skin, blowing her long brown hair softly around her shoulders.
After relishing the sensation for a few moments, she drew a packet of cigarettes out of her pocket and began to smoke one.
She enjoyed it, savouring the sensation it gave her, the light headedness and rush of endorphins.
She was pleased her last few moments had turned out so pleasant. She had been miserable for so long, dwelling on all the terrible events, she had tried to get better, tried to fit in, but now that he was gone, she simply felt empty.
Throwing away the cigarette butt, Effy Stonem tilted back her head towards the sunlight one last time and laughed.
She began to lean backwards, stretching out her arms as if she were welcoming a lover to her embrace, and was about to let her body fall down to the traffic on the busy road below, when she heard the scream of an angel.
"EFFY! What the actual fuck do you think you are doing!"
Katie Fucking Fitch.
Effy wanted to let herself fall, she really did. She had every intention of killing herself. She had decided long ago that her life was better off not living, and she had completely resigned herself to what she had planned for today. What she hadn't counted on was someone caring. Effy was done fighting her demons, done being scared, done being sad and lonely. Done feeling guilty.
She opened her eyes slowly and looked over to where she had heard Katie call out to her. Her arms drifted back down to her sides, and she held herself steady on the slim bar that she sat upon.
"What you doing here Katiekins?" she asked, not meaning to sound so lifeless.
Katie stood a good few metres away, at the edge of the bridge. She didn't move closer to Effy, but kept a sharp eye on her every move.
"Emily told me she saw you slip off. I followed you of course. Why did you leave, Eff?"
.
.
What a question. Why did I leave? Why did I leave a funeral, where everyone was grieving for him, for his loss. He was killed because of someone I bought into our lives. Because of me. All my fault.
I smile sadly at Katie. "Why do you think. His poor dad, and Karen. I couldn't be there Katie. I couldn't bear it." All my fault.
"It's not your fault Effy," Katie says gently. Is she a mind reader? I don't know. All I know is that this girl who has actually become my friend, despite everything that has happened, knows me better than I know myself. But she is wrong. Nothing will make me believe any different. Freddie is dead because of me. "Lets get you down from there Effs, you're making me fucking queasy sitting up there like that. Come on."
I don't know why, but I can't say no to her. Everything inside my head is screaming at me to just let go, throw myself backwards into the traffic. It would be so easy. So so easy. But something amazing has happened that I've only just realised.
It's just me and Katie on the bridge.
And as far as I can see, there is no one else.
No evil on the horizon, no bad people trying to hurt me.
It's as if Katie is keeping them away.
And suddenly things are clearer to me than they have ever been before.
I feel a smile tug at the corner of my lips, and I slip down off the fence. Katie closes the distance between us and extends her hand to mine.
I look at it, then take it in mine, and allow her to lead me away, back to reality, away from my safe place, and in to life.
And I know that everything is going to be okay. Katie Fucking Fitch is my safe place now.