Description: Fake IDs + karaoke = a steamy entry in Santana's diary... or is it a love letter?
Dear Diary,
Honestly, I have this abiding need to write down everything that happened tonight, if only for my own memories so that as it fades, or as my mind decides to embellish, I can come back and remember it. Besides, it's not like she'll let me do this again. Dear God I wish it would happen again.
It started when we went to a new karaoke bar in town that didn't check our IDs very well. How was I to know that you'd get drunk on Jaeger first thing? "Santana, you are my very best friend and I really want to kiss you right now." Tongues tangling running out of air twisting kissing kissing kissing so very much love there heat and softness and fear that I want to chase away and wrap in cotton. Slowing down to soft kisses that make me smile. Breaking apart and seeing an answering smile, and so much shyness on your face.
Lather, rinse, repeat umpteen times whenever we think no one is looking. Hold on to that soft, soft hair. Stopping and talking at one point about what we were doing, ending it with me taking the plunge, reaching out, grabbing your face in my hands and pulling you in for another heartstopping kiss, so hard, so intense.
Sitting and flirting at our spots at the bar. You stuffing a twenty in the top of my shirt and declaring that yes, you'll sing, 'but I'm not paying for any more drinks' and then freaking when you found out I used it to jump us in line with the KJ. A small kiss that while chaste, went on for quite a while, though I don't remember why you did it - something more akin to why it started than the flirting I think. Oh, because one of the guys had just been giving you grief and you wanted me to know you didn't care what he thought about that.
Dancing up above, a few times getting rather dirty with it, you grabbing me and kissing me full force about two feet away from a resident pair of lesbians, who grinned at me when we came back up for air.
Fever... oh god, Fever. Me losing the melody for a moment, staring back at you as we found the right harmonies again and the KJ making faces at me behind your back. Doing some seriously naughty dancing, usually when singing the words 'you give me feeeeeeeeeeeeever', you touching my cheek, and when the song ended, an almost hidden kiss because you were suddenly shy and didn't want to disappoint me though you didn't really want to kiss onstage after all.
Dancing again, though you told me to wait 30 seconds and follow you up there. Some guy dancing up behind you, you wiggling back on him, but facing me and still dancing with me at the same time. I could watch you dance for hours.
I know we both sang again... but I don't even remember what I did right now, nor do I remember what you did. By that time I was in a haze, as well as the bouncing back and forth between flirting and worrying about you. I was doing a lot of touching your hair and holding on to you, but that was both parts I think.
The bar closing and then I was walking off with you, arm in arm.
We didn't even make it to the corner before we were kissing again. And kissing. You starting it, me starting it, both of us getting lost in moments so that we almost miss the light. And once we made it across, our progress slowed down to about five steps every ten minutes it seemed. Several times someone passed us where we'd stopped and cat called or said 'can I have some?' You didn't even seem to notice, and I just ignored them or laughed against your mouth.
You wanted me to touch you. I let my hands roam and you told me to do more. You grabbed me by my hair (one of the few times you did all night actually), looked me dead in the eyes and said, 'Santana, I need you to touch me'. As my hands strayed in your top, you whispered, 'you can do better than that.' I took it as a cue, and backed you up to the wall of the nearest building.
Those damn buttons... I couldn't get the right angle with my left hand, had to drop my purse ('remind me not to forget that'), pull your head back with that hand and use my right. Finally getting enough open that I could reach that heat, a triumph, especially since I wasn't sure you really wanted what I was doing. Remembering somewhere in my head that we were in public and this should be quick, I stopped worrying about getting my hand down farther, just doing what I know to do with that tiny clit. You laying your head back and breathing, 'oh my god, my best friend is about to give me an orgasm... in public' and me knowing that there was very little chance of you actually getting off, but doing my damndest while I kissed you again and again.
Somewhere in there, you said you wanted me to eat you out, again a soundbyte that rings in my head though I knew it to be untrue even as you said it. You finally asked me to stop, and when I asked if you'd gotten off, you shook your head sadly, almost as if to apologize, though I knew there was nothing wrong. I put my hand in my mouth and committed that sweet, sweet taste to memory.
We tried again to walk, but missing a light put us right back into kissing more and more. We made it across one street, but spent some time standing there with my hands deep inside your top while we kissed and waited to cross the next. Finally making it over there, I somehow ended up backing you against a tree, and getting your top down enough to attach to a nipple. So very gentle, so unlike my own when it comes to what works and makes you sigh, and I did make you sigh, so sweet.
Stopping that one because baring body parts in public could get us in trouble, I growled against your lips, 'damn straight girls, touch me touch me touch me, but never will I touch you'. You growling back, 'oh really?' and promptly grabbing my chest... though with my jacket zipped, it didn't do a thing. Unzipped the jacket and you slipped your hand in, latching on to my right breast under the shirt and squeezing, pinching, staring into my eyes, trying to get the hold tight enough to make my eyes roll back. Succeeding for a moment before it gets to be too much for you.
Walking just a bit farther until we were outside of another bar. Trying for about two minutes to hail a cab before going right back to what we were doing. Another tree to pin you up against while I touched all the skin I could reach. You whispering against my lips, 'What do you want?' When I tell you I want to taste you in full, you whisper again, 'What do you want for yourself?'
How I wanted to tell you to put your hand down, to feel what you were doing to me. The thought of those amazingly strong hands in a place wholly unfamiliar to you... my brain recklessly deciding that of course you would do it, of course you would want to taste... then somehow keeping it all back, knowing that if I spoke of what we were doing, especially that, the spell would be broken. But it was almost too late. You had thought of it, realized it, and you broke away.
We found a cab, talked throughout the ride, and when we reached home, you let me hand you out of the cab (for once), and could barely let yourself kiss me for a moment because it was hitting too hard again. I watched you walk out of sight, almost stumbling because you were so very tired.
I said a prayer that you wouldn't regret what we'd done, and went up to bed. Come tomorrow, the school bell will ring, you'll walk down the hall towards me, and I'll learn if we can still be friends. Maybe I'll be able to face the feelings that have come from this, but only if you can face them with me.