Bashful C
Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow…
Disclaimer: You know the deal, I don't own the rangers or 'Adam's Song', that's owned by Blink-182
Warnings: Cursing, Sniffle alert, and suicide.
Notes: … are song lyrics, /…/ is thoughts. This isn't gonna be a happy fic, more on the severely depressing side. This is my first true angst fic, so please be gentle when you review. Tankies. Bashful C.
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I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who's have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
Kimberly turned on the video camera, swallowing as she looked down at the water below. She was in the middle of Angel Grove Lake, about to kill herself. She wondered if she could do it. If she could jump over, let the shackled weight she had on her feet pull her down, the water drowning her.
She glanced at the picture of her friends and nodded. She could do it. It was the only way she could end her pain, her suffering. Her friends had no clue what she was going through. She snorted. /Of course they don't. If they had taken the time to call, come over, or even write, I wouldn't be in the middle of the lake, on a boat, with a 30 pound weight tied to my ankle./Turning to the camera, she began.
"Hey. Your probably wondering why I did it. Or," She grinned wryly. "Why I'm about to do it. Well no one cares, plain and simple. Why should you? Ya'll have the perfect little lives, with the perfect jobs, perfect relationships. Why should you care about me? I was only your friend. I guess I wasn't good enough." Kim told the camera, sadly. She knew that when she taped this, it would be hard, but she never expected it would be this hard. Taking a deep breath, she continued.
"I put up such a good front, no one knew how much it hurt. Yesterday was the last straw. You know what I read in the paper? 'Nobel Prize Winner, Trini Kwan, marries celebrity choreographer and singer, Zack Taylor.' Some way to find out two of your best friends have gotten married, huh?" The bitterness in her voice was loud and clear. She continued.
"When Trini and I were eight we had our future weddings planned out. We said we would be each others maid of honor. Turns out, I wasn't even invited to her wedding." A single tear slipped down her cheek. She didn't notice.
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
"Two weeks ago, was the Olympics. I was nervous of course, anyone would be. My parents said I was going to do great. I was talented and ready. Well, as ya'll already know, I screwed up my vault routine. I aced my balance beam routine, I aced my floor routine, even my uneven bars routine was flawless. But I screwed up on the vault. Coach was furious. So was my mom. And my dad. They kept saying that ANYONE could do it, that it wasn't that hard." She smirked. "I'd like to see them run up, jump, bounce and flip off a vault. Its harder than it looks." She stared out at the water.
"I know I have talent. I know that. They keep saying I do, but yesterday…yesterday my world shattered. My mom and dad knew I had given it my all, yet they were still mad. I know that when I'm gone, they'll wish they could take back what they said. But they can't. No one can. I know that they'll be sorry when I'm gone. But it isn't enough. No one can erase the way there words made me feel." She gave a biter sweet smile as she turned back to the camera. "No one."
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
"In the past two weeks, I've been seriously depressed. I've achieved my dream of winning the gold in the Pan Globels and Olympics, and have been thinking about my life." She gave a small snort. "And I've come to the realization, my life sucks. I've only conquered one of my many fears, sky diving. I lost contact with the most important people in the world to me, and I won't even go into my love life." She gave a small grin.
"In the past couple weeks, I've rarely came outside my room. I've been invited to numerous party's and such, but never went. It just wouldn't be the same. The people in Florida, all they talk about is gymnastics. I'm sick of gymnastics." She stated. She picked up a picture of the original five, and held it up to the camera.
"This was taken when we were 16. Do you guys remember? It was Zack's surprise party." She chuckled. Shaking her head, she put it in a box of items she had brought with her. Taking out a pink flamingo Jason had given her once, she laughed softly. She held it in her hands, staring down at it as she spoke.
"Things were so much easier then, The gang hung out, my parents were still together, my friends were always there to help me when I needed it. The biggest thing on my mind was keeping the world safe."
The world was wide to late to try
The tour was over, we survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
to pass the time in my room alone
"When the Pan Globels committee asked me to go on tour, to talk with kids around the world about gymnastics and how it changed my life, I was ecstatic. But the tour sucked. I tried to make new friends while I was on tour, but it was too late, I was already comparing everyone to you guys. That in itself should show how much I missed you. After a while, I just stopped talking with the other gymnasts, kept to myself and only opened up when we were talking with kids, or showing them stuff.
Then I found out we were going to be in Angel Grove for a day. I was ecstatic. I called your house, Tommy, but your mom said you weren't home. She said you were out with Kat. I knew you would date her after I sent you the letter. That's why I sent it in the first place. I had fallen out of love with you and I could tell how much Kat adored you. That's why I wrote the letter. The entire letter was true. I did fall in love with somebody else. At the time, I just couldn't tell you who he was. I mean, how can you tell your ex-boyfriend you were in love with his best friend? You can't." She shrugged. Sighing she turned to see a seagull land on her boat. She giggled. The seagull flew away. She turned back to the camera.
"Your mom said she'd have you call back. I waited in my hotel room all night. You never called."
I never thought I'd die alone
another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
"I always thought that I would die with all my friends and family around me, you know, 'on my deathbed' as they say. But that is not gonna happen. I never made an impact on the world. I know what your thinking, 'yes you did, you were the original pink ranger'. That might be true, but no one will ever know.
But you guys, people will remember you. Trini, your a Nobel Prize winner, Zack, your a famous choreographer and soon to be hip hop singer. Billy, well, your one of the smartest men on earth, maybe even THE smartest man on earth. I know you'll do something amazing. Jason, your a popular architect, people pay millions to have a one-of-a-kind-Scott-house." She stopped, taking a deep breath. She gave a lopsided smile.
"Tommy, your a Nascar champion with hundreds of adoring fans. Rocky, your appetite is already famous in Angel Grove, but I think your being a doctor will make more of an impact. Aisha, you've already saved hundreds of animals in Africa by finding the cure of the plague. That is definitely an amazing impact. Adam. Sweet, shy Adam. Your doing movies. You've got hundreds of girls flocking everywhere you go. Your the Jackie Chan of the 21st Century." She laughed softly.
"Don't blush, you know its true. Katherine, prima ballerina definitely fits you. Did you know I saw you in 'Swan Lake' in New York? You were amazing. Keep dancing, its your gift. Tanya. We barely know each other, but you are one of my friends. Your gift is your voice. I bought your CD, your gonna go far." She blinked back tears, as she stared out at the waveless waters. She turned back to the camera.
"Jason, the stack of letters in the black box in my room at my brothers house are yours. The key to the box is under my mattress. Oh, and by the way, Jordan lives in my old house. The one next door to yours Jase.
Trini, my diaries and journals are yours. Zack, all my CDs, tapes, records, and my guitar are yours. Billy, I leave you my gymnastics trophy's and medals. Tommy, the stuff animals you got me while we were together as well as the photo album with a green heart, goes to you. Adam, my novels that I never got the courage to send, are for you. Rocky, my cook books and apron and chef's hat are yours to use. Try not to burn your house down, OK?
Aisha, I have five kittens at my brother's house. Please take care of them. Katherine, Billy will be getting most of my gymnastics trophies and medal's, but I want you to have my gold medal from the Pan Globels. I know how much you've always wanted one. Finally Tanya. I have two guitars, Zack got my old one, the one I had when I was sixteen and we wrote the song for Tommy. I want you to have the other one as well as my notebooks full of my songs. I have a ton. Unfortunately, your probably gonna have to get the stuff from my room at my brothers house yourself. I know that my brother probably won't go into my room after I'm gone."
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of Apple Juice in the hall
Please tell Mom this is not her fault.
"I know how my family will react. They'll corner everything off and act like there's an invisible wall there, it'll be like an abandoned museum. The stains from my childhood will still be there, but everyone will probably treasure them. I remember when I was 12 I spilt a cup of, I think it was strawberry Gatorade, in my room. My mom started screaming at the top of her lungs, she was acting like I had just shot something and dragged in the body to show her. Whoever finds this please, tell my Mother that this wasn't her fault, I just couldn't take this life anymore, so instead I'm taking *my* life."
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
"I never conquered any of my goals, besides the Pan Globels and Olympics that is. I wish I was 16 again. It was so simple. I was so happy. You guys didn't avoid me like you do now. When I was 16 I wanted to live and I wanted to go outside. Now, the only reason I'm outside, is to die."
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
To pass the time in my room alone.
"It's a big world out there. I guess I could've just gone out and tried to find someone else who understood me like you guys did. But no one would. I mean let's face it, if you told someone that you were the pink ranger, you had visited other planets, met other species, even once had an evil warlord pining after you, they would have you committed. If you told someone that one of your best friends, that means you Billy, was living across the galaxy on a underwater world because he fell in love with one of the 'fish people' they would call you a liar. Everyday at practice, all I did was count the seconds till I could go back to my apartment so that I could write letters that would never be answered, send e-mails that were probably deleted, and wait all night in my room, alone, for a call that would never come."
I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
"I tried this once before, but unfortunately, Renee found me. I remember begging her not to tell anyone. I promised I would never do it again, she tried to convince me that things would get better, that all I needed to do was tell you guys how I felt. I couldn't. I never told her about you, Jason. About how just how deeply I feel for you. Renee would never have understood. She was convinced I was Trevor's soulmate. He was one of the guys in Florida." She smirked. The sun was beginning to set behind her.
"Turns out, she was his soulmate. They got married five months after the Pan Globels. After the wedding, I stayed in my apartment. I never went out, except to practice or something like that. I know Renee was worried. She said that you guys would eventually come around and I would be begging to go outside again. Bullshit."
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over I've survived
And I can't wait 'til I get home
To pass the time in my room alone
"It is a big world out there you know, and the time goes by rather quickly. The time passed even faster while I was in Florida because all I did was try to keep myself busy till the Pan Globels. Then, I could see you again. I believe the saying, 'time flies when your having fun.' But, now that I know you don't care, time goes by slowly, especially today. Last time I tried this, I slit my wrists, but Renee got there before I bled to death. This time I'm making sure I don't fail." Giving the camera an apologetic look, Kimberly lifted the anchor onto the edge of the boat.
"I'm sorry everybody, I love you all. I'll see you in Heaven. I hope." She gave a bitter laugh as she sat next to the anchor. She kept the anchor steady as she took a deep breath and finished her message.
"Anywho, I love you. I'm sorry, but I can't go on. Not like this. Parting is such sweet sorrow…I can't remember the rest. Good-bye." She pushed the anchor over the edge and for a few minutes nothing happened and then suddenly, Kim felt the coming pull and soundlessly slipped off the edge of the boat, disappearing into the murky water.
The End.
Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow…
Disclaimer: You know the deal, I don't own the rangers or 'Adam's Song', that's owned by Blink-182
Warnings: Cursing, Sniffle alert, and suicide.
Notes: … are song lyrics, /…/ is thoughts. This isn't gonna be a happy fic, more on the severely depressing side. This is my first true angst fic, so please be gentle when you review. Tankies. Bashful C.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who's have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
Kimberly turned on the video camera, swallowing as she looked down at the water below. She was in the middle of Angel Grove Lake, about to kill herself. She wondered if she could do it. If she could jump over, let the shackled weight she had on her feet pull her down, the water drowning her.
She glanced at the picture of her friends and nodded. She could do it. It was the only way she could end her pain, her suffering. Her friends had no clue what she was going through. She snorted. /Of course they don't. If they had taken the time to call, come over, or even write, I wouldn't be in the middle of the lake, on a boat, with a 30 pound weight tied to my ankle./Turning to the camera, she began.
"Hey. Your probably wondering why I did it. Or," She grinned wryly. "Why I'm about to do it. Well no one cares, plain and simple. Why should you? Ya'll have the perfect little lives, with the perfect jobs, perfect relationships. Why should you care about me? I was only your friend. I guess I wasn't good enough." Kim told the camera, sadly. She knew that when she taped this, it would be hard, but she never expected it would be this hard. Taking a deep breath, she continued.
"I put up such a good front, no one knew how much it hurt. Yesterday was the last straw. You know what I read in the paper? 'Nobel Prize Winner, Trini Kwan, marries celebrity choreographer and singer, Zack Taylor.' Some way to find out two of your best friends have gotten married, huh?" The bitterness in her voice was loud and clear. She continued.
"When Trini and I were eight we had our future weddings planned out. We said we would be each others maid of honor. Turns out, I wasn't even invited to her wedding." A single tear slipped down her cheek. She didn't notice.
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
"Two weeks ago, was the Olympics. I was nervous of course, anyone would be. My parents said I was going to do great. I was talented and ready. Well, as ya'll already know, I screwed up my vault routine. I aced my balance beam routine, I aced my floor routine, even my uneven bars routine was flawless. But I screwed up on the vault. Coach was furious. So was my mom. And my dad. They kept saying that ANYONE could do it, that it wasn't that hard." She smirked. "I'd like to see them run up, jump, bounce and flip off a vault. Its harder than it looks." She stared out at the water.
"I know I have talent. I know that. They keep saying I do, but yesterday…yesterday my world shattered. My mom and dad knew I had given it my all, yet they were still mad. I know that when I'm gone, they'll wish they could take back what they said. But they can't. No one can. I know that they'll be sorry when I'm gone. But it isn't enough. No one can erase the way there words made me feel." She gave a biter sweet smile as she turned back to the camera. "No one."
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
"In the past two weeks, I've been seriously depressed. I've achieved my dream of winning the gold in the Pan Globels and Olympics, and have been thinking about my life." She gave a small snort. "And I've come to the realization, my life sucks. I've only conquered one of my many fears, sky diving. I lost contact with the most important people in the world to me, and I won't even go into my love life." She gave a small grin.
"In the past couple weeks, I've rarely came outside my room. I've been invited to numerous party's and such, but never went. It just wouldn't be the same. The people in Florida, all they talk about is gymnastics. I'm sick of gymnastics." She stated. She picked up a picture of the original five, and held it up to the camera.
"This was taken when we were 16. Do you guys remember? It was Zack's surprise party." She chuckled. Shaking her head, she put it in a box of items she had brought with her. Taking out a pink flamingo Jason had given her once, she laughed softly. She held it in her hands, staring down at it as she spoke.
"Things were so much easier then, The gang hung out, my parents were still together, my friends were always there to help me when I needed it. The biggest thing on my mind was keeping the world safe."
The world was wide to late to try
The tour was over, we survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
to pass the time in my room alone
"When the Pan Globels committee asked me to go on tour, to talk with kids around the world about gymnastics and how it changed my life, I was ecstatic. But the tour sucked. I tried to make new friends while I was on tour, but it was too late, I was already comparing everyone to you guys. That in itself should show how much I missed you. After a while, I just stopped talking with the other gymnasts, kept to myself and only opened up when we were talking with kids, or showing them stuff.
Then I found out we were going to be in Angel Grove for a day. I was ecstatic. I called your house, Tommy, but your mom said you weren't home. She said you were out with Kat. I knew you would date her after I sent you the letter. That's why I sent it in the first place. I had fallen out of love with you and I could tell how much Kat adored you. That's why I wrote the letter. The entire letter was true. I did fall in love with somebody else. At the time, I just couldn't tell you who he was. I mean, how can you tell your ex-boyfriend you were in love with his best friend? You can't." She shrugged. Sighing she turned to see a seagull land on her boat. She giggled. The seagull flew away. She turned back to the camera.
"Your mom said she'd have you call back. I waited in my hotel room all night. You never called."
I never thought I'd die alone
another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
"I always thought that I would die with all my friends and family around me, you know, 'on my deathbed' as they say. But that is not gonna happen. I never made an impact on the world. I know what your thinking, 'yes you did, you were the original pink ranger'. That might be true, but no one will ever know.
But you guys, people will remember you. Trini, your a Nobel Prize winner, Zack, your a famous choreographer and soon to be hip hop singer. Billy, well, your one of the smartest men on earth, maybe even THE smartest man on earth. I know you'll do something amazing. Jason, your a popular architect, people pay millions to have a one-of-a-kind-Scott-house." She stopped, taking a deep breath. She gave a lopsided smile.
"Tommy, your a Nascar champion with hundreds of adoring fans. Rocky, your appetite is already famous in Angel Grove, but I think your being a doctor will make more of an impact. Aisha, you've already saved hundreds of animals in Africa by finding the cure of the plague. That is definitely an amazing impact. Adam. Sweet, shy Adam. Your doing movies. You've got hundreds of girls flocking everywhere you go. Your the Jackie Chan of the 21st Century." She laughed softly.
"Don't blush, you know its true. Katherine, prima ballerina definitely fits you. Did you know I saw you in 'Swan Lake' in New York? You were amazing. Keep dancing, its your gift. Tanya. We barely know each other, but you are one of my friends. Your gift is your voice. I bought your CD, your gonna go far." She blinked back tears, as she stared out at the waveless waters. She turned back to the camera.
"Jason, the stack of letters in the black box in my room at my brothers house are yours. The key to the box is under my mattress. Oh, and by the way, Jordan lives in my old house. The one next door to yours Jase.
Trini, my diaries and journals are yours. Zack, all my CDs, tapes, records, and my guitar are yours. Billy, I leave you my gymnastics trophy's and medals. Tommy, the stuff animals you got me while we were together as well as the photo album with a green heart, goes to you. Adam, my novels that I never got the courage to send, are for you. Rocky, my cook books and apron and chef's hat are yours to use. Try not to burn your house down, OK?
Aisha, I have five kittens at my brother's house. Please take care of them. Katherine, Billy will be getting most of my gymnastics trophies and medal's, but I want you to have my gold medal from the Pan Globels. I know how much you've always wanted one. Finally Tanya. I have two guitars, Zack got my old one, the one I had when I was sixteen and we wrote the song for Tommy. I want you to have the other one as well as my notebooks full of my songs. I have a ton. Unfortunately, your probably gonna have to get the stuff from my room at my brothers house yourself. I know that my brother probably won't go into my room after I'm gone."
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of Apple Juice in the hall
Please tell Mom this is not her fault.
"I know how my family will react. They'll corner everything off and act like there's an invisible wall there, it'll be like an abandoned museum. The stains from my childhood will still be there, but everyone will probably treasure them. I remember when I was 12 I spilt a cup of, I think it was strawberry Gatorade, in my room. My mom started screaming at the top of her lungs, she was acting like I had just shot something and dragged in the body to show her. Whoever finds this please, tell my Mother that this wasn't her fault, I just couldn't take this life anymore, so instead I'm taking *my* life."
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
"I never conquered any of my goals, besides the Pan Globels and Olympics that is. I wish I was 16 again. It was so simple. I was so happy. You guys didn't avoid me like you do now. When I was 16 I wanted to live and I wanted to go outside. Now, the only reason I'm outside, is to die."
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
To pass the time in my room alone.
"It's a big world out there. I guess I could've just gone out and tried to find someone else who understood me like you guys did. But no one would. I mean let's face it, if you told someone that you were the pink ranger, you had visited other planets, met other species, even once had an evil warlord pining after you, they would have you committed. If you told someone that one of your best friends, that means you Billy, was living across the galaxy on a underwater world because he fell in love with one of the 'fish people' they would call you a liar. Everyday at practice, all I did was count the seconds till I could go back to my apartment so that I could write letters that would never be answered, send e-mails that were probably deleted, and wait all night in my room, alone, for a call that would never come."
I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
"I tried this once before, but unfortunately, Renee found me. I remember begging her not to tell anyone. I promised I would never do it again, she tried to convince me that things would get better, that all I needed to do was tell you guys how I felt. I couldn't. I never told her about you, Jason. About how just how deeply I feel for you. Renee would never have understood. She was convinced I was Trevor's soulmate. He was one of the guys in Florida." She smirked. The sun was beginning to set behind her.
"Turns out, she was his soulmate. They got married five months after the Pan Globels. After the wedding, I stayed in my apartment. I never went out, except to practice or something like that. I know Renee was worried. She said that you guys would eventually come around and I would be begging to go outside again. Bullshit."
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over I've survived
And I can't wait 'til I get home
To pass the time in my room alone
"It is a big world out there you know, and the time goes by rather quickly. The time passed even faster while I was in Florida because all I did was try to keep myself busy till the Pan Globels. Then, I could see you again. I believe the saying, 'time flies when your having fun.' But, now that I know you don't care, time goes by slowly, especially today. Last time I tried this, I slit my wrists, but Renee got there before I bled to death. This time I'm making sure I don't fail." Giving the camera an apologetic look, Kimberly lifted the anchor onto the edge of the boat.
"I'm sorry everybody, I love you all. I'll see you in Heaven. I hope." She gave a bitter laugh as she sat next to the anchor. She kept the anchor steady as she took a deep breath and finished her message.
"Anywho, I love you. I'm sorry, but I can't go on. Not like this. Parting is such sweet sorrow…I can't remember the rest. Good-bye." She pushed the anchor over the edge and for a few minutes nothing happened and then suddenly, Kim felt the coming pull and soundlessly slipped off the edge of the boat, disappearing into the murky water.
The End.