All that our love can be
By: Sorano
Disclaimer- Card Captor Sakura and all characters, places, ideas, even the title belongs to our much-adored CLAMP and Kodansha.
A/N- I am a little blurry on the 2nd movie. I have seen the entire series except for that because I am having an extremely difficult time locating a copy (if anyone knows where I can find a raw or sub of The Sealed Card please let me know!) Anyways, if Syaoran doesn't go back to Hong Kong at the end of the movie then for the purposes of fanfiction he does, okay? Good. BTW, for the time being this is rated PG13 as a fairly safe story but I may change the rating later on as it gets darker. Just a heads up to all those who can't handle it, okay? Nobody think lemon, it isn't like that. Well, maybe… No, no! This story isn't going in THAT direction. Well, I hope not. Just don't get mad if some mature themes come up, that's all.
"Yukito-san said someday I will find somebody who loves me as much as I love him and he will think the world of me."
"Don't worry. I know you will find him."
"You are the one I care about most."
"Syaoran-kun… I love you!"
Sakura bit the tip of her pen and wiggled it around. It was a habit she had never been able to rid herself of. She was picking her brain madly trying to think of something, anything to say to her love, Syaoran, but the words just weren't coming. Though he had only left for his home in Hong Kong three days ago it could have been a few centuries for Sakura. The problem was she didn't know what to say to him. She itched to see him, to talk to him and have him smile at her, but she didn't really have anything to say.
She sighed and pushed her chair away from the desk. It had been easy enough to shout out that she loved him, she had been caught up in the moment. There he had stood in the new light, her handsome prince and it had been all so romantic. Hadn't she got carried away? Did she really love this strange boy? Now that the danger was over and she was sitting comfortably in her room a million miles from him, could she really say it again and still mean it?
Her letter was pretty poor in comparison to the one that had arrived that morning. So far she had rambled on about the rainy weather, Kero's inssationable appetite, her first day of school (and how it was the first morning she had gone to school without Touya because she didn't need to see Yukito anymore) but she had yet to touch upon anything real. It was just small-talk, nothing that would really interest Syaoran. Why couldn't she talk about something meaningful? Why couldn't she write about how much she missed him or something? Why couldn't she talk about them? Why couldn't she write like they really were in love?
"What's wrong with me?" she mused aloud, tilting her chair back against the wall.
"What's wrong with what?" a high-pitched voice asked beside her.
"Hoe!" Sakura yelped and the chair slid out from its tilted position and crashed to the floor. Her body impacted the with the floor hard, knocking the wind out of her. "Ow…" she winced and curled up in a ball.
"Sakura, daijoubu?" The small yellow creature flew down to her level. "Did I startle you?"
Sakura managed to smile. Kero looked so worried. "Hai, daijoubu. I thought I was all alone. Weren't you over at Tomoyo's? She hasn't run out of cakes already has she?"
"Actually she did," Kero pouted, pretending to look insulted. "Apparently businesswomen can consume a high amount of sweets at long meetings and they didn't have much left over by the time I got there."
"Mou, poor, Kero-chan." Sakura stretched and managed to pull herself into a sitting position. "Ara, Kero-" she froze when a surge of pain went through her arm. "Oww," tears welled up in her eyes and she tried again to move it but it hurt too much. It was something she had never felt before and she wanted to curl up and die.
By this time Kero was looking extremely anxious and was pressed up against his mistress, checking her over for injury. "Go get my father," she begged despretely. "I think I've gone and broken my arm."
"Sakura, I can't do that! Look at me, I'm a stuffed animal!"
Sakura sighed, pain clouding her thoughts. "Call Tomoyo then and get her to ask her guardians to drive me to the hospital or something."
"What I do for you!" Kero whined and turned to leave, noticing his mistress had passed out.
* * *
and the weather was lousy today. We've entered our rainy season and all it does is rain, rain, rain! I'm so sick of it. You left just in time. Something awful happened today, Syaoran-kun! Okay, I'll admit, it was sort of my fault. I was being careless again. I was sitting in my chair (probably not how I should've been) and Kero-chan startled me and I tipped right over backwards! That's not the worst part though! I broke my arm and it hurt so much! I had to have Tomoyo-chan's bodyguards take me to the hospital because nobody was home here. I was so sure I was going to die but Kero-chan saved the day! It hurt a lot getting the cast put on and it made me all wet but now it's okay. Everybody at school wanted to sign it and they think I'm so lucky. Obviously they've never broken anything because it's not fun at all. I wish you could sign my cast, Syaoran-kun. Your signiture would mean the most. But you're all the way over in Hong Kong and I'm all the way in Japan…
Did you really mean what you said the other week? That you… loved me? I just want to make sure. I haven't changed my mind. I really, really love you, Syaoran-kun, a thousand times over! And I miss you. I wouldn't have believed I could miss you. You used to be so mean to me. But it's everything now. I miss your presence as well as your love. I always felt so safe when you where here and now Tomoeda feels so cold and lonely. Please come back someday.
I love you. A lot. Sakura Kinomoto
Sakura put down the pen. It didn't feel right but it would have to do. It had taken her fours times as long as normal to write the letter because she had to use her left hand. She was finding broken bones to be a big incovience.
She scanned the letter over quickly before shoving it into an envolope. Neither her nor Syaoran were very skilled with words, especially not love letters. Her friend Naoko was better at that sort of thing. She hoped Syaoran wouldn't think she was silly, or misinterpreting their relationship. One wrong word might ruin it all.
* * *
"Xiao-lang, there's a letter for you!" Syaoran's older sister, Fuutie popped her head into the training room, waving a pink envelope above her head and a wearing a huge grin.
"I told you not to disturb me in here," the boy snapped, setting the heavy sword in its golden sheath and sending a glare towards his sister. "You disturb the magical flow."
Fuutie snorted and flounced dramatically over to him. "It's that cute little girl from Japan! The one mother liked!"
"Sakura? Give it to me."
"I thought you weren't interested," Fuutie said wickedly, holding it away from him. "Maybe you should just get back to your hocus-pocus practice."
He made a lunge for the letter and fell to his knees as his sister quickly stepped away.
"Aww, you should be quicker than that, Xiao-lang!"
"Don't be so childish," Syaoran snapped, annoyed that his sister was getting the better of him. "Hand it over now."
"Oh, it must be pretty important then? Is it a love letter? How sweet!"
Syaoran growled and made another swipe but for it but his sister had a three foot advantage over him and so he only landed on his butt again.
"If you want it you'll have to come get!" Fuutie called, running out into the hall. "Sisters! Xiao-lang got a love letter from his girlfriend!" she called out in a singsong voice.
Chasing after her was the last thing he wanted to do, but Syaoran knew from experince that as soon as all four sisters had assemblied they would first open the letter, have a fit of giggles and then torment him for the rest of his poor life. Heaving a sigh, Syaoran tore after her.
* * *
That night Syaoran read the letter in the privacy of his room. He had to smile at Sakura's cheerful quirks and childish demeanor. He wondered what she was afraid of, why it was hard for her to get to a point and flat-out accept they loved each other. Was it such a big deal? Did it have to be confirmed and reaffirmed every time they spoke? Did she doubt him that much?
He reread her letter several times, trying to live her through it and pretend she was in the room there, speaking to him. There she was sitting at the edge of the bed. He could see tears in her eyes as she mentioned her painful accident but she would be putting on a brave smile for him, because she didn't want to worry him. Then he would smile softly at her and pull her into his arms. He could feel the softness of her hair and smell her unique scent as she melted into him. He wanted to make everything all right for her. He didn't want her to suffer.
And then she would be gone and all he would have was a page of foreign characters staring up at him. "I'll start off my next letter ordering her to practice her kanji," he decided. It would make communication so much easier because Japanese still gave him trouble after all these years.
He ripped a fresh sheet of paper out of his school notebook and poised his pen above. Writing was the difficult part. Where to start? 'Dear Sakura' , that much was easy. He asked her how she was, and after a bit of pen-nibbling he added that Hong Kong's weather wasn't too much better because they were in monsoon season and she had no idea what a lot of rain looked like. 'I have a stupid cold now' he added, not that she really needed to know that. 'Everybody gets sick around this time of year.' He warned her to be careful when reading the letter so that she didn't get his germs but the warning would be too late halfway down the letter anyway. He told her how his sisters hassled him and asked if she received as much trouble from Touya. And what could he say next? Had they ever really had that much to say to each other in Tomoeda? There had also been that silence between them and when they did talk it was always about Clow Cards. Now that that whole part of their lives was over, what did they have in common? How could they move on and become something more?
Why couldn't he talk about something meaningful? Sakura would think he was so boring! Scowling, he scrunched the paper up and threw it forcefully. This isn't love. This isn't at all what I thought it would be like. The craving still there, but so is the unhappiness. I thought that once everything was out in the open I would feel better and not harboring a dirty little secret.
* * *
"I remember back when you used to dance like that for Yukito-san," Tomoyo remarked slyly as she and Sakura walked to school. Seeing the expression on Sakura's face, the friend wished despretly she had her old video camera with her.
"Hoe?" Sakura stopped in mid-twirl. "What do you mean by that, Tomoyo-chan?" The poor girl hadn't even realized she was doing it as she danced with her newly-arrived mail.
"You two are so cute. I can only imagine what Li-kun does when he sees your mail. You two exist only for each other. So romantic… Like a shoujo manga."
Sakura sweat-dropped and tried to smile as her friend went starry-eyed. "Tomoyo-chan… I…"
"Eeto, aren't you going to open it?"
Sakura flushed. "Ano, Tomoyo-chan, actually I was going to read it later… at home." She didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings but sometimes Tomoyo got a little too caught up in other people.
"Ohhh," Tomoyo drawled and nodded wisely, her grin never fading. "I understand. It's like that, isn't it?"
"Hoe?"
The huge junior high school came into view and Sakura shrunk back a little behind her friend. It was only their second week at the new school and Sakura still couldn't bring herself to like it. It was just so loud and cold. Unwelcoming and unfriendly. So different from Tomoeda Elementary. The teachers were uncaring, the students were rude and all they did was work. Their math teacher had at least one of them in tears each day and poor Naoko was already shunned for being a bookworm. Life suddenly had such different expectations for them.
Tomoyo laughed and dragged Sakura forward. "Come on, Sakura-chan! We're going to be late!"
Sakura hastily stuffed the letter into her jacket pocket and stumbled after her friend into the crowded courtyard. Her letter needed to hide itself away from prying eyes. It belonged to a world so different from this one. People here had never visited the utopia Sakura and Syaoran had created for themselves and therefore wouldn't understand. Sakura would have to bear it out a little longer.
* * *
They letter had been hot against Sakura's body all day, trying to burn through the fabric and get to her. It was all-consuming, she couldn't think of anything else but whatever Syaoran could say to her. She just had to make sure he still cared. Anything would do… just to read something he had wrote. She found herself idolizing himself… he was up on her precipice. He was the one and only thing that mattered to her now. Whatever he said would be good enough for her.
The hours dragged on and on… and never-ending vigil to test her love. "I'll wait it out to the end of time," she promised herself. "I've got it and even if I have to wait through an eternity of English classes it won't go away on me. I have you, little letter. And you'll wait for me, too."
Lost in her thoughts, Sakura was only dimly aware of the bell echoing in the recesses of her mind. She had zoned out several hours ago and the physical world had all but deteriorated. A hard jerk on her good shoulder rudely brought her back to the imperfect real world and all images of the handsome Chinese boy faded from her mind.
"Kinomoto-san!" a dry, harsh voice commanded.
"Hoe?"
"KINOMOTO-SAN!"
"Yakamashi-sensei?" Sakura blinked sleepily and allowed her teacher to come into focus. The older woman was hunched over Sakura's desk, one arm resting on Sakura's shoulder, expression long and stern but concerned all the same. For an old lady she sure can yell…
"Do you enjoy your nap, Kinomoto-san?"
"Hai!"
The teacher scowled and yanked the girl to her feet. "The bell rang five minutes ago. Be glad I don't have the heart to give you a detention. History has no room for daydreamers. That's what lunch is for, but obviously you don't care much for that."
"Gomen nasai," Sakura stuttered and bowed quickly before rushing out of the room, face aflame. She could feel her teacher's hot stare on her all the way down the hall.
"That was so embarrassing!" Sakura wailed as she joined in her friends in the cafeteria.
Everyone halted their conversations as she spoke. Sakura had that affect on people.
"Nani? Sakura-chan? Daijoubu? Your face is all red," Rika commented.
None of the girls had history with Sakura and had been spared her ordeal. If they had been there it would have been easier for Sakura to cling to reality instead of drifting away. Tomoyo would surely have let Sakura know it was lunch, instead of leaving her all alone the way the other students did.
"Nobody even said anything!" Sakura cried into Tomoyo shoulder. "The teacher must think I'm so weird now!"
"Hush, hush, its okay," Tomoyo said soothingly, winking at her other friends. "Its no big deal. Remember how you use to zone out on us all the time in the fifth grade when you were transforming all the Sakura Cards?"
"Terada-sensei never made fun of me though!"
"That was Terada-sensei… He wouldn't make fun of anybody." Rika said softly.
Sakura looked up at her. Her friend had been so down lately, why hadn't she realized it sooner? She had been so caught up in her own love affair that she didn't realize how much she was hurting Rika. It was all sub-concious, nobody had really realized it yet. Sure they had their suspicions for quite some time, her dear friend was in love with their old teacher, but Rika had not gathered the strength to bring it into the open. Sakura suspected the secret was killing her.
Each day at lunch the girls giggled about their males classmates and though Sakura didn't brag, her friends constantly teased her about Syaoran. It was no secret Sakura was in a steady relationship. Romance was thick in the air and while the other girls dated, Rika was already spoken for. Sakura could only imagine what it was like, keeping something like that hidden.
Sakura smiled gently across the table at her friend, hoping her smile would say what she could not. Some things would have to remain silent for now. Hold on to your special gift a little longer, Rika-chan.
"You're right," Sakura brightened. Who was she to feel sad? She had it so good, because she was allowed to love. "Terada-sensei was a very special teacher." Sakura chattered on, purposely steering the conversation away from love and dating. She needed to remember that there was much more to think about.
Sakura contained her yearning all through the afternoon and didn't zone out once. Well, maybe once, but there was no more repeats of history class. When the final bell rang for the day she tore out of her seat and zoomed down the hall to her locker, grabbing her stuff in record-breaking time.
"Sakura-chan, wait for us!" Tomoyo called breathlessly from down the hall.
Sakura paused at the door, impatiently hopping back and forth. She fingers itched to touch the rough paper and smell that faint trace of Syaoran. Her friends were gathering their belongings but they were all so slow. Surely they didn't need to walk home together today? "Gomen," she yelled apologetically. "I'll call you tonight, Tomoyo-chan!"
Though it was hard to tell, she was pretty certain Tomoyo winked at her before giving her a hard nod and turning away. Sakura pushed the crushing pain back and concentrated on getting home. Her friends understood, didn't they? Didn't they? They knew how it important it was, right?
When Sakura tore open the envelope and small piece of parchement fluttered out of the much-folded letter and landed in her lap. "Nani, what's this?" She reluctantly put down her letter and brought the paper up to eye level. Three simple characters danced before her eyes, written with careful precision and heart, they spelt out 'Love Xiao-lang'.
"Hoe? What's this?" She stared at in confusion then a smile slowly spread over her face. She grabbed her stapler from her desk and doing the best she could manage with her left-hand, she stapled the most important signiture to her cast. "This is what I was waiting for."
So, what do you think, minna? Worth continuing? Well, I'm going on anyway. I have many ideas for this ficcy of mine and I promise it is only going to get way better. This chapter was sort of an interduction, the real plot has yet to start. So drop me a review, tell me what you though, what does around comes around if you get my meaning. Ja mata! ^_^