One sunny afternoon, quite unexpectedly, Kakuzu gave Deidara head.
Unfortunately, it was Hidan's.
"Stop fucking carrying me by my hair!" Hidan screamed. How he was capable of screaming without access to his lungs had always mystified his partner.
"Hey!" Deidara protested as Hidan's head fell into his lap. He'd been relaxing in the shade of a tree and hadn't asked to have angry talking heads dropped on him. Also, there was blood seeping into his robe.
"Hold this so I don't have to listen to him," Kakuzu said and walked away, presumably to search for Hidan's limbs and torso.
"Stupid fucking stitched-up freak!" Hidan's head shouted. He continued swearing for several minutes and made a very creative threat involving a seam ripper and a skein of pink yarn.
Deidara yawned, idly weaving his fingers through Hidan's hair as though he were a cat who'd wandered into his lap. Hidan's yelling slowed and then came to a complete stop. "Mmm…" he said eventually. "That feels nice…"
Deidara smiled at him lazily and made little circles with his fingertips on Hidan's scalp. Hidan made a pleased noise at that. A curious urge welled in Deidara and, not being one to resist curious urges, he acted on it. Taking Hidan's head in both of his hands, he raised it to his lips, pulling Hidan into a slow and surprisingly gentle kiss. Teeth grazed his tongue as it slid into Hidan's mouth and he tasted a hint of blood, which had probably been coughed up when Hidan was decapitated. He pulled back after a moment to catch his breath, even if Hidan didn't need to.
"You know," Hidan said. "Most people would find this exceedingly strange."
"I have mouths in my hands and you're immortal. We are strange, yeah," Deidara said.
"You have a point," Hidan said as Deidara moved in for another kiss.
A muffled moan came from Hidan. It may have been odd considering the state he was in, but damn he was getting turned on. He wondered vaguely if it was possible to get an erection while his head wasn't connected to the rest of his body. He hoped not. He wouldn't be able to do anything about it until later. Also, he didn't want to explain that to Kakuzu, who was out collecting the rest of him.
Twenty minutes later Deidara had sprawled in the grass with Hidan's head nestled in the crook of his arm. Their passionate kiss was broken by a thud! on the ground beside them. It was an arm. Deidara looked up to see Kakuzu clenching his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"I'm going to pretend that I didn't see you making out with a severed head," he told Deidara.
"Good," Hidan said. "We're also going to pretend you didn't see that."
"So long as we're in agreement." Kakuzu dropped into a sitting position and began sorting out pieces of Hidan's body.
"How long will this take, yeah?" Deidara asked.
"Not long," Kakuzu said. Deidara sounded like he was in a hurry to have Hidan in working order again and Kakuzu had a feeling he knew why. Oh, youth.
"Need any help?" Deidara asked.
"Just keep him quiet while I work," Kakuzu said.
Deidara was happy to do just that.