"Peeta? What are you doing?"
I'd always thought of Peeta Mellark as someone who couldn't be trusted. Not because he wasn't trustworthy, but because it was just too dangerous to do so. He and I participated in the last Hunger Games, where it was every man for himself in a battle royal to the death. There were twenty four of us, tributes we were called, destined to destroy ourselves until only one remained. If I was going to end up killing Peeta, what was the point of trust anyway? But through some miracle, Peeta and I had survived together, making history. No Hunger Games had ever had more than one winner.
But now we were back home. We'd been back for a few months now, finally done with touring the other 11 Districts and hours of interviews. We had a show to put on. Peeta and I were star-crossed lovers, doomed to murder each other at the whim of the Capitol. We'd survived but it seemed the odds still hadn't been in our favor. Our survival was seen as an act of defiance and made some very powerful people very, very angry.
I fidget uncomfortably in my seat, not knowing what to do. Peeta and I had been acting like we were lovers, or at least I was. To keep us alive in the arena and later to save us from the fury of the Capitol. I only found out recently that Peeta hadn't been acting at all. I was too blind and naïve to think that he was just following along with Haymitch's plan, like I was. But it wasn't the case, Peeta's feelings were strong and true.
And now here we were, in the kitchen of my sparkling new house in the Victor's village, with Peeta knelt down before me on one knee.
"Will you marry me?" he'd said, before the color had drained out of my face. A shining jewel glinted at me from the tiny velvet box that rested in his palm. I'm stunned when I realize it's a diamond that's attached to the silver band.
I shouldn't really be surprised. After all, we're victors now. Every luxury that we couldn't afford before is now easily in reach with the prize money we've won from the Games. A salary that will make us rich until we die. And Peeta has used, who knows how much, on an engagement ring for me.
My head starts to feel light and my gut is twisted into an elaborate knot. My instincts kick in. I have to get away. I have to clear my head and think. Peeta must sense my panic because he stands back up, although not without difficulty. His artificial leg must still be playing him up.
Even though I've totally botched his proposal with my fidgeting and silence, Peeta smiles and shakes his head knowingly.
"What?" I manage to say when I've gotten enough feeling back in my face.
"I thought you'd at least say something. But I guess, blind panic is an improvement from your usual iron glare."
"Peeta, I--"
"I know Katniss. I know. You don't want to ever get married or have kids. You don't want them to go through what we did. And I get that. I really do. But…" Peeta pauses as he closes the ring back up and stores into his jacket pocket. He looks right at me with his crystal blue eyes and I feel I'm going to faint. He takes one step closer to me and continues. "But I had to ask you. I can't keep going on like this. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be dead right now. I owe you so much."
"You don't owe me anything, Peeta," I stammer.
"Yeah I do Katniss. I'm alive because of you. But it really wouldn't matter if you weren't here. I would never want to live if you weren't. You give my life meaning. I get up in the morning because I know that I'm going to see you. And that moment when I do is the most glorious part of my day. Because…because I love you, Katniss. I always have."
A bomb could have gone off in the next house over and I don't think I would have ever noticed. Did he really just say what I think he did? My heartbeat is echoing in my ears and beating irregularly. My palms are sweaty. I need to get out. I need fresh air. I need…Gale. And then I feel a pang of guilt. Because this is the one moment that I definitely should not be thinking of Gale. But he has crept silently back into my thoughts, just as silently as he moves about in the woods outside our District.
"Peeta…I just…I need air," I say as I stand from my chair and brush past him. He grabs my arm before I make it to the door and pulls me back to him. He lowers his head to my ear and speaks softly into it, tickling me with his breath.
"No matter what you choose, it won't change how I feel. I'll always be by your side. But, please. Just think about it Katniss." He punctuates his words with a kiss, right behind my ear, at the end of my jaw. I nod stiffly and then he releases my arm. Somehow I manage to control myself, walking calmly to the front door. I open it slowly, step out into the sun and then close the wooden door steadily, listening for the lock to catch.
And then I bolt.
I don't know where I'm headed at first, but it's clear that my legs have decided to take me to the woods. The only place that I truly feel safe and in my element. I run out of the Victor's village, through the town's square and back through the Seam. I pass by our old house and sprint through the Meadow, looking for the familiar gap in the fence that surrounds our district.
I don't stop running until I reach the pond. Our pond. Mine and Gale's. It's our meeting place everyday when we begin our hunt. I don't need to hunt ever again. I could easily buy all the food for my mother and my sister Prim now. But hunting is the one scrap of my old life that hasn't been taken away from me by the Games or the Capitol. It's the one thing I'm good at and the only thing that brings me peace. I don't ever intend to stop.
"Hey Catnip."
I whirl around and there's Gale. He hasn't changed much in the time I was away. Maybe a little taller. More mature, too. But he still has the same coal miner look, straight out of the Seam. Shaggy black hair, pale skin and slate grey eyes. I fling my arms around him and hug him fiercely.
"Whoa. I usually get a death glare when I call you that," he says returning my hug. I laugh nervously, but my jittery stomach is already starting to relax.
"I thought you weren't hunting today. I was about to leave."
"Yeah…I'm still not. I've got to get back to the house and see to Prim. But…I just wanted to talk to you." I avert my gaze and busy myself with digging my big toe into the soft pond earth.
"Alright," says Gale after a moment. "But only for a little while. I think that buck we saw last week is nearby." We make our way over to a fallen log that lies parallel to the pond's edge and set ourselves down upon it. I suddenly feel awkward. I pretend to adjust my shirt, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles to postpone our conversation. What could I possibly say to him? Gale and I met in the woods two years ago while we were hunting and slowly became great friends. Gale was my confidant and the one person I could be myself around. There had never been anything romantic between us, but when I took Prim's place in the Games, something changed. The thought that maybe I wouldn't ever see Gale again brought new feelings into my heart. Feelings that I didn't understand or want to deal with. And who knew how Gale felt about me? He was hard to read sometimes but for the most part, he would always tell me what was on his mind. And thoughts about his love for me never entered into any of our conversations.
So maybe I was just being paranoid. If Gale didn't feel anything for me, then the news of Peeta's proposal shouldn't faze him. But if it does, what do I do then?
"Anytime today, Katniss."
I look up at Gale, wondering how to start. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
"Can you hurry it up? I've got things to do," he says.
Suddenly, I'm annoyed. His impatience is grating me. Doesn't he realize that I'm trying to tell him something important? Why can't he just listen! And he's gotten up already, stepping away from me to whatever it is he thinks is more important. So I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind in frustration.
"I'm getting married!"
I immediately slap my hand over my mouth, shocked at myself. Why did I say that? It's the furthest thing from the truth.
Gale stops but doesn't turn back around. His hand twitches slightly but then relaxes back to his side.
"To the baker's son," he says. It's more of a statement than a question. Like he knew all along.
"Yes. Peeta. He…he proposed this morning." The words fumble around in my dry mouth.
"So all that stuff in the arena…in the cave…that was real."
"Gale, I---"
"You have my blessing, Katniss. So glad we talked." And then Gale continues to walk away, disappearing further into the wood, leaving me alone. I don't know how long I sit on the log but it must be hours. The sun inches along the sky, grazing the tops of the trees.
Why did I even come here?
You have my blessing. His blessing. His blessing means that he's okay with me marrying Peeta. His blessing means that our friendship is still strong. His blessing means that he doesn't care for me like I thought he would. But maybe this is a good thing. I'd had trouble sorting out my feelings for Gale and Peeta. Gale who had my trust friendship. Peeta who had given me a breath of life when I desperately needed it. I guess now I don't have to feel guilty anymore.
But I never wanted to get married. So why had I said it? Was I trying to say the most hurtful thing to Gale because I was mad? And why did I think that me getting married would hurt him? It's obvious now that he didn't care. I cradle my head in my hands. How foolish of me.
Maybe I should just get married. I can still get married and not have kids. And strategically, it's a great idea. I'm sure that the Capitol would beleive in our star-crossed lovers farce a lot more if we did. I wouldn't have to see President Snow ever again. And it would make Peeta happy. I stand up from the log finally, my legs aching from disuse. My mind is made up. If it makes Peeta happy, then it's worth it. If it makes Peeta happy then, maybe…maybe I'll be happy too.
It doesn't take long for the wedding to be arranged. Haymitch called Efie to tell her the news and she made here way to District 12 in a flash. I didn't expect her to miss such an opportunity as this. The Capitol cameras would be crawling all over the place. She even brought Cinna with her so he could design my wedding dress, which I was secretly happy about. I'd missed Cinna dearly.
I didn't get to see Peeta much during the preparations. Efie had him flown back to the Capitol. She'd arranged for him to have a special leg made for the big day. One that would look and feel real, she'd said. He deserves it. When I'd returned from the wood and said yes to his proposal he was so happy, his artificial leg had come out of place causing him considerable pain. I felt horrible. It was mostly my fault that he'd lost his leg in the first place. And that was no way for him to remember that moment.
Preparation time flies by quickly and before I know it, our wedding day is here. Cinna has made the most gorgeous gown for me. It's a cream, satin ball gown with scoop sleeves and a ridiculously long train. I'm hidden beneath a white lace veil, which I'm grateful for. I don't want Peeta to see the fear in my eyes.
Mom and Prim are with me in the dressing room right until the music starts playing. Prim looks adorable in her teal brides maid dress. She's got a wreath of flowers crowning her head that match my bouquet. She hugs me tightly before she exits the dressing room, making her way down the aisle.
Only mom's left now. She and I have always had a tough time talking to each other, but the silence between us now feels right. She smiles at me softly before she too takes her leave down the aisle.
Alone now in the dressing room, I take one last look at myself in the full length mirror. I'm unrecognizable underneath all of the makeup and material. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the cameras. There's no way I can let the Capitol see a less than eager bride.
The lights are blinding as I push through the doors into the Justice Building's main hall. The cold, uninviting presence it once held has been totally transformed to a warm and lively environment. Chandeliers hang from the ceiling, green fabric has been draped along the walls and woven into the stair banister, flowers overflow on the pews that line the lush royal blue aisle before me. And at the end of it, I can see Peeta.
As I focus on Peeta and my doubt washes away. If I can protect him by doing this, then I'm all for it. And at that moment, my doubt in Peeta is washed away as well. Unlike in the arena, when I didn't know what to expect from him, I now know exactly where he stands…at the end of the aisle, ready to be my husband. I almost sprint down the aisle, nearly knocking down one of the camera men and take my place next to him in front of the alter.
Cinna has taken away Peeta's boyish charm and has made him look absolutely dashing. Like a prince almost. His blond hair has been swept back making his blue eyes dance in the bright camera lights. He's got a dark grey suit on with a vest of shining silver buttons and a green sash draped over his shoulder, matching the green color scheme of the wedding. He smiles at me and takes my hand with his gloved one and I can't help but smile back, knowing that this moment is right.
The mayor reads through the ceremony smoothly and me and Peeta get through our vows with ease. I didn't write my own vows, I didn't see a point when there were vows already set that I could say. But Peeta says his own. He speaks beautifully and it makes me upset that I didn't take the time to write mine. He tells of me being the arrow to his bow. How he would always be the home I could return to when I'm shooting around on my own. And he says that he gave his heart to me all those years ago, along with the bread that helped keep me alive. I don't know if he's written them or if he's just speaking from the heart but when he's done, there isn't a dry eye in the house. I can physically hear Efie gasping and crying from her seat in the front row. Even I've teared up and again I'm grateful for the thick veil that shields me.
The mayor is wrapping up now. I know this because he asks the ever famous question.
"If there is anyone in this room who has any objection to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Silence rings the hall. Peeta is already lifting my veil, prepping for the kiss that will seal our union. He's just finished flipping it back when a voice calls out from the audience.
"I object!"
I recognize the voice immediately. But I spin my head around to see who it is anyway. I feel Peeta's hand go cold in mine.
It's Gale. And at his side, President Snow.