The mermaid sidequest struck me with inspiration, and this is the result. Might contain PH spoilers near the end if you squint.

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, although I wish I owned Linebeck and all his awesomeness.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

And the kid was off. Jeez, couldn't he relax a little? Linebeck leaned against his ship and watched his companion discover the island's secrets for him. That kid was too eager for his own good. At least, that's what Linebeck thought. A lifetime of treasure-hunting and being on the oceans constantly had taught him patience, and maybe some laziness. But that wasn't important.

The important thing was that Linebeck didn't push himself. As long as he didn't do that, then he couldn't get hurt. If he didn't get hurt, then he wouldn't die. Therefore, laziness equals long life. At least, that's what Linebeck thought.

"Hello-o!"

Wait, what was that? Linebeck stood up straight again and turned around himself, only to find a woman in the water next to the dock. Ah, that's all. Just a woman.

...A beautiful woman.

"Aren't you quite the seafarer!" she observed. Her perfect face smiled with excitement. Her golden-brown hair shimmered in the sun. No, she wasn't beautiful. She was gorgeous!

At least, that's what Linebeck thought.

He accepted the compliment and put on his "Why, yes, I am a great handsome sailor" face. "That's right!" he said. "And you're quite the flatterer!" It was a standard rule to him that any woman who gave him a compliment deserved one in return. As long as it wasn't as great as the one he just recieved. Because Linebeck had to be the best, you know.

"Is it true you've been all over the ocean?" the woman questioned. She seemed to be truly interested. Right as Linebeck was about to answer, however, she continued. "Is the rest of the ocean as marvelous as it is here? Oh, I hope I can sail it all some day! What islands have you been to? Have you seen that windy island south of here? It's pretty gusty there, I'll tell you!" And then she kept going on. And on. And on.

Well, even if Linebeck couldn't answer anything, at least he got to admire her beauty. Where'd she get that inner tube, anway? "I loooove swimming so much, almost as much as I love costumes! Don't you love costumes too, seafarer?" she finished. Finally.

It took Linebeck a minute to realize that it was his turn to speak again. "Uh, yeah, sure," he replied. Actually, he didn't. Costumes brought back bad memories.. of her.

Just then, the woman turned to the side and gasped. "I've gotta run now, ta-ta!" she collapsed into the middle of her tube and shot under water, swimming away with elegance and ease. Maybe a little too much ease. It couldn't have been possible to swim so well! At least, that's what Linebeck thought. And why'd she leave so suddenly?

"What's the matter with you, Linebeck?" came a shrill, high-pitched voice. The sailor located the speaker as none other than Sparkles, with Link at her side.

Linebeck instantly felt an urge to brag and put on his "How did you miss this?" face. "The weirdest thing just happened! This girl just appears randomly and starts talking to me..."

And as he explained the event, one face kept appearing in his head. The enemy's face. Her face. Why did he imagine her at a time like this? That woman was crazy! She deserved what she received! Right?

At least, that's what Linebeck thought.