Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.
Tony was coming around the corner to walk in to the bullpen that his team occupied when he heard laughter, he could tell by Abby's distinctive laugh that he knew if he walked over there he would see everyone, including Ducky and Palmer.
Instead of walking over there to join in the fun that his friends were clearly having, he stayed back listening in to what they were laughing about.
"Ah, yes, I would have to agree with you there, Timothy, it was a fun night. I wasn't aware that you had such culinary skills, Ziva." Tony could easily tell that that was Ducky chatting away. But what were they talking about? He couldn't remember going over to Ziva's with the team to eat. Hell, he hadn't ever been to Ziva's.
Tension was starting to build within Tony and he could feel the unwelcome feeling in his stomach that he got just before he always left his previous jobs.
He couldn't get that feeling, not now, not here, he'd finally made a life here, he'd lasted longer than two years, so why the feeling now?
Because they're doing stuff together and not inviting you, don't you remember Philadelphia?
Tony pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind and resumed his eavesdropping on his team – well Gibbs' team.
He was so engrossed in listening that it appeared he didn't notice the Director looking over her Agents; she could hear and see her favorite team – run by Gibbs – laughing and talking about the time they all had dinner together at Ziva's place, but what she found so unusual was that Tony wasn't there joining in on the reminiscing. She had a quick look around and saw him, hiding behind the wall to the bullpen, clearly listening in on his friends' conversation. Why would he be doing that? she thought to herself as she looked between the two areas.
"You can come over again on Saturday if you wish for another dinner." Ziva invited them all over to her place again.
There was a chorus of acceptance from them all and it still looked as if no-one had noticed that Tony wasn't with them, except for Abby.
She accepted Ziva's invitation and was talking a mile a minute as usual but she was discreetly looking around, obviously looking for someone. But by the end of her searching her shoulders had slumped and she wasn't as happy as before. She hadn't found who she was looking for and Jenny didn't need three guesses to work out whom.
They continued talking about all the things they'd done together over the year, and still Tony just stood there not making his presence known to his friends. Although other Agents from different teams were walking past him and looking at him, wondering what the fun, joking agent was doing standing by the wall by himself. Most of them kept on walking with strange looks on their faces.
When Jenny looked back at Tony she saw him make a move in the direction of his team, she couldn't tear her eyes away, mainly because she knew it was going to end in disaster.
Tony straightened his shoulders and held his head up high, while putting on his carefully mastered mask. He looked exactly like he did before he heard the team talking, no one would know any different.
"Tony, you're here!" Abby squealed, catching the attention of a couple of the Agents who had walked past Tony just before. They also curiously listened in to the conversation.
"Yeah, Abs, I'm here. Though I was just about to meet up with...what was her name? That's right! Mandy; she had the best blonde hair and her..." He was interrupted from his lie by Ziva, not that they were aware it was a lie.
"Yes, Tony, I'm sure we all know what she looks like, after all, all your dates look the same." Ziva commented.
"Huh, Ziva, I'm offended some of them are brunettes." Tony smiled the charm smile; he was getting into the lie.
"Well, I'm off people, have a good weekend." Tony was doing great at keeping his mask on, until he mentioned the weekend. His voice took on an edge to it that he got with people he didn't like, or at the very least, wasn't impressed with. And right now, he certainly wasn't impressed with the people he considered his family. Gibbs, Abby, and Ducky noticed while Ziva and McGee just looked confused.
Luckily though, Tony smiled his charm smile once again and temporarily quashed their worries.
Jenny knew that she would have to talk with them once he had left, but for now she would continue to watch and listen along with the other Agents.
Gibbs looked at Tony carefully trying to work out what was going through his head, but he came up blank; Tony's mask was thicker than it had ever been making it impossible for anyone to read him. That was probably a good thing though, because if anyone could've read his thoughts and emotions at that time, they would have been shocked and worried.
I have to get out of here, but they're looking at me strangely as if I've grown three heads, especially Ziva and McGee although Gibbs, Abby, and Ducky have their worried looks on, they know that something is wrong. Is their worry real though, was it ever real or was it just an illusion?
You know it was real, Tony, don't be stupid.
What about all those times I've returned to the office, after I've been missing, they had all claimed my belongings and my desk? They never did that with Kate...
Yes, but you know they're only joking and it was different with Kate, she wasdead, Tony.
How do I know they were joking? It's happened every time, how can that be a joke? And who says I wasn't dead all those times? They never had any proof that I was alive or not and yet they just went on as if I never meant anything to them, what sort offamily does that?
Just forget about it, go home, order pizza and get smashed, come back to work on Monday and make up some lie about Mandy and go on as normal.
Right. Normal.
Tony mentally pulled himself out of his thoughts before they got any darker, if that was possible. It wouldn't be a good idea for him to go into the depths of his mind in front of Gibbs, Abby and Ducky, they'd read him like a book and then all his secret thoughts would be out and then he'd really have to go. Not that that was sounding like a bad idea.
Don't go there! Tony's subconscious intervened again.
As Tony was having his conversation with himself, Gibbs found that his masked slipped a bit and he was able to read Tony and he didn't like what he saw. Tony's normal bright, sparkling green eyes took on the darkness it got when he was dealing with murderers or criminals. Why was that side of him coming out in front of them? That question was one that lingered with Gibbs' thoughts hours after they'd all left.
Back up with the Director, she, too, was also reading Tony and she had an idea as to what was going through his mind. No one down in the bullpen had yet to notice her presence on the veranda – that she was aware of - which was a good thing as it enabled her to freely observe everyone down there.
Abby looked as if someone had just kicked her puppy; she clearly saw something that troubled her deeply. Ducky was lost in thought but still staring at Tony. Gibbs was gazing intently into Tony's eyes, and his face was tense and rigid; he was also troubled.
Ziva and McGee though had looks of pure confusion on their faces and they were looking at each other periodically then looking back at the others.
She noticed some of the other Agents slowly go back to their work, sheepishly - as if they'd just intruded on a private moment - which they'd had. She was as well, but she didn't care as much as they did, they were her Agents and she was afraid for one in particular's well-being.
"See you later, everyone, I'll see you all on Monday." Tony was suddenly speaking again and it wasn't hard to notice the sharp edge in his tone at the end of his sentence.
Everyone seemed to snap out of their trance-like state and looked at Tony once again.
"Have fun, Tony." McGee replied good-naturedly as it seemed that no-one else was willing – or unable – to say anything
"Yeah, you too, McGee." came the soft reply from Tony.
Tony turned around and started to walk towards the elevator, with the eyes of just about everyone in the bullpen on him. It was as if he was leaving for the last time and Director Shepard hurriedly made her way down the stairs, trying to get to him before he made it to the elevator.
She got some curious looks from her Agents but they didn't stop her or say anything. Except for Gibbs, naturally.
"Jen?" that one word was enough to make her skin boil, she was running full pelt after one of her best Agents to put out the fires in his head that eavesdropping on Gibbs' teams conversation had started and here Gibbs was wondering what the hell she was doing. God,couldn't he see.
The only thing she did was turn her head and directed a very deadly stare in not only his direction, but his whole team's direction, including Abby, Ducky and Palmer. In return, she got five confused stares. Abby just looked at her with sad eyes and resignation.
Jenny kept on running but slowed when she heard the person she was chasing turn around and talk.
"I hope you have a nice meal on Saturday guys, who knew Ziva could cook, huh? I certainly didn't, but then I suppose I wouldn't, seeing as I've never had anything that she's cooked, right? You don't need to bother stopping me Director Shepard, I'll be here on Monday, bright and early." There was a pause for five whole agonising seconds as Tony looked at each of member of the team – his supposed family – and then back at the Director.
"Maybe."
"Tony..." Abby started but one look from him made her think otherwise about speaking.
"It's funny, isn't it? Gibbs is supposed to be some talented, heroic ex-marine who can detect anything and Ziva's a ninja-like assassin, but neither of you noticed the Director listening in or me for that matter.
"Before hanging dirty laundry out to dry, maybe you should check to see who's around." Tony quietly but vehemently spoke to the team in front of him.
The expressions on each of their faces were mixed, but one emotion was unanimous among them, guilt.
The other Agents looked at Tony with pity and Gibbs' team with anger.
How could his own team betray him like that? After all he'd done for them.
Tony let his mask slip just before he turned to walk into the waiting elevator – where another agent had been holding the door open – and what they saw could come close to heartbreaking.
His eyes were emanating a cold, dead feeling but if you looked just under the surface you could see right inside him, to the unmasked anger and hurt directed only at Gibbs' team.
Abby continued to look as if someone kicked her puppy, or perhaps more than one by now, when she looked at Tony without his mask.
Tony walked into the elevator, pressed the button for the car park and left them with his final parting words.
"We're a team, right Boss?" his tone was mocking, but they couldn't tell if he was mocking himself or Gibbs.
The elevator doors closed and chaos broke out in the bullpen.