The Haww Times
By: Xenos Kadmia
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED, Gundam SEED Destiny, or any of the characters mentioned here. I do not own Anne of Green Gables, and I also do not own The Italian Man Who Went to Malta. I also do not own Charlotte's Web and any of it's characters mentioned here.
ACTOR BROUGHT OFF STAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF PLAY
This is reporter Miriallia Haww, reporting live from ORB Union. Today, Dearka Elsman was ushered off-stage in the middle of a play organized by Lacus Clyne for abandoned orphans.
"This is very disappointing. Not only for me, but for the children," said Clyne.
"Elsman was being a git. He shouldn't have been ushered off stage, he should have been thrown off it," said Yzak Joule, Elsman's superior, and sponsor for the play.
Elsman begged to differ.
"I was just having a little fun. It's not my fault these old people have no sense of humor," said Elsman.
In the middle of the Anne of Green Gables play, in which Elsman was playing Matthew Cuthbert, Elsman began segueing from the script and quoting lines from The Italian Man Who Went To Malta.
It was reported that he began calling Anne a "Sanamabeech," and was telling all the townsfolk to "Piss on you too."
He also began yelling something about toast and forks.
"I was putting a little twist. Let's face it, Meyrin wasn't exactly the best choice for Anne. She couldn't even remember her first line!" said Elsman.
Meyrin Hawke played Anne and she said she was deeply offended by Elsman's comment.
"I do remember my first line!! I just don't remember it right now. But I know it, I swear!" said Hawke.
Elsman dismissed the fact and called her a dumb blonde.
"She's not blonde but she could be. If she were, she would be dumb, "said Elsman.
The person who provided entertainment while the cast sorted themselves out was Nicol Amalfi, who played everyone a soothing piece on his piano.
"I LIKE PIE!" said Amalfi.
Amalfi said he did not notice that everyone was falling asleep and they woke up when the play resumed.
Clyne said she hopes to put on another play soon, this time with stricter try-outs.
"We'll definitely be more strict next time. If budget allows it, we'll even hire real actors," said Clyne.
"Everything went smoothly except for Dearka. If we shoot him now, maybe we can even end world hunger," said Joule.
Clyne said they plan to put on another play shortly.
"Maybe we'll go for something more kid-friendly, like Charlotte's Web. Something that doesn't involve a lot of adults in it. Animals don't cuss, so that would be a better choice," said Clyne.
However, Elsman said that he would like to try out for that play as well.
"I might go for Wilbur. Or maybe Charlotte. I always wondered if six more legs would look sexy on me," said Elsman.
The play is scheduled to premier next month.
Thank you for tuning in to the Haww Times.
A/N: The first edition of the Haww Times. Please comment, praise, or flame. If you have any ideas for a funny news story, please feel free to tell me and I'll work on it.