I never thought that my life would turn out like this. I had always imagined that I would graduate high school with my friends, go on to college and form my own path in the world. I never imagined that I would live in someone else's shadow; that the actions of one could impact upon my life so much. This wasn't how my life was supposed to go, but here I am, and this is what my life is. I spend my days dodging questions, constantly worrying that someone will see through my lies. I've told so many over the last few years that I can't even tell what the truth is anymore. I'm not only lying to everyone around me, I'm lying to myself. I think that's worst of all, that I can't even be honest with myself. What kind of life must a person be living if they are constantly lying to themselves? The answer is simple – not a good one.
I shake my head as I close my locker and ignore the eyes that are watching me. They watch me all the time now. I used to just be the dead girl's friend, but now that she's back it's even worse. None of us are ever left alone now, everywhere we go there are people staring, wanting to know what we know. If only they really knew. I doubt that anyone could handle it, hell, I can't handle it. Every time I close my eyes I see her face. I see the look in her eyes as she falls. I see the blood. I will never forget seeing her there, lifeless, knowing that I was the reason that her heart was no longer beating.
I walk quickly out of the building. I need to get away, go anywhere, be anywhere but here. I wish I could just get on a plane and fly away somewhere no one knows my name. I wish a lot of things. I wish I could go back to that night when I found out about Ezra and his history with Alison. I wish I could forget it, or better yet never know in the first place. How could she ruin something like that without even being here at the time? I hate her for it. She took away the one truly good thing in my life. I hate that I'm protecting her. Why should I? All she has ever done is cause people pain. Why do I help her? Why do I care? Simple, she's my friend.
I slam the door to my car and turn the key in the ignition. I need to go somewhere, I just don't know where. I start driving, not really noticing where I'm going, just following the road. I don't even realise where I've stopped until I find myself standing outside apartment 3B. I stare at the number for a moment, I want to go in, I need to see him, but a voice inside tells me to run. Can I really trust him? He kept secrets from me for so long, but I did too. I turn to walk away from the door when it opens.
I don't know what I was expecting really. Ezra looks just as he always has. In that instant I want to move into his arms and have him hold me and tell me that everything will be all right, that all of these horrible things were just a nightmare. I begin to feel that just might happen, but then he steps forward and I see the cane in his hand and it all comes crashing back. I can't help it as tears fill my eyes.
"Ezra…" I begin. I don't even know what I want to say, or what I'm doing here. I take a step toward him; I need to be close to him. A tear falls down my cheek as I look at him. I can't help but feel that if he had never met me, he would never have been in the position to get hurt. It's my fault that he got shot; well at least I feel that it is. If he had never met me he wouldn't have felt the need to protect me, and if he never felt that need then he would not have been on the roof that night.
"Aria, are you okay?" Ezra leans on his cane as he looks at me. In spite of everything that has happened, he still cares about me; I can hear it in his voice. I go to answer him, but the words don't want to come out. I stand in silence for a moment trying to find the right words, well, any words really. Instead I shake my head and look sadly at him.
Ezra steps closer to me and wraps his arms around me. I move willingly into his arms, my hands clutching at his shirt as my tears begin to fall freely. He pulls me tighter against him and gently kisses the top of my head. My quiet tears become sobs as I cling to him. I don't even notice as he moves us backward into his apartment and closes the door. All I am aware of are his arms around me and the guilt I feel. One of his hands moves up to stroke my hair while the other remains encircling my waist.
"Shh…it's okay, it's okay…" he whispers against my hair. If it's possible I pull myself closer to him, my tears dampening his shirt. I can hear his heartbeat, the steady rhythm calming me. My hand slowly unclenches his shirt and I flatten it out over his heart. Ezra places another gentle kiss to my forehead as I tilt my head up to face him. The hand stroking my hair moves down to caress my cheek and I instinctively lean in to it. My heart flutters at his touch. I have tried to not love him, I really have, but you can't help who you love.
I look into his eyes as his hand continues to caress my cheek. I move my hand up from his chest to touch his hair. As I run my fingers through his hair I pull his face closer to mine. My eyes are locked with his as my lips seek out his. I'm not thinking about what I'm doing as I kiss him, all I am doing is feeling. His lips move softly against mine, as though he is unsure and is testing me, testing us. I pull away slightly, leaving barely an inch between our mouths. My chest heaves with every breath, my heart racing. He makes me feel so alive. I search his face, trying to figure out what he's thinking. Suddenly his lips are on mine again, this time harder.
He runs his hands over my back, desperately trying to touch every inch of me. I move my arms up to circle his neck while our lips meld together. One of his hands slips from my back to the waist of my skirt where his fingers play with the material. My heart pounds in my chest as I feel his fingers on my skin. I have missed him so much. I need him.
I take a deep breath and push him gently backwards toward his bed. He stumbles slightly but quickly catches himself.
"Aria…" he whispers, "are you sure?" I look at him for a moment. In his eyes I see nothing but love. I smile at him.
"Yes," is all I say. I take a step toward him, my hands reaching out to touch him again. The moment my hands make contact with him again he pulls me into him. He kisses me before turning us around and pushing me gently down onto the bed. I lean back into the soft covers and watch him as he stands before me. I expect him to climb onto the bed with me, but he doesn't. Instead he stands there beside the bed simply looking at me. His eyes trail all over me, before focussing on my face. He moves his hands to the hem of his shirt, and in one slow movement he pulls it over his head. My eyes eagerly take in his bare chest. My breath catches in my throat when I see his scar. I suddenly feel sick knowing that he almost died trying to protect me. I sit up and reach out a hand to gently touch him. I run my fingers over his chest and down to the only thing marring his skin. My eyes lock with his as I trace the rough edge of the scar. I wish I could take it away, all the pain, but I can't. He must see the look on my face because he gently pushes me back and climbs onto the bed with me.
He hovers above me, his arms supporting his weight. He leans down and captures my lips in a tender kiss. My hands wrap around his neck and I pull him down closer. He allows himself to rest on me, careful to not hurt me with his weight. I run my hands over the contours of his back, feeling his muscles move beneath my fingers. I moan into his lips and he takes this moment to slide his tongue into my mouth. I relish the sensation of his tongue against mine. I want more. My hands move down his back to the waist of his jeans. I fumble with the button for a moment before I finally work it free. I pull down the zip and try to push his jeans down as far as I can. I want to feel him, all of him.
He shifts his weight to one side and rests on the bed beside me. He kisses me deeply as his hand plays with my shirt. He inches it up, his fingers tickling my skin. I sit up and pull my shirt over my head and throw it to the floor. He takes in every inch of me, his eyes filled with desire. He trails his fingers from my waist up to the band of my bra. My heart pounds in my chest; it has been so long since I've been with him like this, I have missed him so much. He pulls me down into another deep kiss, his hands caressing the bare skin of my back. I move so that I am straddling his waist. I place one hand on his chest over his heart as my lips move against his. I love the feel of his heart beating beneath my hand.
His hands move over my back and up to the clasp of my bra. With one quick flick he undoes the clasp and runs his hand eagerly over the newly exposed skin. He slips the straps from my shoulders and down my arms. I don't hesitate for even a second to sit up and throw my bra to the ground. I go to lean down and kiss him again but he stops me. While one of his hands rests on my hips he moves the other up to my face and pushes my hair behind my ear.
"You are so beautiful." He whispers. He sits up, holding me in his lap. He holds my face gently with his hands and brings his lips up to meet mine. Our mouths move together slowly, tenderly. He kisses me as though I am the only woman in the world he has ever loved. He pours his heart and soul into the kiss, he is completely open to me. I pull away from him slowly and move to stand up. He looks at me, confused, for a moment. Standing before him I move my hands to the zip on my skirt. I ease the zip down before wriggling the skirt over my hips and letting it fall to the floor. I breathe faster as I feel him watching me. Slowly I pull my panties down so that I am completely exposed to him. I stand nervously for a moment, the thought flitting through my head that this could be a mistake. It is only when Ezra removes his jeans and boxers so that he lays on the bed, naked, before me, that I realise this could never be a mistake. I love this man, nothing with him could ever be a mistake.
I climb back onto the bed beside him and lay down with my head on the pillow. Ezra crawls up the bed and moves so that he is once again hovering above me. He eases himself down so that I can feel every inch of him against me. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him. I move one leg around his waist and pull him closer to me. I feel him grow, his hardness pressing against me. He moans into my mouth. Slowly he presses his erection against me and slides inside. We both moan with pleasure at the sensation. He fills me completely. He eases himself out of me, before sliding back in again. I pull my lips from his to kiss his neck as he begins to set a slow, steady rhythm. I trail kisses up his neck until I reach his ear. I suck his lobe into my mouth and feel he thrust harder into me. I smile against his ear and trace my tongue along the edge of his lobe, causing him to moan. In response he pushes himself harder into me. I raise my hips up to meet his faster, harder thrusts.
"Harder." I whisper. He smiles in response and kisses me as he thrusts himself into me, harder, and harder. With each thrust I feel myself coming closer to the edge. We move together in a wonderful, fast, rhythm. My heart rate increases and I begin to see stars as I feel myself tighten around him. I cry out as I climax, my hands grasping at the bed sheets. Within seconds I feel him climax. He thrusts into me a few more times before he collapses on top of me.
We lay entangled for a moment, both breathing heavily. He kisses me lovingly before rolling onto the bed beside me. I snuggle into his side and fall into a peaceful sleep with my head nestled into his shoulder. He kisses my head before falling into a restful slumber. All I can think before the arms of sleep wrap around me is that there is no place I would rather be than right here, in the arms of the man I love.