They're not mine...but it's such fun to pretend.
Note: Just a short idea that has been playing in my mind since I Ka Wa Mamua. Spoilers for that ep. I hope you enjoy.
Aftermath
The sound of his front door opening brought Steve McGarrett to full alert. It was after ten o'clock on Friday night, and he wasn't expecting company. He'd stretched out on his bed with a bowl of popcorn, ready to watch Sands of Iwo Jima once again. Steve was making his way through his late father's extensive video collection. It had been a pleasant surprise to find they shared similar taste in movies.
He hadn't made it through an hour before his eyelids began to feel like leaden curtains, threatening to drop closed. It had been a long day, and McGarrett was tired.
A hell of a long day...
At the sound of the door, Steve was on his feet in a single graceful, cat-like motion, his hand reaching for the gun he'd stashed beneath the mattress.
"Steven? Yo! Steve!"
"Uncle Steve? Are you here?"
McGarrett grinned at the familiar voices, slipping the gun back into its hiding place. Slipping on a black t-shirt over his cargo pants, Steve jogged down to the living room.
Danny Williams and his daughter Grace were waiting there. Gracie was literally bouncing in excitement. Danny spread his hands in a gesture of submission. "Sorry to interrupt your Friday night, babe, but my little princess here just had to show you her new ball gown." He smiled at Steve as he nodded toward Grace in her bright, sparkling dress.
"Uncle Steve!" Grace twirled in a circle, arms spread wide. "How do you like my new dress? Isn't it beautiful?"
Her father watched her, an expression Steve couldn't quite identify in his blue eyes. Turning his attention back to Grace, Steve grinned broadly. "That, Grace Williams, is without a doubt the most beautiful dress I've ever seen. How was the dance?"
Grace plopped down on the couch, obviously ready to share every detail of her exciting evening. As she regaled Steve with her account of the Father-Daughter dance, he listened carefully, asking all the right questions to add to the specialness of the day. A
night Gracie would never forget. Yet, even as he listened, Steve was aware of Danny standing off to the side, staring out the window toward the ocean.
It had also been a day neither he nor Danny would forget. But for entirely different reasons.
By the time her story was finished, Grace's eyes were even heavier than Steve's had been a short time before. She yawned several times before she leaned back on the couch, her words slowing as sleep threatened to claim her.
"Hey, Danny," Steve said softly. "This dancing princess is losing the battle with the Sandman."
His partner turned slowly from the window. His eyes were marked with dark circles, and Steve didn't think he'd ever seen him look so exhausted. "We'd better head home, Monkey. Been a long day."
Inspiration struck, and McGarrett interjected, "No need for that. Gracie left some things here the last time you guys stayed over. Let her crash in the guest room tonight. And you like the couch, right?"
Grace looked up at her dad sleepily. "Can we, Danno? Please? I like staying at Uncle Steve's. And tomorrow's Saturday. No school."
They both waited for Danny's verdict. He shrugged. "Why not? You know where your things are, Gracie?"
The girl nodded. "Good," Danny said quietly. "Go change. I'll be in there in a minute to tuck you in. Brush your teeth."
After Grace had departed, Steve jerked his head toward the ocean. "I'll grab a couple of beers. Meet you by the water?"
"Sure." Danny turned to follow Grace. "I owe you a beer, right? 'Cause I sure as hell don't plan on there being a next time."
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Danny took a swallow of his beer, his eyes fixed on the dancing moonlight on the ocean. His hand shook, and he quickly lowered his arm back to the chair.
"When did that start?"
"What?" Danny asked sharply.
Steve's voice was quietly calming. "The shaking. Been going on all night?"
Danny drew a deep breath then exhaled slowly. "No. Not all night. Just on the drive here."
McGarrett stared at the waves. "Not surprising. You've been on adrenaline overload all afternoon."
"Yeah," Danny said. "That little red dot on your chest will do that to you." His voice grew louder. "Knowing if you move - if you even lower your arms - you'll blow yourself and everyone close to you to kingdom come."
Steve took a long swallow of his Longboard. "Yeah. Tell me about it. I was there, remember?"
"I remember," Danny said flatly. 5050505050505050505050505050 5050505050505050505050505050 505050505050
Seconds ticked by into minutes, the silence between them lying heavily in the tropical air. Steve waited, knowing his partner needed to talk but understanding him too well to push. The waves brushed the shore rhythmically, moonlight shimmering on the water. So peaceful and so beautiful. Yet it could all change in a heartbeat.
Borrowed time...
His partner's words from earlier in the day echoed in Steve's ears. If the sirens from the emergency vehicles on their way to the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001 hadn't convinced those Jersey drug dealers that they were indeed surrounded, giving Danny the chance he needed...
Borrowed time...
That damn proximity sensor bomb could have gone off a dozen different ways today. A simple sneeze...a butterfly flying in front of his partner...the bomb expert making one wrong decision.
Borrowed time...
Danny's voice was flat when he finally spoke. "I appreciate what you did today, babe, I truly do. But you shouldn't have stayed."
McGarrett had wondered when the recrimination would come. Danny had been too quiet, too isolated within himself, since showing up at Steve's door with Grace. Deciding that a wait-and-see approach might be prudent, Steve resisted the temptation to draw his partner out. He desperately wanted to know what was going on inside that
unpredictable head of Danny's - and within his tough-on-the-outside but tender-on-the- inside heart. Steve simply waited.
And watched.
Now the words had been spoken. At the moment when it seemed the bomb tech might fail in his efforts to disarm the deadly device, Danny had told Steve to go. The bomb tech had told him the same thing. Get the hell away.
Facing a very real risk of death, McGarrett had stayed.
Steve spread his long legs out in the sand and leaned back. He raised his beer, sipping it it slowly, but he didn't respond. He wasn't sure he could. Not yet.
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Typical Steve, Danny mused. Slipping into the Super SEAL, you-can't-make-me-talk, I'm-in-control role McGarrett had mastered so well. Won't work this time, buddy. I need an answer here.
"Let me rephrase that. Why the hell did you stay?"
He stared at Steve's profile and saw the flinch. He'd made contact. But no words were
forthcoming.
He pressed harder. "It's been eating away at me, Steven. That damned device was seconds away from going off! Nanoseconds!" The force of the words was in the memories they evoked, not in their volume. Danny's voice was little more than a determined whisper. He would make McGarrett hear him. Make him understand how foolhardy the choice to stay in such a volatile situation had been.
He had to make him understand. He could not risk the alternative.
"I've watched one partner die, babe, and I was helpless to stop it. I don't know if I could survive losing another...losing you." Swallowing the bitter bile that rose in his throat, Danny forced a broken, bitter laugh. "I know, I know. If that thing had gone off, it wouldn't have been an issue. I'd have been 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle, too. But that is not the point. There may be a next time. Hell, with you, I'd put money on it. There will be a next time."
"Why did you stay?"
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Steve felt his friend's eyes boring into the side of his head. Glancing up at a brilliant shooting star blazing across the midnight sky, he surrendered, turning to look at Danny.
He didn't speak for a long moment, just held his partner's gaze unflinchingly, allowing Danny access to the inner certainty he felt as strongly now as he had a few fateful hours before.
"I couldn't let you die alone," Steve said simply. "I couldn't have lived with myself if I'd left you. Look me in the eyes and tell me you would have left me to die alone. Say it."
5050505050505050505050505050 5050505050505050505050505050 505050505050 Danny blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected that counterargument.
His eyes held Steve's as a flurry of conflicting thoughts whirled in his mind.
What would he have done?
He had Grace to consider. Could he have abandoned his little girl? Died without seeing her again?
No! Never...
Yet...
If he chose life, what lesson was that teaching? That the strongest friendship he'd ever known wasn't worth dying for? If not that, then was anything worth dying for?
Danny shut his eyes, forcing himself to imagine just such a circumstance. Steve, held motionless by that small red dot on his chest, that horrible bomb shrieking the seconds away. What would he have done?
"Get out of here, Danno! Now! Think about Grace! Go!"
Would he have turned his back on Steve? The hand holding his beer shook more noticeably.
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Steve almost reached out when his friend's hand trembled hard, but he resisted. Only a few seconds passed before Danny's eyes flew open.
"No," he whispered. "Both are unacceptable choices. It couldn't happen. Couldn't come down to that. I wouldn't let it."
Steve gently prodded, "It did come down to it, Danno. For me it did. You asked me to go and be there for Grace."
"And yet you stayed. I know you love Grace." Danny stared hard into Steve's eyes. "How did you make that choice? Why?"
Steve shrugged. "I believed the bomb tech knew his job and would disarm the device. I truly believed you'd keep Danno's 100% guarantee tonight. But if not..." Steve cleared his throat. "There's a word in Hawaiian, Danno, that you need to understand. Hoaloha."
Danny asked quizzically, "And that means? I know aloha means - what? Hello? Goodbye?"
"And love...the very breath - the essence - of life. And much more. It's complicated." Steve smiled, his eyes soft. "Queen Lili'uokalani said that to possess aloha is 'to learn what is not said, to see what cannot be seen and to know the unknowable.' Mystical stuff."
He looked pointedly at his partner. "Hoaloha means beloved friend. It means that some things are worth dying for." He leaned back, eyes once again on the stars.
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Some things are worth dying for...
Danny stared at the ocean and the flashing reflections of moonlight shimmering on the water. Steve was right. Some things were worth the ultimate sacrifice. On 9/11, so many died trying to save strangers trapped in the doomed Towers. They sacrificed their own lives and left their loved ones behind because it was their job. Their duty. Danny knew that if he had been on the other side of the river that day, he would have done the same. No question. Without hesitation. If not for the tragic events unfolding in New Jersey, Danny might never have known his daughter at all. And if not for the tragedy in New York, the result would have been the same.
Borrowed time...
Duty...honor...sacrifice...love. Not much delineation between them at all, really.
"I would have stayed," Danny said softly.
Steve's hand gripped his arm hard for a moment then lingered, resting lightly.
"I know. Never doubted it." 5050505050505050505050505050 5050505050505050505050505050 505050505050
The rhythm of the waves lulled them into silence. Danny felt Steve's hand on his arm slowly relax then go limp as he drifted into sleep.
As tired as he was, sleep evaded Danny. He finished his beer, dropping the empty bottle to the sand with his free hand. He shifted in his chair until his head was tilted back, looking at the moon. Steve's hand on his arm jerked slightly in sleep, and Danny smiled softly.
He'd managed to build a pretty damn good life on this rock after all. Today had been a nightmare, but he had survived. His daughter rested safely inside and his hoaloha slept beside him beneath the stars.
Maybe he was living on borrowed time.
If so, he was spending it in excellent company. He couldn't imagine life any other way. Borrowed time...
Not the worst thing in the world to have.
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Author Note: Not all may agree with the decision Danny makes in this story. I wrestled with it a long time and even wrote a completely different version but kept coming back here. Mahalo for taking time to read! :-)