Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its places, names, things, whatever. Paramount does, right? I don't own Paramount either. I don't own Final Fantasy VII, any of the Harry Potter books, the musical play Damn Yankees, or any version of Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, that includes the book and two movies. The font sure turned out funny, huh?
Chekov and the Chocolate Factory, a.k.a. the Enterprise
Among the cadets of the Starfleet Academy, no greater opportunity was there than to actually take a position on a real-life starship. They'd been studying forever, like some over-long college experience, just waiting for the day to graduate and travel space. Dreams of using their specified talents to save the entire crew in some bad disaster came to the minds of the more ambitious ones.
No starship was more famous than the NCC-1701, more commonly known as the USS Enterprise. She had the finest crew around, the fastest speed, the best officers, and most of all the neatest record of past duties ever, from saving whole planet populations to traveling to the galaxy's edge.
At one point, anybody could go into the Enterprise, at a time when recruitment was not so difficult. But was time went on, and the captain became more skeptical of the crew selected for his ship, that flow of people in and out dwindled. Pretty soon, it was known throughout the galaxy that no one ever went in, and no one ever came out (I mean really, they were too far away to recruit new members, and who wants to leave such a glorious ship and step out into cold space?). So hopes of the rookies dwindled. And the Enterprise never returned to San Francisco, base of Starfleet Headquarters.
Poor Pavel Chekov wandered around the campus of the academy one day, dreaming of entering as an ensign to the fabled Enterprise. No one believed he would ever do anything of worth. He was studying to be a navigator, but didn't the computers do all that? Whenever he reasoned that some one needs to know exactly where to plot coordinates when choosing a course, his technology-dependent peers joked around and said ships like the Enterprise already had computers to do it automatically.
He stopped by the convenience store near his dorm after his day-dreaming bout caused him to step on a delicate metal some kid was experimenting with outside and running into a lady carrying trays of some weird gelatinous stuff. At the store, a kid named Charlie Bucket was listening to an uplifting song sung by the clerk who kept calling himself the "candy man".
Some how that song was good enough to lift Chekov's spirits too, and after being coaxed into buying a chocolate bar by that Charlie Bucket (who promised good things would happen), he went home to his dorm. Some relatives of his had come and decided to stay on campus with him, although they really weren't supposed to and there was no room anyway. So when Chekov entered the room and saw both pairs of grandparents laying in his tiny bed just playing cards like there was no tomorrow, he didn't have the least feeling of surprise. After all, don't your grandparents lie in bed all day like Charlie Bucket's?
"How was school?" asked a grandpa. They all put the cards down and stared intently at their grandson.
"It was nothing different," replied Chekov. "Do you think I'm silly because I want to work on the Enterprise as a navigator?"
"Of course…not, dear," said a grandma. "But no one has seen the Enterprise in years. How are you going to make it aboard a legend?"
"It's not a legend, Mika," said the other grandma.
"But no one's heard from it or seen it."
"The folks at HQ probably have," added a grandpa.
"If it's so far away, then very infrequently," said the first grandpa.
Chekov left them to debate this while he went outside to study. Somewhere, Charlie Bucket was sad about something and his mom began to sing indirectly to him, saying, "Cheer up, Charlie."
The next day, everyone in his classes was buzzing about some brilliant news. The Enterprise was headed back to Earth! By the time it reached its destination, their class would have graduated (which was only in five days) and might have the chance to enlist as crewmen of that flying dreamship. No one left off that topic all day, or the next, and on the third, something amazing happened. For some reason, it was announced that five golden tickets would be sent out, encased in chocolate bars. The recipients of those tickets would get a chance to tour the Enterprise, and if found satisfactory, be able to enlist as crewmen.
Just like that other contest I remember, thought Charlie Bucket. And since that was for only kids (even though people of all ages eat chocolate bars), this one was only for Starfleet cadets (even though once again, other kinds of people eat chocolate bars).
People started buying chocolate all over the world, but of course only the cadets would get them. Chekov knew the odds were against him, and he decided he'd rather join the crew the traditional way, not through a contest.
After his graduation (which his grandparents came to still in bed), Chekov was put on a list of recruits waiting to find a ship in need of their services. All five of the tickets were gone, and the stress of school as well. So he went to the little shop near his dorm, just to look around. Charlie Bucket came up and gave him a candy bar.
"Vat's this for?" asked Chekov in his Russo-English.
"You'll see. Hey, why don't you check out that article in the paper?" coaxed Charlie.
"Vich paper?"
"The one pulled up on that computer," pointed Charlie. So Chekov went to read it, mainly to get away from Charlie, and was surprised by his findings. Some one had cheated and created a counterfeit golden ticket. The contest was still on! Chekov looked at the candy bar Charlie had given him. What if this was it?
Slowly he opened it, and after a two minute candy bar opening sequence, Chekov smiled with glee as he discovered he had found the last ticket! Suddenly a bunch of people surrounded the lucky boy and then the "candy man" made him rush home.
At home, he shouted out, "I have a golden ticket!" and after convincing his grandparents of the thing's reality and that article about the man who had cheated, one of his grandpas got out of bed for the first time since arriving from the airport and danced with him. Apparently, they had a golden ticket.
However, due to small space in some parts of the Enterprise, these tickets didn't ask for anyone to come along with the recipients. Plus, the recipients weren't kids like those other recipients in that other contest Charlie Bucket remembered.
After their dance, Chekov pulled his grandpa aside and said, "On my way home, a man came up to me and said he'd give me captaincy of a starship called the Yorktown in a few years if I gave him the secrets of the Enterprise. Isn't that strange?"
"Was his name Slugworth?" asked the grandpa.
"No, I can't really remember it. Maybe Redberry or Roddenberry, something like that."
"Well, it doesn't matter 'cause you won't do it."
"…" (Far away look of desire.)
"Right, grandson?"
"….." (Far away look of grandeur.)
"RIGHT, grandson???"
"Oh, yes, right grandpa." (Back to reality look.)
So on August first, the chosen people were at the space dock. Yes, actually out in space, on a space station, preparing to be beamed aboard the USS Enterprise. Chekov was uncertain why Charlie Bucket was here as well, despite not having received a ticket. The others were some people he had been in class with, and some were graduates of a few years already.
One was a young man who was already severely balding, despite being near the same age as Chekov. His name was French and he claimed to be from France, but Chekov suspected he was raised in England, due to his heavy accent. He was known as Jean-Luc.
Another man was someone Chekov couldn't remember quite well. He must have graduated years before. The guy was of German and Japanese heritage (such mixes generally mean American), had blond hair and blue eyes, most known for his love of computer games. Chekov wasn't quite sure what his name was, but would soon learn people had nicknamed him Cloud because of the way he always seemed to have his head in those white floating masses.
The other two were young ladies. One of them came from his graduating class: she had bushy brown hair and always seemed to be reading something. Charlie had wondered aloud one day why she didn't chew gum instead. She was English and her name was Hermione.
The other was rather demanding and spoiled. Chekov wasn't familiar with her, but he could tell she was used to getting her way. She was very… va-voom and had red hair. Anyone that looked like her could have anything they wanted easily. People called her Lola.
Anyway, there they all were, and the Enterprise rolled in. The huge ship was slow in docking, but all the more awesome. The winners were made to wait while the present crew got off to enjoy their shore leave. Before you could say, "Pure Imagination," they found themselves in the transporter room of the Enterprise. All five (and Charlie, so six) examined their surroundings with awe before they heard the greeting from a man standing near the control panel.
"Welcome to the Enterprise. I'm Captain James T. Kirk, and you all must be the winners of the golden ticket contest." Charlie wondered why he didn't do some cool somersault and pretend he was old to throw them off before talking. Didn't all contest holders do a cool stunt like that?
Each person went up in turn and met Capt. Kirk. Being the brat she was, Lola went first. "I'm Lola," she coyly stated.
Kirk nodded and said, "Glad to have you with us."
"You do know that whatever Lola wants, Lola gets," she sang.
"If you say so," replied Kirk. "And you must be Hermione."
"Yes, I am. Pleased to meet you. Are there many kinds of books on this ship?" she asked.
"That's not exactly important right now," said Kirk. "Next we have…?"
"Cloud. You can call me Cloud," said the man of the strange nickname.
"If you wish….," said Kirk.
Jean-Luc came next. "There's something about you that tells me…. never mind," mused Kirk. "Welcome aboard."
"Thank you sir," said Jean-Luc.
Finally it was Chekov's turn. He looked over at Charlie, but no one else seemed to see that kid except Chekov. "My name is Pavel Chekov, sir. It is an honor, sir."
"Thank you. I hope you find my ship to your liking then," replied Kirk. "Now, everyone is accounted for, let's begin our tour."
"Vat about Charlie, Captain Kirk?" asked Chekov, wondering ever more if he was the only one who could see that weirdo Charlie Bucket.
"Who's Charlie, Chekov?" asked Kirk.
"The boy standing right there…"
"There's no one there."
"Never mind." He was already, somehow, making a fool of himself and the tour hadn't started yet.
So Kirk showed them around, but Charlie wondered why he didn't speak in riddles. And where were all the confusing things like tiny rooms and chocolate rivers. But by the end of the tour, there were no longer five people. Can't guess what happened to them? Here's what happened anyway.
Jean-Luc was the first to go. They had entered a library on the ship, which he would not budge from due to his thirst for knowledge. So as the rest of the winners moved forward, the more he became attached to the place, and pretty soon found himself dreaming of being captain of the Enterprise while reading his favorite Dixon Hill detective books.
Hermione was second. All throughout the tour she had been boasting of her glories to the captain, and when they came to some engine room that had crewmembers fixing some beguiling mishap, she knew it was here moment to shine. You would have thought her downfall would be the library, but it was in this room, wanting to show off her talents to the captain, that she was lost. Trying to fix that problem ended up with her stuck down there as a pretty ornament in an otherwise greasy, hot, smelly room.
Lola was next. After elaborately explaining to the captain how she wanted his heart and soul (instead of some geese or squirrels like Charlie would have guessed) by singing, Kirk had a security team come and escort her out of the ship. In another time and place, her seduction would have been just a normal occurrence to Kirk, who saw many of the kind throughout his five year mission.
Finally, after having the elevator several times (why doesn't it go slantways and sideways? Charlie had asked, when Kirk told them it only moved up and down) and seeing other strange gadgets (but no hsawaknow), they came to a specialized computer research room. This is where they lost Cloud. He was so overwhelmed by the computers that he couldn't resist messing with them. After watching the crew send an apple into a computer screen, Cloud caused himself to become computerized. Later, he was accidentally somehow sent to the past and some company called Square Soft created an environment around him and made a video game out of his cartridge prison.
Kirk and Chekov (and Charlie) were now on the bridge. Kirk said, "Looks like we've lost all the others except you. So, what do you specialize in?"
"Navigation, sir."
"We recently lost a navigator. I'll have to sign you up. Is that okay with you?"
Chekov was too excited for words. Forget his family. They couldn't live up here anyway. "It is a dream come true sir!" he finally said. So Chekov was enlisted as a navigator for the USS Enterprise. Charlie considered the fact that Captain Kirk was no where near quitting his captaincy, so it's not like Chekov could've become captain anyway. In that other contest he remembered, the winner, Charlie's great-great-great-great grandpa, had won the entire chocolate factory, not just a co-owner position or something. But Chekov was happy anyway, so Charlie left the Enterprise and later traveled to the moon.
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