DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything I just borrowed them…
A/N: this was my first ever fan fic… I warn you it gets very, very, dark, slightly emo!… lol…
CHAPTER 1!
Lorelai's POV…
February 20th
Its in times of disaster that we really realise how lucky we truly are. How everything in our lives that aren't up to our standards seem fine, they feel as if they were all meant to be for some reason which we can't see yet, that they fit into the big picture.
But what happens when the disaster never happens. We find ourselves hating the decisions we have made and the consequences of these decisions.
I snapped, I had put up with it for as long as I could. But I couldn't take it anymore. If I had kept in any longer I would have done physical harm. Not to Luke, no I could never hurt Luke. No to myself.
In the days leading up to my ultimatum I was seriously contemplating cutting myself. Yes it was a surprise. I had never been the kind to do this. But under my circumstances I saw it as the only way to release my feelings. I had thought so much about the sweet sensation of the knife cutting my skin, the relief I would feel as I felt my warm blood dripping down my arms as if to tell me that it was going to be ok.
No matter how many times I tried to bring myself to do it, I would lift the knife and put it against my skin, close my eyes and then I just broke down. It was the same every time. I herd Rory's voice in my head. She was telling me that I was fine, that everything was ok, that I would marry Luke and live happily ever after like in all the fairytales.
She's my angel, my saving grace, the reason I am able to pull myself out of my bed each morning and put on my 'happy face', the face I had grown to loath. I know I am so lucky to have Rory and I know that at times I put her in the place of being the 'mum' but I can't help it. I think it's the mental illness that runs in mum's side of the family. But I'm not mental. Am I?