|
How You Remind Me
Never made it as a wise man
As he leaned against the wall one could see the anguish on his face. There was confusion. There were so many emotions that just looking at the poor lad's face made the bile rise in the back of anyone's throat. It was just so striking to see him standing there, hair hiding the eyes that could be brilliant if he let them. He didn't. That only invited the men that ached for pretty boys. Boys weren't pretty unless their eyes were bright. His eyes were rusty as if years of tears had disintegrated the happiness that had once lived there. When one looks in his eyes they see explosions and dying nuns. "Stop it!" His heart lived in his eyes. "Duo?" The boy looked up. Explosions. Oh God, the explosions. That cross dangled from his slender neck. The boy straightened, looking the other full in the face, cross a-jangle. 'Help me.' Fires broke out and nuns still died. No. Nun still died. The boy's eyes glanced over the other's cold face. He kind of looked like her when you looked at him hard enough. The other shivered. "Duo, what's wrong?" Blond hair waved gently in the breeze. Clear blue eyes blinked back confusion. The boy looked away, braid swinging as the head turned. "Nothing." His eyes closed momentarily. "Failing." The word was muttered but the other caught it. The boy looked up into blue eyes quickly, trying to throw water on the fire his word had created. Steam... The other retreated, burned by the encounter. Today was the day. "Dinner's ready. Eat." Reduced to small phrases. The wall was cold against the boy's back. Dust clouded his vision. Buuuuurn. His eyes glanced over the space where the other stood. He should have known that even Quatre couldn't help him. He was beyond help. He was beyond anything. He was tired. Life had been so simple as a thief and now he was just a broken husk of what used to be. "Not real!" He pounded his fist against the wall until broken flesh met flesh. A hand was in his way. It's not like you to say sorry
Dry laughter. "Heero, my...hero." A wry smile. "Come to save me?" Duo winced. Heero's hand grasped his beaten fist. "That hurts. I didn't know you were into this sort of thing." Heero's eyes were dark and stormy. "What are you doing?" He let go, hand wet with blood, and studied the fist before him. His fingers danced over the broken skin, causing a sharp intake of breath. "What are you doing, Duo?" "Isn't it obvious?" Duo laughed. "I'm ruining my life even more." He stared up at Heero, facade faltering for a moment. The smile left, leaving only a look of defiance. "Can't you tell?" Whispered words. Heero's eyes burned back at him. "Of course. And I don't like it." Duo cringed and jerked away from Heero. He was on fire again. In a good way. He didn't like it. He shuddered, eyes looking everywhere except at Heero who stood before him. His heart was in his eyes again and when Heero could see it he could know. "Why are you doing this to me?" His voice held a note of a tortured soul. He beat his fist into the waiting chest. "If you won't have me, leave me be!" Heero caught Duo by the wrists. The beating ceased as soon as the tears started. "Duo..." So soft and tender was this voice that greeted Duo. "Duo, what do you mean?" "You don't love me!" The wrists jerked around in Heero's grasp. "Let me go!" It's not like you didn't know that
Heero stared at the squirming boy before him. "Stop this, Duo." Duo's eyes rose to meet Heero's and instantly he calmed. "Now what's this about?" "Everyone I love leaves." Muttered. "So much pain." Large tears slid down Duo's cheeks. "Want to make the pain go away." He glanced at his broken fist and gingerly touched it. He winced. "Pain." Holding up the fist for Heero to see. Heero nodded. "I'm not leaving you." A pause. "I love you." Whispered. A distinct heavy silence fell. Heero blinked. Once. Twice. "You complete the empty feeling inside of me." He smiled, mournfully. "When I'm around you I feel happiness." He stepped away. "But I'll leave if that's what you want." He turned to leave, but a hand with bloody knuckles gripped his arm. "No." All anger was gone. All defiance had left. Duo was sad and that was all that remained. "Please don't leave me." The tears fell faster. "I love you too much to have you leave me, Heero." It's not like you to say sorry
Heero nodded. He never had the intention of leaving. He'd never leave Duo for an instant. His arms enclosed the shaking boy, rubbing his back gently. "I wouldn't leave you." His lips rested on the shell of Duo's ear. "I'm sorry." Duo shivered. His heart raced. The fire was burning again. It was different than the others. He touched Heero's cheek with his bloodied hand. The shock of seeing the blood on his hand. "Oh God." He looked up at Heero with eyes so very innocent. Heero tenderly grasped Duo's wrist and led him into the house. "Don't worry, it'll be okay soon." He sat Duo down on the toilet and rummaged around for the First Aid kit. "Wanna tell me what happened?" Duo cast his eyes to the floor. "Father Maxwell and Sister Helen died today." His feet swung under him. "I keep thinking to myself about all the people I've saved but I couldn't save them. I was helpless." His eyes filled with tears again. "I keep remembering them. It was my fault." Heero seized Duo's chin between his forefinger and thumb and brought his gaze up level with his. "It was not your fault." With his free hand he wiped away Duo's tears. "You were just a boy. Sure you could have saved them if you were the Duo you are today, but you weren't." He pressed his lips to Duo's forehead. Duo gazed at Heero in semi-shock. Heero was acting strange. Not like he usually acted. Duo smiled at him. The first real smile he had ever smiled in years. Heero was going to such lengths to make him feel better. That made him feel better. Heero smiled back. He bandaged Duo's hand with tenderness that was a complete 360 from his normal first aid ministrations. After he finished and his eyes were once again free to gaze into Duo's. "I love you, Duo Maxwell. I always will." "I knew that all along. My head just wouldn't let me realize what my heart already knew." Duo smiled brightly at Heero. "I love you back." Never made it as a wise man
-fin- |