Title: Be Here
Author: Some1FoundMe
Summary: "I think we need to make a promise to one another that we won't talk about this anymore," she says finally, hoping that he understands, "We've both made mistakes. We've both made decisions that have affected how we got here but I think that we need to let go of the past and just be here. Be here for her." Future-fic. Olicity.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Arrow.
A/N: After 2x13, I needed to write something that made me feel like there was hope for our troubled duo. I honestly felt kind of sick after that last scene so this helped me work through the ick in my head.
Be Here
She opens her eyes slowly, thankful that the overhead light in her room has been dimmed and casts a glance around the small space. She is aware of the persistent throbbing between her legs but she chooses to ignore it. Her limbs feel leaden, exhaustion still fighting to claim her, and she has to work to keep her eyes open. When she finally finds him in the rocking chair beside her, all of the air rushes from her lungs at once. Her husband is awake, his blue eyes focused intently on the baby girl bundled against his solid chest. Their baby girl.
The sight of them overwhelms her and before she can stop them, hot tears are spilling from her eyes. Six years. It has taken them six years to get here. So many times she had almost lost him. So many times she had almost walked away. But when he had nearly died, when he'd taken a bullet in the thigh, a bullet that had nicked the femoral artery, and she had clung to him as he almost bled to death on the ride to the hospital, she had finally admitted to him that she needed him. She had confessed her love for him in the backseat of the car while Diggle drove.
That had only been three years ago. They had gotten married just ten months ago and while Felicity had been elated to finally call him her husband, when she'd discovered just three months after they'd exchanged vows that she was pregnant, her elation had given way to terror. Neither of them had been prepared for this next phase in their lives. They certainly hadn't expected it to happen so quickly and when she'd told him, a part of her had worried that he would disappear in the middle of the night. He had a habit of vanishing when things were too hard, when he needed time, but she had known that she wouldn't have been able to handle it if he'd walked out on her just then. Even if she knew that he would've come back, it would've destroyed her.
"What's with the tears?"
His soft voice pulls her from her memories and she lifts a shaky hand to dry her eyes. Oliver stands slowly, careful not to jostle the precious cargo he carries, and moves closer to the bed. He settles their daughter in her arms, his fingers trailing reverently over the soft blonde hair on the baby's head.
"Why are you crying, Felicity?" he asks again, settling on the edge of her bed so that her legs are pressed against his hip.
She shakes her head, staring down at the sleeping infant that they have made. She is beautiful, her skin soft and pale, her eyes, closed now, a brilliant blue that she inherited from both of her parents.
"I just didn't think that you and I would ever… I didn't think that this would be our reality," she confesses.
His fingers transfer from their daughter's face to hers, tipping her chin so that she is forced to look at him.
"I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, Felicity," he tells her, "But the best decision that I ever made was the one that led me to you. I didn't have to come to you the night that my mother shot me. I could've called John. But something made me find you. I can't explain it but I knew even then that you were going to be the one to save me. And you did. You saved me from myself. I think – I think that I would've eventually gone back to Lien Yu. I would've run and I wouldn't have come back but you didn't let me stay away. You came for me. I loved you then, you know?"
She shakes her head again, more tears wetting her cheeks.
"I didn't know. I hoped. I really hoped because I was desperately in love with you. But you didn't make it easy for me."
Guilt flashes in his eyes and immediately she regrets bringing up the past. They've overcome so much over the course of their relationship. Oliver's past is just that, it is the past and she has made it a point to never throw it in his face. But during her pregnancy, a pregnancy that was difficult almost from the beginning, she'd been burdened with unending doubt. He had reassured her repeatedly that he loved her, that he was happy that she was the one carrying his child, and she hadn't let on how afraid she had been. It hadn't been his fault that her emotions were all over the place. It hadn't been his fault that she let herself conjure up images of what his life would've been like if he'd ended up with someone else. She had been able to see so clearly what it would've been like for him if he'd chosen Sarah over her, or even Laurel, and anytime that she'd seen either of the Lance women with her husband, she'd felt a crushing sense of jealousy that had made her sick to her stomach on more than one occasion.
"I didn't make it easy for either of us, did I?" he says warily, his eyes shifting down to their daughter.
She sighs, "I'm sorry, Oliver. I shouldn't have said that. I – I am so unbelievably happy that this is where our lives ended up and that we ended up here together. I love you. And I love her."
He leans into her, careful of the baby in her arms, and brushes his lips over hers.
"I pushed you away for too long. If I'd only let myself believe that I really deserved you sooner, we could've started our life together years earlier. But I was so afraid, sweetheart. I was afraid that I'd hurt you. That I wasn't good for you, that I wasn't good enough. You have been a constant source of light in this darkness that surrounds me and I had this fear that I would somehow snuff out that light and we'd both be consumed by darkness. I knew that I had to protect you from that darkness and that meant keeping this distance between us," he explains, not for the first time, "But when you told me you needed me… that night you told me that you loved me, I knew that I owed it to both of us to stop fighting what I felt for you. I hadn't really realized how miserable I was making you by pushing you away."
He has explained to her more than once over the years what it is that kept him from her so she is not surprised by his words. She is surprised, however, by the dampness that she sees in his eyes. He is just as fragile in this moment as she is and for just a second she wishes that her daughter wasn't cradled in her arms so that she could embrace her husband.
"I think we need to make a promise to one another that we won't talk about this anymore," she says finally, hoping that he understands, "We've both made mistakes. We've both made decisions that have affected how we got here but I think that we need to let go of the past and just be here. Be here for her."
He looks at her for a long moment before his eyes soften and the corner of his mouth ticks up.
"Let's do that then," he agrees, "Let's just be here, right now, in this moment, for her."
She smiles at him, a genuine smile that comes from a place inside of her that suddenly feels lighter than it has in years. None of it matters anymore, she thinks, because all that matters is the man beside her and the precious life that they have created.
Oliver's hand gently squeezing her knee brings her out of her thoughts and she lifts her head to meet his eyes again.
"We should probably find a name for her. Everyone will be stopping by to see her soon and right now she's still just Baby Girl Queen," he points out.
She laughs softly, gazing down at the sweet face of her infant daughter.
"Olivia Meghan Queen."
It is the name that she has been playing around with these last few weeks but she has yet to suggest it to her husband. The fact that she wants to name their little girl after him is not going to sit well with Oliver, she is almost certain, so when she looks up at him again, she is not surprised by the confused and somewhat disgruntled expression that he wears.
"What about Meghan Olivia Queen?" he asks.
It surprises her. She was positive that he wouldn't approve of the name Olivia at all.
"You'd prefer that? Meghan Olivia?"
Oliver nods, his expression slowly shifting until it is pride that she sees in his eyes as he gazes at their baby girl. He stares at Meghan for a long moment before his blue eyes find hers yet again.
"I love you," he tells her, his voice full of an emotion that she has never heard from him before, "I love you both, Felicity. Thank you, for her and for being here. You – you truly did save me."