Title - How to prove to a Vulcan that striptease is not illogical!

Summary - Spock feels that striptease is illogical. That it is neither arousing nor productive. Now, Jim is not going to let that pass. Being Spock's best friend he has to make sure that Spock is introduced to the joys of stripteasing. So he starts planning...

Will he be successful? Hmmm... I wonder!

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Disclaimer - I do not own the characters or Star Trek! And nor am I making any profit over it!

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I just got this crazy idea I had to write about!:D

Chapter One – Illogical is it?

"Captain, this is illogical," Spock proclaimed in a flat voice.

Jim, who was cheering for the Orion dancers who were writhing to the racy music while taking their clothes off one at a time, snapped to attention and turned towards Spock in disbelief.

"What? Did you just say that this is illogical? That striptease is illogical?" Jim asked dumbfounded.

Spock quirked his left eyebrow, which Jim was pretty sure of being a Vulcan equivalent of 'Duh…', and replied, "Yes Captain. I said this, what you just referred to as striptease, is illogical."

Bones snorted and announced gleefully, "Close your mouth Jim. I told you multiple times that there's something wrong with the hobgoblin. This proves it."

Spock's lips thinned. "There is nothing 'wrong' with me, Doctor. I just fail to comprehend that why the removal of clothes in a sequential manner should be… arousing. It would also decrease the efficiency of coitus by 18.99%. Now excuse me, it is time for us to return to the ship. Our shore leave has ended."

Saying so, he promptly rose to his feet and patiently waited for Jim to stop doing his gaping fish impression at him.

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The day after the shore leave, everyone noticed their Captain's distraction as he was busy staring at his second in command with a thoughtful look upon his face.

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The next day, the whole ship was abuzz with speculation about what the Captain was planning. He had been spotted multiple times by multiple people with an eager and mischievous expression on his face.

And the competent crew of Enterprise knew one thing… that whenever the Captain sported that particular look, it meant bad tidings for two of their superior officers.

By afternoon, Spock and Bones' PADDs were rife with messages from well-wishers or to be more exact... fore-warnings!

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"Good Morning, Uhura. I was looking for you yesterday." Jim greeted his Communications Officer as he stepped on the bridge for his morning shift.

She replied without turning towards him, "Good Morning, Captain. And my answer is no."

Jim frowned. "Hey, I did not even ask you to do anything yet."

Uhura sighed and turned around to face him. "Jim, everyone knows you have been busy planning something. And I am pretty sure it has got everything to do with provoking Spock. So, no, I am not helping you. And moreover, it seems that you have forgotten that I am going out with Leonard, your best friend. He told me what happened during the shore leave and absolutely prohibited me from helping you with anything related to that incident."

Jim pouted and heaved a long sigh; making an expression similar to that of a kicked puppy.

This made Uhura roll her eyes. "Please stop with the pout, Jim. It does not affect me. Who do you take me for, Spock and Bones?"

Jim huffed and then put on his most charming smile.

"Uhura, come on. Spock said that strip tease is illogical. Striptease! Can you believe that? Next he will say that foreplay is illogical or something like that. You have to help me to prove him wrong," he beseeched.

Uhura stared at him unimpressed. "Okay, and you are doing this because…"

Jim's expression faltered for a moment but then he was back to wearing his nonchalant, carefree persona. "He is my best friend. And thus it is my duty to introduce him to the joys of striptease," saying so, he grinned and winked playfully at her.

"So, you are going to help me, right?"

Uhura looked at Jim's hopeful face and groaned in defeat. "All right! What do you want me to do?"

Jim beamed at her, "Just make sure you arrive at the Officer's Recreational Room at 17:00:00. And get Bones with you. I'll take care of the rest."

That said, he walked away with a bounce in his steps.

Uhura watched him go to the Science Station and throw an arm around Spock's shoulders.

Spock, who stiffened at the slightest of body contact with anyone in public, seemed quite comfortable with Jim's touch. All the while, Jim flirted blatantly with him.

And she was sure she saw Spock's lips lift up in a smile.

Shaking her head Uhura muttered, "Men! I wonder how they can be so bloody oblivious."

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At 17:05:59 on ship's log, Jim entered the Officer's Recreational Room and found the others already seated.

He took a look around and waved at Sulu, Scotty and Chekov who looked pretty excited to be there. Bones was glaring daggers at him and Uhura looked annoyed.

Jim frowned as he noticed that the Deputy Science Officer, Dr. Tom Williams, was also in attendance and seated next to Uhura. He sent Uhura a questioning look, but she merely shrugged in response.

Seeing everyone he had asked to attend (and one he had not) was present, Jim began, "Thank you all for coming here. Now, you all already know the reason behind this little gathering. Spock believes striptease to be illogical. And so, we are going to educate Spock about the wonder that is striptease."

Bones sneered, "And how do you plan to do that? Head for the nearest planet that has people who specialize in this area?"

Chekov's mouth fell open in amazement and then he declared happily, "Keptin, you are ze best keptin evah."

Jim sighed, "No Chekov. Bones was just being his usual sarcastic self."

"Oh!" Chekov's face fell and Sulu gave Bones the stink eye.

"Actually Captain, Leonard is right. How are 'we' going to 'educate' Spock?" Uhura asked.

Jim's expression turned sheepish. "Well, obviously, we will have to striptease for Spock."

There was complete silence for a whole minute and then Bones finally burst out, "Are you out of your goddamn mind, Jim?"

Jim snorted, "Oh come on Bones. It is going to be for an educational purpose. And besides, you are not included anyway. I want to show Spock what he is missing, not scar him for his entire life."

Everyone hid their amusement behind coughs, while Bones glared at them all. No one would out-and-out admit it, but they were all afraid of Bones and his hypos.

Smirking, Jim asked, "So, any volunteers?"

To his surprise Dr. Tom Williams immediately stood up. Jim stared at the young man in front of him. He had dark hair, warm brown eyes and an engaging smile… quite an attractive man.

Jim politely enquired, "Yes?"

"Captain, may I volunteer? I have been trained in dancing. And I would love to striptease for Commander Spock."

Jim visibly clenched his teeth while everyone, except Uhura, winced at Tom's folly.

Jim answered Tom with a chilly smile, "Thank you Dr. Williams. But I suggest you return to your station. I doubt Commander Spock will be comfortable with your presence here; much less with you stripteasing for him. Dismissed."

Tom gulped seeing the look on Captain's face. He berated himself for not listening to the other crew members' advice about dropping his little crush for the Commander. Embarrassed, he turned to leave when Officer Scott gently patted his hands and murmured, "Don't take it personally, laddy. Captain is very possessive of his Vulcan."

Nodding his head, Tom left.

Uhura felt Jim glaring at her and gave him an exasperated look. Of course she had known about Tom's little crush on Spock. That's the reason she had brought him with her. While she did feel a bit guilty about it, it would eventually be beneficial for all three of them. Or rather that was what she hoped for.

"Can you be any blinder, Jim?" she muttered.

"Don't bet upon it," Bones answered with a grunt.

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After much debate it was decided that Uhura and Jim would do the honours. Chekov wanted to participate but everyone protested against it unanimously. Scotty and Sulu, to speak the plain truth, sucked at dancing.

And Bones would rather go and jump off a cliff.

Since they had no costumes, they had to make do with their own clothes. Uhura chose a long skirt with a loose top which hid a very short skirt and tight camisole inside.

And Jim chose a dungaree over a pair of black skinny jeans and a white shirt.

"Okay, I am ready," Jim smirked. "Let's show Mr. Striptease is Illogical that sometimes being illogical is the most logical thing in this world."

... to be continued

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