A/N: I know what you're all thinking; how can I possibly have deleted scenes, missing moments and alternates with my word count for Reflections (which has surpassed Apologize in words). The answer, I have no idea but I do. Sometimes I have to cut things and it just drives me crazy until I put it out there for you guys to read. I've posted 2 deleted scenes separately for Reflections but I've decided to start posting these things together so that you can find them easily and it's quicker for me too. I tend to work on deleted scenes between chapters or when I'm stuck, so basically this is my side gig so no one needs to come into my review box and say I'm neglecting Reflections or Redemption; I'm not. They're always being worked on in one way or another; sometimes I just have to see these little scenes through.

When I was writing the 'The Heart Wants What It Wants' arc where everything falls apart between Jim and Johanna when she finally demands a commitment, there's a scene in part 3 where Jim calls to make sure Johanna has gotten home safely after an argument they had. She confesses to having a migraine and he asks if she wants him to come over. I was torn about which version to use for this scene; it took me days to make up my mind…and while I don't regret choosing the one I did, this one still nags at me so I've decided to share it!

Alternate Scene – 'Come Over' – from Chapter 42; Heart Wants –Part 3

Johanna had only been home long enough to change into her nightgown and swallow two pain relievers when the phone rang. The noise aggravated her headache and she stifled a groan as she crossed the living room to grab the offending advice. "Hello," she said tiredly.

"I just wanted to make sure you got home all right," Jim answered.

She closed her eyes at the sound of his voice, wishing more than anything that he could be there with her; that she could curl up in the circle of his arms and be taken care of for a little while. But that couldn't happen; not now, not with the way things were. "I'm fine," she murmured.

"Are you sure? You don't really sound fine."

"I'm okay; I didn't have any problems getting home."

"What's wrong, Johanna?" he asked; knowing there was something bothering her from the tone of her voice. "Besides the obvious."

"I have a migraine," she answered.

Jim was quiet for a moment. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Yes," Johanna whispered; her throat tight with emotion. "But you can't."

"Yes I can," he replied. "I can be there in a few minutes."

"You can't."

"Why not, sweetheart?"

"Because I don't want to give in on this," she told him; a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Jo…"

She took a shuddering breath. "I can't let you come here, Jim. If I do, things will go back to the way they were…and I need more…and you won't tell me why we can't have it."

"We don't need to go into that tonight when you're not feeling well," Jim replied. "Just let me come over…it doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to. I know you're still upset with me…but just let me come over and take care of you. I know you don't like to be alone when you don't feel well. I'll rub your forehead like the last time…remember, you said it helped. I'll leave when you go to sleep."

She wanted to let him come over so badly. She ached for his comfort…she wanted him to take care of her, wanted to be breathe in his scent and have him near. She wanted so much and yet she could only have so little it seemed.

"Jo, are you still there?" he asked quietly.

"I'm here," she murmured although her brain was screaming at her to end the call.

"Let me come over, sweetheart…I won't take it in any way as your mind being changed, I promise. Will you let me come?"

"Yes," she whispered, the soft breath that formed the word slipping across her lips before she could stop it.

"I'll be there in a few minutes," Jim replied before hurriedly ending the call.

Johanna hung up the phone, her eyes closing as a few more tears escaped from beneath her lashes. She was going to hate herself for this, she was sure of it.

About ten minutes later, Johanna heard the soft knock on her door. She was tempted to let it go unanswered; fearing that if she opened it that she was dooming herself to a lifetime of having nothing more than a no strings attached relationship with him. But she couldn't do that, her heart reminded her. She had already told him that he could come over…she couldn't take it back now. Her feet carried her slowly to the door and she released the locks and opened it, her gaze meeting Jim's as she did so.

He gave her a small hesitant smile, sensing her inner turmoil at having given in on the matter at hand. "It's alright, Jo," he said quietly as he stepped inside and closed the door.

She said nothing, her eyes closing as she tried to keep the tears at bay but they rebelled and spilled down her cheeks as she took a soft shuddering breath. Jim moved closer, his hand reaching out and cradling her cheek, his thumb wiping away her tears. "It's alright," he murmured once more. "I know it doesn't change anything right now…it's just a truce for the night. You're alright with a temporary truce, aren't you?"

"Yes," she whispered against her better judgment, but her head was throbbing and she just needed him so badly. A temporary truce didn't sound very threatening and she didn't feel strong enough to argue.

Jim's hand slipped away from her face, moving slowly and gently to her waist as he cautiously pulled her into his arms. When she settled into his embrace without resistance, he breathed a sigh of relief and held her tighter. He'd missed this. The knot in his stomach tightened, reminding him of the way things were between them at the moment but he ignored it, concentrating instead on the feel of her snuggling against his chest and the scent of her soap filling his senses. He brushed a kiss against her hair without thought. He hated himself for the mess he'd made of things but he just couldn't seem to work it out right. But maybe being there for her that night would show her something, what, he didn't know, but it had to count for something…even if it sent her scrambling back into avoidance for a day or two. The sound of the tea kettle startled them and he pulled back from her, keeping a hand on her arm to keep her from fleeing.

"I'll get your tea," he told her. "You go on in and get in your bed, sweetheart; I'll bring it to you."

"Okay," she said softly, forcing herself to step back from him. He moved toward the kitchen and she headed for her bedroom, aching to return to the comfort of his arms. It had felt so good to sink into his embrace, to feel his chest pressed against hers. She turned on the lamp on the nightstand and pulled back the covers on her bed. She crawled into her bed willingly and reached for the remote, turning on the TV for the sake of soft background noise and a distraction from the awkwardness that would probably linger between them.

Johanna heard Jim's footsteps approaching and she found herself struggling to find something to say. He stepped into the room and sat her mug down on the stand. "Be careful, it's hot," he warned quietly as she reached for it.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome," he replied as he moved to the chair and sat down to take off his shoes.

Silence reigned between them as she sipped her tea while he moved across the room to the opposite side of the bed and sat down. He took off his watch and laid it on the nightstand before settling in next to her. Her heart throbbed, he looked so right there…she wanted him there all the time…but for some reason he didn't want the same thing. She sat her mug back on the nightstand and turned out the light before scooting down in the bed and laying her aching head on the pillow; her body automatically turning toward Jim and his warmth.

"Did you take something for your headache?" Jim asked.

"Yes."

"Is it helping yet?"

"No…but sometimes it doesn't."

"Should I take you to a doctor?"

She gave a slight shake of her head. "No, I've had worse ones. The medicine probably isn't in my system yet."

His eyes locked upon her face as the light from the TV cast it a glow. She was miserable…and he was sure that her headache was only responsible for half of the misery in her eyes. His fingertips reached out cautiously and trailed along the line of her jaw, the sheen of moisture in her eyes like a knife slicing through him. "Does it hurt that badly?" he asked.

That was a loaded question, Johanna thought to herself. She hurt clear down to her soul. "Everything hurts right now."

Jim nodded, reading between the lines. "I know."

"I wish it didn't have to be that way," she murmured.

"Shh," he said as he laid his fingers against her lips. "Truce tonight, remember?"

Her throat tightened and she turned away so that she could get a drink of her tea, hoping it would help her swallow the lump in her throat. They had agreed to a temporary truce and yet she had to keep fighting the urge to press…to ask why he didn't want her…what she could do to make him change his mind. She hated herself for those thoughts, they made her seem desperate…and yet she was desperate; desperate to make him hers…to give him all of her love.

"Turn over," he beckoned, his hand on her hip.

She did as he asked and his fingers fell against her forehead and began to massage the area. "Relax," he instructed. "You're too tense."

A soft scoff crossed her lips; the biggest cause of her tension was laying next to her. She should've said no. She shouldn't have let him come over.

"I know," he murmured; startling her out of her thoughts.

"You know what?"

"That I'm the cause…or at the very least, a large part of it."

Her gaze met his and held. "Yeah, you are."

Jim gave a nod. "I'm sorry."

It was on the tip of her tongue to say that he wasn't sorry enough but she refrained and focused on the feel of his fingertips massaging her forehead. "I guess it's just the way it's supposed to be," she replied.

"I'm sure we'll straighten it out eventually," he remarked as he continued to move his fingers across her skin.

Johanna swallowed hard. It wouldn't work out the right way if she kept giving in like this. She'd have to re-establish boundaries come morning. As if he sensed the direction of her thoughts and hoped to sway them, his lips brushed over hers. Her heart stirred, longing coursing through her body. She missed his kisses; the taste and feel of them, the way they conveyed so much. Without thought or intention, her lips parted slightly, capturing his as he made a second pass. He paused, caught by surprise at her acceptance and when she gave no sign of withdrawing her permission, he kissed her softly, fearful of treading too far. She was tired and didn't feel well. She was vulnerable and he couldn't take advantage of that…even if a part of him wished he could just for the sake of returning them to normalcy.

After a few more kisses to hold him over for awhile, Jim pulled back, returning his attention to the task he had begun, hoping the pressure of his fingertips would help ease the pain in her head. Johanna's tired green eyes flicked open and met his gaze. "Go to sleep, sweetheart," he murmured. "You'll feel better if you get some rest."

"You?" she whispered.

"I'll be gone before you get up just like I promised…and you can go back to being mad and I'll go back to trying to change your mind."

A soft sigh escaped her and he could hear her frustration in it. "It's not like I enjoy it."

"Sometimes you're too stubborn for your own good," he replied; his tone carrying a bite that he hadn't intended to unleash.

"Kind of like you," she remarked.

"Johanna," he said, his voice firm and quiet, his fingers falling away from her forehead.

"Truce, remember?" she said softly as she reached for his hand and placed his fingers back against her head.

He was the one feeling the frustration this time, a little voice in his head telling him that he shouldn't have pushed her into letting him come over. Maybe it had been a bad idea after all. He hadn't realized that he hadn't resumed his massage until she took hold of his fingers and began to move them back and forth against her forehead herself. "Is it helping?" he asked, his tone still gruff.

"A little…but you can go."

"Why?"

"Because I know you want to…it's okay, I'll be fine."

For a moment Jim was tempted to slip away from her and leave…but he had a feeling that if he did, she'd take it as yet another form of rejection and there'd be another mark against him. But then on the other hand, is brain was telling him to flee; to go home and sort himself out and think of a new plan, one that might get through her thick skull. His internal debate stalled as he felt her turning away from him, his hand falling to the empty space between them.

"Make sure the door locks, please," she said softly.

The words dampened his frustration and he reached out and pulled her into his arms. "Truce," he whispered in her ear.

The word echoed in her mind and once more her heart betrayed her as she turned and settled against his chest, breathing in his scent and absorbing his warmth. Jim adjusted his hold her, closing his eyes as he gently rested his cheek against the top of her head. He missed quiet moments like this when she'd be cuddled up against him. He breathed deeply and exhaled…they'd figure things out sooner or later…he'd prefer sooner but Johanna seemed to be leaning toward later. That was just like a woman, he figured. But he shook off the thought as she shifted and made herself more comfortable in his arms. She let him in the door…she let him into her bed. It had to mean that he still had a thread to hang on to and he wasn't going to let go of it until it unraveled into nothingness.

Johanna battled her own turmoil as the sound of his heartbeat began to lull her. She had to remember the boundaries that had to go back into place…but sunrise was hours away; there was no need to think of it now; not with her head still aching and comfort available. She just needed him tonight…it was a weak moment. She was only human after all, not made of steel. Her heart often overruled her head. It was something she had to learn to balance…but not tonight. For tonight she could just be with Jim; it wasn't ideal like it usually was; but he was there and that was all that mattered as she fell asleep.

In the morning, Johanna woke alone and she smoothed her hand across the wrinkled sheets where Jim had laid until sometime early that morning. He'd kept his promise…and a part of her wished he hadn't. She didn't know what time it had been when he brushed a kiss against her cheek but she had felt the loneliness that his departure brought even in her sleepy haze. He was like a drug…and she was addicted…and there was no cure to be found for that addiction. She shook that thought away and reminded herself of what the cost of giving in could be if he didn't give something in return.

A/N: I'll have that deleted scene from Jim's birthday chapter.