"I wish I never met you..." These whispered words crushed my spirit. My throat constricted and it became painful to speak. My chest tightened and it every heart beat was painful. My lungs were on fire and breathing became almost impossible.
Back then, I didn't think that I could pull through out of that.
.
My name is Lovino Vargas and I am working at an architecture firm here in Rome. I live within the city in a nice home. My younger brother is currently in Germany, with his boyfriend; although I don't exactly approve of the macho potato bastard but they are so damn in love with each other.
Anyhow, I don't want to talk about them. They are a sore to look at with their eyes only truly looking at each other. It pisses me off.
Love is such a damn pain.
Casual relationships were easier to deal with but at my age, I really should be looking for someone to settle down with. Damn it! I think their love bug is catching on to me.
.
After graduation, Lovino didn't know what to do with his life. He has his architecture degree and he would be taking a board examination to professionally qualify. After that, he didn't know what he will be doing. He only took the degree because he didn't feel like doing business; besides, in his opinion, architecture was a precise form of art. It was because of this opinion that he was able to stand out among his peers and there were job offers seeking him but the Italian didn't feel like working immediately.
It was around this time that Lovino Vargas met Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. A Spaniard who was an acquaintance of the younger brother of Lovino. Originally, he had a low opinion with the other man. However, slowly, he warmed up to the other man.
"Hey, you must be Lovino? I'm Antonio. I heard a lot about you from Feli."
"Hmph, that doesn't mean you know me..."
TOO FRIENDLY, Lovino mentally added.
Feliciano was currently studying music in Vienna and the idiot made friends with another idiot.
'To make the story short, it was a passing conversation that made me meet the bastard Antonio was searching for a place to stay at Rome and my brother's brilliant brain cells decided to recommend me.'
One year ago.
Feliciano Vargas was living under the roof of Roderich Edelstein during his childhood due to familial conflicts back in Italy. As a young boy, Feliciano had shown a great potential when it came with the arts particularly painting and music.
Roderich, who was a virtuoso in his own right, took it up on himself to be he mentor of the then young Vargas. For the years that passed, Feliciano had studied under Roderich.
Roderich had a distant relative from Spain who frequently visited his household. The man's name was Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. If there were guests in the house, Antonio and Feliciano were often mistaken as the relatives rather than Antonio and Roderich due to how physically similar looking the latter were.
"Well, I guess sometimes it's just like that..." Antonio shrugged at the comments and laughed. Sometimes Roderich would ponder maybe the two might be distantly related as well. These were just inane musings and the Austrian virtuoso dismissed the thought.
The days had passed with calmness except when Feliciano could not master a particular part of the song or skipped his lessons.
It was during a Wednesday when Feliciano had finished his lessons early, the Italian invited Antonio to have lunch together.
The conversations they had jumped from one topic to another without them noticing. Then the topic of the conversation shifted to Antonio's job, a freelance photographer.
"Oh, well. I'm more of a wanderer really." Antonio looked into the distance. "I like to travel to different places then I take pictures. After some time, I host an exhibition and release a portfolio."
"Really?" Feliciano replied with amazement. His travels were limited between Austria and Italy. He was able to travel to other countries but he never stayed too long. He was only there for concurs and never had the chance to explore the cities.
"Yeah..." Antonio replied with a grin.
"So, where are you heading next?" The Italian curiously asked.
"I was thinking either Berlin or Rome. I have an old friend living at Berlin... It would be a good time to reconnect. But... I want to go to Rome too because I haven't visited the place in a long time."
"Oh, I have an older brother who is in Rome."
"You do?"
Feliciano saw the spark of interest in Antonio's eyes.
"Yes, he's taking up architecture. I think you can stay at his place. His house is huge!"
"Your family's house?"
"No, no. His OWN house. After he received his share of the inheritance he had built his own house based on his own design." Feliciano enthusiastically replied. Then the conversation shifted to Lovino, the older Vargas brother.
Two weeks later.
The Vargas brothers were in a heated argument over the phone.
"Why the fuck must I let him live here?"
"Well you let me live with you when I visit!"
"Of course idiot. You're my brother."
"But I already told him that you would be fine with the arrangement..."
"Ugh!"
Feliciano had called his older brother and talked about Antonio going to Rome.
There was a heavy silence hanging between the brothers.
Feliciano initiated the first move to break the silence.
"Please Fratello?"
"Whatever. If he breaks anything or steals something, I will make sure that your life will be hell."
"Yey! Thank you."
However, the older brother relented and agreed to the whims of Feliciano.
Several days later.
"Hey, you must be Lovino? I'm Antonio. I heard a lot about you from Feli."
"Hmph, that doesn't mean you know me..."
Antonio had arrived at the airport, with a grin on his face. Feliciano had forehand sent a picture of the Spaniard to Lovino.
The older Vargas had rolled his eyes when he had seen the picture. At a glance, Antonio was a person who did not immediately stand out in a crowd. However, at closer inspection, he was a good looking man. This was Lovino's relatively impartial judgment.
Brown hair, green eyes, tanned skin.
One month later.
(The first month of Antonio in Rome.)
"Hey Lovino, you always stay here in the house." Antonio offhandedly said.
"So?" The Italian replied as he made adjustments to the model he was making.
"You already a board-certified architect and you have so many offers..." The Spaniard continued the train of thought with his previous statement.
At that time, I was pissed off at how he had worded it so I raised a finger at him and left the house. I made myself scarce for the rest of the day. The bastard was just a fucking guest yet he acted like he was my guardian. It was annoying.
It was truly beyond annoying.
He made me look like I was a good-for-nothing individual.
In my fit of anger, I kicked a nearby trash can.
The metallic bin had rolled and garbage laid scattered on the concrete sidewalk. I immediately ran back to my house and once I was inside the safety of my bedroom I laughed at my own stupidity.
My anger was dissipating.
Three days later.
"Wow! That's wonderful!" Antonio exclaimed by my ear. I swear that this idiot might really be Feliciano's older brother and not me. Every fiber of their being were oh-so-similar. I wouldn't be shock if they are mistaken as siblings or relatives.
"No, it's not."
"It is!" There it was again, that stupid awed-voice.
After the trash bin incident, I had searched through my mail and decided to finally take a the offer from one of the firms.
I had drafted and refined my curriculum vitae and sent it to the H.R. Department.
After two days, I had been asked for the interview. It was like a formality in my opinion.
It really was just a damn formality.
The idiotic house guest was marveling at the letter of acceptance that was mailed. I was going to start working for the firm by the following week.
One week after.
"Lovi! You really have to treat me after your project." By now, I have wished that this Spanish bastard leave my apartment already. I don't have enough space to work on my model and my house was still in its final stages of remodeling. It was almost finished though; I think I'll be moving back by next week when all of the paint has dried and my furniture delivered.
Anyhow, moving on from my house, the bastard was ecstatic for my first paid project. I was also fucking excited about it but I would never tell a soul about what I feel.
Also, there had been something that had bothered me.
Antonio had become overly familiar with me and it was pissing me off. He had taken it to himself to shorten my name without any permission.
It pisses me off, slightly, sometimes... Well, not really.
"Hey, were you listening?" Antonio asked in that whiny, pleading voice of his.
"Shut up bastard! You talk as if I'm at the opposite mountain!" I retorted and screamed at his ear.
The idiot had just laughed.
One month later.
(The second month of Antonio's stay in Rome.)
"Hey Lovi, do you want to go out with me?"
This was the most outrageous proposal I had received in my entire life. Out of the blue, the tomato bastard had said these words.
From idiot, it became a bastard, then a tomato bastard.
Why tomato bastard?
Apparently the idiot loves tomatoes and he had taken the liberty to make a garden at my backyard. It wasn't limited to tomatoes. There were also vegetables growing in my backyard. It wasn't a bad thing; I could pick herbs for the food I want to prepare.
Rather he had overhauled my backyard to a garden. The bastard even took the liberty to landscape it. All in all, I had to move my working station to the garage. I had another garage built for my Vespa and my idiotic brother's car.
"So, do I think of this as a yes?" Antonio inquired; his face was so damn close. In an impulse I sucker punched his face. It bruised and I laughed at him.
It was a cruel thing to do but, what the fuck did you expect? I barely know the other man except that he is friends with Feliciano and he has this insane obsession with photographs and tomatoes.
Also, I think he is the only son of an elderly couple back in Spain. The idiot probably has traveled more of Europe than any normal person which make him not normal.
Antonio also has this crazy belief that he was a pirate during the 16th century and was one of the first Europeans to discover the New World.
The crazy delusions is making me go crazy! The bastard would prattle on for endless hours and the only way to stop it was going to my bedroom and locking the door.
Thankfully, Antonio has stopped his ramblings about piracy.
Several days later, he stopped asking me about going out with him. I was relieved because it was getting awkward. Most of the time, I am in the garage, making a scale model for the client or I am out meeting the client and asking what she wants. I barely stay inside my house most of the time.
.
I am Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, an only son of Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez y Carriedo. I work as a freelance photographer right now. Before this, I was working still as a photographer for a national newspaper and magazine.
Anyhow, all of those are not relevant right now. Right now, his life couldn't be anymore perfect. He was, more or less, couch surfing in the residence of Lovino Vargas. However, he does help with the house chores and that's good right?
Speaking of Lovino Vargas, I am in love with him. The moment I saw his picture, I made a resolution that this man is someone I am willing to spend the rest of my life with.
However, no matter how many times I whisper words of love, he shies away. He has such a pure heart. Maybe he already has a lover and he isn't telling me. However, he doesn't stay out for long hours; most of the time, he spends it in his garage or watching television. Feliciano also hasn't mentioned if Lovino is dating anyone. It was also terrible of him to ask if Lovino was dating anyone.
Antonio was in a dilemma but this didn't last long because Lovino approached him and whispered, "I wish I never met you..."
The Spaniard could not formulate any coherent sentences; his mind was in a blank. His throat constricted; his chest tightened. His breathing has become shallow. He wasn't sure if he was still living at this moment.
"I wish never met you because you make me feel things. I don't know if I should take the risk with you. "
Suddenly, those effects on his body were gone. His mind was now reeling; he was still at a loss of words but slowly, he put his arms around the neck of Lovino and pulled the Italian into a deep kiss.
Slowly, his hands moved downwards. It made its way to the buttons of the shirt Lovino was wearing. Antonio could also feel that the Italian was trying to remove his pants. For a short moment, they separated from each other to catch their breaths and then they themselves removed their own articles of clothing. The living room was littered with their clothes as both men moved on to the couch.
It was going to be uncomfortable but what the hell, their passion for one another was overwhelming their senses.
The only things in their mind right now was to consummate their love.
Their bodies were seeking out the other; their kisses were more ragged now as well as their breaths. Their body would grind into the other person. It was pleasure-filled and excruciating experience at the same time.
.
Lovino Vargas slowly stood up from where he was; his body ached all over. His clothes were in a terrible pile along with the tomato bastard's. Yesterday was a blur but he was willing to take the chance of being in a relationship with Antonio Fernandez Carriedo.
However he was still in doubt to the extent of his attraction with Antonio. The sex was amazing; he wouldn't have a problem there but relationships were supposed to be deeper than physical compatibility.
Maybe it was because he already had his fill of a great love that he couldn't fully bring himself to love the man here with him.
He let his hands gently caress the cheeks of Antonio; to which the Spaniard slightly moaned.
"Shit." Lovino quietly cussed and immediately went to the bathroom bringing with him his clothes. The shower brought him relief and he should have urged Antonio to clean himself after their tryst but the Spaniard was so stubborn and snoozed off.
The young architect then dried himself and proceeded to partially cleaning the mess he and Antonio created the previous night.
His house was a humble villa that he restored after getting his inheritance money. It was on the outskirts of the city and he loved it the moment that he saw it as a child.
'Alright, stop your pointless rumination Vargas.'
When he was finished with sorting the laundry and preparing their meal, Lovino urged Antonio to move to the guest bedroom. It was going to a pain to clean the couch but he has to.
'Why the fuck didn't we fuck in the bedroom?'
After successfully having Antonio relocated, the rest of his day was dedicated to cleaning the couch. Thankfully it wasn't his favorite couch which was still at the shop.
.
The relationship lasted for three years.
Antonio was at his happiest every single day while Lovino learned happiness.
They had their ups and downs; verbal fighting and at one time, it escalated into a physical fight. Lovino was about to break off the relationship but Antonio mended the relationship before it reached a critical point.
However, Lovino was falling into a lull and it didn't please him. He missed the thrill of having casual meet-ups and one night stands. It sounded so wrong but before he committed himself fully to his and Antonio's relationship, this was his lifestyle. The longest man he dated was... and it was his great love but karma was a bitch and his great love left him for someone younger.
Even though several years have already passed, he couldn't get over that particular love affair. Although it was unfair to Antonio but on the day that he approached the man, that was the day that his ex-lover got married. He found out through damn Facebook.
So he needed to move on; he has to move or else, he would feel like shit if he doesn't.
That night, Lovino gently kissed Antonio. It wasn't their usual rough sex.
Lovino's touches were fleeting as he led his lover into his bed. He allowed himself to take in the musky scent of his Spaniard. His fingers were curled unto Antonio's brown hair as the other man prodded off the clothing of the smaller man.
For Lovino, this was like pity.
For Antonio, this was another piece of heaven.
It was a cycle of guilt on the part of Lovino.
It was a cycle of heaven on the part of Antonio.
In the end, it was the fall of Lovino when he professed a love he was unsure of. It was the opposite of Antonio who was sure that he was willing to spend the rest of his life with.
END.
A/N: I... I don't know why it ended up like this but I wanted it to be as realistic as possible. Or as close to reality. Whatever. Anyway, I'm cleaning up some old files that are lying around my hard drive. This was an old fan fiction that I wrote with my now retired BB. Ignore the time skips and all the time loopholes. It's bad practice but I didn't want to fix them. Please forgive me. I love how incoherent the time was because it sort-of identifies how we sometimes don't exactly keep notice of it.
I hope you enjoyed reading this.